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Quotes for
Honey West (Character)
from "Honey West" (1965)

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"Honey West: Rockabye the Hard Way (#1.15)" (1965)
[Honey and Sam enter a room full of thugs playing cards]
Sam Bolt: We've got a full house.
Honey West: And the jokers are wild.

Honey West: Sam, we can't just walk out of here.
Sam Bolt: If we're lucky - *yeah!*

Honey West: Before we wrap it up, will you take it once more from the top?
Rocky Hansen: Well, it's the same old chorus, Honey.

Honey West: He was a truck driver.
John Raven: Most of my friends are in the Blue Book.
Honey West: Most of mine are in the Yellow Pages.

[Honey returns from her interview with a handsome Secret Service agent]
Honey West: Sam, do you think they'll give us a medal?
Sam Bolt: Is that what that Agent Double O Something or Other was talking about?

[first lines]
Honey West: This looks like the last stop to nowhere.
Sam Bolt: Well, if he's around here, he shouldn't be too hard to find.
Honey West: That's what you said a week ago in Guadalajara.

John Raven: Life is filled with little surprises.
Honey West: Sometimes murder.
John Raven: Dinner? Eight o'clock?
Honey West: I pass.
John Raven: We could have a game.
Honey West: You wouldn't like the way I play. I call my own shots.

Honey West: He was very thorough, he asked a million questions.
Sam Bolt: What was your phone number and are you married, maybe?
Honey West: He wants me to join the Secret Service.
Sam Bolt: There are no women in the Secret Service.

[last lines]
Rocky Hansen: Hey look, I don't like to interfere, you know, but I'm only a client. What happens to me?
Honey West: You got your job back. You sure they don't have women in the Secret Service?
Sam Bolt: [talking with his mouth full of food] I just told you there were no w...
[Honey crams a piece of toast into his mouth, causing him to mumble]
Sam Bolt: ... Secret Service.

Honey West: [after defeating John Raven] Quoth the Raven, Nevermore.


"Honey West: How Brillig, O, Beamish Boy (#1.17)" (1966)
Honey West: Something's got to be wrong with Sam, Meg. He could out run those two in a potato sack.

Honey West: Shall we stop the gyre and gimbal, Mr. Brillig?

[Honey is about to search for a client in a western ghost town]
Honey West: [to Bruce] Keep an eye peeled for Wyatt Earp.

Sam Bolt: [hooking Mr. Brillig with his own cane] Come here, Jabberwocky.
Honey West: Give a man enough cane and he'll hang himself.

[last lines]
[Honey hid half a million dollars in Bruce the Ocelot's sweater]
Sam Bolt: Honey... all that money on him... He could have heard the call of the wild and taken off!
Honey West: Yeah - and with nine lives he would have had a ball.
Sam Bolt: ... Yeah.

Honey West: That fat man who came to my apartment isn't exactly the kind everybody loves.
Ben Fancher: Fat man? You saw the Fat Man?
Honey West: Every pound.


"Honey West: King of the Mountain (#1.18)" (1966)
Honey West: What else did you get?
Sam Bolt: Pictures of his tax returns. Shall we go back to the darkroom and see what develops?
Honey West: There's only one more name on the list. We might as well find it - Mr. King's nurse.
Sam Bolt: Ida Bering, girl swinger. She has a playpen out on Highland Avenue.
Honey West: Let's shake it and see what rattles.

Sam Bolt: That bullet left some sort of biothematic intolerance in his system.
Honey West: Really? What's that?
Sam Bolt: King can't control his body heat... but who can?
Honey West: Watch your voltage, Sam.

Carson: Mr. King prefers not to be touched.
Honey West: That's a switch.

[to Groalgo, Mr. King's hulking bodyguard]
Honey West: Take me to your leader.

[the criminals have fallen into a hot spring with electric current running through it]
Mr. King: Are they dead?
Honey West: Only stunned. Electrocution is illegal in California.


