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: Coming up? Ray
: What's up there? Ken
: The view. Ray
: The view of what? The view of down here? I can see that down here. Ken
: Ray, you are about the worst tourist in the whole world. Ray
: Ken, I grew up in Dublin. I love Dublin. If I grew up on a farm, and was retarded, Bruges might impress me but I didn't, so it doesn't.
: Your girlfriend's very pretty. Jimmy
: She's ain't my girlfriend. She's a prostitute I just picked up. Ken
: I was not aware that there were any prostitutes in Bruges. Jimmy
: You just have to look in the right places... brothels are good. Ken
: Well, you've picked up a very pretty prostitute. Jimmy
: Thank you.
: What are they doing over there? They're filming something. They're filming midgets! Ken
[Ray runs off and watches Jimmy being instructed by the director, who Jimmy flicks off as soon as he leaves
: Ray, come on. Let's go. Ray
: My arse let's go. They're filming midgets.
: Harry, let's face it. And I'm not being funny. I mean no disrespect, but you're a cunt. You're a cunt now, and you've always been a cunt. And the only thing that's going to change is that you're going to be an even bigger cunt. Maybe have some more cunt kids. Harry
] Leave my kids fucking out of it! What have they done? You fucking retract that bit about my cunt fucking kids! Ken
: I retract that bit about your cunt fucking kids. Harry
: Insult my fucking kids? That's going overboard, mate! Ken
: I retracted it, didn't I?
: I'm not being funny. We can't stay here. Ken
: We have to stay here until he rings. Ray
: Well what if he doesn't ring for two weeks? Ken
: Then we stay here for two weeks. Ray
: For two weeks? In fucking Bruges? In a room like this? With you? No way.
: This morning, and this afternoon, we are doing what I want to do. Got it? Ray
: Of course. Which, I presume, will involve culture. Ken
: We shall strike a balance between culture and fun. Ray
: Somehow I believe, Ken, that the balance shall tip in the favor of culture, like a big fat fucking retarded fucking black girl on a see-saw opposite... a dwarf.
: I'm sorry about the message last night. The man who left it is a bit of a... well, he's a bit of a... Marie
: Cock? Ken
: Yes, a bit of a cock.
: [about Ray
] So he's having a really nice time? Ken
: Well, I'm having a really nice time. I'm not sure it's really his cup of tea. Harry
: [after a long pause
] What? Ken
: You know, I'm not sure it's really his thing. Harry
: What do you mean it's not really his thing? What's that supposed to mean? It's not really his thing. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Ken
: Nothing, Harry. Harry
: It's a fairytale town, isn't it? How's a fairytale town not somebody's fucking thing?How can all those canals and bridges and cobbled streets and those churches, all that beautiful fucking fairytale stuff, how can that not be somebody's fucking thing, eh? Ken
: What I think I meant to say was... Harry
] Is the swans still there? Ken
: Yeah, there's swans... Harry
: How can fucking swans not fucking be somebody's fucking thing, eh? How can that be?
: Not only have you refused to kill the boy, you even stopped the boy from killing himself, which would've solved my problem, which would've solved your problem, which sounds like it would've solved the boy's problem. Ken
: It wouldn't have solved his problem. Harry
: Ken, if I had killed a little kid, accidentally or otherwise, I wouldn't have thought twice. I'd killed myself on the fucking spot. On the fucking spot. I would've stuck the gun in me mouth. On the fucking spot!
: Jesus, Ken, I'm trying to talk about... Ken
: I know what you're trying to talk about. Ray
: I killed a little boy. You keep bringing up the fucking lollipop man. Ken
: You didn't mean to kill a little boy. Ray
: I know I didn't mean to... but because of the choices I made, and the course that I put into action, that little boy isn't here anymore, and he'll never be here again.
: I mean here in the world, not here in Belgium. Well he'll never be here in Belgium either, will he? I mean, he might've wanted to come here when he got older. Don't know why. And that's all because of me. He's dead because of me. And I'm trying to... been trying to get me head around it, but I can't. I will have always have killed that little boy. That ain't ever going away. Ever. Unless... maybe I go away. Ken
: Don't even think like that.
: You from the States? Jimmy
: Yeah. But don't hold it against me. Ken
: I'll try not to... Just try not to say anything too loud or crass.
: Plenty of alcoves in Bruges. Ken
: See Jimmy, my wife was black, and I loved her very much. And in 1976, she was murdered by a white man. So where am I supposed to stand in all this blood and carnage? Jimmy
: Did they get the guy that did it? Ken
: A friend of mine got him. Ray
: Harry Waters got him.
: Do you think this is good? Ken
: Do I think what's good? Ray
: You know, going around in a boat, looking at stuff? Ken
: Yes, I do. It's called sight-seeing.
: The tower is closed this evening. Ken
: No way, it's supposed to be open until seven. Ticket Seller
: The tower is usually open until seven, yesterday an American had a heart attack at the tower, today the tower is closed. Harry
: [Harry hands ticket seller 100 Euros
] Here cranky, here's a hundred for you. Were only gonna be twenty minutes. Ticket Seller
: [crumples the money and throws it at Harry's head
[tapping on Harry's forehead
] Ticket Seller
: The tower... is closed... this evening! Understand? English man!
