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] We all live in hiding. In one way or another, each of us conceals pieces of ourselves from the rest of the world. Some people hide because their lives depend on it, others because they don't like being seen. And then there are the special cases, the ones who hide because... because... because they just want someone to care enough to look for them.
: Ma, I know you think Brandi's your precious baby, she's not. She's a *virus*, infecting *everyone* around her.
] Mary Shannon
] My name is Mary. Today's my birthday. And if I ever run into the son-of-a-bitch that promised me a life of excitement and unlimited opportunity as a US Marshal, I'll shoot off both his kneecaps.
: Before you hear it from someone else, I smacked an Indian's johnson with a bar of soap today. Just thought you should know.
: You were supposed to drive her to my house, not intentionally scare the crap out of her! Raphael Ramirez
: I *had* to stop at the youth center! The "scaring the crap out of her" part was just a bonus!
: Do I get to play "Bad Cop"? Mary Shannon
: Like you could.
: How long had he and Sienna been going out? Nicole
: They weren't going out. Sienna was just being nice to him. He was a virgin, so she's gonna... you know. Mary Shannon
: That *is* nice.
: [talking about Mary's breasts
] Are those real? Mary Shannon
: Go ahead, take a good long look, 'cause it's the last pair you're ever going to see.
: [to Marshall
] I just wanna wash the stench of this day off and go to bed. Marshall Mann
: I know, but there are about sixty people in there hiding behind furniture just waiting for you to open the door so they can jump up and yell "surprise." Mary Shannon
: Yuck. Marshall Mann
: C'mon, it's your birthday. This isn't about you. Get ready to act surprised.
: Is there anything special you need? Tasha Turischeva
: They promised me new breasts. When, I can get them?
: Okay, look. Here's the thing: Men lie, they cheat, they start wars. They're slobs unless they're gay, and there's precious few of them walking the planet worth putting on lipstick for, let alone throwing your life away, which is what you'll be doing if you shoot your festering, crap-egg of a husband.
: [Mary is comforting a retail sales clerk
] Oh God! I can't believe she's dead! Mary Shannon
: I'm so sorry. Retail clerk
: And I can't believe you tried on clothes before telling me!
: [voice over
] It has been said that neurotics build castles in the sky, psychotics live in them and psychiatrists collect the rent. Wonder who they call for home repairs?
] We all live in hiding. In one way or another, each of us conceals pieces of ourselves from the rest of the world. Some people hide because their lives depend on it, others because they don't like being seen. And then there are the special cases, the ones who hide because, because they just want someone to care enough to look for them.
: As I was saying, imagery and metaphor have been used to sell projects forever. Mary Shannon
: Please, Jesus, take me now. Marshall Mann
: Take the Ford Mustang, for instance. It's named for a powerful and agile animal, qualities we also seek in an automobile. It's called transference. Mary Shannon
: Okay, what about my Probe? Exactly what image is that supposed to transfer? Because all I'm getting is a paper dress, metal stirrups, and legs akimbo. Exactly what was the thought process behind that marketing coup? 'Say, Bob, what's a metaphor for an invasive, somewhat humiliating procedure, because we really need something to compete with the Chevy Speculum.'
] The Federal Witness Protection Program is the most secretive organization in all of law enforcement. We do not talk about what we do. Not to friends, not to family, not even to other U.S. Marshals, which is why my mother, my sister, and even my boyfriend, who by the way isn't really my boyfriend, all think I'm a glorified messenger with a gun and why Marshall and I work on the roof of the Sunshine Building, while the rest of the U.S. Marshals reside in the Pete Domenici Federal Courthouse, with their mahogany desks, crystal chandeliers and butlers.
: Jeeze, doofus... you got shot. Marshall Mann
: Aw crap.
: You didn't tip. Mary Shannon
: They pour coffee. They're not waiters.
: Dun, dun, dunn. Mary Shannon
: That's pretty funny for a guy with a sucking chest wound. Marshall Mann
: I know.
: [upset after she reads Marshall's mail and finds out that he might be quitting
] So, were you ever going to tell me, or was the plan just to let me figure it out when you stopped showing up for work? Marshall Mann
: [upset that Mary read his mail
] Actually, I was going to write a letter and mail it to myself, that way I'd be sure you got the news.
: Give me the keys! I'm driving. Marshall Mann
: Don't drive like you stole it.
: [Horst asks for a bathroom break
] Hey! Hold it in, or hang it out the window, 'cause we're not stopping! Horst Vanderhof
: [to Marshall
] You know, you're job transfer is really starting to make sense to me.
: Ow! Um... I must have bumped my head! Mary Shannon
: Yeah, that's what happened... when you fell on a bullet.
: [Marshall admits that he's the one who missed the sabotage to their SUV
] You're mad, aren't you? Mary Shannon
: Not as mad as I'd be, if I was the one who got shot.
: [to Horst, after knocking him to the ground for smarting off to her
] We're way beyond the point of cracking wise with me when I'm trying to save your miserable life, so *answer* the God-damned question before I get *angry*, you festering pustule!
: You better not die. Marshall Mann
: I'll try not to die, for you.
: [her Mom shows up uninvited to Mary's new house
] I'll bet if I don't show up for a week, she'll run out of food and booze, and leave.
: Here's the deal, Eps. I can only imagine what kind of B-rated movie fantasy you've conjured up about how this was going to play out, but to save you from future humiliation you should know a couple of things. One: wasting my time is a *big* mistake. Two: arrogant assholes who think they can get in my pants using lame, romantic clichés make me wanna puke. Now pay your bill, and lets go.
: It's kinda hard for me to take you seriously with that tin-foil bird in your lap.
: [Dershowitz refused to let Mary escort her witness into Police Headquarters
] Why are you doing this? Detective Robert Dershowitz
: Because I don't like cop-killers, and right now, I'm not too wild about you either.
: [approaches the detective she got into a fight with
] Wow, looks like someone kicked the crap out of you. Detective Roxanne Lewis
] You hit like a girl. Mary Shannon
: Thanks... you too.
Detective Robert Dershowitz
: Let's not start accusing people until we have the proper evidence Mary Shannon
: Wow. Talk about the cop calling the kettle black.
[Remembers Dershowitz is a black man
] Mary Shannon
: That's funny. That never sounded racist until now. My bad.
: Got three bedrooms. Check this out. One is my bedroom. One is my ofice and the other is I have no idea. How great is that? I have got an entire room with no defined purpose. I can fill it with Corn Flakes if I wanted. Marshall Mann
: I'm not sure this neighborhood is zoned for Corn Flakes but an intriguing notion none the less. Mary Shannon
: Okay then. Sand. I can fill it with sand. Better yet, bullets. You can never have too many bullets. THta's my bullet room. I have a bullet room. Marshall Mann
: Well, as long as it's something practical.
: [to Epps as he's trying to romance her in her car
] Kinda hard for me to take you seriously with that tin foil bird in your lap.
: [voice over
] Perhaps the most difficult choices to make are the ones that deny us those things our heart wants most because as it's been said, "Without reason nor prudence, the heart wants what the heart wants and more often than not, it will not be denied."
