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Quotes for
Simon Kane (Character)
from "Stagecoach West" (1960)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"Stagecoach West: The Remounts (#1.23)" (1961)
McGonigle: Oh, Sime, I almost forgot. A cavalry officer stopped here real early this morning - left this note for you.
Simon Kane: "Sime, I'm on a horse buying trip for the cavalry. Missed you this morning. Maybe we'll meet on my way back. It's been a long time - Major Mark Richmond."
Luke Perry: Old friend, huh?
Simon Kane: Last time I saw him was at Front Royal. He was a shavetail then.
Luke Perry: Yeah, I bet he was shootin' at me, just like you were.
McGonigle: What were you doin', Luke?
Luke Perry: I was shootin' back at anything that wore blue. When I wasn't shootin' back I was executing the best known maneuver in military science... I was sleepin'.

[a man wearing a U.S. army officer's uniform waves his pistol at Luke, Simon and Davey]
Hody: We've been waiting for you.
Luke Perry: Yeah. Just when I was getting to point where I trusted Yankees.
Davey Kane: Is that Major Richmond, Pop?
Hody: That's right, kid, Major Mark Richmond. How about it, Pop?
Simon Kane: I don't know who you are, but whoever you are, you're a liar!
Hody: The uniform fits, don't it?
Simon Kane: That uniform never fit anyone like you.
Luke Perry: I don't think he'd fit in a gray one, either.

Simon Kane: What happened to Major Richmond?
Hody: We busted him back to his original rank - from the earth we cometh to the earth we returneth.

Griz: Hey, Hody. You figure you can trust Reb?
Hody: Sure. You can trust anyone who is scared... and Reb scares real easy.
Simon Kane: What do you do with those who aren't scared?
Hody: Shoot them.

Simon Kane: Which one of them do you figure you can whip, Luke.
Luke Perry: I don't figure I can whip anybody till the fight's over.

Clete Henry: Ol' Hutch and me have been talkin' about that. You see, we kind of figure we owe you somethin'.
Simon Kane: For what?
Hutch Barnett: You saved our skins last night.
Simon Kane: Forget it.
Clete Henry: Mister, my life may not mean very much to you, but I take a real personal interest in it.

Luke Perry: At least it will dark by the time we get there. It'll help some.
Simon Kane: Yeah, but it's still a gamble.
Luke Perry: It's one we have to take.
Simon Kane: Yeah, I know. Well, my old granddaddy used to say, "Boy, always play your cards just like you had 'em." I've seen a pair of deuces do the work of aces plenty of times.

[Clete agrees to participate in Simon's desperate plan of rescue]
Simon Kane: It's your funeral.
Clete Henry: It might be, but you don't have to say it out loud.

"Stagecoach West: Three Wise Men (#1.11)" (1960)
[three formidable looking men carrying rifles ride down Main Street]
Cal: Huh. Strangers in town?
Simon Kane: Yeah. Doesn't look like they're gonna stop long enough to get acquainted either.
Cal: Well, that's just fine with me. I never did like a man come ridin' in with a rifle in his lap.

[referring to the three men brandishing rifles as they rode through tonw]
Cal: Could be they're chasin' somebody.
Simon Kane: Or runnin' from somebody.
Cal: Could be their chasin' the man that robbed Old Man Strauss last night.
Simon Kane: Hadn't heard about it.
Cal: Yeah! They found the old man this morning all trussed up like a turkey and a gag in his mouth. Sure... Funny thing about it, Sime... he was all bedded down real comfortable and a blanket over him. Ha! I never heard of a robber doin' that before.
Simon Kane: Yuletide spirit, Cal.

[In the spirit of Christmas, Simon offers Webb a free ride in his stagecoach]
Webb Crawford: I promised myself I'd spend Christmas with me wife and kids.
Simon Kane: Well, we're wasting time then. Get inside.
Webb Crawford: This is the first time I ever knew Saint Nick drove a six-up. I always heard he heard he used eight reindeer.

Webb Crawford: Well, one thing you can say, Mr. Kane - your turkey didn't go to waste.
Simon Kane: Well, it sure went someplace.
Susan Crawford: I just can't tell you how grateful we are.
Luke Perry: Well, ma'am, we're the ones who oughta be grateful to you. You see, if Simon had brought home that bird, I was the one who was due to cook it and I guarantee you it wouldn't have tasted like this.
Davey Kane: I guarantee it wouldn't have, either.
Simon Kane: Davey, on this night we refrain from criticizing our fellow man.
Davey Kane: Oh, you've eaten as much of Luke's cooking as I have.
Simon Kane: That's why I'm not saying anything.

