Charlie McCarthy
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Quotes for
Charlie McCarthy (Character)
from Here We Go Again (1942)

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Fun & Fancy Free (1947)
Edgar Bergen: Now, Luana, how would you like another piece of cake or some ice cream?
Luana Patten: No, thank you. I'm full up.
Edgar Bergen: Some candy?
Charlie McCarthy: Care for a cigar?
Luana Patten: Me?
[everyone laughs]
Edgar Bergen: How about you, Mortimer?
Mortimer Snerd: Uh... I don't smoke.
Edgar Bergen: I don't mean that.

Edgar Bergen: Once upon a time, long long ago...
Charlie McCarthy: Funny, nothing ever happens nowadays.

Edgar Bergen: No longer was the valley happy, for without the magic of the harp, all was misery, misery, misery.
Charlie McCarthy: Just like the eighth grade.

Edgar Bergen: Naught left but beans.
Charlie McCarthy: Ahem. Bean, you mean.

Edgar Bergen: If it were one man and three beans... But, no. One bean and three men.
Charlie McCarthy: Well, at least there are no bones in it.

Mortimer Snerd: [referring to giant footprints] Oh, gosh! Who made them?
Charlie McCarthy: Well, it wasn't Cinderella.

Willie the Giant: Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum... I smell...
Charlie McCarthy: You're telling us.

Charlie McCarthy: Well, Donald may be nuts, but he's got the right idea. Kill the cow.
Luana Patten: Oh, no, Charlie! The cow was their best friend.
Charlie McCarthy: Well, a friend in need is a friend indeed.
Edgar Bergen: So what?
Charlie McCarthy: So, they need some steak.
Mortimer Snerd: No! If you're gonna kill the cow, I don't wanna hear the rest of the story!

Edgar Bergen: To think that this was once Happy Valley.
Charlie McCarthy: Now it's Gruesome Gulch.
Edgar Bergen: Days pass, weeks pass.
Charlie McCarthy: I pass. You deal.

Luana Patten: But why did the giant want to steal the harp?
Edgar Bergen: Because he was cruel and selfish. He didn't care what happened to the valley. He just wanted someone to sing him to sleep.
Mortimer Snerd: Well, why didn't he turn on the radio?
Edgar Bergen: Well, they didn't have radios in those days.
Charlie McCarthy: Yeah. That's why they called it Happy Valley.

Luana Patten: Ooh, dragonflies!
Charlie McCarthy: Yeah. A-flyin' front and draggin' behind.

[Mickey is pressed between a wall and the giant's jewelry box]
Charlie McCarthy: Anybody wanna buy a tall, thin mouse?
Edgar Bergen: No, thank you. Uh, I mean, no.

Edgar Bergen: Things look pretty dark for our heroes.
Charlie McCarthy: Looks like their goose is cooked.
Edgar Bergen: No. There's still a chance. Don't forget, there's still the magic harp. She knows the giant's weakness.
Charlie McCarthy: She could be my weakness.

[Willie is sniffing around his table while Mickey and the others are trying to avoid getting caught]
Charlie McCarthy: Hey, giant! You're getting warm!
Mortimer Snerd: Well, don't tell him!
Charlie McCarthy: Behind the jar, stupid!
Luana Patten: Charlie!

Edgar Bergen: [as the beanstalk climbs into the stratosphere] And all through the night, it grew onward and upward.
Charlie McCarthy: That thing is a menace to aviation.

Edgar Bergen: Yes, the voice of this golden harp cast a magic spell of joy and prosperity over the valley, but it was too good to last.
Charlie McCarthy: I knew there was a catch in it.
Edgar Bergen: For one day...
Charlie McCarthy: They built a school house.
Edgar Bergen: No, no.

Luana Patten: What happened to all the people?
Edgar Bergen: Well, suppose we look in on these humble peasants.
Mortimer Snerd: Is that a peasant?
Charlie McCarthy: That's a cow, stupid.
Luana Patten: Well, at least they had milk.
Edgar Bergen: Well, she used to be a good milker, but now...
Charlie McCarthy: She's an udder failure.

