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Quotes for
Simon Holmes (Character)
from "Eerie, Indiana" (1991)

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"Eerie, Indiana: Zombies in P.J.s (#1.17)" (1992)
Radford: I forgot to pay my income tax. For twelve years. Mea culpa, already! It slipped my mind.
Simon Holmes: It's an honest mistake. I'm sure they'd understand.
Radford: Understand? The IRS? They are ruthless, heartless bureaucrats with one goal in life: making me pay. Why, the average IRS agent would make the Devil Himself seem like Mr Rogers.

"Eerie, Indiana: Mr. Chaney (#1.14)" (1992)
Marshall Teller: [Marshall's werewolf scratch affects him only in a minor way, when at the next full moon, he grows extremely long and bushy sideburns] Think my parents will notice?
Simon Holmes: Knowing your parents - naaah.
Marshall Teller: Well, if they do, I'll just chalk it up to puberty.
Simon Holmes: Puberty. Now *that's* Eerie!
Marshall Teller: Just wait 'til it's your turn.

"Eerie, Indiana: Reality Takes a Holiday (#1.18)" (1992)
Edgar Teller: [Marshall doesn't want to go to a movie with the family and Simon] Marshall, we're not going to beg you to go with us, son. You should want to spend time with your family.
Marilyn Teller: I can't believe you'd want to pass up an all-expense paid trip to see a scary movie.
Marshall Teller: No thanks. No offense.
Syndi Teller: [reading from the newspaper] The Wilson twins gave it two fingers up.
Simon Holmes: [with a devilish laugh] Which fingers?
Marshall Teller: [after Syndi finishes reading the review out loud] Since when did you become such a cinephile?
Syndi Teller: You better watch your mouth!

"Eerie, Indiana: No Brain, No Pain (#1.15)" (1992)
Marilyn Teller: [a crazy-looking man on a bicycle crashes into Edgar, then into the nearby shrubbery] Poor man. Shouldn't we...
Syndi Teller: Don't even think about it, Mom. That guy is the Mad Whacker.
Simon Holmes: Syndi's right. They call him the Whacker because he used an axe to kill his victims.
Edgar Teller: Now come on. I've heard rumors he was Eerie's last living Liberal, but...
Simon Holmes: What's a Liberal?
Edgar Teller: [suddenly uncomfortable] I'll explain it to you when you're older.
Marilyn Teller: Well, I don't care if he's a Liberal or an axe murderer, I want you two boys to stay clear of him, understood?
Marshall Teller: Yes, Mom.