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: [Opens the door for Rollo, who is wearing a snazzy suit
] Hey, Rollo! I see you got yourself a few new threads. Rollo Larson
: No, baby, this is the whole spool!
: Aw, man, quit thinking' about that; most cats cut out when they're sixteen. You got to cut out sometime. How old are you? Lamont Sanford
: Thirty-one. Rollo Larson
: Well what're you waitin' on, Medicare?
: [Thinking of what to do with the marijuana plants
] We gotta think of some way to get rid of that stuff. Rollo Larson
: Hey, don't worry, baby! I'll do it. Lamont Sanford
: Wait a minute! I know - I'll burn it! Rollo Larson
: That's exactly what I had in mind!
Officer 'Hoppy' Hopkins
: [while ravenously eating Grady's wild parsley salad
] That is delicious! Oughtta be a crime for a salad to be this good. Rollo Larson
: In most states it is.
: Hey, Pops, how's it goin'? Fred G. Sanford
: Oh, it's pretty good, Rollo. Crime outside went down 50 percent. Rollo Larson
: Why? Fred G. Sanford
: Because you inside.
: [after admitting Fred's prank fooled them
] Nice goin', Pops. Fred G. Sanford
: I'm not Pops; I'm lolli-Pops, and you're the four all-day suckers.
Fred G. Sanford
: [after Lamont tells Fred he should make their guest feel at home
] Rollo, feel at home. Rollo Larson
: I do. Fred G. Sanford
: Well, would you do me a favor? Rollo Larson
: Certainly. Fred G. Sanford
: Would you take the garbage out? Rollo Larson
: Of course. Where is it? Fred G. Sanford
: In your shoes.
Fred G. Sanford
: You gonna to need some insurance because I'm fixing to preform a 459. Rollo Larson
: What's a 459? Fred G. Sanford
: Breaking and entering your skull!
: [In the Gab n' Grab Singles Bar
] Hey, Cal, Pops. Hey, you fellas out cruisin' for chicks or are you two together? Fred G. Sanford
: Both. Y'see, Rollo, Cal needs a girlfriend, so Cal is on the prowl for some fowl.
: [Lamont and Rollo are looking for dates, Rollo flipping through his little black book
] Hey, man, what about Dimples and Leigh? Rollo Larson
: Dimples and Leigh? The gruesome twosome? You is a fool. We ain't that hard up... Hey, I wonder if I still got their numbers. Lamont Sanford
: Look under DT for "desperation time." Rollo Larson
: No, here it is, under LR for "last resort."
Aunt Esther Anderson
: I'm tellin' ya, the man is obviously senile! Up there with that woman! Messin' around! Rollo Larson
: I don't know, Esther, if you gotta go senile that's the way to go.
: Say, Pop, look. You took that pill 24 hours ago and you're supposed to lose age, but all you losing is your mind. Cal Pettie
: Face it, Fred. On the highway of life you're a '52 DeSoto. Fred G. Sanford
: And let's face it, Cal. On the highway of life you're all six lanes.
: [to jewelry store clerk
] Hey, look here, I'm gonna give it to you straight. We'd like to see the cheapest thing you have in a ring. Salesperson
: How about two tickets to the bullfights? Rollo Larson
: Hey, man, you tryin' to get smart? Salesperson
: Oh, nooo, then you and I would have nothing in common.