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Pilaf
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Quotes for
Pilaf (Character)
from "Dragon Ball" (1986)

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Dragon Ball Z: Battle of Gods (2013)
Pilaf: Our goal is wealth!
Mai: Wasn't it to rule the world?
Pilaf: Wealth comes first now. I'm tired of living in poverty. In this body, I can't even acquire a part-time job!

[Trunks approaches the Pilaf Gang]
Trunks: I was trying to act cool, and I called you my girlfriend...
Pilaf: ME?
Trunks: Not you!
Shu: ME?
Trunks: How did it come to that? That girl there!
Mai: Me?... Why would I be with a kid like you?
Trunks: You're a kid, too. I'm sorry, but could you just act for a little while...
Mai: Act as your girlfriend? What should I do?
Trunks: Uh... how about holding hands?
Mai: [shocked] EH? How did kids these days get so revolutionary?

Pilaf: I AM EMPEROR PILAF!
[Pilaf, Shu and Mai are now children]
Mai: We finally managed to make a wish to Shenron... and you asked for youth!
Pilaf: There wasn't much point asking to rule the world, when we'd aged and had only a few years left to enjoy ruling...
Mai: But he made us TOO young!
Shu: Well, I can't complain. As a dog, I've already exceeded my life expectancy.

[English sub]
Mai: [holds uo a Dragonball] I used the diamond to distract the boy, while I sneaked out with this! They don't have a clue the Four-Star Dragon Ball has gone missing thanks to me!
Pilaf: Wow, you've really earned your keep this time!... But wait a second, we can't wish for money with just ONE Dragon Ball!
Mai: Oh, don't worry, I've got it all figured out! We'll demand a huge ransom from them! We'll say we won't return the Ball, unless they give us one million Zeni xash!
Pilaf: Oh, that's brilliant! Mai, you're a genuine evil genius, a real-deal rascal!
Mai: Nothing compared to you Pilaf, you're even eviller!
[both cackle]
Shu: I'm pretty sure that diamond was worth more than a million zeni, couldn't we just have taken it and left?
[awkward pause]
Shu: ...or not?
Pilaf: Don't be stupid! Nobody wants to be THAT rich, it's way too stressful! It's about balance!
Mai: That's right! You'll be so stressed, you'll start wetting yourself all the time! And I'm not washing your pee-pee pants!
Pilaf: ...Okay, that just went to a weird place. I expect my evil henchmen to have a little class.
Mai: I'm sorry, my bad.


"Dragon Ball Super: Mezase Doragonbôru! Pirafu ichimi no dai sasuken! (#1.4)" (2015)
[stuck on a desert island]
Pilaf: I'm so hungry...
Mai: It's your fault, Lord Pilaf!
Shû: We've eaten nothing but grass for three days! That's a harsh diet, even for a dog!
Mai: Just where on this island is the treasure supposed to be, anyway?
Pilaf: It says so on this map!
[holds it up]
Pilaf: It cost 50 zeni, so keep checking!
Mai: [tears it up] Who would believe such a cruddy map?... The same for our boat: thanks to you being so skimpy, the engine broke down! We can't even get back home, can we?
Shû: [in tears] Will I die here?
Pilaf: Just stop complaining and keep looking for the treasure!

Pilaf: We are here for the Dra... drama serial we're shooting!
Trunks: Where are your cameras?


"Dragon Ball: A Wish to the Eternal Dragon (#1.12)" (1995)
Emperor Pilaf: I want to have the world--
Oolong: [cuts him] The world's most comfortable pair of ultra-soft underwear!!


Dragon Ball Z: Resurrection 'F' (2015)
[English dub]
Sorbet: [to the Pilaf gang] All right, get on with it!
Pilaf: Look, after we do this, are you the kind of guy who's gonna kill us?
Sorbet: Don't you worry, earthling. There's a chance we may have use for you later. So it's in our best interest to keep you alive. Now go on, or don't you trust me?
Pilaf: Sort of...
Mai: Hey! I have a boyfriend named Trunks and if anything happens to me, he'll make you regret it!


"Dragon Ball: The Legend of Goku (#1.13)" (1995)
[in a plane trying to escape Oozaru]
Emperor Pilaf: Why won't it start up?
Mai: Maybe it's because you're not yelling loud enough!
[Pilaf screams offensively]


"Dragon Ball: King Piccolo's Wish (#4.11)" (2003)
[after being betrayed by King Piccolo]
Shuu: [face-planted] Are we there yet?
Mai: From here on, I think we should choose our allies with more scrutiny, sire.
Emperor Pilaf: Be quiet!


"Dragon Ball: The Penalty Is Pinball (#1.11)" (1995)
Bulma: [shouting] Get me out of this thing right now, you freak!
Emperor Pilaf: You insolent brat! I am the great emperor Pilaf and I will be the only one giving the orders here today! Tell me where that last Dragon Ball is...now.
Bulma: [shoots the bird] My magic finger says it's somewhere in the ceiling!