The Wizard of Oz
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Quotes for
The Wizard of Oz (Character)
from The Wizard of Oz (1939)

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The Wizard of Oz (1939)
Dorothy: Weren't you frightened?
Wizard of Oz: Frightened? Child, you're talking to a man who's laughed in the face of death, sneered at doom, and chuckled at catastrophe... I was petrified.

Guardian of the Emerald City Gates: Who rang that bell?
Dorothy, Scarecrow, Cowardly Lion, Tin Woodsman: [all four together] We did!
Guardian of the Emerald City Gates: Can't you read?
Scarecrow: Read what?
Guardian of the Emerald City Gates: The notice!
Dorothy: What notice?
Guardian of the Emerald City Gates: It's on the door - as plain as the nose on my face! It... oh...
[does a "tisk tisk tisk" expression, goes inside door for a moment]
Guardian of the Emerald City Gates: [Guardian hangs the notice and goes back inside]
Dorothy, Scarecrow, Cowardly Lion, Tin Woodsman: [Reading notice, all together] Bell out of order, please knock.
[Dorothy knocks]
Guardian of the Emerald City Gates: Well, that's more like it! Now, state your business!
Dorothy: [Dorothy and friends, all together] We want to see the Wizard!
Guardian of the Emerald City Gates: [gasps] The Wizard? But nobody can see the Great Oz! Nobody's ever seen the Great Oz! Even I've never seen him!
Dorothy: Well, then how do you know there is one?
Guardian of the Emerald City Gates: Oh, you're wasting my time!
[starts to close the window]
Dorothy: Oh, please! Please, sir! I've got to see the Wizard! The Good Witch of the North sent me!
Guardian of the Emerald City Gates: Prove it!
Scarecrow: She's wearing the ruby slippers she gave her.
Guardian of the Emerald City Gates: Oh, so she is! Well, bust my buttons! Why didn't you say that in the first place? That's a horse of a different color! Come on in!

Wizard of Oz: You, my friend, are a victim of disorganized thinking. You are under the unfortunate impression that just because you run away you have no courage; you're confusing courage with wisdom.

Wizard of Oz: Do not arouse the wrath of the great and powerful Oz. I said come back tomorrow.

Wizard of Oz: [speaking in a booming voice into microphone] I am the great and powerful...
[then, realizing that it is useless to continue his masquerade, moves away from microphone, speaks in a normal voice]
Wizard of Oz: ... Wizard of Oz.

Wizard of Oz: A heart is not judged by how much you love; but by how much you are loved by others.

Wizard of Oz: Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.

Wizard of Oz: As for you, my galvanized friend, you want a heart. You don't know how lucky you are not to have one. Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.
Tin Woodsman: But I still want one.

Wizard of Oz: Why, anybody can have a brain. That's a very mediocre commodity. Every pusillanimous creature that crawls on the Earth or slinks through slimy seas has a brain. Back where I come from, we have universities, seats of great learning, where men go to become great thinkers. And when they come out, they think deep thoughts and with no more brains than you have. But they have one thing you haven't got: a diploma.

Scarecrow: The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side. Oh joy! Rapture! I got a brain! How can I ever thank you enough?
Wizard of Oz: You can't.

Guardian of the Emerald City Gates: Orders are nobody can see the Great Oz! Not nobody, not nohow!

Wizard of Oz: Do you presume to criticize the Great Oz? You ungrateful creatures. Think yourselves lucky that I'm giving you an audience tomorrow, instead of 20 years from now.

Dorothy: Oh, Thank you so much! We've been gone such a long time and we feel so messy... What kind of a horse is that? I've never seen a horse like that before!
Guardian of the Emerald City Gates: And never will again, I fancy. There's only one of him and he's it. He's the Horse of a Different Color, you've heard tell about.

Wizard of Oz: You are talking to a man who has laughed in the face of death, sneered at doom and chuckled at catastrophe. I was petrified.

Dorothy: [as the Wizard's balloon goes off without her] Come back! Come back! Don't go without me! Please come back!
Wizard of Oz: I can't come back, I don't know how it works! Good-bye, folks!

Wizard of Oz: They have one thing you haven't got: a diploma. Therefore, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Universitartus Committiartum E Pluribus Unum, I hereby confer upon you the honorary degree of ThD.
Scarecrow: ThD?
Wizard of Oz: That's... Doctor of Thinkology.