Simon Kane: It took you long enough getting here.
Luke Perry: I was tryin' to make up my mind whether I should get here at all. You mind letting me have one of those?
[Luke reaches for one of the guns Simon is holding]
Simon Kane: What's wrong with the one you've got?
Luke Perry: Well, you see, that Mr. Crawford was a real thorough man. He pulled the loads from this and hid all the shells. I wasn't kiddin' when I said this thing wasn't loaded with rock salt. It's not loaded with anything.

Simon Kane: I'm going to give you a choice. There's a man who inside who's asking nothing from the law except to spend what may be his last Christmas with his family. Now that doesn't seem like an awful lot to me. Does it to you?
Boone: No, sir. It sure don't, Mister. I'm a family man myself.
Simon Kane: If you're deputized you have my word I'll turn Crawford over to you in the morning. Meanwhile, you can either step inside and act like human beings or I'll have Luke cut your horses loose and you can walk. It's up to you.
Boone: Well, it may be hard for them to act like human beings, Mister, but I give you my word you can trust me.
Simon Kane: I believe you.
Boone: Good. Now can I have my gun back?
Simon Kane: I don't believe you that much.

[the clock strikes midnight]
Simon Kane: Gentlemen, a Merry Christmas to all.
Webb Crawford: And to all a good night.

"Stagecoach West: Life Sentence (#1.9)" (1960)
[referring to her previous life as a saloon girl]
Clara: Mr. Kane, I know that as long as Leo's my husband, I'll never have to go back to that upstairs room again or live that kind of life.
Simon Kane: The way he's acting, you might not have him long. He'll either be a killer or a corpse.

Simon Kane: You can't put me in jail for something I haven't done!
Marshal Strickland: In your case, I'll make an exception.

Simon Kane: [to Calloway] You got a belly full of hate and brain full of maggots and you're holdin' the whole world responsible for your own bad smell!

Marshal Strickland: Any news?
Simon Kane: Well, Doc pulled the bullet out.
Clara: Does that mean anything?
Simon Kane: Means you're not much of a murderess, ma'am.

[last lines]
David Kane: You know, it's not fair, Pop. Mr. Reese did his wrongs a long time ago and he's still being punished.
Simon Kane: Those were big wrongs, Davey - treason, desertion, cowardice in battle.
David Kane: Yeah, but he's never been tried or convicted!
Simon Kane: No need to be. The minute it happened he gave himself a life sentence.

"Stagecoach West: The Brass Lily (#1.15)" (1961)
[referring to the beautiful Lilly de Milo]
Simon Kane: Sure is something, isn't she?
Luke Perry: Yeah, but I'm not sure just what.

Simon Kane: What's the name of the fellow who shot her?
Luke Perry: Taylor Norman. They met him back at Denver. Jasper says he's nothing but a cheap gunman.
Simon Kane: If he comes back here, it'll be expensive.

[Lilly is crying in self-pity]
Simon Kane: Turn it off.
Lilly de Milo: What?
Simon Kane: The tears. They don't affect me and the rest of your audience has left.

Lilly de Milo: I hate this town!
Simon Kane: I know you do. So why don't you take your phony pride and get out.

"Stagecoach West: The Butcher (#1.25)" (1961)
[Simon wheels the stagecoach into the station with Davey as his shotgun guard]
Relay Station Hostler: Howdy, Sime. Howdy, Davey. Is that thing there loaded?
Simon Kane: Ballast. On some stretches of this road, that's the only way I can hold Davey down.

Simon Kane: Changing teams, folks. Might as well get out and stretch your legs.
Sherriff Doolin: Nice drivin', Sime.
Simon Kane: Thank you, Sheriff. The agent always keeps the coffee hot, Colonel Carlin. How are we doin', Mrs. Barton?
Linda Barton: Oh, after the last lap, I could use it. Since we left Outpost, I think you hit every hole on the Western frontier.
Johnny Dane: He missed one, ma'am - Grand Canyon. It's too far north.

[Dane raises to Simon's rescue when the older man is pinned down by rifle fire]
Simon Kane: Dane, don't be a fool!
Johnny Dane: Why should I break a lifetime habit.

[last lines]
[Dane's sacrifice enabled the other stagecoach passengers to escape]
Simon Kane: I buried him up there with Domingo and two of his men.
Linda Barton: You know, I never asked him where he was from or what it was he'd done wrong.
Simon Kane: Linda, the kind of trouble we went through you learn an awful lot about a person in a very short time. Whatever else he was, Johnny Dane was a man.

