Detective Julio Sanchez
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Quotes for
Detective Julio Sanchez (Character)
from "The Closer" (2005)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"Major Crimes: Personal Day (#3.2)" (2014)
Julio Sanchez: Let's start when Dante came over to your house yesterday.
Manuel Escobedo: Who told you about that?
Julio Sanchez: You just did.

Cesar Padilla: I don't need an attorney. I need a new identity. You people have to put me into the witness protection program or something right now.
Sharon Raydor: You already admitted to lying to Detective Sanchez about what you saw the night that Ana was murdered.
Julio Sanchez: Now you have to tell us why, or we will charge you with covering up a murder.
Cesar Padilla: What?
D.D.A. Andrea Hobbs: [in the monitor room] He never testified under oath, so he can't be held liable for making a false statement.
Louie Provenza: Don't fixate on the details, Hobbs.

Sharon Raydor: Mr. Padilla, we already have two witnesses, Manuel and Carlos Escobedo.
Julio Sanchez: They saw you go into Dante's garage. They know that you killed him, and they were fine with that, until they found out that you were the one who killed their sister.
Cesar Padilla: No.
D.D.A. Andrea Hobbs: [in the monitor room] Come on.
Andy Flynn: Hey, this dirtbag lied to us about being a witness for seventeen years. We can lie to him about witnesses for a few minutes.

Cesar Padilla: But you'd protect me again if I do what's right?
[pause]
Cesar Padilla: I'm not the same person, you know? I've changed over the years.
Sharon Raydor: Oh, write that down too. Write down how you've changed. I'm sure it'll make a big difference when we start the deal-making process.
Cesar Padilla: Do you think so?
Julio Sanchez: A big difference.
[pause]
Julio Sanchez: Yeah.

Julio Sanchez: I reopened the investigations into the murders of your two sons, and I need to ask you some questions.
Regina Gomez: Really?
Julio Sanchez: Yes, ma'am.
Regina Gomez: Where are all the other police?
Julio Sanchez: This is... something that I'm doing on my own time. Let's start with your oldest son, Marco. He was Dante's dad, wasn't he?
Regina Gomez: Yes, and the worst father in the world, and a terrible son, but I loved him all the same.
[pause]
Regina Gomez: How do you explain this to people? No one understands.
Julio Sanchez: I don't need to understand, Ms. Gomez. I just need to arrest the person who killed him.
[pause]
Julio Sanchez: Can you fill out a little paperwork for me?
Regina Gomez: Okay. Sure.
[holds Sanchez's hands]
Regina Gomez: You know... you remind me of Marco a little. I bet you're stubborn, aren't you?
[a tear drops from Sanchez]


"Major Crimes: Jailbait (#2.13)" (2013)
Lt. Andy Flynn: All the searches on Eric Riley were run by the same sheriff's deputy, Manuel Diaz. Hey, Sanchez, do you know this guy?
Detective Julio Sanchez: [donning a characature accent] Oh, yeah, right, because all us LA Latinos, we know each other, right, Flynn?... Oh, uh, I DO know him.

Captain Sharon Raydor: Did you ever contact him personally or drive by his house?
Detective Julio Sanchez: Manny, maybe you did the wrong thing for the right reason.
Captain Sharon Raydor: Let me reassure you, Deputy Diaz, I'm not the kind of person that likes to get bogged down in all the rules.

Deputy Manuel Diaz: Let people judge whether Eric Riley was a victim or not.
Detective Julio Sanchez: That's crazy. He's dead. It's over.
Deputy Manuel Diaz: When you allow your daughter to date a monster, and she kills herself, it's never over. Never.


"Major Crimes: Rules of Engagement (#2.7)" (2013)
Lt. Louie Provenza: Mm, normally I'd throw him back in prison, but old Speedy might have seen something useful last night.
D.D.A. Emma Rios: Oh, God. Don't you just love gang cases?
Detective Julio Sanchez: I don't think this is gangs.
D.D.A. Emma Rios: Why? The vehicle was found in gang territory with a gang weapon in the back seat.
Detective Julio Sanchez: Nobody would have left the car on the street like that...
D.D.A. Emma Rios: Speedy and his Third Streeters... I'm not finished! Speedy and his Third Streeters, they think it was gangs. It was a drive-by. Plus, I...
Detective Julio Sanchez: Plus, you need to watch your mouth.
D.D.A. Emma Rios: Excuse me?
Detective Julio Sanchez: Did you grow up sleeping on the floor every night so you wouldn't get hit by gunfire? Anyone in your family shot dead on the street? You spend fifteen years of your career hunting these guys? It's not gangs! And you stop talkin' to me like I'm your waiter.
[gets out of the room]
D.D.A. Emma Rios: Wow. Does he always get that... that... that-that hostile?
Lt. Louie Provenza: Mm, hmm. Actually, Emma, I think what he was trying to say, in his own way, was don't be so damn rude. Excuse me.
[gets out of the room]
D.D.A. Emma Rios: I wasn't rude. I was...
Buzz Watson: Obnoxious? Dismissive?
Lt. Mike Tao: So, what's your theory of the crime?