Wizard of Oz: Back where I come from there are men who do nothing all day but good deeds. They are called phila... er, phila... er, yes, er, Good Deed Doers.

Wizard of Oz: To confer, converse, and otherwise hob-nob with my brother wizards.

Dorothy: [in the Wizard's Throne Room with the three others, having returned from the Witch's castle] Please, sir. We've done what you told us. We brought you the broomstick of the Wicked Witch of the West. We melted her!
Wizard of Oz: Oh, you liquidated her, eh? Very resourceful!

Wizard of Oz: [in a booming voice] Step forward, Tin Man!
Tin Woodsman: [terrified, steps forward] Ohhhh!
Wizard of Oz: [still in a booming voice] You DARE to come to me for a heart, do you? You clinking, clanking, clattering collection of caligenous junk!

Wizard of Oz: [booming voice] And you, Scarecrow, have the affrontery to ask for a brain, you billowing bale of bovine fodder!
Scarecrow: Y-Yes... Yes, Your Honor... I mean, Your Excellency... I-I mean, Your Wizardry.
Wizard of Oz: [booming] Enough!

Wizard of Oz: As for you, my galvanized friend, you want a heart. You don't know how lucky you are not to HAVE one! Hearts will NEVER be practical until they can be made unbreakable.

Wizard of Oz: Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!

Oz the Great and Powerful (2013)
Oz: I don't want to be a good man... I want to be a great one.

Oz: [sucked into a tornado] Please, I don't want to die! I haven't accomplished anything yet!

Oz: [whispers to Glinda] I might not actually be a wizard...
Glinda: Yes, but they don't know that.

[from trailer]
Oz: [to Theodora] Where's your broom?
Theodora: You don't know much about witches, do you?

[from trailer]
Oz: It's like no place I've ever seen.

Oz: Am I dreaming?
Theodora: You're in Oz.
Oz: Oz? But that's my name. Oscar Zoroaster Phadrig Isaac Norman Henkle Emmanuel Ambroise Diggs.

[from trailer]
Oz: How hard can it be to kill a Wicked Witch?

Glinda: [as the bubbles are flying towards the shield] The shield allows a good-hearted person to pass.
Oz: [Panicking] I'm gonna die!

Oz: You can have a nice pile of bananas!
Finley: Oh, I see, because I'm a monkey I must love bananas!
Oz: You don't love bananas?
Finley: Of course I love bananas, I'm a monkey! Don't be ridiculous!

Oz: You stood by me when other monkeys would have flown away.

Oz: Theodora, I know your wickedness is not your doing! And should you ever find the goodness within you, you are welcome to return!
Theodora: NEVER!

Oz: Now, it's time for gifts!
[Knuck starts blowing his trumpet]
Master Tinker: Knuck, not now!

Oz: I'm afraid I can't give you what I know you want most of all. All I can offer you is this: us. I know it's not the family that you had in mind, but...
China Girl: It's perfect. Thank you, Oz.

[Oz has realized that he can pass off his stage magic as the real thing to defeat Evanora and Theodora]
Oz: Look, I know I'm not the wizard that you expected. But I might just be the wizard that you need.
Glinda: You said you were just a con man.
Oz: Precisely!
Glinda: Nothing but a trickster?
Oz: Yes!
Glinda: A terrible cheat!
Oz: The best there is.
Glinda: A carnival magician's going to put on a show.
Oz: I'll put on the show of a lifetime! The likes of which the land of Oz has never seen! Magic! Mystery! Prestidigitation! It'll be my greatest trick yet.

Glinda: For the record, I knew you had it in you all along.
Oz: Greatness?
Glinda: No. Better than that. Goodness.

Oz: Frank, the sock is on the door!... Knock!

Oz: I'm your wizard.
[big smile and a wink]

Glinda: A con man couldn't have done all this. You're much more than that.
Oz: Well then, it looks like I've got you fooled, too.
Glinda: The only person you've got fooled is yourself.

Oz: Let's Go Make Some Magic!

The Wiz Live! (2015) (TV)
The Wiz: If you don't know where you're going, how do you expect me to take you there?

The Wiz: Scarecrow, you say you got no brain? Well, the surest sign you're talkin' to a dummy is when he tells you he knows it all! Takes a quality mind to know that there's always more to learn. You, my friend, are of that brainiac persuasion.
Scarecrow: So, knowing that I know nothing means that I know something? Well, what d'ya know!