: [seeing his new "parents" for the first time, through a one-way mirror
] Good God! What kind of potato-head yokels have you hooked me up with? Mary Shannon
: Okay, look. For your information, Mr. Potato-head yokel in there, helped bilk the U.S. government out of nearly three billion dollars.
: Vernon McRoy got early release from prison. He's suing for custody of Leo. Mary Shannon
: So just tell him, "No. Sorry. You murdered your son's Mother, and that's pretty much a deal-breaker on the custody issue". I mean, God, what the hell's wrong with you people! Can't you just strap on a set, and do the right thing for once!
: [to Arlo
] How many times a week people tell you "You suck"? Arlo Meyers
: [to Stan
] You let her speak to me like this? Stan McQueen
: Seems like a valid question.
: [after 10-year-old Leo cleans out the officers protecting him, in a poker game
] You know, you may want to keep in mind that those men you fleeced, are supposed to protect you. Lonny McRoy
: Why do you think I let them win half their money back?
: My Dad used to say, if someone really wants to kill you, there's nothing anyone can do about it. Mary Shannon
: Yeah, well... your Dad never met me.
: I suck with kids. Marshall Mann
: So? You suck with grown-ups too.
: The Billups are forgiving people and like Vernon, they understand the irresistible pull of family.
: That's it, Vidonne. Marci just confessed and sold you out. Vidonne Gustonne
: Is this the part where I'm supposed to break down and tell you everything? Mary Shannon
: That'd be helpful. Vidonne Gustonne
: You've been watching too much Law & Order. Detective Robert Dershowitz
: Yeah, he has a point.
: Gotta be kidding me! This *shmuck* gets to bring his *mistress* into the program?
: [about Marci
] C'mon, Stan. She thinks she's getting a fresh start with this asshole. Mary Shannon
: I can't help that. Mary Shannon
: What am I supposed to do? Smile to her face while I help him get laid?
: [voice over
] Funny how things like mortgage payments, and a desire to not eat cat food can get between a person and their principles. Damn I hate principles!
: What exactly is your beef with humanity? Mary Shannon
: I have no beef with humanity... it's people I can't stand.
: [about artwork Margaret is donating for charity
] It must be very difficult for you to part with them. Margaret Chapman
: Not really. The proceeds go to charity. And besides, I've always thought of them as rather Pedestrian/Early-American crap. Mary Shannon
: Oh! Thank God! Thought I was the only one.
: You think I'm hot? Detective Robert Dershowitz
: Damn girl. You didn't know?
: [voice over
] I wonder how it could be, all of us quaking cowards, hiding under covers one day, storming beaches the next, shrinking violets impossibly frail. Our best days spent unquestioning, hurtling into hailstorms, the rest just spent. Opposite extremes, half definitions of the same thing, an inexplicable paradox best left in a bowl full of kibble to be lapped up by Schrödinger's cat.
: Man, oh, man, O'Connor. You FBI guys. I've been on the job for five years. I don't even have a cubicle. You've been in town, what, six minutes? You have a private office? Now how is that fair? By the way, I was just wondering when you think I can expect a crew at my house to fix your mess. Robert O'Conner
: You know, I was just going to call you about that. I'm looking into the first of week of when hell freezes over. Does that work for you? Because if not I can reschedule. Mary Shannon
: No, that's about what I expected. Yeah, so in the meantime I'll just store some of my stuff here.
[Dumps a box full of sheetrock and insulation on O'Connor's desk
] Mary Shannon
: Does that work for you?
: [voice over
] It's been said neurotics build castles in the sky, psychotics live in them and psychiatrists collect the rent. I wonder who they call for home repair?
: I have an inter-agency request for all work product generated by this office relating to the Spanky Carson/Brandi Shannon investigation. Mary Shannon
: Brandi? Stan McQueen
: Was there a knock? I didn't hear a knock. Did you hear a knock? Marshall Mann
: There was no knock. Stan McQueen
: [feigning shock
] Agent O'Connor! It's good to see you. You know, I have a terrific working relationship with the FBI office here in Albuquerque. You, being from out of town, may not have known that. Which is why I'm still on this side of the desk. But if you ever enter my office without invitation, or speak to me in that tone ever again, I promise you I will make you cry in front of your friends.
Dr. Shelley Finkel
: I've never met anyone as good at their job as you. Mary Shannon
: Yeah, I don't suck. Dr. Shelley Finkel
: I've also never met anyone living, day in, day out, with as much stress as you. And obviously, that's a big concern. Normally, under conditions like these, I would insist on at least a month off, with counseling to try and alleviate some of this stress. However, I've come to believe that this job is your let-off valve. It's literally the thing that keeps you sane.
: [Jerry is allegedly suffering from amnesia
] Amnesia, huh? Mary Shannon
: Don't you dare laugh. Marshall Mann
: No. I would never. Although it is surprising this hasn't happened before, considering how many people would like to forget they ever met you. Mary Shannon
: Took you a long time to think that one up, didn't it? Marshall Mann
: Almost an hour.
: [Jerry has been admitted to the hospital
] What the hell happened? Marshall Mann
: Well, according to the cropduster who happened to be flying by at the time, "The dang fool just tumbled ass-over-teakettle out of his cotton-picking, cherry-picker for no good reason." Which isn't a huge surprise, since Jerry reeked of pot when they brought him in. Mary Shannon
: I thought you were going to get rid of his stash. Marshall Mann
] I did. However, in the limited time afforded me, I wasn't able to get rid of all the pot in Albuquerque.
] I yearn for blind devotion. Unthinking, unwavering, a cause, a thing, a principle worthy of absolute loyalty. A truth self-medicating. A love unabating. Something, ANYTHING to which I relinquish all personal responsibility. Semper Fi, Til Death do Us Part, In Nomine Patris, Let's Go Mets. To the true believers... the lucky few... of thee I sing.
: Another day, another dollar. Marshall Mann
: You got a raise?
: [buried under a pile of rubble
] Mary! Mary Shannon
: No, no. Don't get up. God forbid you show some manners. Lewis Fowler
: You need to get out of here. Mary Shannon
: Yeah. Again with the manners. I'm not here thirty seconds, you're kicking me out. Were you raised by guinea pigs?
[Mary tries climbing down to Lewis as carefully as she can
] Mary Shannon
: Okay. Okay. Okay. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Whoa! Whoa! Oh, okay. Whoo! Okay. Might have just soiled myself. Lewis Fowler
: [groaning in pain
] Oh, don't make me laugh.
: Marshal, you need to get out of there now. Mary Shannon
: Who the hell are you? Al Dennison
: Al Dennison, TRT shoring engineer. I need this entire building cleared until it's stabilized. That means you, too. I don't care who you are. Mary Shannon
: Well you'd better start caring, Al, because I don't go 'till he goes.
