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Quotes for
Tommy Dawkins (Character)
from "Big Wolf on Campus" (1999)

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"Big Wolf on Campus: The Girl Who Spied Wolf (#2.4)" (2000)
Lori Baxter: So, um, did you hear about that werewolf sighting last night?
Thomas P. 'Tommy' Dawkins: Really?
Lori Baxter: Yeah. I wonder who that wolf could be. I was at home last night taking a nice, hot bubble bath, so that rules me out. Where were you last night?
Thomas P. 'Tommy' Dawkins: Oh, uh, oh, I, I was also taking a bubble bath.
Lori Baxter: Tommy, I know you're lying.
Thomas P. 'Tommy' Dawkins: Is it because of the way my left eye twitches?
Lori Baxter: No, it's because you're the world's most pathetic liar. Look, I know you're the werewolf.
Thomas P. 'Tommy' Dawkins: What?
Lori Baxter: Let's review: you always disappear when the wolf shows up and you reappear when the wolf's gone, but you're never together at the same time. You do the math.
Thomas P. 'Tommy' Dawkins: Well, that doesn't mean a thing. Take Clark Kent and Superman. They're never at the same place at the same time.
Lori Baxter: That's because Clark Kent is Superman.
Thomas P. 'Tommy' Dawkins: Oh. Right.

Lori Baxter: Well, look who's here.
Thomas P. 'Tommy' Dawkins: Lori?
Lori Baxter: Hey, wolf-boy.
Thomas P. 'Tommy' Dawkins: Not this again. How many times do we have to do this? I am not a werewolf.
Lori Baxter: Come on, Tommy. It all adds up.
Thomas P. 'Tommy' Dawkins: Okay. All right. So, let's say that I am the werewolf. Aren't you afraid that I'll hurt you?
Lori Baxter: Look, I know that the Pleasantville Werewolf is good.
Thomas P. 'Tommy' Dawkins: Are you sure about that?
[Lori handcuffs Tommy to herself]
Thomas P. 'Tommy' Dawkins: What are you doing, Lori?
Lori Baxter: You and I are just gonna sit here until the moon comes up.
Thomas P. 'Tommy' Dawkins: No, Lori, listen. This is so stupid! Listen, you gotta let me go. Seriously.
Lori Baxter: Sorry, Tommy. Tonight, I prove, once and for all, that you're the dog-faced boy.

"Big Wolf on Campus: Witch College (#1.5)" (1999)
Merton J. Dingle: It says, uh, Tri-Chi formed their own coven in 1790. A coven that practices black magic.
Tommy Dawkins: Black magic? Well, that sounds bad.
Merton J. Dingle: Yeah. Tres bad. Fairuza Balk in The Craft bad! Tommy, black wiccas are hedonistic pagans known for their demonic rituals! And their also renowned for their... blue ribbon fruit pies?
Tommy Dawkins: I can't believe this. I actually brought Stacy to a bunch of evil witches just so we could go to the same college.
Merton J. Dingle: Tommy, we gotta get Stacey out of the clutches of this dark sisterhood soon before it's game over!

Tommy Dawkins: Stacey's a witch? I can't date a witch.
Merton J. Dingle: Tommy, you're a werewolf. I mean, I'm no Chuck Woolery, but kinda seems like the Halloween episode of Love Connection.
Tommy Dawkins: Oh, come on, Merton. What are we gonna do?
Merton J. Dingle: Relax, Tommy. You know. Don't go all Salem Witch Trial on Stacey just yet. Remember, there's just as many good witches out there as bad ones.
Tommy Dawkins: Okay. Okay, okay. I'm listening, I'm listening.
Merton J. Dingle: Think Casper's friend Wendy. Or Tabitha from Bewitched with that cute little wiggly nose.

"Big Wolf on Campus: Hello Nasty (#2.1)" (2000)
Merton J. Dingle: Oh, yeah! It's a ghost! A noncorporeal, partially photosensitive plane-hopper.
[to Lori, holding a Yoohoo chocolate drink]
Merton J. Dingle: Yoohoo?
Thomas P. 'Tommy' Dawkins: Oh, come on, Merton. We gotta send a ghost up to the big football field in the sky! Now how are we gonna do it?
Merton J. Dingle: Hold on, Tommy. Okay? Just 'cause he looks nasty doesn't necessarily mean he's evil. I mean, Bronco may be like one of the ghosts in The Sixth Sense, featuring Bruce Willis playing against type as a pensive child psychologist.
Lori Baxter: Well, what happened?
Merton J. Dingle: Well, after Die Hard, it was hard for Willis to shake his blue collar appeal.
Thomas P. 'Tommy' Dawkins: What happened in the movie.
[to Lori]
Thomas P. 'Tommy' Dawkins: He does this all the time.
Merton J. Dingle: Well, a boy is plagued by horrific-looking ghosts, and he's scared of them, like you are, but then he realizes he just has to fix a problem they had before they died.

"Big Wolf on Campus: The Pleasantville Strangler (#1.6)" (1999)
Merton: Come get us, you two-timing, cross-dressing, Jack Ripper-wannabe!
Tommy: Hey, you're pretty good at that.
Merton: Yeah, I've been insulted a lot.