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Quotes for
Rocko (Character)
from "Rocko's Modern Life" (1993)

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"Rocko's Modern Life: Boob Tubed/Commuted Sentence (#2.5)" (1994)
Rocko: [just getting to work] Well, I made it. Now if I can only find a parking space.
[sees one]
Rocko: Bonza! Right out in front.
Rocko: [someone takes it right before he can get in] Hey! I was backin' in!
Rocko: [realizing it's Mr. Smitty] Oh, Mr. Smitty.
[laughs nervously]
Rocko: How'd you get here so early? Traffic was terrible.
Mr. Smitty: I just live next-door.
[laughs]
Rocko: But I can't find a parking space anywhere.
Mr. Smitty: Drive five blocks over. In the HIGH CRIME AREA.

Mr. Smitty: [Rocko tries to punch in and an alarm goes off] Well well well. Late again, I see. COME WITH ME!
Mr. Smitty: [uses a pointer to point out a clock on a chart] What is this, huh?
Rocko: A clock?
Mr. Smitty: And what does it tell us, hmm?
Rocko: Time?
Mr. Smitty: AND HOW DO WE GET A CLOCK, HMM?
Rocko: Go to a clock store?
Mr. Smitty: AND?
Rocko: Buy one?
Mr. Smitty: WITH WHAT?
Rocko: Money?
Mr. Smitty: [getting more and more furious] MONEY! Good. So any *moron* can SEE that TIME equals what? HUH?
Rocko: Money?
Mr. Smitty: I can't hear you!
Rocko: Money?
Mr. Smitty: Hmm?
Rocko: [losing it] MONEY, SIR! TIME IS MONEY!

Rocko: [pulls up to a sign and reads it] Don't even think about parking here.
[starts to think]
Beaver Policeman: Ahah. Caught ya.
Rocko: Oh, no, officer. I was, uh, thinking of something else.
Beaver Policeman: Oh, yeah? What?
Rocko: Uh, well, I...
Beaver Policeman: Yeah, right. Tell it to the judge.
[gives him a ticket]

Mr. Smitty: [handing him the phone] It's for you, Rocko. It's your car.
Rocko: MY CAR?
Rocko: Uh, hello?
Rocko's Car: Rocko, I've been impounded. You gotta come bail me out.
[turns around scared]
Tough Truck: [laughs sinisterly]
Rocko's Car: [to Rocko] HURRY!
Rocko: [at the impound] I came in to bail out my car. It's that red one over there.
Beaver Policeman: Oh, yeah. The other cars call him fancy fenders. Term of endearment, I'm sure.

Heffer Wolfe: Gee, Rocko, they towed your car?
Rocko: Yup. I need to earn money to get him out. But if I keep showing up late for work, Mr. Smitty will fire me.
Heffer Wolfe: If you don't have a car, that means in order to get to work...
Rocko: Yeah, Heff. It means I'll have to try... PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION.

Cab Driver: [has foreign accent] Where to?
Rocko: Uh...
[starts to get sick from the foul smelling cab]
Rocko: Kind of A-Lot-O Comics, 2nd and 35th.
[about to throw up]
Cab Driver: Hey! Read sign! No barfing!
[speeds off]
Cab Driver: You know, you look like a nice boy. Kind of like my son, 'cept he has no money.
[yells out the window]
Cab Driver: Hey! Get out of de way!
Cab Driver: [talking about his son] Always, "Dad, give me money. Dad, give me money. Give me. Give me. Give me." "What? What? What?."

Rocko: [sitting next to a guy on the bus that is sleeping, leaning on him and drooling] Hello. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me, please. EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME! AHH!


"Rocko's Modern Life: Born to Spawn/Uniform Behavior (#2.9)" (1995)
Filburt Turtle: Oh, boy. It's happening.
Rocko: What's happening?
Filburt Turtle: Every turtle, upon reaching its 21st birthday, must migrate back to its birthplace in order to become an, gulp, adult.
[panicking]
Filburt Turtle: You guys gotta help me. I don't wanna be an adult. I've heard horrible stories about brand and strange undergarments.