: I've got to tell you, Lewis, I'm not a big fan of your friend here, but you're worse. You went from one dirty game to another, and then decided to blame your partner when things didn't turn out exactly how you wanted. Stan McQueen
: She's just playing for time. Marshall Mann
: And it's working. Check this out. She's got him so worked up, his BP's up and his heart rate's actually getting stronger. Lewis Fowler
: Are you trying to talk me out of testifying? What would you do if your partner committed a crime? What would you do? Answer the question, Mary. Mary Shannon
: Then I'd stand by him. No matter what, because that's what partners do. You said it yourself, at the end of the day, all that matters is you and your partner. But you turned on your partner, the second things got ugly, Lewis. But the one constant that gets me through it all, the only reason that makes it okay for me to be up here with a worm like you is I have a partner who has my back 24/7, no matter what. Look, I'm not proud of everything I've done on the job. But every mission comes with a price tag. Harrison Locke
: Damn right. Mary Shannon
: That's what you forgot, Lewis. There's always costs. Ugly costs. And we all know that. Right? Harrison Locke
: Absolutely. Our mission was to send a message to anyone who wants to kidnap U.S. citizens for political purposes. "We're coming." When I blew that building, I knew that there would be a heavy cost. Mary Shannon
: Seventeen lives. Harrison Locke
: Yes. Seventeen lives. You think I liked doing that? But how many were saved? How many American families now don't have to watch their loved ones come back home in a box? Mary Shannon
: Marshall, Stan, did you get all that? Chief, acknowledge. Over. Stan McQueen
: Copy that, inspector. We got it all. Mary Shannon
: Oh, and Marshall, for the record, I'd sell you out for a Twinkie.
: [Mary is inserting an IV for a blood transfusion
] Okay, now pull the skin tight, so the vein doesn't roll. Mary Shannon
: Okay, hang on. Lewis Fowler
: Yeah. And place the cannula next to the vein. Mary Shannon
: Okay. Lewis Fowler
: Yeah, okay.
[Lewis grunts in pain
] Mary Shannon
: Sewer pipe in your chest, and this hurts?
: [Mary storms out of the office after being yelled at by Stan, Marshall stands up and starts running after Mary, Eleanor and Stan are still in the office - Marshall to Stan
] Have you lost your mind?
[huffing at Stan's behavior
] Stan McQueen
: Get back here Inspector
] Stan McQueen
: , you have work to do!
[Marshall keeps going in his effort to catch Mary
] Marshall Mann
: [Outside of the WITSEC office now, Marshall is directly behind Mary who is crying
] Hey don't let that get to 'ya, that was just Stan saving face in front of the new girl in class
] Marshall Mann
: , you know he didn't mean it Mary Shannon
: It's not Stan, it started with Stan but it's not, it's something else, something is happening Marshall Mann
: OK, well what do you need? Just tell me what you need
[Mary keeps walking
] Marshall Mann
: well let's just walk as far as you need we'll walk it off Mary Shannon
: [Gasping for air/ hysterically crying, Marshall is following her still
] Oh man oh man oh man oh man Marshall Mann
: What is it? Try to tell me. Mary Shannon
: These feelings, oh God, something is wrong, something is definitely wrong, I'm broken. Marshall Mann
: No, it isn't after the kind of ordeal you went through, happy is wrong, this is how you're supposed to feel, your brains all jumbled up trying to sort things out, try to roll with it, let it do what it needs to do, just let it flow like a river.
: [At Mary
] Go to bed. Mary Shannon
: Yeah yeah, don't worry I'm fine. Marshall Mann
: I know and you need to remember that whatever is happening inside your head needs to happen, just let it flow be the river. Mary Shannon
: Don't be a retard, I can't be the river. Marshall Mann
: [taking Mary's arms so he can look her squarely in the eye
] You CAN be the river. Mary Shannon
: OK but not today, tomorrow I'll be the river Marshall Mann
: That a girl. Call if you need. Mary Shannon
: Aye, aye.
: [Marshall waving fresh coffee under the sleeping Mary's nose, they are at the hospital for a witness's daughter, Mary wakes up
] Oh man, I must've dosed off. Marshall Mann
: Yeah, about 6 hours ago. Mary Shannon
: Really? God, sorry. I had some crazy dreams, like Lewis Carroll crazy. Marshall Mann
: It's all part of the reboot. Mary Shannon
: Oy, alright enough with the 'let your brain be a peach'. Marshall Mann
: River. Mary Shannon
: Whatever. I just want me back.
: [Det. Dershowitz and Marshall hugged
] What the hell was that? Marshall Mann
: We bonded over your near death experience. Mary Shannon
: And you became black in the process? Detective Robert Dershowitz
: Honorary. Marshall Mann
: It's very exciting. Mary Shannon
] I'll bet.
: You're putting Marshall in charge of an investigation into the death of my witness? Stan McQueen
: Well, um... Yeah. But I was thinking maybe you could help him out. In a strictly unofficial, advisory capacity, of course. Then as soon as you're taken off administrative leave, it's all yours. Mary Shannon
: So I'll be Marshall's helper? Taking orders from him? Stan McQueen
: Well, I don't know that I'd characterize it as his helper. I... I would... Mary Shannon
: Oh, hell yes.
[Mary and Stan hang up
] Marshall Mann
: How'd she take it? Mad? Really mad? Fit to be tied furious? Stan McQueen
: Actually, she sounded happy. Marshall Mann
: That can't be good.
: Just so you know, this whole arrangement, not my idea. Mary Shannon
: Don't worry about it. I'm actually looking forward to watching you take charge. Run the show. Marshall Mann
: Oh, I see. Mary Shannon
: Go ahead. Boss me around a little. You know you want to. Marshall Mann
: Excellent. Maybe you'd like to share what you know about the witness. Mary Shannon
: I would love to share. She was shot by some biker. Survived, obviously. Ultimately testified against him. The bitch of it was, that night or early the next morning, her husband, out of the blue, dropped dead of a heart attack. Young guy, too. Marshall Mann
: Jesus. Mary Shannon
: Yeah, I know. Can you imagine? The kids? Every day is a gift, Marshall.
: [walking in the gym to watch Chris play college basketball
] Do you play? Marshall Mann
: Badmitten. We played our tournaments here. See this scar? Shuttlecock injury... ended my career. Scott Worley
: [to Mary
] Yeah, is he kidding? Mary Shannon
: I don't know. Either way, it's pathetic. Scott Worley
: [moves away from them
] Excuse me. Mary Shannon
] Way to work "shuttlecock" into the conversation... you jackass. Marshall Mann
: It's one of the funnier words.
: [meets Marshall's former college teacher's assistant from Critical Thinking 101
] You sure she wasn't your science teacher? 'Cause there's definitely a lot of chemistry going on there.
: [catching Marshall coming out of a campus building
] Hey there, Socrates. What brings you to these hallowed halls? Boning up on Philosophy? Taking an oral exam? Having *sex* with your old professor?
: [to Chris
] I came here to tell you, that in the entire span of your life, whatever immediate problem you're facing... it's just a blip on the radar, unless you do something stupid, that turns it into a defining moment.
: One way or another, I am going to nail that guy. I mean literally nail him, fillet his hide to a tree, spread it with jam and watch the squirrels go to town.
