Ned Bigby
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Quotes for
Ned Bigby (Character)
from "Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide" (2004)

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"Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide: Dismissal & School Plays (#3.8)" (2006)
Ned Bigby: Never? I will never say never.
Jennifer 'Moze' Mosley: You just did... three times.

Ned Bigby: You heard him! He's going to try to steal Suzie with his kiss!
Jennifer Ann 'Moze' Mosely: Quiet! The play's already started and it's too late to stop it now.
Ned Bigby: It's never too late! I'm Ned Bigby and I never say "never!"
Jennifer Ann 'Moze' Mosely: You just said it! Three times!


"Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide: Field Trips, Permission Slips, Signs and Weasels: Part One (#3.21)" (2007)
Ned Bigby: I need you to get me some clothes.
Jennifer Ann 'Moze' Mosely: What?
Ned Bigby: I'm naked and I need you to get me some clothes.
Jennifer Ann 'Moze' Mosely: What? Why don't you have your girlfriend do it?
Ned Bigby: Because I'm NAKED!
Jennifer Ann 'Moze' Mosely: I'm next in line to see The Wild Boy!
Ned Bigby: I repeat: I'M NAKED!

Suzie Crabgrass: You know, we don't have to go to the Rose Garden. We can just talk a walk and look for your pants.
Ned Bigby: Oh, we're going to the Rose Garden... and we're gonna TOTALLY make-out!


"Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide: Health & Jealousy (#3.19)" (2007)
Ned Bigby: [Ned and Moze just kissed to prove to Missy they're dating] Ahem, very convincing.
Jennifer Ann 'Moze' Mosely: Anything for a pal.
Ned Bigby: Right, right. So, uh, how are you and Faymen doing? You know, just asking.
Jennifer Ann 'Moze' Mosely: Huh? Oh, right, um...
[Faymen comes in fighting Seth-both in Sumo Wrestling outfits]
Jennifer Ann 'Moze' Mosely: He's fighting for my honor. Or something...

Jennifer Ann 'Moze' Mosely: Why don't you just tell Missy the truth - you're not interested in her.
Ned Bigby: Because the truth doesn't WORK on crazy people!


"Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide: Teachers & Detention (#1.3)" (2004)
Jennifer Ann 'Moze' Mosely: You don't look so good.
Ned Bigby: I'm a mess. I can't eat, I can't sleep...
Jennifer Ann 'Moze' Mosely: You can't sleep...?
Ned Bigby: I've been wide awake in every class!

Ned Bigby, Jennifer Ann 'Moze' Mosely, Simon Nelson 'Cookie' Cook: [simultanously] We need tips.
Ned Bigby: Cookie, for you it's simple. Focus on your notebook. Not Miss Enstile. Only look up when it's absolutely necessary.
Jennifer Ann 'Moze' Mosely: What about me?
Ned Bigby: Ask a question on Miss Morrison's last lesson. This will give the new guy a place to start.
Simon Nelson 'Cookie' Cook: What are you gonna do?
Ned Bigby: [gravely] Something I said I would never do in my entire life. It's time to become... Teacher's Pet.
[Moze and Cookie both gasp in unizon]
Simon Nelson 'Cookie' Cook: You'd be marked for life! Teacher's Pet is hated by the whole class!
Jennifer Ann 'Moze' Mosely: [disgusted] I feel dirty just standing next to you.


"Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide: Crushes and Dances (#1.5)" (2004)
Jennifer Ann 'Moze' Mosely: Now go on and tell him.
Ned Bigby: I don't know...
Jennifer Ann 'Moze' Mosely: I'll be your best friend!
Ned Bigby: You are my best friend.
Jennifer Ann 'Moze' Mosely: ...Right.

Ned Bigby: [after Seth agrees to go to the dance with Suzie] Now I know why they call it a crush.


"Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide: Tests and When You Like Someone Who Is Seeing Someone Else (#3.20)" (2007)
Ned Bigby: I hate green.
Simon "Cookie" Cook: I love green!
Jennifer Ann 'Moze' Mosely: Why do you two hang out? You're complete opposites.
Ned Bigby, Simon "Cookie" Cook: He keeps me centered.

Ned Bigby: Go find out if Moze likes me.
Gordy: What? I am not Cupid, you know! I have a job!
Ned Bigby, Gordy: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Gordy: Fine, I'll go find out.


"Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide: Seating & Tryouts (#1.4)" (2004)
Ned Bigby: If you're trying out for cheerleading, and you're a boy... I have absolutely no tips.

