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Quotes for
Det. Joe Hill (Character)
from "White Collar Blue" (2002)

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White Collar Blue (2002) (TV)
[Joe is discussing his plans for the evening]
Det. Sgt. Joe Hill: I'm looking for something a little more...
Det. Snr. Sgt. Ted Hudson: Exciting?
Det. Sgt. Joe Hill: Exciting.
Det. Snr. Sgt. Ted Hudson: You know what your problem is Thrills? You solve a big case and you've got to come down, I've seen it before. You need to do something wild to keep the juices flowing.
Det. Sgt. Joe Hill: Like what?
Det. Snr. Sgt. Ted Hudson: In the old days I would've said go down to the pub and get into a fight.
[Joe gets up to leave]
Det. Snr. Sgt. Ted Hudson: Uh-uh, I said that was the old days. These days we live in touchy-feely times.
Det. Sgt. Joe Hill: No disrespect, boss, but I don't exactly want to get touchy-feely with you.
Det. Snr. Sgt. Ted Hudson: That's a shame, I shaved awfully close.
[Laughs]
Det. Sgt. Joe Hill: So what do you suggest?
Det. Snr. Sgt. Ted Hudson: Think happy thoughts. Have a merangue. Have six more of these.
[pushes beers towards him]
Det. Sgt. Joe Hill: [toasts] To misery.
Det. Snr. Sgt. Ted Hudson: To misery, Thrills. Have a good night.
Det. Sgt. Joe Hill: Bye, boss.
[Ted leaves the office. Joe continues drinking]

Det. Sgt. Joe Hill: [to Fran at his door] Tell your daughter to give me a call.
Fran Hoffmann: She's downstairs in the car, actually. We're going out to dinner. We're celebrating.
Det. Sgt. Joe Hill: What's the occasion?
Fran Hoffmann: I'm going back to wrok in a few weeks. Want to join us?
Det. Sgt. Joe Hill: Who's paying?
[sighs]
Det. Sgt. Joe Hill: Hmm? Come on, what's the catch?
Fran Hoffmann: That's so typical of you, Joe. You think everyone's got an ulterior motive.
Det. Sgt. Joe Hill: Alright, thank you for asking. I accept.
Fran Hoffmann: Good. You can keep Lachlan busy while I talk to my daughter.
Det. Sgt. Joe Hill: I knew there was a catch. There's no way I'm spending my Tuesday night watching that prick feed your daughter garlic bread.
Fran Hoffmann: Now look,
[takes Joe's keys from his hand]
Fran Hoffmann: I'm going to spend some quality time with my daughter and you're going to talk to Lachlan.
Det. Sgt. Joe Hill: Give me my keys, that's theft! Give them back.
Fran Hoffmann: Then arrest me.
[she walks downstairs - Joe sighs, and follows]

Nicole Brown: [discussing a theif's motive] Maybe that's why he did it. Got sick of being walked all over. Of being Rory Snory.
Det. Sgt. Joe Hill: [hands her a box of Viagra he found] Don't judge a book by its cover.
Nicole Brown: Viagra.
Det. Sgt. Joe Hill: Pills of Thrills.
[Nicole chuckles]
Det. Sgt. Joe Hill: You hungry? Want to get something to eat?
Nicole Brown: [hands Viagra back] Strictly business?
Det. Sgt. Joe Hill: Don't be ridiculous, Constable Brown, of course. Hey... want to try these out?
[both laugh]
Det. Sgt. Joe Hill: How long would it take a woman?
Nicole Brown: Don't know. Ask Theo.

Det. Sgt. Joe Hill: Constable Brown?
Nicole Brown: Sorry, I was just thinking about that bed.
Det. Sgt. Joe Hill: My bed?
[raises eyebrows mischeviously]
Nicole Brown: Very funny.

Det. Snr. Constable Harriet Walker: [holds up set of keys] Could you please drop these off to my mum?
Det. Sgt. Joe Hill: I'd rather stick needles in my eye.
Det. Snr. Constable Harriet Walker: Come on, just throw them at her and run.
Det. Sgt. Joe Hill: I will.
[takes keys begrudginly]

Det. Sgt. Joe Hill: If my uncle were a woman, well, he'd be my auntie.

Det. Sgt. Joe Hill: [sees a suspect coming towards Harriet and his survelliance car] Shit!
[Grabs Harriet and begins to kiss her. The suspect passes in front of the car and Joe lets her go]
Det. Sgt. Joe Hill: No need to thank me. I just saved your life.

[Joe is trying to get out of sleeping in the same room as a snoring prisonner]
Det. Sgt. Joe Hill: Can I sleep in here? We can go top to toe, or something.
Det. Snr. Constable Harriet Walker: Well, he's not going anywhere, how about a walk?
Det. Sgt. Joe Hill: Sure, on the beach or something. Or a bar.
Det. Snr. Constable Harriet Walker: Yeah, sounds good.

Det. Snr. Constable Harriet Walker: [trying to argue her way out of going on a trip to a tropical island for a prisonner exchange] I've go to have dinner with my mother tonight, Joe.
Det. Sgt. Joe Hill: Tongan, or dinner with the Fuhrer? Pretty hard choice, isn't it, Harriet? Come on, we're going away to a tropical paradise!
Det. Snr. Constable Harriet Walker: It's not going to be a tropical paradise, Joe, you know what those islands are like.
Det. Sgt. Joe Hill: Yeah, sandy beaches.
Det. Snr. Constable Harriet Walker: Cyclones.
Det. Sgt. Joe Hill: Moonlit lagoons.
Det. Snr. Constable Harriet Walker: Military coos.
Det. Sgt. Joe Hill: Cocktails by the pool.
Det. Snr. Constable Harriet Walker: What if our flight is cancelled and we can't get back?
Det. Sgt. Joe Hill: Cyclones? Military coos? Cancelled flights? You're coming up with some pretty flimsy excuses why you don't want to go away. Is it the company?
Det. Snr. Constable Harriet Walker: Don't be ridiculous.
Det. Sgt. Joe Hill: Are you worried about spending time alone with me on a tropical island?
Det. Snr. Constable Harriet Walker: I have not problem being alone with you, Joe Hill.
Det. Sgt. Joe Hill: Good. Then go home and pack your bags cause we're due back here in 45 minutes. Oh, and bring your bathing suit.

Det. Sgt. Joe Hill: [offering keys to escort for a hotel room] Here you go. Enjoy.
Det. Snr. Constable Harriet Walker: [stealing the other keys from his hand for the room next door] It's a double bed, Joe. I'm sure you'll be fine.
[she leaves. Joe looks dejectedly at his roommate]