: [watching her witness trying to control her kids
] I want you both to promise to shoot me in the head if I ever have three kids. Marshall Mann
] Yeah, all right. Stan McQueen
: Okay. Mary Shannon
] I've gazed into the eyes of contract killers, listening to them explain they were only trying to feed their kids. Con artists who insist it's the mark's fault for being so stupid. And Dylan fans who, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, defend their love of "Down in the Groove". Yes, it's the rare individual who admits they're a heartless, greedy bastard possessing absolutely no musical taste.
] One of the most difficult moments in anyone's life is when the fog of childhood lifts and we see, for the first time, our parents as people.
[Maureen has taken off for the night, leaving Tripp to take care of his siblings
] Mary Shannon
: You can't keep doing this, Tripp. You've got to start thinking about what's best for you. Look, I know you think I'm a meddlesome pain in the ass. And you're right, I admit it. But everyone who comes into this program has problems, and I get my jollies trying to figure out what those problems are and then solve them. It's fun. It's like doing a puzzle, except I hate puzzles. But you get the idea. Anyway, just between you and me, most of the time, I'm... I'm completely winging it. I'm just trying to figure it out as I go. But this is different. This is one case where I know what I'm talking about. I can see twenty years down the road you're on, and trust me, it's not heading anywhere fun. Tripp Stewart
: Oh, yeah? How do you know? What makes you such an expert? Mary Shannon
: I just know. I've seen it before. Tripp Stewart
: Well, that's a good answer. It's right up there with "Because I said so." Thanks for helping us out tonight. I'll see you in the morning. Mary Shannon
: I know because my father ran out when I was six. He left me at home with an infant sister and an alcoholic mother, and I did what you're doing. I-I-I protected my sister, I took care of my mother, I made excuses for both of them. Pretended to the whole world that everything was fine. Never had a single friend because I didn't want anyone to see how we lived. It's a bad way to live. Tripp, it's a really bad way to live. Tripp Stewart
: Yeah, but it is what it is. You had to take care of your sister, I have to take care of Billy and Gretel. And I don't see that changing any time soon. Mary Shannon
: Well, it could. Tripp Stewart
: Yeah? How? Mary Shannon
: Okay, this isn't gonna seem like a great idea at first, but you need to keep an open mind and just hear me out. If the U.S. Attorney's Office believes the three of you are living in an unsafe or neglectful environment, they can initiate action to have you removed from the home. Now, I know foster care is not ideal, but... but it's better than this. It's better for you and it's better for Billy and Gretel. And... and I can see to it that you're all placed in really good homes. Tripp Stewart
: Split us up? Not a chance. Mary Shannon
: Maybe not. I can try to keep you all together. Or at least close enough to see each other. And-and-and think about this... In five years, you're twenty-one. You can get custody of Billy and Gretel if that's what you want. Tripp Stewart
: No. We're staying together. I'm not putting them with strangers. I can take care of them. And as long as they're with me, they'll be okay. Mary Shannon
: Yeah, but you won't. Tripp Stewart
: Then I won't. I'm their brother.
[Mary has started the paperwork to put Tripp and his siblings in foster care
] Mary Shannon
: So, I have the paperwork, if you... Tripp Stewart
: I can't. Mary Shannon
: Tripp, you know this act won't last. Okay, the other night? That was your future. As soon as this new guy bails... Tripp Stewart
: It doesn't matter. I'm not going to walk out on them. I know she's a wreck, but she's got to have somebody to come home to when it all falls apart. Mary Shannon
: Wait. Okay, so you're going to destroy your life so your mother has a shoulder to cry on? Please. Please. Please don't do this. It's not worth it. In the end, she'll resent you for it. Trust me. I've been there. I'm still there. Tripp Stewart
: I'm not you. This is different. I'm different. Mary Shannon
: Really? How so? Name one way that this is different. That your situation is different from mine. Tripp Stewart
: It's different because I have you.
: "Happily ever after"; the big lie. Those three insidious words, repeated again and again, promising myself, and a gazillion other little girls, that some day, sure as the sunset, a man prettier than ourselves, would sweep us away. To live our lives forever and a day. Blah blah, blah. Never once, mentioning the years of quiet desperation, that surely followed. Which is why I pray with all my soul, that whoever invented the lethal mantra "happily ever after" died penniless, face down in the gutter, with cats, gnawing on his ears.
: God, I hate con artists. Even more than murderers.
] The reason I despise con artists, more than any of the other garden-variety miscreants that I see on a daily basis, is because robbing people of their worldly possessions isn't enough for them. They don't just leave their victims destitute, they leave them feeling foolish... betrayed. Mostly, I hate con artists because they break their victims' hearts.
: [to Trenna Morris during her intake meeting
] Now then, I want you to understand something. This program is an opportunity very few people get. A shot at a fresh start, a do-over on your entire life. But it only works if you make the decision to be a better human being than you've been, and allow the possibility of something greater for yourself. And as impossible as it may seem, I've seen even bigger scumbags than you, do just that, and make it stick.
: [after a man was caught taking her picture outside the bridal shop, and assumed to be related to the diamond smugglers
] I didn't steal any diamonds! For Pete's sake, I'm about to marry one of the richest men in New Mexico. Why on *earth* would I keep a bag of illegal diamonds? Mary Shannon
: I don't know? Maybe because you're a soul-sucking waste of oxygen, with no regard for anybody but *yourself*! Now get ready. I'm taking you back to your mother-in-law's fortress, until I can figure out who that was. Mary Shannon
: [trying to change out of her bridesmaid gown
] Where are my mother-humping clothes! Treena Morris
] You are dangerously close to being kicked out of the wedding party.
: Why do you always side with him? Eleanor Prince
: Because his decisions aren't predicated upon flapjack availability. Mary Shannon
: I see that as a weakness.
: Did you know periwinkle is also the name of an intertidal mollusk? Mary Shannon
: No, but if you hum a few bars I'll try to fake it.
: [Mary learns Olivia is dating Cesar Calderon
] I haven't said anything about anything to do with my dad to anyone. And Cesar hasn't asked. Mary Shannon
] Really? Olivia Moreno
: I swear to God, Mary, Cesar's legit. He's a producer. Mary Shannon
: Oh, a producer! Olivia Moreno
: Yeah. Mary Shannon
: Why didn't you say so? TV? Movies? Cesar Calderon
: Music. Mary Shannon
: Oh. Olivia Moreno
: Look, Cesar's only been in the business two years, and he already has a gold record. Mary Shannon
: Yeah. Why am I picturing a severed horse head between the sheets?