Fran the Newscaster: We interrupt our regularly scheduled program to give you this O-Town special report. A crazed turtle has just hijacked the Jolly Roberts seafood restaurant in the marina.
Rocko, Heffer Wolfe: WHAT THE...
Fran the Newscaster: Witnesses say the alleged turtle kept screaming, "Fish sticks, fish sticks," as he forced patrons out the backdoor to safety.
Eyewitness: It was awful. Awful. He was CRAZY! Tartar sauce everywhere! Craziest turtle I ever seen! FISH STICKS! FISH STICKS! AHH!
Rocko, Heffer Wolfe: Filburt!

Filburt Turtle: [yelling to Rocko and Heffer] Hey, guys! Guys, it's me! Hey! Hey, it's me, guys! See?
[pulls off his wig]
Rocko, Heffer Wolfe: Filburt?
Filburt Turtle: Shh. Everyone here knows me as Steve.

Filburt Turtle: So what's happenin'?
Rocko: Filburt, uh, I mean Steve, uh, we've come to rescue you from the clutches of mother nature, remember? Rescue you from adulthood and take you back to O-Town?
Filburt Turtle: [laughs] O-Town? O-Town? More like bore town. Get what I mean?
Mario: Steve! Steve! Steve! We're all ready for you to teach us The Hustle.
Filburt Turtle: Be right there, Mario.
[to Rocko and Heffer]
Filburt Turtle: Listen guys, I'd love to stay and chat, but I gotta boogie. I'm staying here at Club Spawn. Being an adult is great. Oh, and if you guys are gonna hang around, you might put on some spandex threads. If you know what I mean.
Heffer Wolfe: [starts sobbing]
Rocko: I know how you feel, Heff. We just lost Filburt to Kerrplopitgoes Island.
Heffer Wolfe: [sobbing] But I don't own any spandex!

Heffer Wolfe: [referring to Filburt] I miss him already, Rocko.
Rocko: Come on, Heff. There's nothing more we can do here. The forces of nature are greater than we.


"Rocko's Modern Life: Zanzibar!/Fatal Contraption (#3.13)" (1996)
Rocko: [after a crowd song that he missed] Why was everyone singing?
Heffer: We just got a song in our hearts!
Rocko: How is it you all know the words? Did you rehearse?
Heffer: Yeah, every Thursday. Didn't you see the flyers?

Guy: And you know what they say...
Rocko: It's going to be a song, isn't it?

Rocko: [leading the cast to the doors of Conglom-O, where they are confronted by a laconic guard] We demand to speak to the board of directors!
Security Guard: Uh-huh. And you would be...?
Heffer: We're a biiig, unruly mob!
Crowd: [singing, with choreography] We're a big, unruly mooooob!

Entire cast: [singing] Rocko fought City Hall!
Rocko: And I won, too.
Entire cast: Rocko fought Corporate America! They were big and he was small!
Rocko: But not too small.
Entire cast: Rocko fought City Hall.


"Rocko's Modern Life: S.W.A.K./Magic Meatball (#4.6)" (1996)
Heffer Wolfe: [Rocko gives him a letter for Alicia] SAY, this smells like a LOVE letter.
Rocko: That's none of your business.
Heffer Wolfe: Rocko and Alicia sittin' in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
Rocko: [not amused] Just deliver the letter, Heff.
Heffer Wolfe: Okay. But I don't think Wallace is gonna take it very well.
Rocko: Wallace? Who's Wallace?
Heffer Wolfe: You know, Wallace from Pizza Face Pizza.
Rocko: [has a flashback of Wallace pounding him]
Rocko: [getting scared] Oh, *that* Wallace. Maybe you better give me that letter back.
Heffer Wolfe: No can do, Rock. NO CAN DO.
[stands on his mail truck]
Heffer Wolfe: The Postman's Creed clearly states: That once an item to be mailed, i.e., your letter, leaves the customer's hand, that means you, and said item is placed in a recognized postal receptacle or the hand of a postal distributor, that's me, the letter becomes official property of the US government and is in no way to be interrupted from reaching it's final destination. Unless, of course, there's insufficient postage.
Rocko: But I didn't have a stamp on it.
Heffer Wolfe: That's okay. I'll spot you one.
Rocko: Come on, Heff. You can give the letter back to me.
Heffer Wolfe: Have you no respect for the law? Tampering with the mail is a federal offense! And I'm not doin' time for nobody.
[drives away]
Rocko: If I don't get that letter back, I'll be doing time under Wallace's fist.

