Hank Kingsley
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Quotes for
Hank Kingsley (Character)
from "The Larry Sanders Show" (1992)

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"The Larry Sanders Show: Doubt of the Benefit (#3.12)" (1994)
Hank Kingsley: For your information Miss Smartypants, I've been thinking about dropping Alzheimer's for 5 years - c'mon guys, where's the cure?

Hank Kingsley: Be on the phone and be sure you get me something for this Saturday and Darlene, remember ...
Darlene Chapinni: Oh yeah, nothing contagious.


"The Larry Sanders Show: Hank's Sex Tape (#4.7)" (1995)
Hank Kingsley: People think of Hank Kingsley as a, just a 'meat-and-potatoes' guy. You know? A guy you can invite over for dinner. 'Hey Hank, what are you doing tonight? Do you want some dinner? Come on over! We're having some meat and potatoes. What's that? You can't make it? You're busy? What are you doing?' WELL I'M JUST FUCKING TWO WOMEN!
[pause]
Hank Kingsley: Jesus, can you say something?
Sid Bessell: It's cycles! Show-business is cycles.
Hank Kingsley: Do you understand how humiliating this is? Do you understand how exposed I feel? My God, I could lose the Orange Grower's deal!
Sid Bessell: Who knew you were going to pull out your pecker on camera.
Hank Kingsley: This is what you choose to say to me at this moment.

Henry Winkler: I just heard that you were coming out with some kind of a tape... an exercise tape. Congratulations.
Hank Kingsley: What is that, a joke? What, are you trying to be funny? You know, you can't just bang a jukebox and go, "ayyyyy" and all your problems disappear, Fonzie.
Henry Winkler: [pause] It worked for me.
Hank Kingsley: Go fuck yourself.


"The Larry Sanders Show: The Interview (#6.5)" (1998)
Hank Kingsley: Dear
[Vince]
Hank Kingsley: Vaughn, I'm sorry about the shit I put on your car. Please forgive me. The girl I'm dating is crazy and didn't tell me she hit my car so I assumed it was you. Women - what are you going to do? By the way, I thought SWINGERS was a hoot-and-a-half. Regards, Hank Kingsley.


"The Larry Sanders Show: Beverly and the Prop Job (#4.14)" (1995)
Arthur: [Artie sees Hank lying in wait for him and asks impatiently] What is it?
Hank Kingsley: Did Larry hire some black guy with no experience?
Arthur: He worked for WPJP.
Hank Kingsley: WPJP? What is that, excuse me, local shit affiliate? Did he even consider my sister?
Arthur: Yes! She was too dumb.
Hank Kingsley: [Hank feigns great offense] How can you say that about my sister?
Arthur: Oh hell, cut the crap. That's not your sister. I saw you dry humping under the bleachers. Hey now!
Hank Kingsley: All right, it's a young girl, I'm just trying to help her out...
Arthur: Nice try, Hank. The job's gone.
[Artie walks away]
Hank Kingsley: Fucked by the black man, again!


"The Larry Sanders Show: What Have You Done for Me Lately? (#1.1)" (1992)
Makeup Artist: [remarking on Larry's black eye] Ooh, that's a beauty!
Larry: Yeah, I was tying my shoes this morning and I walked into the door... bumped my head.
Makeup Artist: Whatever.
Larry: Nah, that's what really happened... Alright, a woman hit me.
Makeup Artist: Miss Parrish.
Larry: How'd you know that?
Makeup Artist: Everyone in the loop knows.
Larry: You're kidding...
Hank Kingsley: [entering room] Hey guys... WOAH! What a shiner! What happened to you?


"The Larry Sanders Show: Where Is the Love? (#5.3)" (1996)
Arthur: Okay. Well, let's put it this way. You've got people in an office, discussing religion, it separates them. Now you take our little group, Phil is a Buddhist... Beverly is a Christian, Paula is an atheist, but we all join hands to put this show together every night and I don't want you to fuck that up.
Hank Kingsley: What religion is Larry?
Arthur: Larry is a talk show host. Shalom, baby.