: I never got over the hurt of my father leaving me, and I don't ever want to go through that again. But I am not afraid of commitment. It's just that with the possible exception of Marshall, I seem to be the only person on the planet who... who believes you honor your commitments, no matter what, and that you don't break a promise because keeping it has become inconvenient. And you don't commit yourself to something as important as marriage because you got called up to the majors. Raphael Ramirez
: Well, you won't have to worry about that anymore. Mary Shannon
: Why? What are you talking about? Raphael Ramirez
: I retired. Mary Shannon
: What? Raphael Ramirez
: Yesterday. Mary Shannon
: What, you just woke up and decided to quit? Raphael Ramirez
: No. No, no. Look, it's not like that. I... I decided last year, after I hurt my knee, to give it six months and see how I come back. Then I hurt my hand. So I pushed it another three months. This decision has been almost a year in the making. Now it's time for me to get on with the next part of my life. And for the record, I bought the ring six months before I asked you to marry me. You are the most difficult woman in the world, but I have known for a long time that I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
] I stare agape at Sunday-in-the-park couples. Sidewalk strollers, fingers-laced, heads-on-shoulders, hearts laid bare. Audacious highwire artists, soaring netless... oblivious or brave. Arrogant idiots, I muse from my spectator view, hoping no one hears the screaming inside my head.
: I love you like an eight-dollar whore. Marshall Mann
: I'm sure you mean that in a good way.
: [reading list of websites
] CowsAreEvil.com Mary Shannon
: Damnit! Why won't she pick up? Marshall Mann
: Do *you* answer the phone during sex? Mary Shannon
: Depends on what's on TV.
: [looking through pictures for Brandi's wedding video
] Holy... Who goes as Gandhi for Halloween? Brandi Shannon
: It was Sinead O'Connor. Mary Shannon
: I peed on a stick, that's it. For all I know, I'm not pregnant. Marshall Mann
: Those tests are really accurate. Mary Shannon
: You never heard of a false positive? There's a million ways those tests can go wrong. Marshall Mann
] A million? Mary Shannon
: There are ways, Marshall. Marshall Mann
: You led the sharpshooting seminar in WITSEC training. I'm pretty sure you didn't miss the stick.
: Congratulations, by the way. How far along are you? Mary Shannon
: What? How did you... Am I seriously that fat? Dr. Wolk
: Mary, I see you regularly. And also...
[Dr. Wolk glances at Mary's breasts
] Dr. Wolk
: ...kinda hard to miss.
: I know you're pregnant, I know you know you're pregnant, and I know you don't want to be pregnant, so you're gonna put off dealing with it for as long as you can. Mary Shannon
: My God, please don't be that guy. Marshall Mann
: What guy? Mary Shannon
: That guy. The guy who thinks he knows what's best for the girl. I hate that guy. That guy's a dick. Marshall Mann
: Erratic hormonal surges duly noted.
: Hey. What's up? Brandi Shannon
: I just wanted to make sure that you knew I invited Abigail to the wedding. Mary Shannon
: Abigail. Brandi Shannon
: Yeah. Mary Shannon
: Marshall's Abigail? Brandi Shannon
: Yeah. Mary Shannon
: You know she arrested you, right? Brandi Shannon
: She was just doing her job. Mary Shannon
: God, you're like a shark. You only move forward.
: Sue, have you ever seen a movie of the week? If he was violent with you once, trust me, he'll do it again. Major Lucas Provo
: She's right. He will. But this isn't about domestic violence. Mary Shannon
: Really? 'Cause it looks just like it. Major Lucas Provo
: From what Marshall said, this is a clear case of PTSD. Mary Shannon
: PSTD's a diagnosis, Provo. That's the "why". Right now, I care about the "what". And if you think the "what" isn't domestic violence... Sue Shears
: Uh, I... I need to be with my husband. Major Lucas Provo
: John was in a dissociative state, triggered, at least initially, by the movie blasting on TV. Marshall Mann
: "All Quiet on the Western Front". Major Lucas Provo
: Couple that with the stress of Sue pushing on Afghanistan, it's not unreasonable to think that's why he snapped. Marshall, when you got here, John was yelling "They will kill you", right? "They", not "I." Marshall Mann
: Yeah, "they". Right. Mary Shannon
: So? Major Lucas Provo
: Well, according to Sue, he's been battling insomnia. Emotional detachment, disproportionate outbursts of anger. Guess what those are symptoms of. Marshall Mann
: [ribbing Mary
] Pregnancy? Mary Shannon
: Who made you the spokesman for post-traumatic stress? Major Lucas Provo
: Two thousand Iraqis. At one point during Desert Storm, my unit engaged the Republican Guard for four days of sustained combat. I watched thousands of them die. Literally thousands of Iraqis. In four days. Marshall Mann
: Jesus. Mary Shannon
: That's gotta take its toll. Major Lucas Provo
: [heavy sigh
] You have no idea.
Major Lucas Provo
: Inspectors, as much as your input is appreciated, military protects military. On this operation, I'm running point. Mary Shannon
: Major, I'm... I'm no lawyer, but I've got a pretty good handle on matters of jurisdiction. Stan, back me up here. Stan McQueen
: Well, actually... Mary Shannon
: No, not the "actually" face. Marshall Mann
: Not my favorite face.
: [trying to find a secure location for her witness
] We're trying to get these people settled. You know, calm. And the wife, she's not calm. She's about two minutes away from guys in white suits with butterfly nets. Major Lucas Provo
: And those fishbowl windows may as well have a sign saying "Welcome, snipers". An interior unit on the middle floor would be optimal. Mary Shannon
: Yeah, fine, if there were a direct threat. But we have our witnesses secured in a safe city that only a handful of people know about, two of them us and none of them snipers. So trust me, unless someone's calling an ex or using an old credit card, this is as optimal as it gets. Major Lucas Provo
: [pointing at the ceiling
] You see a skylight, right? You know what I see? Mary Shannon
: Oh, boy. I have a feeling I'm about to. Major Lucas Provo
: Two rangers hovering in a whisper-silent 500P helicopter. They rappel down and breach this place in thirty seconds flat, extract John before Sue can say "One Mississippi." Look, I know we're just Army, but we do top secret pretty well, too. Mary Shannon
: Really? WikiLeaks says "hi." Major Lucas Provo
: SEAL Team Six and Osama bin Laden tells a slightly different story. Look, inspector, I really want us to work together on this. So when I tell you John's not safe here, it's not hyperbole. He's not safe here.
: [Brandi is being arrested for drug trafficking and conspiring to murder two FBI agents
] Do not say a word to anyone. Do not answer any questions. Anything you tell them will be used to bury you.
: [entering the FBI office
] You sure you want to do this? Marshall Mann
: I'm positive I don't, but you seem to have become the train wreck I can't stop watching.
: [Brandi is about to sign a deal with the U.S. Attorney
] Don't sign anything. Robert O'Conner
: Who let you back in here? A.U.S.A. Renner
: Inspector, you're interrupting a private meeting. Jinx Shannon
: Mary. They offered her twenty-five years. They were going to indict you. Mary Shannon
: It's BS. The whole case is a big steaming pile. That's why they want to make a deal. Roberta Procter
: That's what I tried to tell her. A.U.S.A. Renner
: Fine. Roll the dice, your sister will be sitting right by your side. Mary Shannon
: Really? With Nick Bennetti as your star witness? A meth addict who's made a career out of testifying against other meth addicts? Robert O'Conner
: Inspector, you have no place in this room. Mary Shannon
: Come on. Not a shred of physical evidence. And you've got to know what a liability this numbnut is. According to Albuquerque PD reports, Special Agent Robert O'Conner took control of the kidnapping investigation at approximately 3:45 pm. According to FBI documents, Ms. Shannon received an incriminating phone call from Spanky Carter at exactly 9:58 pm. So while Ms. Shannon was on the phone, allegedly masterminding a complicated murder-kidnapping plot, she was in Agent O'Conner's custody, which means you're either directly involved in the conspiracy or incredibly inept at your job. Which will you claim when you take the stand? Now do you see why they wanted to make a deal? They don't have any hard evidence. They have a meth cooker trying to avoid a third strike for a witness and Inspector Clouseau running the case.
