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: My name is Any and, yes, at college I blew my dog.
: Anyone here besides me know what canine semen tastes like?
: Men are insecure enough about their penises. There's no need to bring the whole animal kingdom into it.
: Whatever happened to your dog? Amy
: I gave him away. John
: Why? Amy
: He got too big.
: When I was a boy and I first played with myself, first time I came I thought I broke my bits. Amy
] How old were you? John
: I was twenty.
: I had never had sex with Linda or any other woman. The idea of sex without a penis is like a sandwich without the meat.
: Hey, um, what do you like most about teaching. Amy
: Hmm. I would have to say... the microwave food.
: I have blue balls. Amy
: Is it my sexy nightgown? John
: Tents make me horny.
: Why don't you go talk to him? John
: Not now. He's got an axe.
: You wrestled another woman in your underwear while Elvis beat off... and you didn't even get laid?
: You're not hard. John
: I will be. Just shut up and kiss me.
: I have a confession to make. John
: You're a dude?
: Oh, yeah, hey, uh, my mom made this casserole and wanted me to bring it over to ya. Amy
: Oh... well, thank you. Randy
: Uh-huh. Bounced around in my truck a little bit. Should be okay. It smells like ass but... probably doesn't... taste like it.
: You look really pretty when you're sad. Amy
: You, too.
: You have a nice penis.
] It's important to lie. It's trying to live up to the lies that we tell about ourselves that makes us better people.