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Quotes for
Carl (Character)
from "How I Met Your Mother" (2005)

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"How I Met Your Mother: The Pineapple Incident (#1.10)" (2005)
Ted: [Ted is drunk] Are you a vampire?
Carl: That's it, I'm cutting you off. Go home, Ted. Get some sleep.
Ted: Yep, the sun's comin' up pretty soon. Wouldn't wanna be around for *that*, now would we?

Carl: And how you guys liked the shots?
Ted: I drank all five, bitch!

"How I Met Your Mother: Swarley (#2.7)" (2006)
Carl: Hey, there's a call for Swarls Barkley. Swarls Barkley?
Robin Scherbatsky: [Taking the phone] Hey, Ted. No he's not here. Nice one though. Remember that one

Ted Mosby: Hey dude, by the way, I really like that suit. Tell me about the fabric; is it foreign or something?
Barney Stinson: Wow... it is foreign. I'm impressed, Ted! It's Moroccan, actually.
Ted Mosby: Whoa...
Carl: [Carl interrupts from the bar] I've got a phone call for Swarley. Is there a Swarley here?
Barney Stinson: [to Ted] You weren't interested in my suit at all, were you?

"How I Met Your Mother: Ted Mosby, Architect (#2.4)" (2006)
Carl: Hey Lily! Still single?
Lily Aldrin: Yes.
Carl: You know, I've poured a lot of free drinks for you over the years. A lot.
Lily Aldrin: Carl, do you really wanna be with a woman who would trade sex for beer?
Carl: Only if you're into it.

"How I Met Your Mother: Monday Night Football (#2.14)" (2007)
Robin Scherbatsky: [At Mark's funeral] This is going faster than I thought. We'll make an appearance at the bar for the wake, we'll be watching the game by 8:00.
Carl: [At the Bar, 2am] And even though we didn't see any whales, Mark and I both said it was the best day of our lives. Okay, I'm getting us another round. And when I come back, everyone else is telling their favorite Mark story.
Marshall Eriksen: Dibs on the one Carl just told.

"How I Met Your Mother: Columns (#2.13)" (2007)
Carl: Hey Marshall, what are you having?
Marshall Eriksen: What I'll have, oh I don't know maybe a beer and that nude painting of me hanging behind the bar!
Carl: Oh, I'm sorry. That painting is property of the bar.
Marshall Eriksen: I know that Barney gave you that painting!
Carl: I don't know what you're talking about...
Marshall Eriksen: Whatever he is paying you I'll pay you double!
Carl: I doubt it.
Marshall Eriksen: Whatever he is paying you I'll pay you that plus ten bucks!
Carl: I doubt it.
Marshall Eriksen: Alright, you know what, Carl? You just lost yourself a regular customer!
Carl: [Beat] I doubt it.

"How I Met Your Mother: Three Days of Snow (#4.13)" (2009)
Ted Mosby: Please, just keep the bar open a little longer. We'll close for you.
Carl: You two? No way! You don't know the first thing about running a bar.
Barney Stinson: Serve the hotties first?
Carl: Here's the keys.