Edgar Bergen: Are you listening, Mortimer?
Mortimer Snerd: Uh... Happy Valley?
Edgar Bergen: That's right, yes. Now, just try to imagine it. Can't you just close your eyes and see it?
Mortimer Snerd: Well, I can't see very good with my eyes closed. My eyelids get in the way.
Edgar Bergen: Well, you create a picture in your mind's eye.
Mortimer Snerd: Oh.
Charlie McCarthy: That's not easy for him. His mind gets in the way.

Charlie McCarthy: [Goofy's pants have fallen down] Ha! Caught with his pants...
Edgar Bergen: [sternly] Charlie.
Charlie McCarthy: Caught with his pants...
Edgar Bergen: Charlie!
Charlie McCarthy: Well, his slip was showing.

Willie the Giant: [lifts the roof off of Edgar Bergen's house] Hey, has anybody seen anything of a teensy-weensy, little mouse?
Edgar Bergen: No, I-I-I...
[faints]
Luana Patten: Oh, Mr. Bergen!
Charlie McCarthy: Bergen, speak to me! Speak to me!
Willie the Giant: What's the matter with him? Something he ate?
Mortimer Snerd: No, it's uh, it's a fig... fig... figmentation of his imagination.
Willie the Giant: No!
Mortimer Snerd: Yeah. Well, good night, Willie. Don't slam the roof. You might wake Mr. Bergen.
[laughs]

Edgar Bergen: Well, what shall we do now? Any suggestions?
Charlie McCarthy: How would you like to go down to the city dump and watch me slug rats?
Edgar Bergen: Certainly not. How would you like to hear me tell a story?
Luana Patten: Oh, I'd love it. Wouldn't you, Charlie?
Charlie McCarthy: Well, I, uh... no.
Edgar Bergen: This is a story that everyone should know.
Charlie McCarthy: Yes, but not everyone should tell it, and you know who.
Edgar Bergen: I'm going to tell it anyway. Now, many, many years ago...
Charlie McCarthy: I think I'll go out and wind the sundial.
[tries to get up and leave, but Bergen stops him]
Edgar Bergen: You'll stay right here.

Luana Patten: What did the giant look like?
Edgar Bergen: Well, he was, oh... I'll try and show you.
[He turns on a lamp and aims it at the wall]
Edgar Bergen: He looked something like this.
[Makes a shadow puppet of a pig]
Mortimer Snerd: Looks like my pig, Snedly.
Charlie McCarthy: Never mind the self-portraits.
Edgar Bergen: Well, no, that isn't right. He looked more like... More like this.
[Makes shadow puppet of Willie the Giant]
Edgar Bergen: There he is now. And the giant came home for dinner, roaring...
Charlie McCarthy: [Steps in front of spotlight] ... drunk.
Edgar Bergen: [as Willie] I was not!
Edgar Bergen: [Normal] I mean, he was not.
Edgar Bergen: [as Willie] No.
Edgar Bergen: Down the castle hall he came, roaring..."Fee! Fi! Fo! Fum!"

Edgar Bergen: Now it was called Happy Valley because everyone who lived there was happy.
Charlie McCarthy: No! Well, there's a hunk of logic for you.

Edgar Bergen: This was the biggest adventure of their lives. Forgotten was their hunger, forgotten was their fear. It took courage to scale these massive steps, to make this journey into the unknown. But these stout-hearted lads never faltered. Three minds but with a single thought: What mystery lurked within those cold, forbidding walls? What strange spell hovered over this gloomy place?
[Mickey knocks on door]
Edgar Bergen: Will no one answer? Are they walking into a trap? Do they go in?
Charlie McCarthy: You know, you could stand some rehersal on this story.

Charlie McCarthy: [wearing a mustache; growling] I'm a giant!
Edgar Bergen: You are not. You're nothing of the kind.
Charlie McCarthy: Well, I'm a small giant.
Edgar Bergen: No, you're not!
Charlie McCarthy: I'm, uh... I'm tougher than forty men!
Edgar Bergen: You're not.
Charlie McCarthy: Well, er... twenty men.
Edgar Bergen: No.
Charlie McCarthy: No? Ten men?
Edgar Bergen: Aren't you ashamed of yourself, Charlie? Why do you act like that?
Charlie McCarthy: I don't know. I guess it's just a stage I'm going through.
Edgar Bergen: Well, take off that mustache.
[pulls mustache off Charlie's face]
Charlie McCarthy: Ow!
Edgar Bergen: Now go over there and behave yourself!
Charlie McCarthy: Yes, sir. Everything I do is wrong.

