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Quotes for
Albert (Character)
from Hogfather (2006) (TV)

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Hogfather (2006) (TV)
Death: [half-heartedly] Ho, ho, ho.
Albert: No, no, no! You've got put a bit more life in it, sir... Er, no offence intended. You've got to do a big fat laugh, sir. You've got to sound like you're pissing brandy and you're crapping plum pudding, sir... if you'll pardon my Klatchian.

Death: Let's go sleigh them!
[looks at Albert]
Death: I don't know if you noticed Albert, but that was a pune, or play on words.
Albert: Ho ho ho sir.

Albert: Never say die, master. That's our motto.
Death: [grimly] I can't say it's ever really been mine.

[Death is able to stop a little match girl from dying]
Albert: You're not allowed to do that.
Death: The Hogfather can. The Hogfather gives presents. There's no better present than a future.

Death: [reads a list] The boy wants a pair of trousers that he doesn't have to share, a huge meat pie, a sugar mouse, "a lot of toys" and a puppy named Scruff.
Albert: Ah, how sweet. I shall wipe away a tear, 'cause what he's getting, see, is this wooden toy and an apple.
Death: But the letter clearly...
Albert: I know. It's the socio-economic factors. The world would be in a hell of a mess, eh, if everyone got what they asked for.
Death: I gave them what they wanted in the store...
Albert: Yeah, well, what good is a god that gives you everything you want?
Death: You have me there.
Albert: It's the HOPE that's important. It's a big part of belief. I mean to say, you give people jam today and they'll just sit and eat it. But jam tomorrow, now... that'll keep them going for ever.
Death: And you mean that because of this the poor get poor things and the rich get rich things?
Albert: Well, yes. That's the meaning of Hogswatch, isn't it, Master?
Death: But I'm the Hogfather! At the moment, I mean.