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: Hey, Mike just told me he's going to therapy. Mike Gold
: Yeah, so? Larry
: So, if there's anyone in this family who should be going to therapy, it's me. I'm the middle child, I'm neurotic, I'm the one with the horrible social skills. How many cries for help do you need?
: All right, tell me what's going on. Are you guys getting a divorce? Dave Gold
: No, damn it! Why are you always asking us that?
: All right, look, I have to tell you guys the truth. I'm not really depressed, okay? That note you found was a song I tried to write, and I was just trying to get you to buy me stuff. Vicky Gold
: We know that, you idiot! Dave Gold
: Yeah, what's the matter with you, huh? How can you do something like that? Vicky Gold
: You scared us! Dave Gold
: How are we supposed to know when there's something's really wrong with you, you moron!
: [to Larry
] You are such a drama queen. Larry Gold
: I am not a queen! I'm a man!
: All right, look, Larry, I'm sorry I called you a nobody, okay? Next time someone asks me who you are, I'll say, "my loser brother," all right? Larry Gold
: Hey, make up your mind! Am I a loser, a freak, or a nobody? Hillary Gold
: D - all of the above.
: Hey, Larry, can I borrow your stopwatch? Larry? Hello? Uh, I need to borrow your stopwatch for my science homework. Larry Gold
: I'm sorry, is someone talking to me? Mike Gold
: Yes, freak!
: So did you break up with Heidi? Mike
: No, dad. I didn't break up with Heidi. Dave
: What?! You didn't listen to me? Mike
: Dad, no offence but I pretty much don't listen to anything you say ever. Dave
: What? Mike
: Well, you know, I listen for key words like "Dinner's ready" or "allowance" or "FIRE!" but the rest is just background noise.
: Just because you're half Jewish doesn't mean you're going to do it half-assed. Ok, for thousands of years Jews had to learn that Hebrew crap, I had to do it and you're going to do it. Mike
: Yeah, but that sounds hard. Dave
: Too bad, that's what being a Jew is all about, suffering. Welcome to the club.