The Beaver
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Quotes for
The Beaver (Character)
from "Greek" (2007)

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"Greek: All About Beav (#4.4)" (2011)
The Beaver: You're my favorite lady I've never had sex with, Casey.

The Beaver: I can't help it if "I'm going to be late" sounds like "I'm going to masturbate".

Casey Cartwright: Why are Cappie and Evan still fighting? Can't they just put their dumb male egos aside and... I mean, do you think that they can ever be friends again?
The Beaver: Nope.
Casey Cartwright: Look, I know that all you KT's hate Evan.
The Beaver: They can't ever be friends because of you.
Casey Cartwright: This is just so much more complicated than that.
The Beaver: No, it's not. They both fell for the same girl. Everything that's happened comes from that.
Casey Cartwright: No, no, there's also Evan's money that's always come between them.
The Beaver: Evan doesn't have any money anymore.
Casey Cartwright: And the prank that got Wade and all the other KT's kicked out.
The Beaver: Bing only did that after he found out you and Cappie got back together.
[pause]
The Beaver: Are you sure you're in law school because this is some pretty basic stuff.
Casey Cartwright: But why is it still going on now? I'm not with Cappie or Evan anymore. It's over.
The Beaver: It's never over, Case. That's pretty basic, too.
Casey Cartwright: [pause] You're a lot smarter than people know, Beav.

The Beaver: I am the star of my own life. I deserve to be center stage.

The Beaver: Maybe I've been there all along but you never noticed.


"Greek: At World's End (#2.22)" (2009)
Ashleigh Howard: So Casey broke up with Max.
Cappie: I see.
Ashleigh Howard: Because of you... And she's going to break up with the next guy because of you, and the guy after that. She's going to keep doing it. Because for some odd reason you're the one she's supposed to be with.
The Beaver: Okay everybody it's almost midnight. Let the countdown to the end of the world begin.
Crowd: 9... 8... 7...
Ashleigh Howard: It's the end of the world Cappie. What are you going to do?
Crowd: 5... 4... 3... 2... 1!

Ashleigh Howard: So, Casey broke up with Max...
Cappie: I see.
Ashleigh Howard: Because of you. And she's going to break up with the next guy because of you. And the guy after that. And she's going to keep doing it because for some odd reason, you're the one she's supposed to be with.
The Beaver: Okay everybody, it's almost midnight let the countdown to the end of the world begin!
Crowd: Ten, nine, eight...
Ashleigh Howard: Its thee end of the world Cappie, what are you going to do?
Crowd: Four, three, two, one...


"Greek: Picking Teams (#1.4)" (2007)
Evan: Kappa Taus win. On a technicality. Shocker.
Cappie: Don't worry, we'll beat you gals fair and square.
Evan: Oh like you've ever beaten us at anything.
Cappie: One word: Beer pong.
Evan: You are a joke, do you know that?
The Beaver: And you're a jerkoff.
Cappie: No, it's all right Beaver. I mean, if Spitter can take him down with a paddle, I think I can take care of myself.
Evan: Yeah, well, it's just too bad you couldn't take care of Casey.
Cappie: Now why would you have to go and bring that...
The Beaver: He took care of her. All night long during rush.
Cappie: Down, Beav.
Evan: I'll see you on the court.

The Beaver: Maybe we should call it Cap.
Cappie: I'm over here, dude. Maybe we should throw in the towel.
Rusty Cartwright: No you can't give up! Isn't this game bigger than all of us? Isn't this about kicking ass? Isn't this about good versus Evan?
Cappie: He's right! You may not be feeling well. Some of you are even still drunk! But I see before me a team of Kappa Tau's, playing in defiance of tyranny. You've come to fight as free men, and free men you are. Will you fight? Ay, fight and you might die. Run and you might live, atleast for a while.
The Beaver: It hurts real bad, Cap.
Cappie: Drunk people don't feel pain! And neither do Scotsmen. We may be puking, but the Omega Kai's are not used to running on puke like we are! And Rusty here... Look at him, just a nice kid from Cleveland...
Rusty Cartwright: Chicago...
Cappie: And I know that when he's dying in his bed many years from now, he be willing to trade all his days from this day, for one chance...
Rusty Cartwright: I'm actually fine...
Cappie: Just one chance to come back here and tell our enemies, that they may take our lives, but they will never be able to take our freedom! Yeah!!


"Greek: Friday Night Frights (#1.6)" (2007)
Rusty Cartwright: Beaver, the bathroom is that way!
The Beaver: [Rusty points down the hall, away from Cappie's room] Man, why do they keep moving it?!


"Greek: Gays, Ghosts, and Gamma Rays (#2.4)" (2008)
The Beaver: Now I know I have a heart, 'cause it's broken.


"Greek: Hazed and Confused (#1.2)" (2007)
Dr. Milton Hastings: Damn frat boys! You almost killed me! What are your names?
Cappie: We're very sorry, sir.
Dr. Milton Hastings: What fraternity are you in?
The Beaver: But sir, we're just -
Dr. Milton Hastings: Names!
Cappie: We're the Omega Chis. My name is Evan Chambers. And you're kinda being a pansy about all this.


"Greek: Depth Perception (#1.9)" (2007)
The Beaver: I heard about the honors engineering floor, but I thought it was a joke.


"Greek: Pilot (#1.1)" (2007)
Cappie: Hey Beav, didn't you take some pictures last night? That could jog our memories.
The Beaver: All the pictures I took were of girls flashing their racks.
Cappie: Hmmm. I'm gonna need to see those.


"Greek: Friend or Foe (#3.10)" (2009)
The Beaver: [crickets are in the KT house] I hate crickets! Ever since Pinocchio. They're too bossy.


"Greek: The Great Cappie (#1.12)" (2008)
Cappie: Downstairs will be a once-in-a-lifetime down-and-dirty secret prohibition party - in our oh-so-humble grotto.
The Beaver: A what party?
Cappie: ...a prohibition party, uh, a speakeasy.
[Beaver looks confused]
Cappie: All right, look. Here's how it's gonna work. Upstairs is gonna be the authority-pleasing, yawn-inducing Great Gatsby party, but downstairs will be a delightful, delicious den of iniquity.
[Beaver looks more confused]
Rusty Cartwright: You've heard of the 18th Amendment? You know alcohol was illegal in the 20s?
The Beaver: No?
[Everyone laughs]
The Beaver: Is that why they call it the Great Depression?