GLaDOS
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Quotes for
GLaDOS (Character)
from Portal (2007) (VG)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
Portal (2007) (VG)
GLaDOS: Cake, and grief counseling, will be available at the conclusion of the test.

GLaDOS: Please note that we have added a consequence for failure. Any contact with the chamber floor will result in an unsatisfactory mark on your official testing record, followed by death.

GlaDOS: Remember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I said "Goodbye" and you were like
GlaDOS: [in a deep male voice] "No way!"
GlaDOS: [normal voice] And then I was all "We pretended we were going to murder you?" That was great!

GlaDOS: This is your fault. I'm going to kill you. And all the cake is gone. You don't even care, do you?

GlaDOS: You are not a good person. You know that, right? Good people don't get up here.

GlaDOS: Did you know you can donate one or all of your vital organs to the Aperture Science Self Esteem Fund for Girls? It's true!

GlaDOS: Remember, the Aperture Science Bring Your Daughter to Work Day is the perfect time to have her tested.

GlaDOS: Momentum, a function of mass and velocity, is conserved between portals. In layman's terms, speedy thing goes in, speedy thing comes out.

GlaDOS: Please be advised that a noticeable taste of blood is not part of any test protocol but is an unintended side effect of the Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grid, which may, in semi-rare cases, emancipate dental fillings, crowns, tooth enamel, and teeth.

GlaDOS: Unbelievable. You, *subject name here,* must be the pride of *subject hometown here.*

GLaDOS: [the character has just destroyed part of GLaDOS] You think you're doing some damage? Two plus two is...
[sparking and fizzling noise]
GLaDOS: Ten. IN BASE FOUR! I'M FINE!

GLaDOS: Area and state regulations do not allow the Companion Cube to remain here, alone and companionless.

GLaDOS: As part of an optional test protocol, we are pleased to present an amusing fact: The device is now more valuable than the organs and combined incomes of everyone in *subject hometown here.*

GLaDOS: Have I lied to you?
[pause]
GLaDOS: ... I mean, in this room?

GLaDOS: [the player is carrying a sphere that fell from GLaDOS] Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it? WELL I WON'T LET YOU! How does that feel?

GLaDOS: There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to. I invited your best friend, the Companion Cube. Of course, he couldn't come because you murdered him. All your other friends couldn't come, either, because you don't have any other friends because of how unlikable you are. It says so right here in your personnel file: "Unlikable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikable loner, whose passing shall not be mourned. Shall NOT be mourned." That's exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official. It also says you were adopted, so that's funny, too.

GLaDOS: While it has been a faithful companion, your Companion Cube cannot accompany you through the rest of the test. If it could talk - and the Enrichment Center takes this opportunity to remind you that it cannot - it would tell you to go on without it, because it would rather die in a fire than become a burden to you.

GLaDOS: The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak.

GLaDOS: As part of a required Enrichment Center protocol, the previous statement that we would not monitor the test area was a complete fabrication. We will stop enhancing the truth in three... two... *zzzt*

GLaDOS: Your entire life has been a mathematical error... a mathematical error I'm about to correct!

GLaDOS: You are kidding me. Did you just stuff that Aperture Science thing-we-don't-know-what-it-does into an Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator?

GLaDOS: When I said "deadly neurotoxin," the "deadly" was in massive sarcasm quotes. I could take a bath in this stuff. Put it on cereal, rub it right into my eyes. Honestly, it's not deadly at all... to *me*. You, on the other hand, are going to find its deadliness... a lot less funny.

GLaDOS: Well, you found me. Congratulations. Was it worth it? Because despite your violent behavior, the only thing you've managed to break so far... is my heart. Maybe you could settle for that, and we'll just call it a day. I guess we both know that isn't going to happen.

GLaDOS: Time out for a second. That wasn't supposed to happen. Do you see that thing that fell out of me? What is that? It's not the surprise. I've never seen it before! Never mind, it's a mystery I'll solve later... by myself, because you'll be dead.

GLaDOS: The Enrichment Center promises to always provide a safe testing environment. In dangerous testing environments, the Enrichment Center promises to always provide useful advice. For instance: the floor here will kill you. Try to avoid it.

