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Quotes for
Bernice (Character)
from "Duckman: Private Dick/Family Man" (1994)

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"Duckman: Private Dick/Family Man: Ride the High School (#1.6)" (1994)
Deanna: I'm Deanna. What's your name?
Eric Duckman: Duckman. As in Dr. Duckman. Ph.D., loveology. Why don't you stay after class so I can grade on your curves?
[Bernice slaps him]
Bernice: You're despicable. You've got kidney stones older than her.


"Duckman: Private Dick/Family Man: Pig Amok (#3.11)" (1996)
Eric Duckman: Mrs. Leibner, your husband was an honorable man, who always put his family first. Why, it was out of consideration for you that he concealed his rampant homosexuality.
[Mrs. Leibner gasps]
Eric Duckman: In fact, the last thing he said to me was, "Duckman, don't tell my wife."
Bernice: Duckman!
Eric Duckman: What? It's true! He was protecting you. He was afraid you would think you drove him to it, but you didn't. He said he stopped caring about you 20 years before he even slept with a man.


"Duckman: Private Dick/Family Man: Inherit the Judgment: The Dope's Trial (#2.4)" (1995)
Eric Duckman: Bernice, I am sick and tired of you treating me like some dim-bulb melonhead who's always on the verge of his next screw-up!
[Duckman hits the car, which then loses a tire and collapses]
Bernice: Okay, who had "destroys car" in the next Duckman screw-up pool?
Charles: I had "buys Lincoln Memorial."
Mambo: "Loses house in pyramid scheme."
Ajax: Herpes.