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Eli Excelsior Pandarus
: This worked out perfectly. I needed 2 eye witnesses to our blessed union and vioula. Here you are. Just hanging around. Jake Long
: [chained to the wall with a sphinx hair net over him
] Fu, watch out! Pandarus is going to take the winner of the pageant and make her his bride! Fu Dog
: Your looking at her kid. Jake's Grandfather
: [also chained
] What? You won? Jake Long
: No way! Fu Dog
: Is that sooooo hard to believe?
: Hey Carol, you want to shake those things my way?
[Carol slaps him
] Fu Dog
: I was talking about your wings! What do you expect from a ditsy dame?
: Suzi, this is my stylist. Sven. Jake Long
: [in a girly voice
] Eek! Split ends!
: So, how exactly do these skull-thingies work again? Jake's Grandfather
: Whoever possesses all 13, is granted one irreversible wish. Fu Dog
: And if the Huntsman gets his mitts on them, ten bucks says he ain't wishing for a collection of '70s A.M. gold.
: And then bingo bango bazingo! Huntsie's master plan is flushed down the master can.
: I'm a bad dog!
: Talk about your yellow journalism!
: [addressing the audience
] Hey kids! If you haven't guessed, this is the American Dragon Hokey Holiday Special. And like all Holiday specials, this deals with family, togetherness... Ugh, bla bl-bla bl-bla, and all that other sappy garbage. Let's just get on with the opening titles before I hurl egg-nog all over the snow right here.
: Sweet Santa's Driedel!
: [to Jake
] I don't speak Nerd.
: [Trixie and Spud are walking in slow motion
] Hurry up! It's a little cramped in here!
: You realize this is about to turn ugly. Yan Yan
: Why, is your mother coming?
: Kid, what's the matter with you? Jake Long
: Sorry. Guess I was a little put off by THE 8 HAIRY SPIDER LEGS!
: Wait, are you saying I can shapeshift into other people? Check this!
[shapeshifts into his grandfather
] Jake Long
: The sparrow with the most patience is more patient than the one that's impatient. Fu Dog
] You sound just like the old man! Jake Long
: [shapeshifts into Fu
] Hey yo, forget about it! I need to go bet myself some dog buscuits and give myself a flee bath! Fu Dog
: I don't sound like that. Jake's Grandfather
: Jake, while you have you have shapeshifting powers, you can not use your dragon powers so you must treat this mission very seriously. Jake Long
: It's cool G! Serious is my middle name.
[shapeshifts into the huntsman
] Jake Long
: Now, brotha's and sista's, bust a move and bring on the Huntsclan!
: Okay, one more question: Are unicorns real? FuDog
: Sure. Jake's Father
: Fairies? FuDog
: You bet. Jake's Father
: Gnomes, elves, mermaids? FuDog
: Yes, yes and yes. Jake's Father
] Santa Claus? FuDog
: Just keep your eyes on the road and your foot on the pedal will ya?
: Admiral attempt Mr. Long, but you can't beat my young piano protige with that mangy puppet. Fu Dog
: Hey, who are you calling mangy Molly Mc Hairpiece? Jake Long
: Ha ha. Take it easy Captain Argh-Argh. Fu Dog
: No, seriously, you might want to call an exterminator for that rats nest you call hair. I'd like to introduce you to a new concept. It's called a comb! Jake Long
: [he stuffs Fu into a case
] What can I say? He has a mind of his own.
: [about to plummet to his death
] It's times like these I wish I had a giant pair of batwings instead of a smugly personality. Nah, on second thought I'm good with the personality. But I sure could use a dragon. Jake Long
, Jake's Grandfather
: [burst through the window
] Jake Long
: [hits the machine causing Fu to fall
] Fu Dog
: I take it back! No dragon! Jake Long
: [catching Fu with his tail
] Scared you, didn't I? Fu Dog
: No, I'm akways this damp.
: [about Hobie
] I'd hate to be the one changing that diaper.
: Would it kill ya to smile? You look like a mug shot!
: [wearing knight armor and riding Fu like a horse
] Alas, ye scurvy dragon! That lass be the Dark Knight! Fu Dog
: [turning to Vickie
] Permission to bite him savagely, my pretty-pretty? Vickie
: Maybe later.