"Stagecoach West: By the Deep Six (#1.12)" (1960)
[When Simon sees a man standing beside the road, he brings his stagecoach to a stop]
Frank Walker: You shouldn't have stopped.
Simon Kane: Out here when a man doesn't have a horse under him, he's likely to be lookin' for a ride when he can get one.
Frank Walker: You don't even know who he is! Why, he could be a gunman, an outlaw or anything!
Simon Kane: When you put it that way, Mister, I don't happen to know who you are, either.

Simon Kane: Oh, I got a letter for you.
Zeke Bonner: For me? I never get any mail... mainly because I don't know anybody who can write.

[Molly, a newly hired saloon girl, nearly chokes on a glass of whiskey]
Simon Kane: Your, ah, first?
Molly Moriarty: I'll soon be used to the stuff... and maybe liking it, too.
Simon Kane: I wouldn't bet on it.
Molly Moriarty: It runs in me family. You see, my father died a drunkard.

"Stagecoach West: Not in Our Stars (#1.18)" (1961)
Simon Kane: Remind me to talk to you sometime about the company you keep. What do they want?
Luke Perry: After a man named Ben Waite. Seem to think I oughta know him. They won't take no for an answer. Sutter, you're a long way from home. You'd better go back before they have to carry you back.
Aaron Sutton: Not till I find what I came seekin'.
Luke Perry: I wonder if you know just what that is?

[Davey is smitten by the stagecoach's pretty teenage passenger]
Davey Kane: Don't you think I should see to the passengers?
Simon Kane: Horse first, passengers second. Company rule, remember? Besides, she isn't going anyplace.

Davey Kane: Who's Aaron Sutter?
Simon Kane: The way I heard it, Sutter's got a piece of paper. Claims that proves Ben here's a criminal.
Station Master: Piece of paper can accuse a man but only a court of law can prove anything against him.

"Stagecoach West: A Place of Still Waters (#1.27)" (1961)
Simon Kane: Anything I can do for ya?
Pierce Martin: Now why would you want to do anything for *me*.
Simon Kane: Oh, no reason. I can see you been travelin'. Thought you might to fill your canteen... might want to feed your horse. That's all.
Pierce Martin: Sorry. When a man rides with a bounty on his saddle for so long, you get out of the habit of trustin' people.
Simon Kane: I can see that.
Pierce Martin: No, Mister, you can't. Nooo.

Simon Kane: During the war, I was pinned down in a swamp with a whole bunch of Johnny Rebs beatin' the bush for me. I don't mind tellin' you I was scared. As a matter of fact, I'd never been that scared before in my whole life. So maybe I don't think that much of puttin' another man through that much scarin' - even a man like Red Martin.

[last lines]
Jim Hallett: I understand you've been doing some *talking* around town.
Simon Kane: A word here and there - nothing more.
Jim Hallett: Well, whatever it is, I want to thank you. You helped me get my church back again.
Simon Kane: It's an even trade.
Jim Hallett: An even trade?
Simon Kane: Well, a man who's been through what you have and come out ahead, drawing on a far greater strength than his own, I never saw this in a man before I saw it in you. Let's say you've given me and a lot of the other people in this town a new look at God and let it go at that.

"Stagecoach West: The Raider (#1.31)" (1961)
[discussing Simon's son, Davey]
Emily Prince: He didn't say anything wrong.
Simon Kane: I'm glad to hear that. Sometimes I don't catch him in time.

Emily Prince: Mr. Kane, what did he mean when he said, "Sodbusters"?
Simon Kane: Homesteaders.
Emily Prince: You sound as though you don't approve of them.
Simon Kane: Miss Prince, I've had Indians tell me that if somebody turned this country grass side down, it would blow away. To a certain degree I have to go along with the Indians.
Emily Prince: So you go along with the Indians and you hate homesteaders?
Simon Kane: Look, I drive a stagecoach and I don't even hate horses. I don't hate homesteaders - but I know some people that do.

"Stagecoach West: The Arsonist (#1.19)" (1961)
[Simon is rolling dough for bread]
Davey Kane: Oh, boy. If Luke could only see you now.
Simon Kane: What are you doin' here?
Davey Kane: We broke a wheel about a mile this side of Frenchman's Pass. Luke sent me on to get a new one.
Simon Kane: Got any passengers?
Davey Kane: Yeah - Mr. Craig and Mr. and Mrs. Burke. Luke wanted me to bring you back to help, but it seems a shame to take you away from your baking.
Simon Kane: You get out to the barn and start hitchin' up that buckboard. I've been fightin' this batch of dough since before noon. I'm not about to let it whip me now.
Davey Kane: Yes, ma'am!