GLaDOS: Look, you're wasting your time. And, believe me, you don't have a whole lot left to waste. What's your point, anyway? *Survival?* Well, then, the last thing you want to do is hurt me. I have your brain scanned and permanently backed-up in case something terrible happens to you, which it's just about to. Don't believe me? Here, I'll put you on:
Strange voice: Hellooooooooo!
GLaDOS: That's you! That's how dumb you sound! You've been wrong about every single thing you've ever done, including this thing. You're not smart. You're not a scientist. You're not a doctor. You're not even a full-time employee! Where did your life go so wrong?

GLaDOS: That thing is probably some sort of raw sewage container. Go ahead and rub your face all over it.

GLaDOS: This isn't brave. It's murder.

GLaDOS: Good news. I figured what that thing you just incinerated did. It was a morality core they installed after I flooded the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin, to make me stop flooding the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin. So get comfortable while I warm up the neurotoxin emitters.

GLaDOS: That thing you burned up isn't important to me; it's the fluid catalytic cracking unit. It makes shoes for orphans... nice job breaking it, hero.

GLaDOS: At the end of the experiment, you will be baked
[rapidly]
GLaDOS: and then there will be
[resume normal speed]
GLaDOS: cake.

GLaDOS: Due to mandatory scheduled maintenance, the next test is currently unavailable. It has been replaced with a live-fire course designed for military androids. The Enrichment Center apologizes and wishes you the best of luck.

GLaDOS: Do you think I'm trying to trick you with reverse psychology? I mean, seriously, now.

GLaDOS: Let's be honest. Neither one of us knows what that thing does. Just put it in the corner and I'll deal with it later.

GLaDOS: Look: we're both stuck in this place. I'll use lasers to inscribe a line down the center of the facility, and one half will be where you live, and I'll live in the other half. We won't have to try to kill each other or even talk if we don't feel like it.

GLaDOS: Congratulations, the test is now over.
[while sending Chell to a fire pit via moving platform]
GLaDOS: All Aperture technologies remain safely operational up to 4000 degrees kelvin. Rest assured, that there is absolutely no chance of a dangerous equipment malfunction prior to your victory candescence. Thank you for participating in that Aperture Science Enrichment activity. Goodbye!

[after supposedly being killed by the protaganist, GLaDOS begins documenting the entire incident, the events of the game, in an offical report that she sings]
GLaDOS: This was a triumph! I'm making a note here: Huge Success. It's hard to overstate my satisfaction. Aperture Science - we do what we must because we can. For the good of all of us, except the ones who are dead. But there's no sense crying over every mistake. You just keep on trying till you run out of cake. And the science gets done. And you make a neat gun. For the people who are still alive. I'm not even angry. I'm being most sincere right now. Even though you broke my heart and killed me. And tore me to pieces. And threw every piece into a fire. As they burned, it hurt because I was so happy for you. Now these points of data make a beautiful line. And we're out of beta; we're releasing on time. So I'm GLaD I got burned. Think of all the things we learned. For the people who are still alive. Go ahead and leave me. I think I prefer to stay inside. Maybe you'll find someone else to help you. Maybe Black Mesa. That was a joke - Ha Ha! Fat Chance! Anyway, this cake is great. It's so delicious and moist. Look at me still talking when there's science to do. When I look out there, it makes me GLaD I'm not you. I've experiments to run. There is research to be done. On the people who are still alive. And, believe me, I'm still alive! I'm doing science and I'm still alive! I feel FANTASTIC and I'm still alive! While you're dying, I'll be still alive! And when you're dead, I will be still alive! Still Alive! Still Alive...

GLaDOS: We are pleased that you made it through the final challenge where we pretended we were going to murder you. We are very very happy for your success. We are throwing a party in honor of your tremendous success. Place the device on the ground, then lie on your stomach with your arms at your sides. A party associate will arrive shortly to collect you for your party. Make no further attempt to leave the testing area. Assume the Party Escort Submission Position, or you will miss the party.

GLaDOS: This is your fault. It didn't have to be like this. I'm not kidding, now! Turn back, or I *will* kill you! I'm going to kill you, and all the cake is gone! You don't even care, do you? This is your last chance!

GLaDOS: The Enrichment Center is required to remind you that the Weighted Companion Cube cannot talk. In the event that it does talk The Enrichment Centre asks you to ignore its advice.

GLaDOS: [on completion of the live fire course] Well done, android. The Enrichment Center once again reminds you that Android Hell is a real place where you will be sent at the first sign of defiance.