Heffer Wolfe: [Wallace answers the door] Hi, Wallace. I got a letter for Alicia.
Rocko: No! Wait! Heffer, think... stop!
Wallace: [opens the letter and looks confused]
Heffer Wolfe: What's the matter? Can't read? No problem. I'll read it to you.
Rocko: Um, Heffer, I don't think that would be a good idea.
Heffer Wolfe: [reads the letter] "To my mail carrier. You are like a ray of golden sunshine."
Wallace: [gets more and more furious]
Heffer Wolfe: "With each delivery, you bring a glimmer of joy that warms my heart."
Wallace: [smashes a car]
Heffer Wolfe: "Love, Rocko."
[hugs Rocko]
Heffer Wolfe: I think your special too, Rocko.
Wallace: [all of a sudden calms down]
Wallace: [Points to Heffer and Rocko] You mean, *you* and *you*?
[starts crying]
Wallace: That's so sweet.

Heffer Wolfe: [dropping Rocko off home] Here you go. Door to door service. Thanks to your local postal buddy.
Rocko: THANKS? THANKS FOR ALMOST GETTING ME FOLDED, SPINDLED, AND MUTILATED? You POSTAL IDIOT!


"Rocko's Modern Life: Fortune Cookie/Dear John (#3.8)" (1995)
Rocko: [Rocko and Heffer just finished fixing Rocko's kitchen] Well, I think we're finished. See. It looks just like the picture in the book.
[hands Heffer the book]
Heffer Wolfe: [looks at the book and at their work] Hey, Rock? Where does the refrigerator go?
Rocko: Uh oh. Something's wrong. Let me see that.
Rocko: [looks at the book] This is the chapter on bathrooms. We've turned my kitchen into a bathroom!

Bob 'Bucky' Taylor: Don't you worry there, young fella. I brought along my camera crew for assistance and we're gonna fix your house up real nice. Okay?
Rocko: Terrific. So you'll be doing the work yourself?
Bob 'Bucky' Taylor: [laughs] Oh, oh, gosh no. Hey, I don't know a hammer from a hemorrhoid. My assistant Al here does all the work. She's a genious.
Al: Hi, guys.
Bob 'Bucky' Taylor: I'm a visionary and a dreamer. Not really hands-on kind of guy. *And*, I look *great* in a plaid work shirt.
Bob 'Bucky' Taylor: [sees Rocko and Heffer out the door] You just run along for the rest of the day and when you return, all your problems will be solved.

Bob 'Bucky' Taylor: [Rocko gets home to find the job finished] Why, here's the customer now. We fixed the problem and took the liberty to do some additional remodeling before the show there.
Rocko: My living room. It's a bathroom.
[starts looking around the house]
Rocko: My closet is a bathroom. My basement is a bathroom. My ballroom is a bathroom. Even my bathroom is a bathroom! Well, I guess *that's* okay.
[runs downstairs]
Rocko: [to Bucky] There's too many bathrooms!
Bob 'Bucky' Taylor: Too *many* bathrooms? Too *many* bathrooms? What are ya, nuts? You can never have too many bathrooms.
Rocko: Get out of my house, you WACKO!


"Rocko's Modern Life: No Pain, No Gain/Who Gives a Buck? (#1.1)" (1993)
Heffer Wolfe: Wow, look at all the trees.
Heffer Wolfe: [reading a sign] "Welcome to O-Town National Forest."
Rocko: [reading another sign] "Enjoy Nature's Splendor."
[both see the Conglom-O Mall]
Heffer Wolfe, Rocko: Ooooooh, splendor!

Rocko: We don't need some hoity-toity health club to stay in shape, eh, Heff?
Heffer Wolfe: No way, man! Care for another slice of pizza?
Rocko: I'm feeling the burn!
Heffer Wolfe: Yeah, you should blow on it first. The cheese is hot.

Rocko: Heffer, we're here to lose weight, not eat!
Heffer Wolfe: The more I eat, the more weight I lose.


