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Quotes for
Carlson (Character)
from "Get Smart" (1965)

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"Get Smart: Appointment in Sahara (#2.26)" (1967)
Carlson: Here something you could eat in case of an emergency.
Maxwell Smart: Our uniforms?
Carlson: No, the buttons.
# 99: [tasting a bit of button] Hmm! Salted. Good!
Carlson: Yes, well, in extreme heat salt is essential to the diet. But be sure you don't eat the top button of the uniform, 86.
Maxwell Smart: Why?
Carlson: It's a geiger-counter. When you come close to where the missiles are buried it will start beeping.
Maxwell Smart: Oh, the old beeping button trick.

"Get Smart: The Greatest Spy on Earth (#2.10)" (1966)
Carlson: We've developed this special equipment. Inside this camera is a hidden tape recorder. And this tape recorder actually conceals a hidden camera!
Maxwell Smart: May I ask you a question, Professor Carlson?
Carlson: Certainly.
Maxwell Smart: Eh, why hide a tape recorder in a camera and a camera in a tape recorder? Why not just take pictures with the camera and record with the recorder?
Carlson: Because my mind doesn't work that way, that's why.

"Get Smart: Island of the Darned (#2.11)" (1966)
Maxwell Smart: [Carlson is demonstrating the A14 Mark II assinagrator] Well, that's fascinating, Professor, what does it do?
Carlson: Absolutely nothing. But in the event you are captured by the enemy, they'll be so intrigued by the way it works, you'll have time to escape.

"Get Smart: A Spy for a Spy (#2.3)" (1966)
Maxwell Smart: [reads message from the secret compartment in the Chiefs desk] In case anything happens to me, contact my superior: Zebra 642. We're gonna have to look this up in the Chief's special codebooks
# 99: [pushes button to reveal the codebooks behind fake books on bookshelf] Zebra, that's the blue book.
Maxwell Smart: [Carlton reaches for the blue book] The blue book is the one with the green cover.
Carlson: Since when does a blue book have a green cover?
# 99: Max worked it out with the coding section. In case of a KAOS infiltrator every book has a cover identity.
Maxwell Smart: You see we have a cover for a cover.
Carlson: [reading from the book] It says: see green book.
Maxwell Smart: The green book is the one with the blue cover.
# 99: Max couldn't throw away a perfectly good book cover.

"Get Smart: Smart Fit the Battle of Jericho (#2.22)" (1967)
Carlson: Now, this on the surface appears to be nothing more than an American cheese sandwich. However...
[opens the sandwich]
Maxwell Smart: Are you kidding... a telephone! Why, that's fantastic.
Carlson: Thank you.
Maxwell Smart: Eh, does it come in any other colors?
Carlson: Just basic black. But it does come in different sandwiches: egg salad, peanut butter and an imported liverworst.