Roger Sterling
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Quotes for
Roger Sterling (Character)
from "Mad Men" (2007)

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"Mad Men: The Beautiful Girls (#4.9)" (2010)
Roger Sterling: She died the way she lived: surrounded by the people she answered phones for.

Roger Sterling: [regarding the recently-deceased Miss Blankenship] What's her occupation? Secretary?
Joan Harris: Executive secretary.
Bertram Cooper: She was born in 1898 in a barn, she died on the 37th floor of a skyscraper; she's an astronaut.

Joan Harris: These need signatures, not initials. Caroline said you refused?
Roger Sterling: It's just so much more work.

Roger Sterling: Damn it, I don't want to die in this office. I almost have twice.
Joan Harris: Stop it.
Roger Sterling: If it looks like I'm going, open a window. I'd rather flatten the top of a cab.

"Mad Men: Smoke Gets in Your Eyes (#1.1)" (2007)
Roger: Have we hired any Jews?
Don Draper: Not on my watch!

Don Draper: This is the greatest advertisting opportunity since the invention of cereal. We have six identical companies making six identical products. We can say anything we want. How do you make your cigarettes?
Lee Garner, Jr.: I don't know.
Lee Garner, Sr.: Shame on you. We breed insect repellant tobacco seeds, plant them in the North Carolina sunshine, grow it, cut it, cure it, toast it...
Don Draper: There you go. There you go.
[Writes on chalkboard and underlines: "IT'S TOASTED."]
Lee Garner, Jr.: But everybody's else's tobacco is toasted.
Don Draper: No. Everybody else's tobacco is poisonous. Lucky Strikes'... is toasted.
Roger: Well, gentlemen, I don't think I have to tell you what you just witnessed here.
Lee Garner, Jr.: I think you do.
Don Draper: Advertising is based on one thing: happiness. And do you know what happiness is? Happiness is the smell of a new car. It's freedom from fear. It's a billboard on the side of a road that screams with reassurance that whatever you're doing is OK. You are OK.
Lee Garner, Sr.: It's toasted.
Lee Garner, Sr.: I get it.

Don Draper: Let me ask you something, what do women want?
Roger: Who cares?

Roger: [to Don] You don't know how to drink. Your whole generation, you drink for the wrong reasons. My generation, we drink because it's good, because it feels better than unbuttoning your collar, because we deserve it. We drink because it's what men do.

"Mad Men: Blowing Smoke (#4.12)" (2010)
Roger Sterling: We know there's a black spot on the X-ray - you don't have to keep tapping your finger on it.

Roger Sterling: Well, I gotta go learn a bunch of people's names before I fire them.

Geoffrey Atherton: You are a certain kind of girl, and tobacco is your ideal boyfriend.
Don Draper: Can you get us a date?
Geoffrey Atherton: Philip Morris is introducing a new brand for young women, hoping to have it on the market in eighteen months, and they'd like a new agency on it from the ground floor.
Roger Sterling: How much is it?
Geoffrey Atherton: Close to five million dollars. It's a start.
Bertram Cooper: Wonderful.
Pete Campbell: And what stage of the process has your influence bought us?
Geoffrey Atherton: A meeting. No-one else has one.
Bertram Cooper: We will listen more than we will speak.
Geoffrey Atherton: Like a good girlfriend.

"Mad Men: Waldorf Stories (#4.6)" (2010)
Don Draper: [In a flashback from the second time they met] I'm sorry, it's just... I've left some messages for you.
Roger Sterling: And I've ignored them, that's my message for you.

Roger Sterling: My mother always said, "Be careful what you wish for because you'll get it. And then people get jealous and try and take it away from you."

Roger Sterling: I got to get out of here before they open for lunch. This is embarrassing.
Don Draper: I'll buy you lunch.
Roger Sterling: I'm stuffed. I had a jar of olives.

"Mad Men: Shut the Door. Have a Seat (#3.13)" (2009)
Don Draper: Do we vote or something?
[Roger, Bert, and Don successively raise their hands]
Lane Pryce: Well, gentlemen, I suppose you're fired.
Roger Sterling: Well, it's official. Friday, December 13th, 1963. Four guys shot their own legs off.

Roger Sterling: Get me some coffee, will you?
Peggy Olson: No.

Roger Sterling: Little shit.

"Mad Men: At the Codfish Ball (#5.7)" (2012)
Roger Sterling: His name is Ed. He's at Dow-Corning. They make beautiful dishes, glassware. Napalm. And his wife's name is Lillian. Don't forget that.