[Ken walks up the tower while Harry proceeds to beat the ticket seller
: [Ray walks into the bar high on cocaine
] How'd your date go? Ray
: My date involved two instances of extreme violence, one instance of her hand on my cock and my finger up her thing which lasted all too briefly - isn't that always the way? - , one instance of me stealing five grams of very high-quality cocaine and one instance of me blinding a poofy little skinhead: so all in all... my evening pretty much balanced out, fine.
: [standing up to leave and picking up his coat
] Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf. I think I'm heading home.
: Bruges is a shithole. Ken
: Bruges *is* not a shithole. Ray
: Bruges *is* a shithole. Ken
: Ray, we only just got off the fucking train! Could we reserve judgement on Bruges until we've seen the fucking place?
[upon reaching the top of the tower and overlooking the city
: [to himself
] I like it here.
: Ray, did we or did we not agree that if I let you go on your date tonight, you'd do the things I wanted to do today? Ray
: We are doing the things you wanted to do today. Ken
: And I would do them without you throwing a fucking moody, like a five year old who's dropped all his sweets. Ray
: We didn't agree to that.
: [about Ray
] Harry, he's definitely gone. Harry
: You realize there are no bowling alleys in Bruges. Ken
: I realize that, Harry. The boy wanted to have a look anyway. Harry
: What are they going to have? A medieval fucking bowling alley?
: I'm glad he likes it there. I'm glad we were able to give him something, something good and happy. Because he wasn't such a bad kid, was he? Ken
: Huh? Harry
: He wasn't a bad kid, was he?
] I killed a little boy!
[Ken embraces Ray
: Then save the next little boy. Just go away somewhere, get out of this business, and try to do something good. You're not going to help anybody dead. You're not going to bring that boy back. But you might save the next one. Ray
: What am I going to be, a doctor? You need exams.
: Been to the top of the tower? Ray
: Yeah... yeah, it's rubbish. Overweight Man
: It is? The guide book says it's a must see. Ray
: Well you lot ain't going up there. Overweight Man
: Pardon me? Why? Ray
: I mean, it's all winding stairs. I'm not being funny. Overweight Man
: What exactly are you trying to say? Ray
: What exactly am I trying to say? You's a bunch of fuckin' elephants.
[overweight man attempts to chase Ray around but quickly grows tired
: Come on, leave it fatty!
[the overweight women calm down the overweight man
] Overweight Woman #2
: [to Ray
] You know you're just the rudest man. The rudest man! Ken
: [coming back from the tower
] What's all that about?
: They're not going up there.
[to overweight family
: Hey, guys. I wouldn't go up there. It's really narrow. Overweight Woman #2
: Screw you, motherfucker! Ken
: [to Ray
] What was that about? Ray
: What the fuck are you doing, Ray? Ray
: What the fuck are 'you' doing?
[Ken sticks pistol behind his back
: Nothing. Ray
: Oh, my God... you were gonna kill me. Ken
: No, I wa - You were gonna kill yourself! Ray
: Well... I'm allowed. Ken
: No, you're not! Ray
: What? I'm not allowed, and you are? How's that fair?
: [looking at a surreal Bosch painting
] It's Judgment Day, you know? Ray
: No. What's that then? Ken
: Well, it's, you know, the final day on Earth, when mankind will be judged for the crimes they've committed and that. Ray
: Oh. And see who gets into heaven and who gets into hell and all that. Ken
: Yeah. And what's the other place? Ray
: Purgatory. Ken
: Purgatory... what's that? Ray
: Purgatory's kind of like the in-betweeny one. You weren't really shit, but you weren't all that great either. Like Tottenham.
: Do you believe in all that stuff, Ken? Ken
: About Tottenham?
: Hey-ho. Drowning your sorrows, huh? Ken
: What sorrows? Ray
: You know, being a sad, old, ugly little man. Ray
: [to the bartender
] One gay beer please. Ken
: How'd your date go? Ray
: My date involved two instances of extreme violence, one instance of her hand on my cock and my finger up her thing, which lasted all too briefly.
: Isn't that always the way? One instance of me stealing five grams of very-high-quality cocaine and one instance of me blinding a poofy little skinhead. So, all-in-all my evening pretty much balanced out fine. Ken
: You got five grams of coke? Ray
: I've got four grams on me and one gram in me which is why me heart is going like the clappers, as is I'm about to have a heart attack. So if I collapse any minute now please remember to tell the doctors that it might have something to do with the coke.
[all of the this is said in forty seconds
: I know I'm awake but it feels like I'm in a dream.