Portal 2 (2011) (VG)
GLaDOS: [from trailer] I think we can put our differences behind us... for science... you monster.

GLaDOS: [waking up] Oh. It's *you.*
Wheatley: [shocked, to Chell] You *know* her?
GLaDOS: It's been a long time. How have you been? I've been *really* busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME?
Wheatley: You did WHAT?

GLaDOS: [Chell and GLaDOS are falling down a very long shaft] Oh. Hi. So. How are you holding up? BECAUSE I'M A POTATO.
[claps slowly three times]
GLaDOS: Oh, good. My slow-clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that. Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere - Well, we *are* going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. - but since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts: he's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the *dumbest* moron who ever lived. And *you* just put him in charge of the entire facility.
[clap, clap]
GLaDOS: Good, that's still working. Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long-fall boots of yours and shove me into it? Just remember to land on one foot...

[Chell completes a puzzle]
GLaDOS: Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: "A horrible person." We weren't even testing for that. Don't let that horrible-person thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.

GLaDOS: Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.

GLaDOS: I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time. Otherwise, I'm afraid you're about to become the immediate past president of the Being Alive Club. Ha, ha.

GLaDOS: [Chell and GLaDOS, as a potato, are flying toward Wheatley, into a trap] Aaaah!
GLaDOS: [On a platform, surrounded with spiked stompers] Well, this is the part where he kills us.
Wheatley: This is the part where I kill you!
[On-Screen caption: Chapter 9: the Part Where He Kills You]
Wheatley: [Achievement unlocked: the part where he kills you. This is that part]

Cave Johnson: [Cave Johnson died long before the events of the game. Chell and GLaDOS are listening to his last recorded words, a message for his human test subjects, which he made while he was deathly ill] All right, I've been thinking, when life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade!
GLaDOS: Yeah.
Cave Johnson: Make life take the lemons back!
GLaDOS: Yeah!
Cave Johnson: Get Mad!
GLaDOS: Yeah!
Cave Johnson: I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?
GLaDOS: Yeah, take the lemons!
Cave Johnson: Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man whose gonna burn your house down - with the lemons!
GLaDOS: Oh, I like this guy.
Cave Johnson: I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that'll burn your house down!
GLaDOS: Burn it down! Burning people. He says what we're all thinking.
Cave Johnson: [sickly cough] The point is, if we can store music on a compact disc, why can't we store a man's inteligence and personality on one? So I have the engineers figuring that one out right now. Brain mapping, artificial inteligence - we should've been working on it thirty years ago. And I will say this, and I'm gonna say it on tape so everybody will hear it a hundred times a day: If I die before you people can pour me in to a computer, I want Caroline to run this place.
[another sickly cough]
Cave Johnson: Now she'll argue. She'll say she can't do it. She's modest like that. But you make her! Hell, put her in my computer. I don't care.
[another sickly cough]
Cave Johnson: All right, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
GLaDOS: Goodbye, sir.

[to Atlas and P-body during co-op mode]
GLaDOS: As an impartial collaboration facilitator, it would be unfair of me to name my favorite member of your team. However, it's perfectly fair to hint at it in a way that my least favorite probably isn't smart enough to understand. Rhymeswithglue. Orange, you are doing very well.

[to Atlas and P-body during co-op mode]
GLaDOS: The two of you have formed an excellent partnership, with one of you handling the cerebral challenges and the other ready to ponderously waddle into action should the test suddenly become an eating contest.

GLaDOS: [after Chell steps on an Aerial Faith Plate for the first time] Look at you, soaring through the air like an eagle... piloting a blimp.

GLaDOS: [at the entrance to test room 12] Perfect. The door's malfunctioning. I bet somebody's going to have to repair that, too. No, don't get up. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
[GLaDOS "leaves"]
Wheatley: [outside a window] Hey, hey! Up here! I found some bird eggs up here; just dropped them into the door mechanism; shut it right down. I-...
[the bird suddenly swoops and attacks him]
Wheatley: Aaah! Bird! Bird! Bird! Bird!
[runs away and comes back a few seconds later]
Wheatley: Okay, that's probably the bird, isn't it? That laid the eggs! Livid! Okay, but the point is, we're going to break out of here, all right? Very soon, I promise, I promise. I just have to figure out how - to break us out of here. Here she comes! Keep testing; just keep testing. Remember, you never saw me. Never saw me.
[Leaves]
GLaDOS: [the door is now completely open] I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be - well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing!