Roger Sterling: I've been in the war room, Don, preparing for the American Cancer dinner. Caroline went to the library and got me pictures of these guys. I'm 50 dollars away from a seating chart.
Don Draper: Look, I don't take this honor lightly.
Roger Sterling: Good, say something like that. Titans of industry are giving you an award. We are being lowered in a bucket into a goldmine. I'm gonna bring my pick and crack something off the wall.

Roger Sterling: Who knows why people in history did good things? For all we know, Jesus was trying to get the loaves and fishes account.

"Mad Men: New Amsterdam (#1.4)" (2007)
Roger Sterling: I bet there were people in the Bible walking around complaining about kids today.

Don Draper: Remember when I told you about Pete Campbell's last day? It's today.
Roger Sterling: What'd he do?
Don Draper: While we were busting our asses on the Bethelem Steel account he was at the Regis Hotel pitching copy. His copy!
Roger Sterling: That little snot!

[Don Draper pours a drink]
Roger Sterling: I bet daily friendship with that bottle attracts more people to advertising than any salary you could dream of.
Don Draper: That's why I got in.
Roger Sterling: So enjoy it.
Don Draper: [drinks] I'm doing my best here.
Roger Sterling: [scoffs] No, you're not. You don't know how to drink. Your whole generation, you drink for the wrong reasons. My generation we drink because it's good. Because it feels better than unbuttoning your collar. Because we deserve it. We drink because it's what men do.

"Mad Men: Christmas Waltz (#5.10)" (2012)
[at a staff meeting]
Lane Pryce: It was our plan to distribute Christmas bonuses this year, but... quite selflessly, the partners have elected to forgo their share in the interest of rewarding the staff for a job well done.
Roger Sterling: You're all getting Christmas bonuses and we aren't.

Roger Sterling: You know it's sacrilege to say this but Pearl Harbor was an act of genius. The only thing they didn't plan for was success - the Japs won, and they didn't know what to do with it.

"Mad Men: Christmas Comes But Once a Year (#4.2)" (2010)
Lane Pryce: There's been a small adjustment to the scale of our Christmas party.
Joan Harris: Lower or higher?
Lane Pryce: Lee Garner Jr. will be joining us. I trust you'll make the appropriate improvements.
Roger Sterling: Well, I don't. We need to change its rating from convalescent home to Roman orgy.

Don Draper: [after the Christmas party is ruined by an obnoxious client] Did you... enjoy the Fuehrer's birthday?
Roger Sterling: May he live for a thousand years.

"Mad Men: Far Away Places (#5.6)" (2012)
Roger Sterling: I have an announcement to make. It's going to be a beautiful day.

Roger Sterling: It's just so beautiful. How we were able to be there together in the truth, like you wanted.
Jane Sterling: Are you leaving me?
Roger Sterling: No. We're leaving each other just like you said.
Jane Sterling: I didn't say that.
Roger Sterling: You did. You said so many amazing things. You were speaking German.
Jane Sterling: I don't know German.
Roger Sterling: You were quoting your father.
Jane Sterling: It must've been Yiddish.

"Mad Men: Flight 1 (#2.2)" (2008)
Herman 'Duck' Phillips: Anyway, he was quite clear about the fact that they're gonna want to make changes if they want the dust to settle fast.
Don Draper: What does that mean?
Bertram Cooper: It means they'll be looking for a new image and thus a new agency.
Don Draper: What's it been - four, three hours since the plane went down? You'll have to forgive me for not looking at a bunch of bodies in Jamaica Bay and seeing the opportunity.
Herman 'Duck' Phillips: Adding a few hours, or a day, a week doesn't make this any more of an opportunity.
Don Draper: We already have an airline.
Roger Sterling: We don't have American.
Don Draper: Well, that's right. We have the one whose planes didn't just fall out of the sky.

Don Draper: We *have* an airline. What kind of company are we going to be?
Roger Sterling: The kind where everyone has a summer house?

"Mad Men: Seven Twenty Three (#3.7)" (2009)
Roger Sterling: I watched the sunrise this morning - couldn't sleep.
Don Draper: How was it?
Roger Sterling: Average.

Roger Sterling: Are you afraid you're going to have a boss? You will - the client.
Don Draper: It's not that.
Roger Sterling: What is the problem? You think you're more dangerous without a contract? You are, and it's affecting our business. You're our David Ogilvy, and if you let all the blokes at Putnim, Powell & Lowe relax for three years, maybe we can put your name out front. After mine... and Cooper, probably.