] There's a dead dog in that pot! And God help me, it smells absolutely delicious!
: She is a cheating, lying, violent, antisocial sociopath. Is that really the kind of person you want to hang your future on? Helen Trask
: I could do worse.
: I'll have the oatmeal with skim, sliced banana, and... do you have Craisins? Waitress
: No. Mary Shannon
: What's with the attitude? Is that how you let people know you are way cooler than serving breakfast at a crappy café makes you seem? I mean...
] Marshall Mann
: Regular raisins will be fine. Mary Shannon
: How's the hobo platter? Good?
[the waitress gives Mary an annoyed look
] Mary Shannon
: All right, let's do the hobo. Oh, and if it's not too much trouble, try keeping the spitting in my food down to a minimum.
: [is in basement after being kidnapped, she has just shot the kidnapper in the basement with her and thinks another kidnapper is coming down-stairs to shoot her, her gun is empty, so she grabs a shovel to smack the assailant's head as he enters the basement, she gets ready to swing the shovel, and as she hears the person coming down the steps, she swings with a lot of force
] Uggggggggg Stan McQueen
: [Was the first person coming down the stairs, he ducks as the shovel is being swung
] Mary Shannon
: [Realizes that it is Stan and Marshall who came to rescue her and gets this 'Oh thank God' look on her face
] Marshall Mann
: [Is amazed to have found Mary alive and well goes over to her and hugs her
[Mary falls into Marshall because of her weakened state, Marshall & Stan each take one of Mary's arms and help her up stairs
: After dropping Brandi off at the airport to fly home to her schemy boyfriend, Chuck, with a ticket I paid for no less, only to discover her hours later at Raf's with her head in his lap, no less, an idea has formed, a realization if you will. I don't know. Anyway, here it is: My family will be the death of me and I don't mean in that "you kids will rue the day kind of way." No. I'm talking about knocking on Heaven's door, charge the beach at Normandy, shuffle off that mortal coil deceased but the real epiphany is I have absolutely no say in the matter. I wonder why I'm not more upset?
: Don't Worry I'm not a monster. We'll have some -uh- fun first. I want you to die happy. Mary Shannon
: Thank you! I appreciate that. So how do you wanna do this. If you undo my hands it'll be better for both of us. Jason
: I'm not stupid! Turn around and face the wall! Mary Shannon
: Are you sure cause... Jason
: Just do it! Mary Shannon
[turns to face the wall
: [grabs her body and does sexual moves on it
] Now don't be thinking you're too good for me cause you're not. Mary Shannon
: [whispers in a scared voice
: [handing Mary some paperwork
] Sign these. Mary Shannon
: You did my 210s? Marshall Mann
: I took the liberty of aiding a fellow inspector with her paperwork in order to ensure that said inspector would be free of work related stress while dealing with family issues this weekend. Mary Shannon
: Great. I'll just check "Sorry, mom, I gotta work" off my list of possible excuses. Marshall Mann
: Oh. Hadn't thought of it that way. Want me to burn those? Mary Shannon
: No, but if you'd come by and burn my house down this weekend, you'd be doing me a solid. Marshall Mann
: I'll try to make time.
: Okay, here are Andy's phone records. Nothing to or from suspicious sources. Mary Shannon
: Oh, shoot. I'm getting the same thing from Rachel's end. What about facial recognition? Eleanor Prince
: Bupkis. In fact, they sent a rather terse response. Something about their software not working without an actual image of a face.
: [a rabbi is trying to get Andy to sign a Get, a Jewish divorce document
] You're too late. Andy's already gone. New name, new city, the whole Megillah. You'll never find him again. Samuel Garfinkel
: Well, maybe he is, maybe he isn't. Doesn't really matter. I'll find him. No offense, but hiding people from criminals is easy. They're lazy; that's what makes them criminals. Me, I'm not lazy. Mary Shannon
: I don't believe you. You know someone, you did something. And I'm gonna figure out how you found him. Samuel Garfinkel
: I like you, mamala. You're passionate. That's good. But there's no trick. Finding a needle in a haystack is easy if you're willing to look through the haystack one straw at a time. So wherever Avi is, wherever you put him, I won't stop looking until I find him. It's what I do.
: [at Peter
] Why don't you use Rafael? He speaks Spanish Mary Shannon
: Have you started drinking again?
: Am I a weight around your neck? I mean, do I drag you down? Is your life worse for having me around? Eleanor
: O can we all play this game? Marshall Mann
: I might have a few extra worry-lines Mary Shannon
: You know, I buy a house, the real-estate market tanks. I take in my Mom & Sister, they both get arrested and my house gets destroyed. Global warming, is that me? Marshall Mann
: Why do I think this isn't about climate change?
: Planning on coming in today? Mary Shannon
: Give me a break. Francesca kept me up until five in the morning. What'd I miss? Marshall Mann
: Oh, not much. Francesca just moved herself into a new house. Mary Shannon
: What? When? How? Marshall Mann
: Don't forget "who", "why", and "where".
: Brandi, single mothers are superheroes, but I don't wanna be one, okay? I can't even run my own life by myself. And I think, ideally, kids should be raised by two parents who love not only them, but each other as well. And since I'm the one playing hostess for nine months, I get to say what's best. Look, I have no idea what it takes to be a good parent, okay? But I've got a pretty good handle on what makes a bad one. And that is why I'm not telling Mark. Got it?
: You're not annoyed at taking a backseat? Mary Shannon
: You kiddin' me? It's Goofus and Gallant in there, and I get the easy one. The backseat's the least I could've hoped for. I'm looking for the trunk. Stan McQueen
: Okay. That's good, good. Good deal. Mary Shannon
: And as for your smug little attitude, I'm not so much bothered by it as I am memorizing it. You know, for when this all blows up in your face. Stan McQueen
] There we go. Mary Shannon
: And for the record, just 'cause my boobs are so big Dolly Parton could sue for silhouette infringement doesn't mean I'm this delicate flower, some porcelain doll.