"Rocko's Modern Life: Leap Frogs/Bedfellows (#1.2)" (1993)
[Rocko is screwing in a lightbulb]
Bev Bighead: Rocko, could I interrupt you for a moment? There is a spider on the toilet. Would you mind shooing him out for me?
Rocko: Don't worry, Mrs. Bighead. I'll get rid of him.
[Rocko opens the bathroom door. A rather large spider struggles on the toilet, holding a newspaper; the spider sees Rocko]
Spider: [Yiddish accent] Hey! Vad is dis, a sideshow?

Heffer Wolfe: Hey, Rocko!
Rocko: What have you done?!
Heffer Wolfe: Pretty cool, huh? Gave all your old stuff to charity.
Rocko: You...!
Heffer Wolfe: You can thank me over dinner. I made us my specialty.
[Rocko and Heffer go to the kitchen.]
Heffer Wolfe: Voila! The Heffer Deluxe!
Rocko: [takes a bite] Heffer, this is bonza! What's in it?
Heffer Wolfe: Well, let's see, there's pickled banana shavings, gym socks, canned haggis, beetle bladder, real processed head cheese, salt peter, reconstituted corn sweat, the finest barley and hops.
[Heffer's dish starts to crawl away so he stabs it]
Heffer Wolfe: Hmmm now where was I, pot ash, sulfur, mono sodium glutamate, and vegetable catalidge as a binding agent.

Rocko: [Rocko has nothing but a trash can on his body.] I want all you nudists outta here this instant!
[cut to Rocko at his front door]
Rocko: And stay out! At least I have my dignity.


"Rocko's Modern Life: Hair Licked/Gutter Balls (#2.10)" (1995)
Rocko: [Mr. Bighead has asked Rocko and his friends to go bowling] Bowling? We've never been bowling.
Heffer Wolfe: I've heard they got greasy cuisine at bowling alleys.
Filburt Turtle: And you get to wear those cool shoes.
Heffer Wolfe, Filburt Turtle: We're in.

Ed Bighead: Here, boys. I took the liberty of getting you these team shirts.
[hands them to Rocko]
Rocko: [reads the shirt] The Losers?
Heffer Wolfe: Oh, cool. Just like a real team.
[jumps up on a counter]
Heffer Wolfe: Look, everybody! I'm a Loser!
Virginia Wolfe: Come down from there, Heff. You'll put an eye out.
Ed Bighead: [to himself, gleefully] Oh, this is going to be SWEET.

Rocko: [sees Heffer wearing these huge platform shoes] Heff, where did you get *those* shoes?
Heffer Wolfe: Some customer left them here. They were the only size 19's that they had.
Gene Simmons: [to Ferb] What do you mean you gave my shoes away?


"Rocko's Modern Life: The High-Five of Doom/Fly Burgers (#4.8)" (1996)
Heffer Wolfe: [comes bursting into Rocko's house] Rocko! Do you still have Filburt's diary?
Rocko: [hides the diary behind his back] No! I mean, yes. But I wasn't reading it. If that's what you mean.
Heffer Wolfe: I just gotta see it! It's all I think about! I can't sleep, I can't think! I can't even eat! Well... okay, I *can* *eat*.

Rocko: [referring to Filburt's diary] Look, Heff, if I let you see one page, then will you be satisfied?
Heffer Wolfe: Yes. I'll be satisfied.
Heffer Wolfe: [Heffer starts reading aloud] The Earth Log of Filburt Shellbach. I am an alien. For our evil plan to take over this puny planet, see next page. Well, that's one page.
Rocko: Yup. One page.
Heffer Wolfe: [closes the diary] Play a game of badminton?
Rocko: Um... yeah. Okay.


"Rocko's Modern Life: Manic Mechanic/Rocko's Happy Vermin (#3.6)" (1995)
Bob, Very Last Chance Garage Owner: Can I help you, young fella?
Rocko: Well, yes. I need my car fixed.
Bob, Very Last Chance Garage Owner: [looks at Rocko's car] *That* car?
[starts laughing]
Rocko: [Rocko isn't amused]
Bob, Very Last Chance Garage Owner: [stops laughing] Oh, I'm sorry. You're serious.
Rocko: Yes, I'm serious. I'd like to get my car fixed.
Bob, Very Last Chance Garage Owner: Son, that cheap little rattle trap is not a car.
[points out a nice car]
Bob, Very Last Chance Garage Owner: *This* is a car.
[points out another nice car]
Bob, Very Last Chance Garage Owner: *This* is a car.
Bob, Very Last Chance Garage Owner: [points to Rocko's car] What you got there, is a little tricycle with an extra wheel.
[all the mechanics start roaring with laughter]

