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: I'm telling you, I have a real problem. Twenty people could say they liked me, Artie, and I am telling you I'd still be thinking seventeen of them are lying. Two of them probably have severe emotional problems and one of them is probably confusing me with Larry King.
: Ivanka is in on Thursday. She's slim and sexy. She puts the 'supe' in supermodel. Larry Sanders
: Thursday? Arthur
: Yeah. Why don't you have dinner with her tonight? Larry Sanders
: Maybe go over the questions? Arthur
: Precisely. Ivanka! Keep your mind off of Roseanne. Larry Sanders
: Hey, Roseanne who? Arthur
: These days, who the fuck knows.
: Do we know if he's taking this CBS offer. Arthur
: I've made some calls, done some legwork, developed some leads - nothing yet. Larry Sanders
: Oh thanks, Mannix. Arthur
: Mike Connors is a good friend of mine. He'll be on next week.
[discussing the People's Top Ten Sexiest Men Alive list
] Norman Litkey
: We are in competition on this thing with every major motion picture studio. No-one from television ever gets on. Larry Sanders
: What about George Clooney? Norman Litkey
: Well, he's Batman for Christ's sake! Larry Sanders
: Yeah? Norman Litkey
: I mean do you have any idea what kind of publicity machine Warner Bros. has? They could get Elmer fucking Fudd on that list!
: [remarking on Larry's black eye
] Ooh, that's a beauty! Larry
: Yeah, I was tying my shoes this morning and I walked into the door... bumped my head. Makeup Artist
: Whatever. Larry
: Nah, that's what really happened... Alright, a woman hit me. Makeup Artist
: Miss Parrish. Larry
: How'd you know that? Makeup Artist
: Everyone in the loop knows. Larry
: You're kidding... Hank Kingsley
: [entering room
] Hey guys... WOAH! What a shiner! What happened to you?
[Beck is performing "Heartland Feeling"
] Larry Sanders
: Is he making this up as he goes along? Arthur
: He's telling an American story. Larry Sanders
: I thought he was going to do his hit. Arthur
: I think he's doing his bong hit.
: [to Phil
] Brian has filed a lawsuit against The Larry Sanders Show for sexual harrassment, and you've got top billing. Larry
: Plus, you stole my 'gay dog' joke. What is that about?