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: Let's do something nice for him.
] Bud Bundy
: What can we do? Buck the Dog
: Food would be nice. Kelly Bundy
: I know. Let's take him out for some exercise. Buck the Dog
: Oh good, the very thing you need food for.
: Hey I know, lest's play... Buck the Dog
: Anything but frisbee. Kelly Bundy
: Frisbee Buck the Dog
: Noooooo, not the disk of death! Bud Bundy
: Oh ho ho ho, look at his eyes light up. Buck the Dog
: I'd tear out both their hearts if my teeth weren't in a glass in my doghouse.
Buck the Dog
: [Kelly and Bud are fighting
] Oh come on, she's never gonna get that frisbee to fit there. Bud Bundy
: Aaaaaargh! Buck the Dog
: Well I'll be damned.
] Come on, Ma, tell the truth.
[looking down at his man-boobs
] Bud Bundy
: Do you think these will turn girls off? Peggy Bundy
: Oh, come on, honey. Don't let a little thing like a couple of boobs get you down. It's not like you're permanent. I mean, it's been a whole week and look how much better Buck is getting. Buck the Dog
: [Buck is now a turkey
] I sure hope this crap wears off before Thanksgiving. Bud Bundy
: Maybe you're right, Ma. I'll just hide for a while. It's not like I had any plans this week.
[goes to answer doorbell
: [in doorway, luscious blonde, with breathy voice
] Hi, Bud.
[Bud is hiding behind door, mortified
: It's me, Sascha, the girl you've wanted every day and night of your life since the first grade. Well, I'm about to enter a convent, and I wanted to be with a real man for my first, last, and only time. Take me, Bud! Take me now! Bud Bundy
: [reaches out from behind door - her luscious body is so near, yet so far - gives up
] You caught me at a bad time. Goodbye. Sascha
: [gasps a startled little stifled cry of defeat
] Oh! Peggy Bundy
: [to retreating Bud
] Where are you going? Bud Bundy
: [plodding up the stairs to his room
] To cop a feel and kill myself. Kelly Bundy
] Hi, Mom. Does Bud still have boobs?
] Kelly Bundy
: Ah, well, then I'll be sleeping at Cindy's.
Lucky the Dog
: [seeing the hibernating bear revive
] Lucky the Dog
: Bear! Live bear! B-B-B-B-BIIIIIG live bear!
[the bear rumbles past Lucky and to the refrigerator where it opens it and begins rumbling through the food
] Lucky the Dog
] If I were Lassie, I'd bark really loud and alert the family. But since I haven't been fed in weeks... to hell with them!
: [preparing Al's excuse for a makeshift birthday cake
] Now, do we have any candles? Bud
: Nope. Dad said no candles this year, because of last year's
[giving Kelly a pointed look
: little mishap. Kelly
: [with a shrug
] Hey, I just thought that Roman candles meant that they were imported. You know, from Romany. Bud
: It's amazing. Dad's looks and Buck's brains. Buck the dog
: [quietly indignant, in spiteful tone
] At least, I never tried to date one of my plastic toys.
: Now can I get a "Whoa, Bud is popular"? Buck the dog
: How about a "Whoa, shoot the boy"?
: Yeah. Like your family is any better.
: You got Psycho Dad back on the air? You better not be kidding or you're gonna have to outrun the Dodge. Buck
: Rush Limbaugh can outrun the Dodge.
: You know, you and I are a lot alike, boy. Buck the Dog
: No. I've had sex. And at least I have the decency to die at thirteen.
: I was getting kind of bored out there so I took some pictures.
[hands Kelly framed wall pictures
: This one is from the house across the street. Buck
: Where the hell does she find these guys?