Captain Sharon Raydor: Excuse me, Javier. Sorry to keep you waiting.
Jackson Raydor: Javier, don't answer her questions. You cannot interrogate my client without violating his Miranda rights!
Captain Sharon Raydor: Detective, if Jack interrupts me again, would you please have him removed?
Jackson Raydor: What?
Detective Julio Sanchez: Javier, you cannot say anything because the charges against you have changed. We're no longer holding you for parole violations. We're arresting you as a suspect in the murder of Melissa Orr.
Captain Sharon Raydor: To avoid ethical conflicts, you need to know that I'm the officer in charge of this investigation, and your attorney is my husband, and I would think very seriously about having an attorney who's related by marriage...
Jackson Raydor: What? Sharon.
Javier 'Speedy' Reyes: You're fired! I mean it! You're fired! Get out!
Jackson Raydor: Javier, you are making a big mistake.
Javier 'Speedy' Reyes: I trusted you.
Jackson Raydor: I... You can trust me. I have your best interest at heart!
Javier 'Speedy' Reyes: Just leave! Get out, man. You're fired! Leave!
Jackson Raydor: Please.
Javier 'Speedy' Reyes: Leave me alone.
Jackson Raydor: You...
Javier 'Speedy' Reyes: Get out!
Jackson Raydor: Please.
D.D.A. Emma Rios: Now he has no attorney at all. How do we talk to him?
Lt. Mike Tao: Give us a moment. There's a ritual involved with suspects like this, and we need to follow it.

Jackson Raydor: I want to see that video of Javier's interrogation before I leave here. I won't let you trample that man's civil rights in order for you to get what you need.
Lt. Louie Provenza: Sit. Wait. We'll get back to you after we've burned the Constitution. Like you really care.
Captain Sharon Raydor: No questions.
Detective Julio Sanchez: Right. Javier, we're not allowed to interview you, but there're two things that you should know. First, we're about to search your neighborhood for all the places that you could have buried Melissa Orr, paying special attention to your former addresses and homes of family members; and, secondly, whatever your relationship with Browning used to be, he doesn't like you anymore. It's gonna take days for the courts to find someone to defend you, since this is a death penalty case.
Javier 'Speedy' Reyes: Death? But... Well, c-can't you help me?
Captain Sharon Raydor: Not if you invoke your rights.
Javier 'Speedy' Reyes: But what if I gave up my rights?
Detective Julio Sanchez: Well, if you cooperate now, the DA has already agreed to give you a deal for second-degree murder - 17-to-life - so you have a parole date.
Captain Sharon Raydor: Of course, if you didn't kill Melissa, then you're okay.
Detective Julio Sanchez: And maybe you don't care about doing what's right, but maybe your relationship with Christ was like a joke that you played to get out of prison.
Javier 'Speedy' Reyes: It's not a joke. Christ is the only thing that matters in my life. The Bible says it. Look it up.


"Major Crimes: Under the Influence (#2.3)" (2013)
Detective Julio Sanchez: So, uh, Andrews? This TV show that you and Lieutenant Mike write for...
Lt. Mike Tao: I'm not the writer, I'm the technical advisor.
Jason Andrews: Right. Uh, Lieutenant Mike is just making sure that we follow rules and regulations and we use police jargon.
Detective Julio Sanchez: Okay. So what's this show about?
Jason Andrews: Uh, it's called "Badge of Justice," and it's about a small team of detectives fighting crime and corruption inside the LAPD.
Detective Julio Sanchez: [pause] What corruption?
Jason Andrews: Oh, you know, the usual - beating up suspects, planting evidence, uh, taking bribes, racial profiling...

Detective Julio Sanchez: Do you have a wife? Huh? I'm going to arrest her. You have a dog? I'm gonna kill it!
Lt. Mike Tao: [to Jason] He probably doesn't even have a dog.

Jason Andrews: [during a high speed chase] Uh, Det. Sanchez, if it's "s-safety first"...
Lt. Mike Tao: [observing traffic at intersections] Clear.
Jason Andrews: ...shouldn't you be wearing your seatbelt?
Detective Julio Sanchez: No.
Lt. Mike Tao: Clear. Clear.
Jason Andrews: It's, like, the law, though, right?
Detective Julio Sanchez: If somebody shoots at us, I wanna get out of the car, maybe jump out of the way. Seatbelts can get you killed.
[Jason moves to remove his seatbelt]
Detective Julio Sanchez: Don't do that.
Jason Andrews: Why not?
Lt. Mike Tao: If you hurt yourself through a crash, we have liability issues.
Detective Julio Sanchez: But if you get shot, we're off the hook, 'cause you signed a release.


