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Quotes for
Frederick Crossfield (Character)
from "No 73" (1982)

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"No 73: Ping-Pong (#5.19)" (1985)
Frederick Crossfield: How do you feel about a baby?
Ethel Davis: What, now? I mean eh well, it's eh...
Frederick Crossfield: Oh well, no, I didn't mean babies in general, I meant this baby.
Ethel Davis: I didn't know you could get one already made!
Frederick Crossfield: Eh... it's my sister in law's.
Ethel Davis: Oh, Mrs Crossfield?
Frederick Crossfield: Yes, my brother's wife.
Ethel Davis: Oh, I thought you meant the thing with the
[begins humming the Wedding March]
Frederick Crossfield: Oh, no, no, no!
Ethel Davis: No, no no!

Harry Stern: Right! Now then, Crossfield! I'm not gonna mince about the bush any longer, I think we all deserve an explanation.
Frederick Crossfield: What about?
Dawn Lodge: Shut up!
Harry Stern: I'm referring to one Mrs. Crossfield...
Frederick Crossfield: Which one?
Harry Stern: There's more than one?
Frederick Crossfield: Well, there's two Mrs. Crossfields...
Harry Stern: That's it! Right, I dont wanna hear any more. You shouldn't be let loose on the street! Youre a maniac, you are, mister!

Dawn Lodge: Now Ethel, I think it's time we all had a little chat.
Ethel Davis: Oh yeah, what about?
Dawn Lodge: About Mr. Crossfield, his wifes, his 20 children and their rocking horses.
Frederick Crossfield, Ethel Davis: What?

Harry Stern: How can you let that guy so near the baby, he's a monster! It's... I'll tell you what it is , it's bigamy!
Frederick Crossfield: Big o' me? It's huge of me not to have you arrested for frightening the child!


"No 73: Fickle Fete (#5.20)" (1985)
Kim: [leading someone out of the shed] Don't forget the prediction: married by next week! Another satisfied customer. Who's next?
Frederick Crossfield: Frederick Crossfield.
[hands over his ticket]
Kim: Thank you, Mr. Crossfield, I knew it'd be you.
Frederick Crossfield: Ah, you can see into the future.
Kim: Eh well, Ethel told me you'd be coming down this morning.
Frederick Crossfield: I know why you're doing this clairvoyant stuff, Yes, I've heard about crossing the palm with silver.
Kim: Yes, I've heard about that as well.
Frederick Crossfield: Will 10p. be alright?
Kim: Yes, I suppose i got... yes, 10p, here you go
[hands over ten pence and puts on her gypsy voice]
Kim: Now you come with me, and you will be lucky!

Kim: And so that is what I see in the bowl, in the ball.
Frederick Crossfield: Goldfish?
Kim: Gimmie your palm. Oooh now look here, what, I see the travel line, maybe?
Frederick Crossfield: Well, I have been offered a job abroad...
Kim: Yes! look, the travel abroad line...
Frederick Crossfield: Bahrain.
Kim: But you're going whether it rains or not.
Frederick Crossfield: But they said that they would prefer a married man...
Kim: Oh yes, but you're maybe thinking of getting married?
Frederick Crossfield: I'm not married, no.
Kim: But I do see a little marriage maybe?
Frederick Crossfield: Well, I was saying to Ethel only the other day...
Kim: Yes, Ethel! Here, here is Ethel on the marriage line.
Frederick Crossfield: I thought that was a blister I got from washing the car.
Kim: Oh well, that's the washing line, but here on the marriage line, is you and Ethel getting married!

Neil: Ere, mate, have you proposed yet or what?
Neil: I propose to do it here.
Neil: Great, I'll get the vicar.
Frederick Crossfield: Bishop.
Neil: Yeah.
Kim: Don't you think you should choose somewhere a little more intimate?
Frederick Crossfield: But this is the only place with black and white check floors.
Kim: Oh, you think that's going to sway her one way or the other?
Frederick Crossfield: Who?
Kim: Ethel.
Frederick Crossfield: Eh, does she play the game?
Neil: I reckon she knows the score by now, mate!
Frederick Crossfield: But you don't score in chess.
Neil, Kim: Chess?
Frederick Crossfield: Yes, human chess, thats what I'm doing. What were you talking about?
Neil, Kim: Marriage!
Frederick Crossfield: I had no Idea! Congratulations!
Kim: No, not us, You and Ethel!
Frederick Crossfield: Me and Ethel?
Neil: She really fancies you, you know.
Kim: Yeah, she's never looked so well!


"No 73: Hold This (#6.1)" (1986)
Frederick Crossfield: I must admit: the lounge isn't bad. Except for the eh, paper tearing...
Ethel Davis: Well, you're just jealous 'cause yours didn't remotely look like a piglet.
Frederick Crossfield: That's not the point.

Frederick Crossfield: The point is the bank has lent you some money. You should have a proper, professional job done.
Ethel Davis: Oh, you wanna see professional? I'll show you my gentlemen in the kitchen.
Frederick Crossfield: Ah. I'll look forward to it. Aha! there just about to watch a cartoon, aren't they?
Ethel Davis: Oh no, that's an industrial training film.

Frederick Crossfield: [going over Ethel's expenses] What's this, you bought 10 cans of paint on account?
Ethel Davis: On account of what?
Frederick Crossfield: Exactly!
[pauses to look at more receipts]
Frederick Crossfield: 17.95 for a tie?
Ethel Davis: Ah yes, I met this really nice bloke, Simon Fielding, and I gave him a tie for Christmas.
Frederick Crossfield: [jealous] That's ridiculous!
Ethel Davis: I can go out with anyone I want!
Frederick Crossfield: Yeah, it's a ridiculous price for a tie. I could've got one much cheaper than that.