: There are a lot of alcoves in the Astridpark. You use this word, alcoves? Ken
: Alcoves, yes. Sometimes. Yuri
: There are not many people around in these alcoves at Christmas time. If I were to murder a man I would murder him here. Are you sure this is the right word, alcoves? Ken
: Alcoves, yes. It's kind of like nooks and crannies. Yuri
: Nooks and crannies, yes! Perhaps this would be more accurate. Nooks and crannies rather than alcoves. Yes. You are going to do it aren't you? Mr. Waters would be very disappointed... Ken
: Of course I'm going to fucking do it. It's what I do.
: You're a suicide case. Ray
: And you're trying to shoot me in the fucking head. Ken
: You're not getting that gun back. Ray
: A great day this has turned out to be. I'm suicidal, me mate tries to kill me, me gun gets nicked and we're still in fookin' Bruges!
: [Harry shoots Ken in the leg
] Fucking cunt! Harry
: Like I'm not going to do nothing to you just because you're standing about like Robert fucking Powell. Ken
: Like who? Harry
: Like Robert fucking Powell out of Jesus of fucking Nazareth.
: Up there, the top altar, is a vial brought back by a Flemish knight from the Crusades in the Holy Land. And that vial, do you know what it's said to contain? Ray
: No, what's it said to contain? Ken
: It's said to contain some drops of Jesus Christ's blood. Yeah, that's how this church got its name. Basilica of the Holy Blood. Ray
: Yeah. Yeah. Ken
: And this blood, right, though it's dried blood, at different times over many years, they say it turned back into liquid. Turned back into liquid from dried blood. At various times of great stress. Ray
: Yeah? Ken
: Yeah. So, yeah, I'm gonna go up in the queue and touch it, which is what you do. Ray
: Yeah? Ken
: Yeah. You coming? Ray
: Do I have to? Ken
: Do you have to? Of course you don't have to. It's Jesus' fucking blood, isn't it? Of course you don't fucking have to! Of *course* you don't fucking have to!
: What am I gonna do, Ken? What am I gonna do? Ken
: Just keep movin'. Keep on movin'. Try not to think about it. Learn a new language, maybe? Ray
: Sure. I can hardly do English.
: That's one thing I like about Europe, though. You don't have to learn any of their languages.
: And at the same time, at the same time as trying to lead a good life, I have to reconcile that with the fact that with the fact that, yes, I have killed people. Not many people. And most of them were not very nice people. Apart from one person. Ray
: Who was that? Ken
: This bloke Danny Aliband's brother. He was just trying to protect his brother. Like you or I would. He was just a lollipop man. But he came at me with a bottle. What are you gonna do? I shot him down. Ray
: Hmm. In my book, though, someone comes at you with a bottle, I'm sorry, that is a deadly weapon, he's gotta take the consequences. Ken
: I know that in my heart, but I also know he was trying to protect his brother, you know? Ray
: I know, but a bottle, that can kill ya. That's a case of "It's you or him". If he'd come at you with his bare hands, that'd be different. That wouldn't have been fair. Ken
: But technically, someone's bare hands, they can kill you too. They can be deadly weapons too. What if he knew Karate, say? Ray
: You said he was a lollipop man. Ken
: He WAS a lollipopman. Ray
: What a lollipop man doing, knowing fucking Karate? Ken
: I'm just saying... Ray
: How old was he? Ken
: About fifty. Ray
: What's a fifty year old lollipop man doing, knowing fucking Karate? What was he, a Chinese lollipop man? Ken
: Course not. Ray
: Well then.
: Where's my gun? Ken
: I'm gonna die now, I think.
: We're not staying here getting pissed. We are quietly sightseeing, like he says, and awaiting his call to see what we do next. Ray
: This is my vote on what we should do. We give it another day, two days, max. Then we check the papers again, and if there's still nothing in them, we phone him and say, 'Harry, thank you for the trip to Bruges, it's been very nice, all the old buildings and that, but we're coming back to London now, and hide out in a proper country, where it isn't all just fucking chocolates'.
: That there is called the Gruuthuse Museum. Ray
: They all have funny names, don't they? Ken
: Yes, Flemish. In here it says, 'The Belgians twice sheltered fugitive English Kings from being murdered, 1471 and 1651.' Ray
: I used to hate history, didn't you? It's all just a load of stuff that's already happened.
: Where'd you get that gun? Ken
: A friend of Harry's. Ray
: Fuck, man. Let me see it.
[Takes the gun and looks it over
: Silencer, too. Nice. Mine's a bloody girl's gun.
: So Harry Waters wants me dead. What a wanker. Ken
: He said this whole trip, this whole being in Bruges thing, was just to give you one last, joyful memory before you died. Ray
: [Absolutely stunned
] In BRUGES? The Bahamas, maybe. Why fucking Bruges? Ken
: I suppose it's cheaper.
: [On the phone with Harry
] Do you know what that is? Yeah, I know you know it's a train. Do you know what train? Well, it's a train that Ray just got on, and he's alive and he's well, and he doesn't know where he's going and neither do I. So if you need to do your worst, do your worst. You've got the address of the hotel. I'll be here waiting. Because I've got to quite like Bruges, now. It's like a fucking fairytale or something.