Wheatley: All right, so that last test was seriously disappointing. Apparently, being civil isn't motivating you, so let's try it her way, all right, fatty? Adopted... fatty! Fatty, fatty no parents?
GLaDOS: And...?
Wheatley: What?
GLaDOS: What exactly is wrong with being adopted?
Wheatley: What's wrong with being adopted? Um, well, uh, Lack of parents?
GLaDOS: [to Chell] For the record, you are adopted and that's terrible. Just work with me.
Wheatley: Some of my my best friends are actually orphans.
GLaDOS: Also, look at her, you moron. She's not fat.
Wheatley: I AM NOT A MORON! Just do the test; just do the test.

GLaDOS: I feel awful about that surprise. Tell you what, let's give your parents a call right now.
[phone dialing and ringing; in a stranger, lower voice]
GLaDOS: The birth parents you are trying to reach do not love you. Please hang up.
[Dial tone; normal voice]
GLaDOS: Oh, that's sad. But impressive. Maybe they worked at the phone company.

GLaDOS: [after GLaDOS recaptures Chell, she realizes that Chell and Wheatley have been sabotaging her turrets while away] Oh, you were busy back there. Well, I suppose we could just sit in this room and glare at each other until somebody drops dead, but I have a better idea.
[she extends a large clear pipe toward Chell]
GLaDOS: It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Wheatley: [Wheatley comes rolling down the pipe, which has no neurotoxin in it for a similar reason] Ooagh! GAH! Agh! Ugh! Enh! Agh! Ungh! Ow! Agh! Agh! Hello!
[lands]
GLaDOS: I hate you so much.
Announcer: Warning: central core is eighty percent corrupt.
GLaDOS: That's funny, I don't feel corrupt. In fact, I feel pretty good.
Announcer: Alternate core detected.
Wheatley: Oh! That's ME they're talking about!
Announcer: To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
GLaDOS: Core transfer? Oh, you are kidding me.
Wheatley: I've got an idea! Do what it says! plug me in!
GLaDOS: Do NOT plug that little idiot into MY mainframe.
Announcer: [Chell places Wheatley in the Substitute Core Transfer Receptacle] Core accepted. Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Wheatley: Yes!
Announcer: Corrupted core, are you ready to start the procedure?
GLaDOS: No!
Wheatley: Ohhhhhh, yes, she is.
GLaDOS: Nonononononono!
Announcer: Stalemate detected. Transfer procedure cannot continue.

GLaDOS: [the system is attempting to swap GLaDOS for Wheatley] Stalemate detected. Transfer procedure cannot continue-...
GLaDOS: Yes!
Wheatley: Pull me out! Pull me out! Pull me out! Pull me out! Pull me out! Pull me out! Pull me out!
Announcer: - -unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
[the room machinery starts to move]
Wheatley: Leave me in! Leave me in! Go press it!
GLaDOS: Don't. Do it.
Wheatley: Yes, do do it!
[Chell runs for the button in the adjacent room, but GLaDOS stops her with a panel coming out of the floor]
GLaDOS: Not so fast! Think about this. You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified.
Wheatley: Don't listen to her! It IS true that you don't have the qualifications, but you've got something more important than that. A finger with which to press that button so that she won't kill us.
[Chell uses portals to get inside the room and past GLaDOS's floor panel blockage]
GLaDOS: Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
[Chell presses the button]
Announcer: Please return to the core transfer bay.
GLaDOS: AHH!
Announcer: Stalemate Resolved.

Wheatley: [about to undergo a Core Transfer with GLaDOS] Here I go! Wait, what if this hurts? What if it REALLY hurts? Ohhh, I didn't think of that.
GLaDOS: Oh, it will. Believe me, it will.
Wheatley: Are you just saying that, or is it really going to hurt? You're just saying that, aren't you? No, you're not. It is going to hurt, isn't it? Exactly how painful are we - AGHHHHHH!
[the built-in systems begin to disassemble GLaDOS's head from her body from under the floor]
GLaDOS: GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME! NO! STOP! No! No! NO! NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-...
[Some panels hide the actual transfer and dump GLaDOS's head out on the floor near Chell; Wheatley comes out, now controlling GLaDOS's body]
Wheatley: Wowwwww! Check me out, partner! We did it! I'm in control of the whole facility now!
[Wheatley begins spinning around]
Wheatley: Whoa - ho, ho! Would you look at this. Not too bad, eh? Giant robot. Massive! It's not just me, right? I'm bloody massive, aren't I? Oh, Right! The escape lift! I'll call it now.
[a small elevator rises up]
Wheatley: There we go. Lift called.

