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: Second shelf is mine. That's where I keep my rootbeers and my double-thick Oreo cookies. Nobody touches the second shelf but me.
: Wait, wait. You *have* a TV? Grandpa
: No. I just like to read the TV Guide. Read the TV Guide, you don't need a TV.
: One thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach; all the damn vampires.
: Hey, anything around here that might pass for aftershave? Sam Emerson
: How about some Windex, Grandpa? Grandpa
: Yeah, yeah, let me try some of that. Michael Emerson
: You have a big date tonight, Grandpa? Grandpa
: I'm going to drop my handiwork by the widow Johnson. Michael Emerson
: What'd ya stuff for her? Mr. Johnson?
: [the boys come in carrying Laddie and Star, who are sleeping. Grandpa is totally ignoring the unconscious Laddie in Edgar's arms, and Star in Michael's
] Do you know the rule about filling up the car with gas when you take it without asking? Michael Emerson
: [Hoping he says nothing about Laddie and Star
] No, Grandpa. Grandpa
: Well, now you do.
: Ouch, my hair!
: Lucy, you're the only woman I ever knew that didn't improve her situation by getting divorced.
: Well, now, let me put it this way. If all the corpses buried around here were to stand up all at once, we'd have one hell of a population problem.
: Hey! Smells good! When do we eat? Lucy Emerson
: I told Max around 8:00. Grandpa
: Max! Are we going to have company again? Lucy Emerson
: Again? Dad you haven't had company in this house since Mom died eight years ago. Grandpa
: Right! Now we are going to have company again!