The Alchemist
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Quotes for
The Alchemist (Character)
from "The Venture Bros." (2003)

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"The Venture Bros.: Operation P.R.O.M. (#4.16)" (2010)
Brock Samson: I'll take care of this. This has been a long time coming. Me and her got to get something straight between us.
The Alchemist: You think he even knows how many double entendres that was?

Dr. Venture: [nuzzling an escort] How about I take you to my boudoir and give you a little Rusty Venture?
[She gets off his lap, slaps him and walks away]
The Alchemist: Whoa! Denied! What was that about?
Shore Leave: Boom! Right out of the gate, you ask for a Rusty Venture. That is bold, my friend. Kudos!
Dr. Venture: What? I had chilled bubbly in my room.
The Alchemist: Rust, you do realize that a Rusty Venture is when you take your finger and run it around a guy's asshole while you pull the guy off into his own face.
Dr. Venture: What? My name is a sex act? When did that happen?
Shore Leave: Uh, like, in the 80s. And Al is way off: A Rusty Venture is when you 69 and fill each other's mouths with cum; then you turn over and blow splooge into each other's cracks.
Dr. Venture: Good Lord! How can that be named after me? What does that have to do with me?
Shore Leave: Oh, don't play coy. Your cartoon was huge in the gay community. We used to throw Rusty Venture parties in the Castro, and we'd all wear little striped tops and tight little shorts.


"The Venture Bros.: Fallen Arches (#2.8)" (2006)
Dr. Byron Orpheus: Okay, Curse. Now was it Curse or Chris?
Curse: Curse! We can use magic, right? That's... kind of my bag.
Dr. Byron Orpheus: [all talking at once] Of course!
The Alchemist: Absolutely! Magic is a plus.
Jefferson Twilight: Oh, yeah, Curse, bring it on.
Jefferson Twilight: On three, we give him the old Rochambeau!
The Alchemist: Rock-paper-scissors?
Dr. Byron Orpheus: What does a general from the American Revolution have to do with this?
Jefferson Twilight: American revolution? Rochambeau sound... sounds French to me.
Dr. Byron Orpheus: Well yes, the Franco-American forces.
Jefferson Twilight: They fought with Spaghetti-o's and meatballs?
The Alchemist: Why would a company called Franco-American make Italian food?


"The Venture Bros.: The Better Man (#4.7)" (2009)
Hank Venture: You're gay, right?
The Alchemist: Yeah!
Hank Venture: What's it looked like? I mean, is it real or is it all Frankenstein?
The Alchemist: Hank?
Hank Venture: Your dingus! Does it look real?
The Alchemist: What is Kid-Crazy talking about?
Jefferson Twilight: He thinks you're transgender.
The Alchemist: Hank, it looks real because it IS real! I'm gay, it doesn't mean I was born a woman! I have a regular dingus, as you say.
Jefferson Twilight: Hank, aren't you just a little ashamed of your ignorance?
The Alchemist: Like just a little?
Hank Venture: Yeah, constantly!