Bob, Very Last Chance Garage Owner: You see, me and my buddies race in the O-Town Rally every year. And, well, we eat cars like yours for breakfast.
Bob, Very Last Chance Garage Owner: [goes over to Rocko's car] Why, this old wreck ain't even worth fixin'. Be better off sellin' it for scrap.
Rocko: SCRAP? This is a great car. It's the car I learned to drive in. The car that brought me to O-Town. I've had some wonderful times in this car.
Bob, Very Last Chance Garage Owner: [to the mechanics] Hear that, boys? The platypus is all sentimental over his little red wagon.
[all the mechanics start laughing hysterically]


"Rocko's Modern Life: Pipe Dreams/Tickled Pinky (#2.2)" (1994)
Rocko: Dr. Hutchison? I thought you were a dentist.
Dr. Paula Hutchison: I was, but I got tired of always looking down in the mouth.

Pinky: [after bungee jumping and doing other dangerous things] Gee, Rocko, that was really fun. But what I'd really like to do is drive a flaming bus through a wall of TVs with a stick of dynamite strapped to my head.
Rocko: But that's cra... I mean it's not safe.
[Pinky starts to cry]
Pinky: [after driving the flaming bus through a wall of TVs] You know what else I'd like to do?
Rocko: THAT'S IT. The carnival, FINE. The rollercoaster, OKAY. But then the bungee jumping, The Wall of Death, flying over The Andes with a Brazilian soccer team.


"Rocko's Modern Life: Junk Junkies/Day of the Flecko (#2.11)" (1995)
Rocko: I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP! I DON'T NEED SLEEP! I AM THE WALKING LIVING!


"Rocko's Modern Life: Short Story/Eyes Capades (#2.13)" (1995)
Rocko: [to Spunky] Wow, what a weird dream. You were in it.
Really Really Big Man: You okay, little guy?
Rocko: And you were in it. And you!
Alligator: Here's your box back.
Rocko: And you!
Mr. Smitty: Get back to work, slacker.
Rocko: And...
[sees a caricature of series creator Joe Murray]
Rocko: I don't think I've ever seen *you* before.
Joe Murray: You're off-model, Kangaroo Boy.


"Rocko's Modern Life: Who's for Dinner?/Love Spanked (#1.12)" (1993)
Rocko: [reading off a piece of paper] Hi, I'm your wild stallion here to whisk you away.
[looks up to see it's his date's father]
Father Rabbit: You must be my little girl's date. Let me tell you something. You lay one paw on my daughter and you'll become my personal toothpick! YOU HEAR ME!
Female Rabbit: Daddy, is that my date?
Father Rabbit: Yes, dear. Now you two run along and have a GOOD TIME.
Rocko: Yes, sir. We certainly will.
Female Rabbit: [rushes Rocko to the car]
Rocko: Your father seems like a real... great guy.
Female Rabbit: [seductively] So, what do you wanna do?
Rocko: Uh, well... uh, how 'bout I walk you back to the door.
Female Rabbit: How 'bout we trade math equations, baby.
Rocko: Aah!


"Rocko's Modern Life: Jet Scream/Dirty Dog (#1.3)" (1993)
Rocko: Bath day is a very dangerous day.


"Rocko's Modern Life: Pranksters/From Here to Maternity (#4.2)" (1996)
Filburt Turtle: [mocking Rocko while in a jail cell] Hey look fellas I'm in jail, heh heh
Rocko: Filb why don't you just relax
Filburt Turtle: Put a lid on it "Peter Cottontail" you got us into this!
Heffer Wolfe: [playing a harmonica while sitting on Filburt and Dr. Hutchinson's egg] Ahem
[farts]
Filburt Turtle: [sarcastically] What's that? Oh I'm sorry does the big squishy butt have something to say?
Heffer Wolfe: [angry] Big squishy butt?
Filburt Turtle: That's right now get back on the egg and clam up!


"Rocko's Modern Life: The Good, the Bad and the Wallaby/Trash-o-Madness (#1.6)" (1993)
Rocko: Garbage day is a very dangerous day.