: Character is destiny for the chronic do gooder, the happy go lucky sociopath, the dysfunctional family, under the gun every one revert to who they are. We may hunger to map out a new course but for most of us the lines have been drawn since we were five
: Mary, just calm down. Mary Shannon
: Calm down? Why? What's so great about calm? Is it gonna make anything worse for us to take a good, hard look at the homicidal ridiculousness of this? Marshall Mann
: Whatever you want to do here, I'll back you. Mary Shannon
: What I'm gonna do will probably get me fired, and if you get fired too, I'll have no one to move in with and mooch off of. Marshall Mann
: Lucky for you, my interests are varied, my career options infinite. If this whole thing goes horribly pear-shaped, whatever's next for me, my coat-tails are always there for you. Theresa Simmons
: Witsec is not in the manhunt business... hand this over to the fugitive task force. Stan McQueen
: Inspectors, you have your orders, which are take all the time you want and all the money you need, and bag this son of a bitch. And while you're gone, Theresa and I are gonna take a little trip up the food chain, past Alison, up where the air is thin, and the drop is long, and everyone plays for keeps. And she's gonna learn: never, ever give orders to my inspectors again. Okay? So go. Mary Shannon
: I love knowing why I love you.
: Asperger's has a number of symptoms of which you should be aware. Mary Shannon
] Oh, yippee. Marshall-pedia. Marshall Mann
: Off the chart recall. Total inability to relate emotionally on any level. Mary Shannon
: So, my dream witness. Marshall Mann
: Also, it's difficult for some people with Asperger's to lie or even grasp the concept of lying. Stan McQueen
: Which is why this is her third relocation in six months. Mary Shannon
: Aces. Stan McQueen
: She testifies in a few days. But if she blows her new identity again, she's out of WITSEC.
: So, what's the 411 on Alfaro? Marshall Mann
: The AUSA says he doesn't understand what happened, and Reina's paperwork was submitted. Stan McQueen
: So what's the holdup? She made their case, put away some serious dirtbag smugglers, right? Give the woman her green card. Who's the ICE guy in charge here? Marshall Mann
: Uh, the file says Jack Suarez. Stan McQueen
: Jack Suarez? Marshall Mann
: You know him? Stan McQueen
: Oh, yeah. From the Paleozoic Era. We knocked heads on a joint task force. He was... well, less than malleable. Marshall Mann
: Is he a stand-up guy? Stan McQueen
: Oh, a little too stand-up. Talk about an agent who would collar his own mom? Suarez actually did. On a coke charge. Got famous quick.
] Stan McQueen
: Let me take a crack at this. Forward me the info.
] Stan McQueen
: Good morning, Mary. You have a new witness. Mary Shannon
: [sighs in disgust
] It never ends. What's her story? Stan McQueen
: Challenging. Mary Shannon
: In what sense? Stan McQueen
: Key witness in an interstate numbers-running ring. She was the accountant. Feds kicked in the doors, only to find no computers, no files, not a hard drive in sight. Just some phones, the occasional betting slip, and our Ms. Wagrowski in the conference room. Kept every bet and payout for the entire operation in her head. Marshall Mann
: Meaning she's not the key witness in the case, she *is* the case. Stan McQueen
: Something exactly like that, yeah. Mary Shannon
: So the challenge is what, finally dealing with my intellectual equal? Stan McQueen
: The challenge is she has Asperger's, and you're... you know, you're you.
: Do you realize the statistical odds of a birth mother getting married to the birth father thirty-two years after the fact? Mary Shannon
: If I lied and said yes, would you stop talking?
: I get holding yourself apart from the world. I do. I once went six whole days without talking to a single human being. Wasn't even trying, it just happened. Best six days of my life.
] Friendship, it's been said, is God's way of apologizing for your family. I don't really subscribe to the God part. But if I did, apologizing for family seems like the least He could do.
] I can count the witnesses I've admired on a hand and a half. The ones I liked, fewer still. When it comes to those I was truly friends with, I can't put a number on it. I don't need to. It's just Mia. Someone who wouldn't be around for very long. I know somewhere a therapist's couch beckons. Mia lived forty-two years. All she wanted, in the end, was to have made a difference in one life. She did. She absolutely did. I know what she'd say if she heard all this: "Oh, shut up." Her version of "rest in peace."
: Nothing I enjoy more than a family that makes mine look like the Brady Bunch.
: What are you doing here? Mary Shannon
: Well, Sabrina's mom screwed the pooch. Showed up four hours late and cut the weekend short. Marshall Mann
: Oh. Mary Shannon
: So sad for them, so sweet for me. Free food, fights. Food fights. Marshall Mann
: You're actually hoping for violence. Mary Shannon
: No, not hoping. Rooting.
: Help, the absolute worst of the four-letter words, and the one I know best. A six-year-old on tiptoes, peering into Brandy's crib, my mother on the bedroom floor scrounging for the booze. That word coming out of their mouths as a gasp, like destiny, "Help." I've learned over time "Help" doesn't mean grab the other paint roller, or hold the ladder still. It means "Hey, I screwed up, now what're we going to do?" "Help," more than anything, is the not-so-subtle herald of the appearance of "we" - and don't even get me started on "happy to help."
: Help, every now and then, is something more than a four-letter word. Sometimes, it's just a baby crying for her sister from the confines of her crib. And sometimes, if you're lucky, help comes without asking, because somewhere nearby, there's someone who'd rather keep you from falling than help you up after you do.
Dr. Shelley Finkel
: My extensive post-graduate work and years of field experience tell me that you're less than happy to be here. Also, the look on your face. Mary Shannon
: So, now what? Is now when I open up about Rachel from summer camp and the night they let us lock up the crafts cabin all by ourselves? Dr. Shelley Finkel
: I'm open to discussing latent sexual questions if you're confused. Mary Shannon
: I'll bet you are, you little vixen. Dr. Shelley Finkel
: Or we could get on why you're really here. Mary Shannon
: I shot a suspect, then went into labor. Next?
] Mary Shannon
: Oh, my God! It's not... Mark Stuber
: Hey. Marshall Mann
: I found the suitcase with the baby's stuff. Mark Stuber
: Thanks, Marshall. Mary Shannon
: [to Jinx
] Oh my God, this sucks! Oh, my God. You did this twice? No wonder you drank.
: I'm ready to talk about the shooting. It was horrible. He deserved it, and I'd do it again. Dr. Shelley Finkel
: But it hurt you to hurt him. Mary Shannon
: I didn't hurt him. I killed him. I had to. To protect Stan. To protect Marshall. Because that's what I do. I protect people. Dr. Shelley Finkel
: Which is why you didn't make an adoption plan for Norah. Mary Shannon
: She was so tiny. So fragile. But most of all, she was mine. I just felt like, feel like... I just realized no one could protect her like I would. Like I can.
: [voice over
] I think my least favorite phrase in the human language is "I'm sorry". Nine times out of ten, when a person says they're sorry, they're really only sorry they got caught, and now want me to forgive them for something I'm still pissed off about. Which puts me in the unhappy position of either saying "Up yours!", and looking like a total bitch, or saying "I forgive you", and feeling like a total shmuck. And that's why I hate the phrase.
: Folks, listen to me. Like it or not, your lives as you know them ended five hours ago.
: How are you feeling? Mary Shannon
: Good. Better. Because if I say anything else, I'm not getting out of here. So, GREAT. Dr. Bronstein
: How's your memory? Mary Shannon
: Fantastic if I was shot by a smudge Dr. Bronstein
: Well, I told you it might come back slowly or in pieces or... Mary Shannon
: Not at all. Which matters no matter what happens, you get to be right and you're not letting me out, are you? And I'm going to be here another week. I knew it. Dr. Bronstein
: Promise me you'll take it slow. Mary Shannon
: Wait, is that condescending doctor talk for I can go?