Luana Patten: Isn't that a wonderful trick?
Charlie McCarthy: Yes, indeed. Yes. I wish I could enjoy my first childhood as much as he enjoys his second.

Edgar Bergen: The fields of golden corn turned to dust.
Charlie McCarthy: Kerplop.
Edgar Bergen: The laughing brook flowed no more. To think that this was once Happy Valley!
Charlie McCarthy: Now it's Gruesome Gulch.


One Hour in Wonderland (1950) (TV)
Charlie McCarthy: Okay, magic boy, let's see who you really are.
Slave in the Magic Mirror: What is it, son of the sapling?
Charlie McCarthy: I'll ignore that.

Edgar Bergen: I've never told you the story of Alice in Wonderland, have I?
Charlie McCarthy: No, I've been lucky so far.
Edgar Bergen: Well, once upon a time...
Charlie McCarthy: Here we go...
Edgar Bergen: There was a child named Alice. She was a little girl.
Charlie McCarthy: Say, you have done research, haven't you?
Edgar Bergen: One summer day, she was seated on a riverbank, and she began to feel drowsy.
Charlie McCarthy: Well, she should have watched where she was sitting. Or did you say drowsy?

Charlie McCarthy: [as Walt summons the Slave in the Magic Mirror] How hammy can you get? Do you girls know this character, Disney?
Diane Disney: Yes.
Sharon Disney: He's our father.
Charlie McCarthy: Eh... oh.

Charlie McCarthy: [about the Magic Mirror] That's probably some kind of a hopped-up television set.
Slave in the Magic Mirror: Television?
[infuriated]
Slave in the Magic Mirror: TELEVISION?
[Thunder crashes and lightning flashes inside the mirror; everyone gasps]
Walt Disney: Whoa! Steady, old boy! Take it easy.
Slave in the Magic Mirror: Television, ha! I have never been so insulted in all my unborn days.

Charlie McCarthy: [as they prepare to go to the Disney Studios] Now, now, now look, Bergy, can't this clambake wait? I have an important meeting with the junior hot rodders.
Edgar Bergen: Well, we've been invited to a tea party at the Walt Disney Studios.
Charlie McCarthy: A tea party?
Edgar Bergen: Yes.
Charlie McCarthy: Holy mackerel. I thought that stuff went out with the bustle.


Letter of Introduction (1938)
Edgar Bergen: I don't think that's very funny.
Charlie McCarthy: You don't?
Edgar Bergen: No.
Charlie McCarthy: Well then, why did you make me say it?
Edgar Bergen: Oh, I see.
Charlie McCarthy: [Aside] That kills him, yes.
[to Bergen]
Charlie McCarthy: Uh, you're not so clever either, Mr. Bergen.
Edgar Bergen: Oh, I'm not?
Charlie McCarthy: No, I can see your lips move.
Edgar Bergen: Oh, you can?
Charlie McCarthy: [Aside] That burns him up, you know. I'll hear about this when I get home.
Edgar Bergen: Yes, you will.
[pause]
Edgar Bergen: Well, I'm sorry about that.
Charlie McCarthy: Will you watch it, please?
Edgar Bergen: I will watch it, yes.
Charlie McCarthy: Yes, it spoils the illusion. After all, there's no use of both of us being dummies.


Pure Feud (1934)
Edgar Albert Appletree: Do you mean to tell me that you cease hostilities just to partake in nourishment?
Charlie McCarthy: No, we stop shooting to eat.


The Muppet Movie (1979)
Charlie McCarthy: [to the audience] You're not gonna believe who the winner is, folks.
Edgar Bergen: Oh, come now, Charlie, it's their movie.
Charlie McCarthy: Oh, so it is, yes.