"Mad Men: Public Relations (#4.1)" (2010)
Roger Sterling: [as a reporter with a wooden leg is exiting] They're so cheap they can't even afford a whole reporter.

Roger Sterling: You turned all the sizzle from Glo-Coat into a wet fart.

"Mad Men: Signal 30 (#5.5)" (2012)
Roger Sterling: I don't know about you two, but I had Lane.

Lane Pryce: You're a grimy little pimp. As soon as I raise my hands, I warn you, it shall be too late to run.
Pete Campbell: [chuckles nervously] Fine. You want to take your teeth out? Or do you want me to knock them out?
Roger Sterling: I know cooler heads should prevail, but am I the only one who wants to see this?

"Mad Men: Long Weekend (#1.10)" (2007)
Roger Sterling: [to Joan] Are we actually gonna get in a fight over a movie? You know, Mona had a dream once where I hit the dog with the car. She was mad at me all day - and I never hit the dog. We don't even have a dog.

Roger Sterling: You know what my father used to say? Being with a client is like being in a marriage. Sometimes you get into it for the wrong reasons, and eventually, they hit you in the face.

"Mad Men: A Little Kiss, Part 2 (#5.2)" (2012)
Roger Sterling: Is it just me or is the lobby full of negros?

"Mad Men: Red in the Face (#1.7)" (2007)
Roger Sterling: I like red heads. Their mouths are like a drop of strawberry jam in a glass of milk.

"Mad Men: Marriage of Figaro (#1.3)" (2007)
Roger: I want the Chinamen out of the building by lunchtime.

"Mad Men: Mystery Date (#5.4)" (2012)
Peggy Olson: Hold on a second. You want me to work up an entire corporate image campaign for ten dollars?
Roger Sterling: I can make you do it for nothing. I'm the boss.
Peggy Olson: You're right. The work is ten dollars. The lie is extra.
Roger Sterling: Incredible. What do you make a week, sweetheart?
Peggy Olson: Hmm, you don't know, huh? That's helpful.
Roger Sterling: You know, I could fire you.
Peggy Olson: Great. There's some portfolios in Joan's office. Maybe you could find somebody tonight?
Roger Sterling: [tormented] Why are you doing this to me?
Peggy Olson: Because you're being very demanding for somebody who has no other choice. Dazzle me.
Roger Sterling: Fine. How much you want?
Peggy Olson: How much you got?
Roger Sterling: [counts a wad of cash] Four-hundred dollars.
Peggy Olson: Give me all of it.
Roger Sterling: JEEsus!... This better be good.
Peggy Olson: You want me to take your watch?

"Mad Men: The Mountain King (#2.12)" (2008)
Roger Sterling: [exits his office to find Peggy waiting outside] What do you want ?
Peggy Olson: I need to speak with you.
Roger Sterling: Honey, I have a 6:30 dinner reservation and unless you want to pull me there in a rickshaw, I have to get going.
Peggy Olson: Well, I'm a copywriter.
Roger Sterling: Why, did I call you something else ?
Peggy Olson: I don't know if you're aware, but I brought in the Popsicle account today. On my own.
Roger Sterling: [to his secretary] Hey, Ginger, did you hear about this ?
[to Peggy]
Roger Sterling: I gotta go.
Peggy Olson: Wait. I need my own office. It's hard to do business and be credible when I'm sharing with a Xerox machine. Freddie Rumsen's office has been vacant for some time. I think I should have it.
Roger Sterling: [smiles] It's yours.
Peggy Olson: Really ?
Roger Sterling: You young women are very aggressive.
Peggy Olson: Oh, I didn't mean to be impolite.
Roger Sterling: No, it's cute. There are 30 men out there who didn't have the balls to ask me.

"Mad Men: The Gypsy and the Hobo (#3.11)" (2009)
Annabelle Mathis: Well I'll tell you what I'm telling the avenue: Best idea gets my business.
Roger Sterling: How long do we have?
Annabelle Mathis: I'm in town until Friday, but only the big firms are rushing.
Roger Sterling: Well I'm not going to sit here and brag about how big I am.

"Mad Men: A Little Kiss, Part 1 (#5.1)" (2012)
Roger Sterling: [holds up a wad of cash] It's more than a thousand, Harry. That... is a month's salary. After taxes.
Harry Crane: There's no window in there.
Roger Sterling: You could buy yourself a very beautiful picture of something to look at.
Harry Crane: [takes the cash] Well, okay. But you're going to owe me.
Roger Sterling: No I'm not. I just gave you a lot of money. This is a "transaction". If you don't like it, we can have the conversation you THOUGHT we were having.
Harry Crane: So this is every month?...
Roger Sterling: Get the hell out of my office.

