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Clark
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Quotes for
Clark (Character)
from The Benchwarmers (2006)

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The Benchwarmers (2006)
Gus: Clark, could you not pick your nose in front of me?
Clark: I'm not picking, I'm scratching.
Gus: Scratching what? Your brain?
Clark: Yeah, 'cause it's huge.

Clark: [where someone has recently farted] Oh! I love beef stew!

Richie: He just did that steroid free!
Clark: What's steroids?
Richie: Something that makes your 'pee-pee' smaller.
Clark: Ohh... there must be steroids in macaroni!

Gus: I think this is a sign that you should get a car.
Clark: My mom said I should hold off on getting my license for another year.
[extends arms forward and then retracts]
Clark: She wants to make sure my reflexes are fully developed.

Clark: Is bad ass one or two words?

Clark: Shut up, Number 7!
Number 7 Robot: You shut up!
Clark: I'll kill you!

Kyle: I'm gonna call the cops!
Clark: We are cops!... We're navy seals!
Kyle: Navy seals aren't cops!
Troy: Aren't you our paperboy?
Clark: ...I'm undercover

Kyle: Time to meet your makers!
Clark: Makers of what? POOP?

Clark: Hold on I got a text from my mom... NO WAY we're having maccroni tonight that means garlic bread! Yes!

Mel: Have you even known the joys of having children?
Richie: Never had a date.
Clark: Never talked to a girl.

Richie: [after Gus hits a homerun] Wow and he did it without steroids.
Clark: What's steroids?
Richie: Something that makes your pee-pee smaller.
Clark: There must be steroids in macaroni!

Richie: Clark, we don't play baseball.
Clark: I told Gus that we would be there, and if we don't show up, that makes me a liar... and that's not what I'm about... Not now, NOT EVER!
Richie: Okay, Okay Daytime Emmy

Gus: [to Nelson] Hey. Are you the kid who got farted on earlier?
Mel: Yes. This is my son Nelson. He's become quite the fart magnet for the neighborhood bullies.
Nelson: I also get a healthy smear of animal turds twice daily.
Clark: When I was your age, Fairy Jerry dumped a bucket of dog poop on me.
Nelson: His son just did that to me last week.

[looking at Mel's Pontiac Firebird Trans Am]
Clark: This car is so radical. Looks just like K.I.T.T. from the show Knight Rider.
Mel: It is K.I.T.T. from Knight Rider. Watch this.
[Mel activates the car with his watch]
K.I.T.T.: Allow me to introduce myself. I'm K.I.T.T.
Richie: [to Mel] Who are you?
Mel: Oh, I'm just one of those nerds who grew up... to make billions.

Clark: That nerd makes me look like Rambo.
Richie: No.
Clark: John Stamos?
Richie: Warmer.

Clark: [a ball hits Richie in the head] Duuuuhhhr!
Richie: You just lost your membership at video world!
Clark: Dang it!

Clark: We could still win this thing.
Richie: Wha-how?
Clark: If we use the force.
Richie: Let's try not to be too geeky, Clark.
Clark: The Force is powerful, my young padawan.
Howie: He's right. It is.

Gus: Man! I haven't even been on a baseball field in over 10 years.
Clark: I've never been on a baseball field, if I did, the kids in my neighborhood would spit loogies on my forehead.
Gus: Thats horrible, baseball's America's past time... thats like saying you've never had apple pie.
Gus: You've never had apple pie?
Clark: My mom said it would give me diarrhea.
Gus: That's ridiculous, Clark! You have to try it at least once!
Clark: Diarrhea?
Gus: No! Baseball!

Howie: Richie?
[hands out a bottle of urine]
Richie: Okay, buddy.
Clark: Is that apple juice?
Richie: Nooo.

Richie: Clark! You kissed a girl before I did?
Clark: This is way better than macaroni!

Brad: Bring it!
Clark: Suck it!

Gus: [shouts] Clark! Try to hit the ball in the strike zone.
Clark: Well where's the strike zone?
[he gets a bit distracted during the pitch]
Umpire: Strike two!
Gus: Right there.

Gus: [looking at baseball cards] We've got statistics! I got 30 homeruns!
Richie: I got 11 foul ticks!
Clark: I got 20 eyes-closed strike outs, 5 broken windshields, and 6 dead birds! I'm freakin' awesome!

Mel: Richie, do you have any kids?
Richie: Never had a date.
Mel: Clark?
Clark: Never spoke to a girl.
Mel: Gu-Gus?
Gus: Ugh, My wife and I are kinda working on it.

Brad: So I heard from Jerry you tools think you're athletes now?
Richie: That's funny, I didn't know athlete had three syllables, A-tha-lete? That's ama-za-zing.
Brad: You think you're hot shit 'cos you know words.
Clark: Hey Brad, why don't you be a stud and point us towards the register, or... Register... er...!...