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Quotes for
Ranjit (Character)
from "How I Met Your Mother" (2005)

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"How I Met Your Mother: Daisy (#9.20)" (2014)
Marshall Eriksen: Well, it's official. I'm going to be Judge Marshall Eriksen.
Ranjit: That is great. Can you help me get a driver's license?

Marshall Eriksen: [Regarding Lily] Why did she get into the captain's car and why didn't she tell me about it?
Ted Mosby: Well, maybe it was a work thing.
Marshall Eriksen: What? No! She has a big fight with me, she goes down to an Easy Pick, she gets into the Captain's Mercedes, and then three hours later she doesn't wanna go to Italy anymore? Wait does this means...?
Barney Stinson: That the Captain moored his dinghy into Lily's lagoon? Most definitely.
Ted Mosby: That's crazy. You never moor a dinghy into a lagoon.
William Zabka: I don't know Ted. In certain tidal conditions if you were in a protected inlet...
Marshall Eriksen: [Interrupting] Ok, you know what? It doesn't matter. Today's Barney's wedding, let's just forget it.
Barney Stinson: Marshall, do you want to go to the Captain's house right now, punch him in the face really fast and then come back and do this wedding?
Marshall Eriksen: ...Will that be okay?
Barney Stinson: Ranjit, get the car.
Ranjit: Getting the car.

Ted Mosby: You're Lily, you just had a cigarette in your bosses powder room, where do you put it? Flush it? Throw it out the window?
Marshall Eriksen: No, she wouldn't do any of those things, she's an environmentalist.
Ted Mosby: Put it in your purse?
William Zabka: Marshall would find it there.
Ranjit: Throw it in the trash can.
Becky: The Captain would find it there.
The Captain: Hide it in a boat.
Ted Mosby: A boat? Why would...?
The Captain: I don't know, I just like boats.
Ted Mosby: No, there's only one place she'd put it, where it would eventually decompose and serve as a natural mulch. It's in the daisy!
Ted Mosby: And sure enough, if I dig through I am all but guaranteed to...
[reaches into the pot and pulls out... ]
Ted Mosby: Pregnancy test?
William Zabka: You can smoke those?

"How I Met Your Mother: The Limo (#1.11)" (2005)
Barney Stinson: Ranjit! Dude, you're driving a limo now. That's awesome.
Ranjit: I've moved up in the world.

Barney Stinson: Ted, come on. We have an hour and a half before midnight I don't want to be kissing Ranjit.
Ranjit: You don't know what you're missing.

"How I Met Your Mother: The Final Page: Part Two (#8.12)" (2012)
Ted Mosby: [to Robin about Barney's marriage proposal] So, what do you wanna do?
Ranjit: [rolling down the divider] Robin, I do not want to meddle, but this is like the classic love song says...
[Ranjit starts singing loudly and off key in a foreign language]
Ted Mosby: Ranjit! Ranjit, let's just communicate via text from now on, okay?

"How I Met Your Mother: Rabbit or Duck (#5.15)" (2010)
Barney Stinson: Get rid of it!
Marshall Eriksen: What?
Barney Stinson: This phone is cursed! It just never stops ringing! I try to ignore it, but I can't! I'ts ruining my life! I should get that.
[Marshall takes the phone]
Barney Stinson: No, let me answer it! It could be an emergency! She might be trapped inside a giant bra!
Ranjit: Barney, let it go... to voice mail.

"How I Met Your Mother: Pilot (#1.1)" (2005)
[giving a toast]
Marshall Eriksen: To my fiance!
Lily Aldrin: To the future!
Ranjit: To one hell of a night!