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: [about Bruce Wayne
] The man has a mind full of trivia, it's inconceivable that he could be Batman.
: Well, gentlemen, when we capture the caped crime crushers, we will remove their masks and eggspose their faces to the public. Then they'll be out of business.
[looks straight at the camera
: I wonder who they are?
: Foolish, evil man. Robin
: You're going to end up where all broken eggshells end up: in the garbage! Egghead
: Give me a break, Batman? Batman
: You'll be dealt with, fairly. In a court of law.
: Is this the end of the book, Eggy-pooh? Egghead
: The end, period. I guess I laid an egg.
: Woe is me, my criminal career is now egg-stinct!
: Why don't we inveterate Gotham City's sewer system? Batman
: Just the right place for a rat like you. Robin
: The only place you will be going is up the river.
: [chuckles wickedly
] Eggscelent. I might even go as far as to say: eggsquisite.
: Well, I have great eggspectations for our relationship, Chief. I'll tell you what I'll give you as an added bonus: you may have the import eggsport concession for all genuine American Indian blankets made in Japan. Chief Screaming Chicken
: Oh, you are one heck of fine pale face.
: I for one am eggshausted. It's been a trying day and I must rest my fantastic brain for tonight. Batman
: [as he lays down, Batman & Robin enter
] There'll be no rest for the wicked today, Egghead. Robin
: Boy, do you guys have egg on your faces! Batman
: All the king's horses and all the king's men won't be able to put you together again. Miss Bacon
: Oh, Batman, you're so lyrical.
: What do you want from me, Egghead? I am just a poor major league baseball-team-owner. Miss Bacon
: How 'bout season tickets? I love halfbacks. Egghead
: How eggsasperating.
: Long ago my superior intellect deduced that Batman must be a person who was a millionaire and didn't have to work, because crimefighting is such an eggspensive hobby. Miss Bacon
: Which one is it, Eggy-baby? Egghead
: Please, please, Miss Bacon. All of you are approximately the right age, in your early thirties, but I have eliminated you, Mr. Tyler, because you are lefthanded. No, the Caped Crusader is not portsider, and you, Mr. Savage, are out because of your accent. So aside from a couple of aging rock-and-roll singers, you, Mr. Wayne, are the only Gotham city millionaire who is athletically inclined with eggsessive agility. Therefore, you must be Batman!
: You two will never get away with this! Egghead
: Oh really, Commissioner, I wish someone would write you a new line, that one is getting so tired.
: Hello, Chief. The usual? Chief O'Hara
: Right, Gilligan. A large milk and a hot pastrami. Egghead
: Never mind the pastrami. Chief O'Hara would like half a dozen eggs. How do you like them, Chief?
] Chief O'Hara
: Why you!
: Now, one hand on me and you'll never see your dear Commissioner again, Chief. Chief O'Hara
: You win, Egghead. Egghead
: Now how did you say you liked your eggs? Chief O'Hara
] Scrambled. Egghead
: Hmm. Bring Chief O'Hara half a dozen - no, make it a dozen scrambled eggs.
: Don't tell me that you're falling for this cowled clown? Olga, Queen of the Cossacks
: Maybe, maybe not. We are seeing. Egghead
: But you are engaged to me! How dare you two-time me. And especially with this caped creep! Olga, Queen of the Cossacks
: How dare you tell me what to do, me Olga, Queen of the Tsarovian Cossacks. Egghead
: Olga, Schmolga! You'd still be washing dishes in that run down Bessarovian restaurant if it wasn't for me!
: What's this? You've captured the Caped Crusaders! Olga, you egg-squisite, diabolical genius! Olga, Queen of the Cossacks
: But of course! Egghead
: How did you do it? Olga, Queen of the Cossacks
: By underhand trick, what else?
Olga, Queen of the Cossacks
: Cossack without victory dance is... is like egg without salt
[mimics salting Egghead's head
: Well, that hits me where I live.
: Egghead! Egghead
: Well who did you expect, Batman? Where are Olga and her Cossacks? Eggsplain!
: Oh, protect me, Batgirl. That monster is going to shoot me. Batgirl
: You're not so brave when your henchmen aren't around, are you, Egghead? Egghead
: Oh, I never claimed to be brave, Batgirl. No, I'm, I'm clever and crafty but I'm a complete coward.
: Oh, please, you can't ask me to rat on my friends. Batgirl
: Oh, yes I can, and you'd better start ratting fast. Egghead
: Do you eggspect me, a, a, a respected arch-criminal to, to fink on my friends like a, like a common stool pigeon? Batgirl
: Of course. Egghead
: Alright, I'll do it.
: What are you doing, Olga, light of my life, my little future wife? Olga, Queen of the Cossacks
: Forget rhymski!
: That was a slimy trick, you rotten egg! Egghead
: Of course, Batgirl, I have a patent on slimy tricks. Olga, Queen of the Cossacks
: Wait a minute, Eggski. Where is my KeBadushka? Egghead
: Batman? He was probably too afraid of me to show up. Only these foolhardy youngsters are in politic enough to do that. Olga, Queen of the Cossacks
: Does not sound like Badushka I know, huh. Egghead
: That's because you don't know him as well as I do, Olga. At heart he is a coward in the eggstreme Robin
: [being restrained by Cossacks
] Batman has more courage in his little finger than you have in your whole cowardly body, you... Egghead
] Quiet, Wonder Midget, or I'll have you cut off permanently!