Rachel Jansen
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Quotes for
Rachel Jansen (Character)
from Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008)

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Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008)
Peter Bretter: Is she coming this way?
Rachel Jansen: Yep.
Peter Bretter: I wish I wasn't wearing this fucking shirt.

Peter Bretter: I love Hawaii.
Sarah Marshall: Yeah, it's nice, but I think for like a week, tops. Any more than that and I know that I'd go crazy, because I think that Hawaii is a place to escape for people who can't deal with the real world.
Rachel Jansen: Yeah, you know, there's so few personal shoppers and pet therapists. Gosh, it's such a hard life.

Aldous Snow: Awful bloody film. I say, it's just a ridiculous premise. What would happen if your mobile phone killed you? Why would a mobile phone kill anyone? Doesn't make sense. How can a mobile phone have an agenda and kill people...
Peter Bretter: I told her that when she read the script
Aldous Snow: Yeah, you were the voice of reason, mate.
Peter Bretter: I tried to be, but she didn't listen.
Aldous Snow: Going around killing people. A mobile phone, like doing murders.
Peter Bretter: Why couldn't you just take the battery out of the phone?
Aldous Snow: Right. That's it. The battle's over.
Peter Bretter: Yeah, we've won.
Aldous Snow: I hated it.
Sarah Marshall: Well, it's not for everyone, but it...
Peter Bretter: No, it's ridiculous. Here's my favorite scene. Hello?
[Peter feigns death]
Aldous Snow: Right. I could never happen.
Sarah Marshall: It's a metaphor for addiction to technology.
Rachel Jansen: For society, how we're reliant on technology. I get it. I'm with you.
Aldous Snow: It's a metaphor for a crap movie.

Rachel Jansen: Oh, come on, Peter. I can see your vagina from here!

Rachel Jansen: You've got that magic newlywed dust all over you.

Rachel Jansen: I can see your hoohah!

Dwayne the Bartender: I don't understand what there is to think about.
Rachel Jansen: Because, Dee... he...
Dwayne the Bartender: She licked the tip. That doesn't count.
Rachel Jansen: Of course it counts, he...
Dwayne the Bartender: He what? He refused a blow job from his ex-girlfriend mid blow job. Do you know what that's like for a man? It's called blue balls, Rachel. This guy's like Gandhi, but better; he likes puppets. I love puppets. I love Fraggle Rock. I love Lamb Chop. I love Elmo, Sesame Street, Burt and Ernie, Snuffleupagus? Fucks my shit UP.

Peter Bretter: [Trying to upstage Sarah] I'm not done yet!
Rachel Jansen: Shut up!
Peter Bretter: Okay.

Rachel Jansen: [on the phone] Peter
Peter Bretter: Sarah?
Rachel Jansen: No, Rachel Jansen from the front desk whats going on up there, we're getting calls about a woman crying hysterically
Peter Bretter: Yeah, y'know,I hear it too, it sounds like she's having a tough time, I think its coming from the floor above me
Rachel Jansen: You're on the top floor.
Peter Bretter: I'll try to keep it down.

Rachel Jansen: I thought I told you to stay on your island!
Ray: The deal was off April 9th.
Rachel Jansen: Well the deal's back on!
Ray: You think you're the chief of this island! I'm the chief of this island!
Peter Bretter: I know his friend, let me handle it
Rachel Jansen: Fine.
Peter Bretter: Hey man you remember me?
Helpful Hawaiian Waiter: The cocktail guy
[He punches Peter]
Kemo: Ray what are you doing here?
[Ray backhands him, Kemo backhands him back]

Peter Bretter: [whispers] Are you sleeping?
Rachel Jansen: Not anymore.
Peter Bretter: I really enjoyed spending time with you
Rachel Jansen: Me too.

Rachel Jansen: [about his rock opera] Why Dracula?
Peter Bretter: Because he's a man like anyone else. He just wants to be loved. And every time he gets close to a human woman, he ends up smothering and killing her, which is a feeling I am familiar with.

Rachel Jansen: Why don't you press your feet up against the rock, and like shoot yourself off.
Peter Bretter: What, like a frog?
Rachel Jansen: I don't know Peter, just get off the fucking rock!