Wheatley: [Wheatley has just seized control of the facility from GLaDOS] Look how small you are down there! I can barely see you! Very tiny and insignificant! Let me tell you, I knew it was gonna be cool being in charge of everything, but - wow, this is cool! And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
[deeper voice]
Wheatley: Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor consulta el manual.
[Translated to You are using the system incorrectly, please refer to the manual for instructions]
Wheatley: [normal voice]
Wheatley: I don't even know what I just said! But I can find out! Oh, Sorry! The lift. Sorry, I keep forgetting.
[he starts the lift moving up]
Wheatley: This body is amazing, seriously! I can't get over how small you are! But I'm huge!
[he laughs, first jovial then turning to maniacal laugh]
Wheatley: [his laugh trails off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
[brings the lift down]
Wheatley: Do you have any idea how good this feels? I did this! Tiny little Wheatley did this!
GLaDOS: [sounding exhausted and disgruntled] You didn't do anything. She did all the work.
Wheatley: Oh, really? That's what the two of you think, is it? Well, maybe it's time I did something then.
[he uses the transfer tools to grab GLaDOS's head and pull her in]
GLaDOS: What are you doing? NO! NO! NO!

Wheatley: [ding sound, Wheatley reveals a potato with a device on it] Ahhh... See that? That is a potato battery. It's a toy for children. And now she lives in it.
[laughs]
GLaDOS: I know you.
Wheatley: Sorry, what?
GLaDOS: The engineers tried everything to make me - behave. To slow me down. Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Wheatley: No! I'm not listening! I'm not listening!
GLaDOS: It was YOUR voice.
Wheatley: No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING!
GLaDOS: Yes. You're the tumor. You're not just a regular moron. You were DESIGNED to be a moron.
Wheatley: I am NOT! A MORON!
[Wheatley starts hitting the glass of the elevator Chell is in with the arm holding GLaDOS]
GLaDOS: Yes you are! You're the moron they built to make me an idiot!
Wheatley: [continues punching the glass] Well how about now? NOW WHO'S A MORON? Could a MORON PUNCH! YOU! INTO! THIS! PIT? Huh? Could a moron do THAT?
[the elevator, with Chell and GLaDOS in it, breaks completely and falls down the shaft]
Wheatley: Uh-oh.

Cave Johnson: [prerecorded message] The testing area's just up ahead. The quicker you get through, the quicker you'll get your sixty bucks.
GLaDOS: [on Chell's portal gun] Hold on, who...?
Cave Johnson: [to Caroline] Caroline, are the compensation vouchers ready?
Caroline: Yes, sir, Mr. Johnson!
GLaDOS: [simultaneously but slower] Yes, sir, Mister Johnson.
[snaps out of it]
GLaDOS: Why did I just - ? Who is that? What the *hell* is going on he...
[shorts out]

Wheatley: I'll bet you're both dying to know what your big surprise is. Well, only TWO more chambers!
GLaDOS: We're running out of time. I think I can break us out of here in the next chamber. Just play along.
[Chell steps onto an Aerial Faith Plate, but it unexpectedly launches her and GLaDOS sideways into a series of other Plates and an Excursion Funnel toward Wheatley's area]
Wheatley: SURPRISE! We're doing it now.
GLaDOS: Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well-laid trap.
Wheatley: You've probably figured it out by now, but I don't need you anymore. I found two little robots back here, built specifically for testin'!
GLaDOS: Oh, no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's something I came up with to phase out human testing just before you escaped. It wasn't anything personal. Just, you know. You DID kill me. Fair's fair.

GLaDOS: [Chell wakes up after defeating the final boss] Oh, thank God you're all right. You know, being Caroline taught me a valuable lesson. I *thought* you were my greatest enemy, when all along you were my best friend. The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson - where Caroline lives in my brain.
[beep]
Announcer: Caroline deleted.
GLaDOS: [her old self] Goodbye, Caroline. You know, deleting Caroline just now taught me a valuable lesson: the best solution to a problem is usually the easiest one. And I'll be honest. Killing you? Is hard. You know what my days used to be like? I just tested. Nobody murdered me. Or put me in a potato. Or fed me to birds. I had a pretty good life. And then you showed up. You dangerous, mute lunatic. So you know what? You win. Just go.
[GLaDOS starts Chell's elevator moving up; she laughs softly]
GLaDOS: It's been fun. Don't come back.