"Honey West: Invitation to Limbo (#1.14)" (1965)
[Honey has been pulled over for speeding]
Honey West: Sergeant...
Motorcycle Cop: Don't promote me, ma'am. I'm just a little old motorcycle cop.
Honey West: I'm just a little old first offender. Now, you don't want to put a black mark on my record, do you?
Motorcycle Cop: No ma'am, I certainly wouldn't, but I got a very gung-ho sense of smell and I still smell rubber burnin'.

Lieutenant Sherman: All right, Miss West, let's waltz around again. Who would want to kill you?
Honey West: Oh, a couple of dozen people, including Sam sometimes.
Sam Bolt: That would be justifiable homicide.

[discussing the bomb that almost killed Honey]
Honey West: Sam, will you be reasonable. Whoever left that little surprise package may try again.
Lieutenant Sherman: Practice makes perfect.

Charlie Kenyon: The last thing I remember was that I was sitting at home; the next thing I knew, I was trying to strangle you, Miss West.
Honey West: And we hadn't even been introduced.

[Honey is captured after discovering the crooks hide their microfilm in shrubs that are shipped world-wide]
Honey West: What are you going to do now that I've caught you with your plants down?


"Honey West: A Matter of Wife and Death (#1.4)" (1965)
[first lines]
[Honey is sunbathing]
Sam Bolt: You'll get freckles that way.
Honey West: Stop reading over my shoulder.
Sam Bolt: Any problems?
Honey West: Only a Peeping Sam. Girl watch on your own time.

Aunt Meg: Terrible, just terrible.
Honey West: It's only a zipper.
Aunt Meg: No, I mean the freckles. You know, I have a cream; it's just the thing.
Honey West: Some other time, Aunt Meg.
Aunt Meg: Honey, they'll turn into spots!
[Bruce the Ocelot growls]
Aunt Meg: Really, Bruce, you're so sensitive.

[Sam is nearly killed by an explosion]
Honey West: Sam, are you all right?
Sam Bolt: I won't know until I take inventory.

[last lines]
[Bruce the Ocelot has eaten Aunt Meg's vanishing cream]
Honey West: Bruce, honestly, you can't change spots on an ocelot.


"Honey West: Whatever Lola Wants.... (#1.6)" (1965)
Manuel Rodriguez: I am inspired to suggest something wild... crazy... Fly away with me tonight!
Honey West: Aw, only angels have wings.

[admiring the bank of computers Lola uses for her illegal gambling syndicate]
Honey West: What are the odds on a race to Mars?
Lola Getz: I like your style, Honey. It's too bad your racing on the wrong track.

[listening to a tape recording of Lola describing her illegal activities]
Sam Bolt: Well, that will guarantee our hostess a nice long party.
Honey West: With the state picking up the tab.

[last lines]
Sam Bolt: And that's the end of the case - except for one thing.
Honey West: What's that, Sam?
Sam Bolt: [imitating Manuel Rodriguez] With you, I am inspired...
[Sam kisses Honey's hand passionately]
Honey West: Down, boy.
Sam Bolt: I'm inspired to suggest something wild... crazy...
Honey West: Paris, Sam?
Sam Bolt: Oh, no no no no. A place of the hamburger. I am hun-gry.
Honey West: Very romantic.
Sam Bolt: [returning to his normal voice] All right, call me basic.
Honey West: All right, Basic, I'll get my hat.


"Burke's Law: Who Killed the Jackpot? (#2.30)" (1965)
Honey West: So you're Burke.
Capt. Amos Burke: I'm not sure I like the way you said that.
Honey West: Oh, don't worry. To know me is to hate me.

Capt. Amos Burke: Isn't murder a little out of your line?
Honey West: We aim to please.
Capt. Amos Burke: You've already succeeded. May I give you a lift?
Honey West: You taking me in?
Capt. Amos Burke: Is that an invitation?

[last lines]
Capt. Amos Burke: Honey, have you ever...
Honey West: Unh-uh. I fly solo.
Capt. Amos Burke: Don't fly too close; I'm liable to clip your wings.
Honey West: So you're Burke.
Capt. Amos Burke: And you're West.