"Mad Men: Indian Summer (#1.11)" (2007)
Roger Sterling: [to Joannie] Look, I want to tell you something because you're very dear to me. And I hope you understand that it comes from the bottom of my damaged, damaged heart. You are the finest piece of ass I ever had and I don't care who knows it. I am so glad I got to roam those hillsides.

"Mad Men: Maidenform (#2.6)" (2008)
[Don's secretary is completely sunburned after a day at the beach]
Roger Sterling: Has your wife seen that yet? Do me a favor. Let me be there when it happens.

"Mad Men: For Immediate Release (#6.6)" (2013)
Jim Cutler: I want to make it clear: Unless this works, I'm against it.
Roger Sterling: I was just saying the same thing.

"Mad Men: The Doorway, Part 2 (#6.2)" (2013)
Roger Sterling: I'm just acknowledging that life, unlike this analysis, will eventually end and somebody else will get the bill.

"Mad Men: My Old Kentucky Home (#3.3)" (2009)
Roger Sterling: Hank, tell them where you were this afternoon.
Henry Francis: Roger...
Roger Sterling: Oh, they're gonna read about it in the paper. He just came from Pocantico. Rockefeller married Happy.
Betty Draper: [shocked] She just got divorced a month ago. She has four children.
Bertram Cooper: You see? That's the first reaction. Divorce is political hari-kari.
Roger Sterling: Now we'll be stuck with Goldwater.
Don Draper: The primaries are still a long way off...
Jane Sterling: [drunk] Why did Rocky marry her?
Henry Francis: They're in love.
Jane Sterling: [happily] Awww!

"Mad Men: The Flood (#6.5)" (2013)
Randall Walsh: [about his experience with Martin Luther King's ghost] You'd rather not think about it, but there is a tear, and in that tear are all the tears in the world. All the animals, crying.
Don Draper: You're right, I don't want to think about it.
Roger Sterling: What Don's saying is despite what we believe to be good intentions, you're allowing the emotions of the day... or whatever else you got in your system, to influence your judgement.
Randall Walsh: Are you forgetting what Tecumseh said? Heya hoo, hoo, huya. Heeya, ho, ho...
Roger Sterling: I had forgotten that.

"Mad Men: Tomorrowland (#4.13)" (2010)
Megan Calvet: [as Don and Pete return from their meeting with the American Cancer Society] How'd it go?
Roger Sterling: Did you get cancer?

"Mad Men: Dark Shadows (#5.9)" (2012)
Roger Sterling: They make wine for Jews, and now they're making one they want to sell to normal people. You know what I mean - people like me.

"Mad Men: Six Month Leave (#2.9)" (2008)
Roger Sterling: [on grieving for celebrities] Roosevelt - I hated him but I felt like I knew him.

"Mad Men: Guy Walks Into an Advertising Agency (#3.6)" (2009)
Roger Sterling: Believe me, somewhere in this business this has happened before.

"Mad Men: The Suitcase (#4.7)" (2010)
Don Draper: I wouldn't be good company anyway.
Roger Sterling: That's never bothered me before.

"Mad Men: For Those Who Think Young (#2.1)" (2008)
Don Draper: Young campaigns don't necessarily come from young people.
Roger Sterling: The clients like it. The clients like the thrill of young talent.
Don Draper: So what am I supposed to do - dangle a Pepsi out the window and see if I can hook a stroller?

"Mad Men: Ladies Room (#1.2)" (2007)
Roger Sterling: [walking into Don's office] I can never get used to the fact that most of the time it looks like you're doing nothing.

"Mad Men: Tea Leaves (#5.3)" (2012)
Don Draper: Your plate is full and frankly Mohawk is going to insist on a regular copy writer.
Roger Sterling: Someone with a penis.
Peggy Olson: I'll work on that...

"Mad Men: The Phantom (#5.13)" (2012)
Marie Calvet: Not one thing you said was true. No dinner, no chaperone, no conversation.
Roger Sterling: Stop being so demure, you are already on the bed.

"Mad Men: The New Girl (#2.5)" (2008)
Roger Sterling: So, Joanie. I hear congratulations are in order.
Joan Holloway: Yes.
Roger Sterling: Marriage. Don't know why you'd want to join that club, baby.
Joan Holloway: Hasn't stopped you from having a good time.