Jennifer Ann 'Moze' Mosely: I need help. I can't decide... Did you get taller?
Ned Bigby: Six inches.
Jennifer Ann 'Moze' Mosely: That's amazing! How did you do that?
Ned Bigby: Socks.
Jennifer Ann 'Moze' Mosely: Socks? How many?
Ned Bigby: Forty pairs.
[cuts to Ned's shoes, which are enormously big. Moze laughs, though Ned does not smile]
Ned Bigby: You said you need help?
[Moze holds a basketball and a volleyball in each hand, plus a cross country outfit]
Jennifer Ann 'Moze' Mosely: I don't know what to pick. I love volleyball, but basketball is awesome. And Mr. Wright thinks I could win a cross country title.
Ned Bigby: I have to wear size fifteen in shoes to have a chance to make it basketball! And you want me to feel sorry for you because you made everything?
Jennifer Ann 'Moze' Mosely: Yes...
[Ned takes everything from her and throws it back on her in anger. She only catches the volleyball]
Jennifer Ann 'Moze' Mosely: OW!... But awesome! You knew I'd catch the thing I cared about most, and it was the volleyball!
Ned Bigby: ...Sure, let's go with that.


"Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide: Art Class & Lost and Found (#3.5)" (2006)
Simone Moma: You tell the truth! Because that is what great artists do!
Ned Bigby: Really? You think I'm a great artist?
Simone Moma: Oh, no, no. You got lucky.

Jennifer Ann 'Moze' Mosely: I know what it's like to lose something... very special.
Ned Bigby: Here we go-The PuppyBear Story!
Jennifer Ann 'Moze' Mosely: It was sixth grade. I should have outgrown PuppyBear, but I still brought him to school with me...
Ned Bigby: You loved him! You lost him! He was ann ugly stuffed dog... bear... thing!


"Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide: Social Studies & Embarrassment (#3.6)" (2006)
Ned Bigby: I... Am Fartacus!

Ned Bigby: I'm meeting Suzie at the water fountain for a drink... of water.
Jennifer Ann 'Moze' Mosely: Oh, you're thirsty?
[sprays Ned in the face with her water bottle]
Ned Bigby: Is something wrong?
Jennifer Ann 'Moze' Mosely: I JUST DON'T WANT YOU TO BE THIRSTY ANYMORE, OK?


"Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide: Sick Days & Spelling Bee (#1.6)" (2004)
Ned Bigby: The first words are the easiest.
[next word is flossonossmossapitifilcation]
Jennifer "Moze" Mosley: OH,YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!
[Ned stops smiling]


"Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide: Upperclassmen & Gross Biology Dissection (#2.7)" (2005)
Palmer Noid: I like you.
Ned Bigby: Please don't.


"Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide: New Grade & Dodgeball (#3.1)" (2006)
Ned Bigby: I just want you to know, I still picked you for my team.
Jennifer Ann 'Moze' Mosely: I picked a good book!


"Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide: Bathrooms & Project Partners (#1.2)" (2004)
Ned Bigby: To pee or not to pee -- that is the question!


"Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide: Boys & Girls (#3.11)" (2007)
Ned Bigby: [Cookie is dressed in drag] Heeeeeeey! What are you doing?
Simon "Cookie" Cook: Going undercover to find out what Lisa likes in a guy.
Ned Bigby: I don't think it's this!


"Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide: Making New Friends & Positives and Negatives (#3.16)" (2007)
Jennifer 'Moze' Mosley: So how'd things go with Fayman?
Ned Bigby: Something tells me he doesn't like me. Actually, it was him!


"Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide: Popularity & Stressin' Out (#3.4)" (2006)
Ned Bigby: Well, that couldn't have not worked any better!


"Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide: Halloween & Vampires, Werewolves, Ghosts and Zombies (#3.3)" (2006)
Ned Bigby: Come on! We are men... for centuries we have ruled and messed up this world.


"Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide: Notebooks & Math (#2.4)" (2005)
Simon "Cookie" Cook: When are you going to steal the golden notebook?
Ned Bigby: Not steal, borrow!


"Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide: Fundraising & Competition (#3.15)" (2007)
Ned Bigby: Come on! We are men! For centries we have ruled and messed up this world!


"Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide: Failing & Tutors (#2.19)" (2006)
Jennifer Ann 'Moze' Mosely: [Moze has made herself look grotesque] So, what do you think of my new look?
Ned Bigby: Great! Jock Goldman's going to ask you out.
Jennifer Ann 'Moze' Mosely: But I hate him.
Ned Bigby: Exactly! So when he sees you looking like this, he'll go running for the hills! I'm thinking of running for the hills.


"Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide: Spirit Week & Clothes (#2.15)" (2006)
Jennifer Ann 'Moze' Mosely: Nice blouse.
Ned Bigby: Thanks, but it's not a blouse. It's really comfortable. The buttons face the other way which is kinda weird...
Jennifer Ann 'Moze' Mosely: That's because it's a *girl's* shirt, Ned.
Ned Bigby: What? No way. What makes you say that?
Jennifer Ann 'Moze' Mosely: 'Cause I'm wearing the same one in pink right now.