"Honey West: The Princess and the Paupers (#1.7)" (1965)
Honey West: You call yourselves "The Paupers." Do you use your real names?
Marv: If you had a name like Glotznoy would you use it?

[Honey, who is tied to a chair, tries to pull a hidden knife from her belt]
Nicky Van: Why do you carry a knife?
Honey West: 'Cause I'm a regular cut-up.

Jingles: Well, I guess it's the jug for me again, huh?
Honey West, Sam Bolt: [singing] Yeah yeah yeah!


"Honey West: Live a Little... Kill a Little (#1.5)" (1965)
Vicky: He's Charlie McArdo.
Honey West: Of the Syndicate? I should have asked for more money.

Honey West: Sam, how did you ever find me here?
Sam Bolt: Simple. This was the only place left to look.

[last lines]
[taking Bruce's blanket from Sam]
Honey West: Sam, you're secure enough. Let Bruce live a little.
[to ocelot]
Honey West: Good-bye, baby.


"Honey West: The Gray Lady (#1.13)" (1965)
[Honey kisses Sam's bandaged head]
Honey West: There. All better?
Sam Bolt: I think gangrene just set in.

[referring to a pair of well-dressed criminals]
Sam Bolt: Nice couple.
Honey West: Of what?


"Honey West: The Abominable Snowman (#1.3)" (1965)
Police Lieutenant Stone: The Highway Patrol and a couple of witnesses report they saw you leave the scene of the accident.
Honey West: Well, it was no accident-it was murder.
Police Lieutenant Stone: Oh, when your father had the agency, I never had any trouble.
Honey West: I know. He always used to say how cooperative you were, too.

Sam Bolt: Well, well.
Honey West: [dressed in evening gown and using French accent] You do not think I am gorgeous, cherie?
Sam Bolt: I still think we should call the police in. That's what I think.
Honey West: [later that evening] Sam, call the police.
Sam Bolt: [disguised as a waiter] That's the best idea you've had so far.
Honey West: I'm going upstairs to find that sample case.
Sam Bolt: [grabbing her elbow] Oh no you're not. You let the police do it. Come on.
Honey West: Waiters are so ill mannered these days.
Sam Bolt: [letting her go] Career women.


"Honey West: A Neat Little Package (#1.10)" (1965)
[Honey escapes from two thugs by hiding in Sam's truck]
Honey West: All right, Sam, wagons west!

Sam Bolt: Fights, knives, guns, hoods - boy, what a life!
Honey West: That's the detective biz.


"Honey West: The Owl and the Eye (#1.2)" (1965)
Gus Patterson: Trick? Or treat?
Sam Bolt: Treat, Mr. Patterson.
[Hands Patterson the Ming Owl]
Gus Patterson: Just where did you get this?
Honey West: We stole it from the Hirschfield Museum. We thought you might like it back.

Sam Bolt: [In Mortimer's hotel room] I'll keep snooping.
Honey West: Right, Sam.
[Hangs up]
Mortimer: [Appears in doorway of his hotel room, with gun] Snoopers sometimes get shot.


"Honey West: The Swingin' Mrs. Jones (#1.1)" (1965)
Sam Bolt: Give us a little time. We'll do our best.
Honey West: We've already done our worst.

Honey West: Sam, I just noticed. You're gaining weight.


"Honey West: It's Earlier Than You Think (#1.19)" (1966)
Sam Bolt: He found something in that paper that proved it was a forgery. He was trying to bring it to us for evidence.
Honey West: Well, we've got the paper; we're in good shape.
Sam Bolt: Unh-uh, because they know that I know that they know that I know. They're going to try to close that deal with Paul Wycherly's brother right away!


"Honey West: A Nice Little Till to Tap (#1.16)" (1965)
Honey West: Are you sure Pete's the one? He's so charming, so nice. I feel so guilty.
Sam Bolt: Honey, your girl is showing.