Larry Sanders
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Quotes for
Larry Sanders (Character)
from "The Larry Sanders Show" (1992)

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"The Larry Sanders Show: The Warmth Episode (#1.11)" (1992)
Larry: I'm telling you, I have a real problem. Twenty people could say they liked me, Artie, and I am telling you I'd still be thinking seventeen of them are lying. Two of them probably have severe emotional problems and one of them is probably confusing me with Larry King.

"The Larry Sanders Show: Roseanne's Return (#4.1)" (1995)
Arthur: Ivanka is in on Thursday. She's slim and sexy. She puts the 'supe' in supermodel.
Larry Sanders: Thursday?
Arthur: Yeah. Why don't you have dinner with her tonight?
Larry Sanders: Maybe go over the questions?
Arthur: Precisely. Ivanka! Keep your mind off of Roseanne.
Larry Sanders: Hey, Roseanne who?
Arthur: These days, who the fuck knows.

"The Larry Sanders Show: The Guest Host (#1.4)" (1992)
Larry Sanders: Do we know if he's taking this CBS offer.
Arthur: I've made some calls, done some legwork, developed some leads - nothing yet.
Larry Sanders: Oh thanks, Mannix.
Arthur: Mike Connors is a good friend of mine. He'll be on next week.

"The Larry Sanders Show: Make a Wish (#5.7)" (1997)
[discussing the People's Top Ten Sexiest Men Alive list]
Norman Litkey: We are in competition on this thing with every major motion picture studio. No-one from television ever gets on.
Larry Sanders: What about George Clooney?
Norman Litkey: Well, he's Batman for Christ's sake!
Larry Sanders: Yeah?
Norman Litkey: I mean do you have any idea what kind of publicity machine Warner Bros. has? They could get Elmer fucking Fudd on that list!

"The Larry Sanders Show: What Have You Done for Me Lately? (#1.1)" (1992)
Makeup Artist: [remarking on Larry's black eye] Ooh, that's a beauty!
Larry: Yeah, I was tying my shoes this morning and I walked into the door... bumped my head.
Makeup Artist: Whatever.
Larry: Nah, that's what really happened... Alright, a woman hit me.
Makeup Artist: Miss Parrish.
Larry: How'd you know that?
Makeup Artist: Everyone in the loop knows.
Larry: You're kidding...
Hank Kingsley: [entering room] Hey guys... WOAH! What a shiner! What happened to you?

"The Larry Sanders Show: Conflict of Interest (#4.10)" (1995)
[Beck is performing "Heartland Feeling"]
Larry Sanders: Is he making this up as he goes along?
Arthur: He's telling an American story.
Larry Sanders: I thought he was going to do his hit.
Arthur: I think he's doing his bong hit.

"The Larry Sanders Show: Putting the 'Gay' Back in Litigation (#6.10)" (1998)
Arthur: [to Phil] Brian has filed a lawsuit against The Larry Sanders Show for sexual harrassment, and you've got top billing.
Larry: Plus, you stole my 'gay dog' joke. What is that about?