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Quotes for
Zartan (Character)
from G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009)

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G.I. Joe: Retaliation (2013)
Zartan: [greeting Cobra Commander] Cool mask!
Cobra Commander: Someone took his time.
Zartan: Not easy to sneak out of that big, white, 11-bedroom, 35-and-a-half bathr...
Cobra Commander: Just don't forget who put you there.
Firefly: Or the rock you crawled out from.
Zartan: Firefly, it's good to see we're not running low on crazy. Still have all ten fingers?
[Firefly wiggles his fingers, then flips them off at Zartan]

Zartan: [as President] Well the good news is no global warming summit next month. Unless one of us cares enough about his place in history to unilaterally disable his warheads. You know, in the name of the children.

Zartan: Where's the prison that holds Cobra Commander and Destro?
President: Is this where I ask you what you have planned?
Zartan: Why does anyone want to be president? Everybody wants to rule the world.

Zartan: You know, they say this is a thankless job. But yesterday, I hung out with Bono. My new secret service, they want to burn the constitution, literally. Do you know my favorite bit? I get to blow stuff up.
President: I bet that endears you to the people.
Zartan: Well, that's the thing. Your approval ratings climbed nine points. Apparently, America wants someone who looks like you but acts like me.

Zartan: [as President] On my orders, the covert special forces unit, codenamed Cobra, terminated with extreme prejudice Joe command, facilities, personnel. The GI Joes... are no more.

Zartan: You know, they call it a waterboard... but I never get bored!

Firefly: [punches the President] That was for the tax hike.
Zartan: Like you pay taxes.
Firefly: Ain't always about me.

Lady Jaye: [in disguise] Mr President, Amy Vandervilt from Fox News.
Zartan: Oh, Fox, of course. That's why you look so fair and balanced.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009)
Zartan: American politics. Governors, senators, congressmen. No wonder nothing ever gets done.
Destro: That's what we're going to fix, Mr. Zartan.

Zartan: [after Zartan kills Cover Girl] Oh. That's right. You don't kill women.
Storm Shadow: For you, Zartan, I'd make an exception.

Zartan: Hello, Mr. President. Mr. McCullen sends his regards.
U.S. President: [shocked] Oh, my God. So, that's what this is all about.

The Doctor: Are you ready, Mr. Zartan?
Zartan: Oh I'm ready, doctor. This is going to be the achievement of a lifetime.
The Doctor: Yes, as a master of disguise you have no equal, my friend.
Zartan: [confident] 18 months of studying my target, learning mannerisms but the devil is in the details.
Destro: [interrupts] Gentlemen, let's get it going.
Zartan: One more thing, I'll control my own brain thank you very much... Let's do this.

"G.I. Joe: Renegades: Knockoffs (#1.14)" (2011)
Zartan: Aye-aye, Corporal Punishment!

G.I. Joe: The Movie (1987) (V)
Zartan: We don't know who you are, where you came from, or even what side you're on. Why should we risk our necks on your behalf?
Pythona: Does *this* answer your question?
[produces a huge ruby from under her robe]
Zartan: A gem of that size answers *all* my questions.

"G.I. Joe: Once Upon a Joe (#2.10)" (1986)
Cobra Commander: Cobra Commander, summoning Zartan!
Zartan: What is it this time, Cobra Commander?
Cobra Commander: Two of my Battle Vipers lost this: the MacGuffin Device. I must get it back at any costs! Your Dreadnoks must leave immediately!
Zartan: That may be a problem. It appears, Commander, they're engaged in a weighty philosophical debate.
Cobra Commander: Oh, brawling again, eh?
Zartan: Of course, for something this simple, I might take on a solo mission. After all, why bother the boys... or split the fee?