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Miri
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Quotes for
Miri (Character)
from Zack and Miri Make a Porno (2008)

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Zack and Miri Make a Porno (2008)
Zack Brown: [suggesting porn titles] Fuckback Mountain!
Miriam Linky: [makes a face]
Zack Brown: Too soon?

Zack Brown: Hello, Miriam.
Miriam Linky: Beat it, we're talking.
Zack Brown: I just wanted to introduce you to Brandon.
Brandon: Salutations.
Zack Brown: Bobby's boyfriend.
Miriam Linky: Bobby who?
Bobby Long: Bobby me.
Zack Brown: Brandon, uh, is the star as such adult fare as, what was that one called again?
Brandon: "You better shut your mouth or I'm gonna fuck it."
Zack Brown: That's right. I'm surprised I forgot that.
Miriam Linky: Are you fucking with me?
Zack Brown: [amused] No, they're fucking with each other.

Zack Brown: Oh you'll be sorry when I'm giving you the best orgasms of your life.
Miriam Linky: Yeah right. As if you even know what you're doing down there.
Zack Brown: Where's the clitoris again? Is it in your ass?

Zack Brown: I'm gonna fuck you with my pecker!
Miriam Linky: Dude... that's really dirty.
Zack Brown: That's too dirty?
Miriam Linky: That offends me.
Zack Brown: Penis?
Miriam Linky: Fine.
Zack Brown: I'm gonna fuck you with my penis!

Miriam Linky: What happened to the water?
Zack Brown: I guess they musta shut it off...
Miriam Linky: Help me get this shit outta my hair! Just use the water outta the toilet!
Zack Brown: There's poo in there...
Miriam Linky: The back part of the toilet!

Miriam Linky: Nobody wants to see us fuck, Zack!
Zack: EVERYBODY wants to see ANYBODY fuck. I hate Rosie O'Donell, but if somebody said "I got a tape of Rosie O'Donell getting fucked stupid" I'd be like "Why the fuck aren't we watching that right now?"

Zack Brown: I don't mean to alarm you... but I think I just jerked off Lester a little bit.
Miriam Linky: The Dutch Rudder?
Zack Brown: Yeah! It's ingenious, really.
Miriam Linky: If you ask me nicely, I will Dutch Rudder you for the rest of our lives.
Zack Brown: Good. I'm getting tired of fuckin' a fleshlight.
Miriam Linky: [laughing] You fucked it?
Zack Brown: Yeah.
Miriam Linky: What'd it feel like?
Zack Brown: ...fucking a flashlight.

Miriam Linky: So... I guess we should do this.
Zack Brown: I think we should probably wait, uh, just until I lose another 20-30 pounds.
Miriam Linky: Stop it. You look good.
Zack Brown: Thanks.
Miriam Linky: So... what about me? How do I look?
Zack Brown: I mean, you look beautiful - you always look... so beautiful, so I guess it's not a big deal. But you... you look amazing.
Miriam Linky: [grabbing his hand lovingly, then quickly beginning to swing it back and forth] Okay! Let's go make a porno!

Miriam Linky: [Seeing that Zack shaved his beard] Your face! I don't think I've seen your face since senior year.
Zack Brown: I think I made a mistake. I did it for you, you know, so you wouldn't get road rash during our scene... but I shoulda asked first. I look like a fuckin' Balooga Whale.

Zack Brown: This is just the beginning, guys. If Star Whores works and *it will*, we are set up for sequels galore. The Empire Strikes Ass.
Miriam Linky: Return of the Brown Eye.
Deacon: The Phantom Man Ass.
Delaney: And Revenge of the Shit: The All Anal Final Chapter.
[awkward silence]
Zack Brown: ...okay.
Delaney: Revenge of the Shit, you got it?
Miriam Linky: No, yeah we got it.
Stacey: Ew.
Delaney: [under his breath] Fuck you, mothafuckas.

Zack Brown: How come you get to be all Buck Rogers, having sex in the 25th century with Twiki and Dr. Theopolis, and I'm stuck to a bottle of Jergen's in the batroom?
Miriam Linky: Holy Bejeesus, tell me you don't use my Jergen's to whack it.
Zack Brown: No, you know what I do? I light a bunch of candles, and I sprawl out on my sheets, and I listen to Sting. No, I'm a guy. You give me two Popsicle sticks and a rubber band and I'll find a way to fuck it, like a filthy MacGuyver!

Zack Brown: [suggesting a porn title] Star Sex II: The Wrath of Cunt.
Miriam Linky: We never made Star Sex I.
Zack Brown: I guess we can skip Star Sex III: The Search for Cock, then.
[Zack has a new idea]
Zack Brown: Cocunt!
Miriam Linky: What's that?
Zack Brown: It's like Cocoon. With a cunt!
[Miri looks at him and laughs uncomfortably]

Miriam Linky: [after hitting on Bobby and meeting his boyfriend] You're gay?
Bobby Long: Yeah.
Miriam Linky: [to Brandon] And I'm on the internet wearing... a diaper?
Brandon: Who knew you'd come to Pittsburgh and meet a celebrity? Ha ha!
Miriam Linky: [to Zack] I'm gonna binge-drink now until I pass out.
Zack Brown: Okay. She'll be fine. So you guys suck each other's cocks, huh?
Brandon: Oh, like crazy.

Zack Brown: [imagining Miri in a porn film] Oh, my God, yeah.
Miriam Linky: What? You got an idea?
Zack Brown: We could make a porno.
Miriam Linky: Not the idea I was lookin' for.
Zack Brown: What? No, that is a fuckin' awesome idea. Are you shitting me? That guy, Brandon St. Randy, Bobby Long's boyfriend, he said he makes a hundred grand a year because he shoots and distributes his own porno flicks.
Miriam Linky: If it's so easy, how come everybody doesn't do it?
Zack Brown: Because other people have options - and dignity - which we do not have, which puts us in an amazingly advantageous position!

Brandon: Oh my god... no!
Miriam Linky: What?
Brandon: Granny Panties?
Miriam Linky: Excuse me?
Brandon: This is so crazy! I was literally just watching you like right before we got here! This is you, right?
[pulls out his iPhone and shows a YouTube clip of Miri in a changing room wearing big underwear. The narrator says "My name's Granny Panties and nobody wants to fuck me! Nothing's whiter then my big gay ass."]
Miriam Linky: [Miri gasps in horror]
Zack Brown: Where'd you get that?
Brandon: Oh, I entered 'gay' and 'ass' and it was the top hit. It's had 200 thousand views in three hours. Honey, you are, like, I'm actually jealous right now cause you're like super famous!
Miriam Linky: [to Bobby] You're gay?
Bobby Long: [apologetically] Yeah...
Miriam Linky: And I'm the internet wearing... a diaper?
Brandon: Who knew you'd come to Pittsburg and meet a celebrity?
Miriam Linky: I'm gonna binge drink now until I pass out now.

Zack Brown: You don't wanna fuck a stranger in a porn movie for some strange reason. I guess we could fuck.
Miriam Linky: Ew
Zack Brown: Fuck you.
Miriam Linky: No I mean you're an okay enough looking guy and everything.
Zack Brown: Holy fuck thank you. You're an alright looking gal how does that feel?