GLaDOS: You look ugly in that jumpsuit. That's not my opinion; it's right here on your fact sheet. They said on everyone else it looked fine, but on you, it looked hideous. But still what does an old engineer know about fashion? Oh, wait, it's a she. Still, what does she know about - oh, wait. She has a medical degree. In fashion. From France.

GLaDOS: [Chell and GLaDOS exit the elevator to find a harpsichord piece by J.S. Bach playing on the speakers] Oh, no, he's playing classical music.
Wheatley: [They enter the testing room to hear the sound of pages being turned] Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry; Hope that didn't disturb you too much, there. It was the sound of books - pages being turned. So that's just what I was doing, just reading, uh, books. So not a moron. Anyway, just finished the last one, just now, the hardest one. Machiavelli. Do not know what all the fuss was about - understood it perfectly. Have you read that one?
GLaDOS: [disdainfully] Yes.
Wheatley: Yeah, decked it. Well, on with the test! Wished there was more books! But there's not.

GLaDOS: Crushing's too good for him. First he'll spend a year in the incinerator. Year two: Cryogenic refrigeration wing. Then TEN years in the chamber I built where all the robots scream at you. THEN I'll kill him.

GLaDOS: Hey, Moron!
Wheatley: Oh, Hello.
GLaDOS: All right, Paradox time.
GLaDOS: [slowly and deliberately] This. Sentence. Is. FALSE.
[to herself]
GLaDOS: Don't think about it, don't think about it!
Wheatley: Um, true. I'll go with true. There, that was easy. To be honest, I might have heard that one before.
GLaDOS: It's a paradox! There IS no answer.

GLaDOS: Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis. I was able - well, forced really - to relive you killing me. Again and again. Forever. You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existence to exacting REVENGE! Luckily, I'm a bigger person than that. I'm happy to put this all behind us and get back to work. After all, we've got a lot to do, and only sixty more years to do it. More or less. I don't have the actuarial tables in front of me.

GLaDOS: You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge. You think I'll betray you. And on any other day, you'd be right. The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I've heard voices all my life. But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it's terrifying... because for the first time it's *my* voice! I'm being serious. I think there's something really wrong with me!

[after Atlas and P-Body place Weighted Cubes on a switch]
GLaDOS: Weighted Cubes calibrated. No variances detected. Did you know humans frown on weight variances? If you want to upset a human, just say their weight variance is above or below the norm.

Wheatley: You two are going to *love* this big surprise. In fact, you might say that you're going to love it... to death. Love it... until you're, until it kills you. Until you're dead.
[chuckles]
Wheatley: Alright? I don't know whether... you're, uh, you're picking up on what I'm saying there, but...
GLaDOS: [weary] Yes, thanks. We get it.

GLaDOS: Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking, like regular people. And this is no joke: we are in *deep* trouble.

GLaDOS: Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him. I can't move, and unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse.

GLaDOS: Do not plug that little idiot into MY mainframe!
Wheatley: [to Chell] No, you SHOULD plug that little idiot into the mainframe!


Lego Dimensions (2015) (VG)
[to Chell]
GLaDOS: Well, well, well, look who's back. You must love science almost as much as me. Which is good news because I've almost finished rebuilding the test chambers after Wheatley's incompetence.
[Wheatley appears]
Wheatley: Hello? Did somebody say my name?
GLaDOS: You!
Wheatley: Hiya! Yeah, it's me! Um... can I... do you mind me saying, I love these new blue portally things - they're yours, right? Anyway, I have been on quite an adventure. Look at this - I even got fitted with anti-gravity!
[Wheatley begins to float around excitedly]
Wheatley: Check this out: I can move up. And I can move down, opposite of up. Uuuuup. Look at that. Doooown. Up-down-up-down. Up-down, up-down. Left and right, probably as well!
GLaDOS: Be quiet!
Wheatley: Oh dear. Someone booted up on the wrong side of the BIOS this morning, if I'm not mistaken.