[last lines]
Luke Perry: Well, there is one matter, Sime.
Simon Kane: What's that?
Luke Perry: Mr. Murchison. He's going to take a dim view of us losing a stage and a buckboard in that fire.
Jethrow Burke: Oh, I think I can fix that. You see, I still have the five thousand dollars.
Simon Kane: The five thousand dollars? But Craig took that.
Jethrow Burke: No, he took my money belt. Here's the money.
Luke Perry: But the money belt?
Jethrow Burke: Merely for protection, Mr. Perry. You see, I read you frontiersman kept your valuables in your money belts, so I kept my money in my pocket!

"Stagecoach West: Come Home Again (#1.14)" (1961)
[Davey has helped the Cottons escape from a detective with a warrant for their arrest]
Simon Kane: Madam, do you want to get this boy into serious trouble?
Deborah Cotton: Of course not!
Davey Kane: But Pop, you said yourself that a gentleman should always help a lady in distress.
Simon Kane: This particular lady happens to be a fugitive from justice.
Deborah Cotton: From injustice, Mr. Kane.

Simon Kane: Do you know a rancher by the name of Adam Dean?
Dan Murchison: Adam Dean? No, I can't help you.
Simon Kane: Runs a big spread around Rock Springs.
Dan Murchison: Well, I know every stockman between here and the Montana line. I still don't know any Adam Dean. Something wrong, Simon?
Simon Kane: Yeah. Now all I have to do is find out what it is.

"Stagecoach West: The Swindler (#1.36)" (1961)
[Luke and Simon have just thrashed two attackers]
Luke Perry: You mind tellin' me what that was all about?
Simon Kane: Yeah. I was supposed to learn a lesson. Looks like I'm not a very good pupil.

[last lines]
Hollis Collier: Mr. Kane, it's been a great pleasure meeting you, sir. And I'd also like to say I have only one regret.
Simon Kane: What's that?
Hollis Collier: Well, it seems possible that I may have turned honest and if that's true I wonder what I'll do for a living from now on.
Luke Perry: Well, you could try working.
Hollis Collier: What a horrible thought.

"Stagecoach West: The Unwanted (#1.4)" (1960)
Simon Kane: I'm willing to guarantee safe passage with my life against road agents, hostile Indians, wild animals, fire or flood, but I draw the line at lettin' passengers shoot me for entertainment.

"Stagecoach West: The Renegades (#1.37)" (1961)
Simon Kane: Anything we can do to help?
Major Donovan: No thanks. We've delayed you long enough already. Better be on your way and remember - these men are killers.
Simon Kane: We'll keep our eyes peeled.
Luke Perry: And our guns handy.

"Stagecoach West: Songs My Mother Told Me (#1.20)" (1961)
[a woman hands Simon a passenger for the stagecoach - a baby in a basket]
Dan Murchison: Remember we had a talk one time about always being ready for the unexpected?
Simon Kane: Yeah, but I didn't know we were talkin' about women and babies.
Dan Murchison: Women can be the most unexpected of all.

"Stagecoach West: High Lonesome (#1.1)" (1960)
[first lines]
Tom Osgood, Sr.: You're leaving early, aren't you?
Simon Kane: It's 4:30 by my watch.
Tom Osgood, Sr.: Oh. I didn't know you had a watch.
Simon Kane: Sorry to disappoint you.

"Stagecoach West: The Outcasts (#1.22)" (1961)
[Ken has just shot Mack in self-defense]
Simon Kane: You couldn't help it, Ken. Most of the grief in this world come from what people do to themselves. It's usually the other fellow that pays for it.

"Stagecoach West: The Marker (#1.38)" (1961)
[last lines]
Zeke Bonner: What happened to Luke?
Simon Kane: Oh, he said he was going outside to quiet down the horses. He thought they might be nervous after the storm.
Zeke Bonner: No reason we can't help now that we got the house cleaned up.
[Zeke and Simon step onto the porch and find Luke and Jenny kissing passionately]
Zeke Bonner: On second thought, I don't think he needs any help at all.

"Stagecoach West: House of Violence (#1.24)" (1961)
Luke Perry: What you got there, Zeke?
Zeke Bonner: Real honest-to-goodness pearls. Hornswaggled them off of that drummer fellow you're carryin'. Say, Sime, what does "simulated" mean?
Simon Kane: "Simulated" means don't leave those honest-to-goodness pearls too close to the stove or they'll melt like butter.

"Stagecoach West: The Orphans (#1.34)" (1961)
Luke Perry: My old grandaddy used to say their was honor among thieves.
Simon Kane: Maybe he forgot to mention he wasn't talkin' about murderers.