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: [to Bishop Fred Pickering
] Say, Fred, did you hear the one about the Jew, the Catholic, and the colored boy who went to heaven? Bishop
: Yeah, Judge, that's a doozy.
: I really enjoy working with young people such as yourself down at our new Lutheran Center... Why don't you drop by sometime, eh? Danny Noonan
: I've often thought of entering the Priesthood. Bishop
: Oh, are you a Roman Catholic?
: Oh, then I'm sorry, but I'm afraid you can't come.
: Another Rob Roy, Bishop? Bishop
: You never ask a navy man if he'll have another drink, because it's nobody's goddamned business how much he's had already. Judge Smails
: Wrong, you're drinking too much your Excellency. Bishop
: Excellency, fiddlesticks, my name's Fred and I'm a man, same as you. Judge Smails
: You're not a man, you're a bishop, for God's sakes. Bishop
: There is no God...
: Better come in till this blows over. Bishop
: What do you think, fella? Carl Spackler
: I'd keep playing. I don't think the heavy stuff's gonna come down for quite awhile. Bishop
: You're right. Anyway, the Good Lord would never disrupt the best game of my life.
: [as he misses a putt on the 18th hole during the thunderstorm
] OH, RAT FART!
[he holds up his club and is hit by lightning... Carl drops the golf bag and leaves him there