: [Exiting hospital in wheelchair
] You are so sweet.
] Marshall Mann
: [to transport assistant pushing wheelchair
] This won't last. Mary Shannon
: Family just couldn't be bothered, right? What? Mom is just getting two foreign belly rings. Fiancé giving 'how to be gorgeous' lessons to underprivileged models? Why am I in such a hurry to get home to those people and Leave a place where I can pee lying down? Marshall Mann
: And she's back.
Detective Abigail Chaffee
: Mary? Hey, you saved me a phone call. Mary Shannon
: Why were you gonna call me? Detective Abigail Chaffee
: Because I wanted to talk to you.
: Did you know that vaporized blood has a sweet smell?
: Your claws are showing. Mary Shannon
: They don't retract.
: Seven years. Stan McQueen
: Seven years. You led a double life for seven years. Marshall Mann
: [whispering to Mary
] Don't. Mary Shannon
: [whispering back
] I won't. Won't say a thing. It's awfully "bigamy", wouldn't you say? Get it? Bigamy?
: I don't know. Maybe I should just pick a bar, down some shots and do some cowboy. Marshall Mann
: Uh-huh. Mary Shannon
: What? What's "uh-huh"? Marshall Mann
: If you feel like you need to get something out of your system, if you need to go do some cowboy... Mary Shannon
: What? Marshall Mann
: You've done the cowboy. And when you weren't doing the cowboy, you were the cowboy. Like with Raph. You don't need to let off steam. What you need is... I get that you don't like messy, but maybe messy is what you need. Maybe instead of just anyone, you should be looking for someone. Someone who challenges you, who calls you on your BS, gets in your face and makes you think... What? Mary Shannon
: What? I'm thinking.
: [frustrated, trying to get a mentally ill man, who keeps repeating "He's in Heaven", to tell her where Don's body is
] Okay Phil, where's heaven?
[Phil points up
] Mary Shannon
: In the sky... okay, good. Souls go to the sky, bodies stay here. So where is Don frickin' *body*, Phil? Mary Shannon
: Heaven... In the sky with God, and Mary, and the angels. Mary Shannon
: [under her breath
: We don't put Natalie at risk, copy? Ike Dennis
: What do you care what happens to her? Mary Shannon
: Hey, numbnuts, as long as she's my witness she stays safe. She bails on the program, you're right, I don't care about her she can get hit by a dump truck and die. Mike Faber
: Wow. That should be on a plaque over the door.
: [a witness' wife wants a divorce
] Why didn't you two catch wind of this in the intake interview? Mary Shannon
] Oh, I don't know. I guess she played her cards pretty close the sari.
[Marshall laughs; Gaffney is unamused
] Kurt Gaffney
: Sorry. Kurt Gaffney
: Yeah, that's cute. Look, Inspector, I don't know if you're aware of this, we're in the business of convictions. Mary Shannon
: No, *you're* in the business of convictions.
[Mary indicates herself and Marshall
] Mary Shannon
: We're in the business of keeping people safe.
: Your witness is on the run with her daughter and fugitive husband. You really felt this was the best time to grab a Slurpee? Mary Shannon
: What? I... I was waiting for Beth for twenty minutes at a 7-Eleven. What am I, a robot? Marshall Mann
: Robots are more sensitive.
: Coffee sour? You're making that face. Mary Shannon
: It's this clown. Ronnie Dalembert. Marshall Mann
: Ah, the affinity scammer. Mary Shannon
: Sells good Samaritans on phony bonds to build imaginary churches. I don't even like church, I hate this guy. Con men are the worst. Marshall Mann
: They're great on the stand. Blend in anywhere, they play ball. Mary Shannon
: That's what they want you to think. Marshall Mann
: Maintaining such a dim view of humanity, isn't it exhausting? Mary Shannon
: That's why they make energy drinks. Look, Marshall, we hide murderers, smugglers, every crayon in the wiseguy-wannabe box. But... Con men. They don't just take your money, the rob you of your dignity. They leave you poor, wide-eyed, and stupid on the side of the road. And if you think there's a chance in hell this son of a bitch can up and whistle a different tune, I got a seaside condo in Beirut I'd like to tell you about. Marshall Mann
: Maybe lay off the energy drinks. Mary Shannon
: Hey, you love this guy so much, he's all yours. And, in advance, I told you so.
: You guys noon to eight? Short-haired agent
: Yeah. Mary Shannon
: It's not that bad. Mary Shannon
: [indicates TV
] Starts off with Judge Judy, but not that one, the black one.
[Marshall Mann shakes their hands
] Mary Shannon
: Before you know it you're into 11 hours of Law & Order reruns. I'll see if Adam is up for handshakes.
: Drunken chess? Marshall Mann
: I'm playing an eleven year old Pakistani girl. She's extremely wily. Mary Shannon
: She's crushing you. Marshall Mann
: That's what I want her to think.
: Welcome to 2010. Frank Jergens / Frank Jerome
: I was hoping for jet-packs. Mary Shannon
: You could tweet about it. Frank Jergens / Frank Jerome
: What? Mary Shannon
: You'd never wanna know.
: I'm Carlos. You've been looking for me. Mary Shannon
: What, I'm supposed to be impressed by that? I'm wearing a badge, I brought the sheriff, and I just pulled back the welcome mat on your hole in the ground. Yeah, Carnac, I've been looking for you. Carlos Ramirez
: You have a message about my family. Mary Shannon
: All right, I'll admit that's kind of spooky. Carlos Ramirez
: I've been on a vision quest. Mary Shannon
: [to herself
] Of course you have. Carlos Ramirez
: Come, I'll tell you all about it. Mary Shannon
: Please don't.
] I pride myself on being able to tell when a relationship won't work. And normally, I love being right more than anything. More than Blue Moon beer, "Exile on Main Street", food smothered in mole sauce. But sometimes, it's good to be wrong.
: [Mary is suspicious about why Eleanor is acting so nice to her
] She's got you spooked, doesn't she? Mary Shannon
: A little bit. Marshall Mann
: [grinning like an idiot
] It's fun to watch.
: So, if Miles has no birth certificate. Marshall Mann
: It can only mean one thing. Mary Shannon
: Miles is Amish. Marshall Mann
] Or, Miles doesn't exist.
: I have exciting news, inspectors. Mary Shannon
: You've reached retirement age. Aww, we'll miss you. Eleanor Prince
: Not that exciting.
[Eleanor holds up an electric stapler
] Marshall Mann
: No! Mary Shannon
: A stapler. Eleanor Prince
: Yes. But not just any stapler, Mary. It's a Fleigler 2000 heavy duty electric staple-fastening system. The number one choice of stapling professionals worldwide. Marshall Mann
: Oh, my. Eleanor Prince
: Darn right, "Oh my." Had to go to hell and back to get approval for that baby. Mary Shannon
: Quick trip. Wow.