Dorothy Gale: [persuading the Wiz to fly her to Omaha in her balloon] Let her be. She got a right to choose the way she wants to live. Maybe she don't want no friends and family. Maybe she don't care about the wonderful world just beyond those doors.
The Wiz: Yeah!
Dorothy Gale: Maybe she don't miss conversatin' and sharin' a laugh with folks. Maybe she don't need to feel a warm hug, or a friendly handshake, or a loving kiss ever again.
The Wiz: Yeah...
Dorothy Gale: Maybe she wants to live stuck here, alone in the dark 'til the end of her days.
The Wiz: Layin' it on a little thick, ain't ya? All right, all right. Ya made your point.

The Wiz: Oh, girl. The places you wind up when you don't look where you're going. Back in Omaha, I had me a job as a magician's assistant. The Amazing Alfred and Company. I was the "and Company". At night, we'd do magic shows, but during the day, we'd give folks rides in a hot air balloon. That was the part I liked. I loved flying, but unfortunately I hated Alfred. One day, he just pushed me too far. I hopped into that hot air balloon and I took off for the sky. And I wasn't planning to disappear, I just wanted to teach mean old Alfred a lesson. Next thing I know, came a storm with winds and rains so strong it was all I could do to stay inside that thing. I hunkered down and I hid my eyes for what felt like forever, and when I landed, here I was. Folks came running from every which way to find out what had blown in on the wind. I didn't wanna disappoint nobody. I quickly threw ole Alfred's black top and cape and did my best to give the folks a magic show. Next thing I know, they slap fancy threads on me and set me up in these digs and proclaim me the all-powerful Wizard of Oz.

"Tin Man: Into the Storm (#1.1)" (2007)
Man in audience: Mystic Man, answer me this: What is the meaning of life?
Mystic Man: The answer to that question is as timeless as the moons. We must serve the forces of the universe in all our humanity, and all our humility.
[Azkadellia's vapors are being sprayed]
Mystic Man: First, we must inhale the magic...
Glitch: This is the man with all the answers? What's wrong with him?
Mystic Man: And hold it!
Glitch: He's out of his mind, literally!
Mystic Man: Hold it! And you know the meaning of life!

DG: [trying to talk to the Mystic Man on Vapors] Sir, Sir, Sir, you have some answers.
Mystic Man: Answers?
DG: Yes.
Mystic Man: Sure.
DG: Many years ago, you helped a woman smuggle a child out of the OZ.
Mystic Man: Out of the OZ?
DG: Yes.
Mystic Man: Yes. Yes.
DG: Yes.
Mystic Man: Out of the OZ, yes!

Mystic Man: You stay with her at all costs.
Cain: I have to take care of Zero.
Mystic Man: You know who she is now! She's the key. Promise me. I want your word as a Tin Man. You will not leave her side at any cost!
Cain: [hesitates] You have my word.

The Wiz (1978)
Dorothy: You mean, you sent us to kill Evillene, knowing we might never come back?
The Wiz: She would have killed me, she would have found out I had no power, and took over Oz.
Dorothy: That's no excuse.

The Wiz: Dorothy...
The Wiz: Can you do something for me?
Dorothy: They've had what they've been searching for in them all along. I don't what's in you. You'll have to find that out for yourself. But I do know one thing: you'll never find it in the safety of this room. I tried that all my life. It doesn't work. There's a whole world out there. And you'll have to begin by letting people see who you really are.

Scarecrow: [after finding out the Wiz is actually is politian from New Jersey, quotes] 'Public office is the last refuge of the incompetent' - Penrose!
The Wiz: [laughs hysterically] Incompetent! That's me!

"Tin Man: Search for the Emerald (#1.2)" (2007)
Mystic Man: Azkadellia, as I live and breathe.
Mystic Man: So far.

Mystic Man: Your sister is more powerful than you.
Azkadellia: She will never be as powerful as me.
Mystic Man: Then why are you so scared?
[Azkadellia starts to kill him, but stops]
Mystic Man: I know you, *witch*!
Azkadellia: What... do you know?

The Wizard of Id (1969) (TV)
The King of Id: Wizard, have you got a potion to give me courage in the face of adversity?
The Wizard: No, we drank all the gin last night.
The King of Id: *Hic* Oh yeah...