"Major Crimes: Backfire (#2.10)" (2013)
Lt. Andy Flynn: Okay, so tell me, if your tracking device was so damn fantastic, how did you not know what was happening to this girl, huh?
Scott Shaw: I think Briana was drugged before she got into the car. Her heart rate and respiration slowed. We thought she had just fallen asleep on the way to an appointment. She did that sometimes. Then, abruptly, there was a spike in her pulse and blood pressure, probably as she struggled. And...
Detective Julio Sanchez: And what?
Scott Shaw: Her vital signs went off-line. Look, give me Jason Goss and I promise you, I'll make sure he pays for what he did here. I promise.
Detective Julio Sanchez: Just like you promised Briana?

Judge Grove: The deal which Mr. Goss agreed to, includes revealing those targeted for murder, along with the workings of the larger criminal enterprise?
D.D.A. Emma Rios: Yes, it does.
Judge Grove: Mr. Goss, given the issue of public safety, I will accept this plea. You are hereby remanded into state custody. Uh, now, DDA Rios, will I be seeing the driver of the car, this Cory Stark, in my courtroom as well?
Lt. Mike Tao: No, Your Honor, we regret to inform the court that Cory Stark was shot to death before we could take him into custody.
Jason Goss: Wait, what?
Detective Julio Sanchez: Mr. Stark was murdered yesterday afternoon. The FBI is holding several suspects. As part of their ongoing investigation, we've agreed to let them sort it out.
Jason Goss: You people lied to me.
Peter Page: All right. Take it easy.
Jason Goss: What do you mean take it...? You lied to me!

Judge Grove: It's nice to confirm that I was right and manslaughter was not the proper plea.
D.D.A. Emma Rios: I disagree, Your Honor. Because you held up our original deal, a man lost his life.
Judge Grove: You're referring to this Cory Stark guy, who drove the car from which his own girlfriend was pushed? Hold on, I'll get you a hanky.
D.D.A. Emma Rios: Your Honor, may I speak frankly? Off the record?
Judge Grove: Knock yourself out.
D.D.A. Emma Rios: As far as I'm concerned, the failure to give Mr. Goss a deal led directly to the execution of another person, and that is not how the justice system is supposed to work.
Judge Grove: It is in my courtroom. And anyway, we're adjourned.
Detective Julio Sanchez: [as DDA Rios sighs] Let's go. Buy you a cup of coffee.
D.D.A. Emma Rios: Oh, does this mean you're not mad at me anymore?
Detective Julio Sanchez: No. Means gonna buy you some coffee. Come on.


"Major Crimes: Internal Affairs (#3.17)" (2015)
Julio Sanchez: Wow... After everything... that I've done here... you two treat me the same way... that you would... a dirtbag suspect off the street... Am I under arrest, ma'am?
Sharon Raydor: No. Julio, everything we've done is to...
Julio Sanchez: My mom needs my help. Excuse me.
Louie Provenza: Julio.
Sharon Raydor: Of course.
Louie Provenza: Julio, we're doing this for your own good.
Mike Tao: [Sanchez walks to the elevator] Julio.
Julio Sanchez: Why didn't you tell me what was going on?
Mike Tao: There's an open I.A. investigation. If they knew we told you Tino was murdered before they questioned you, it's not good.
Julio Sanchez: Did you see the guy?
Mike Tao: I did.
Julio Sanchez: I messed him up. It's not like he was unconscious or anything. I mean, he ran away, Tao.
Mike Tao: I know you didn't do it. Meanwhile, you gotta follow procedure right now. Procedure is your friend, okay? Let us find the suspect.

Sgt. Staples: We've uncovered an unacceptable pattern of behavior that absolutely has to change. Although we've cleared you of criminal charges, during the course of our on-going investigation, we found several interactions with suspects in which you displayed an unwarranted amount of physical contact.
Louie Provenza: And, as I've pointed out, in each instance Detective Sanchez was severely reprimanded.
Sgt. Staples: And those reprimands are not having the desired effect, it seems, are they, Lieutenant?
Sharon Raydor: In consultation with Professional Standards, the sergeant and I have come up with a compromise that will allow you to remain on active duty.
Sgt. Staples: L.A.P.D. requires that you attend two anger management sessions a week over the next twelve months. Detective, I urge you to follow this solution in-in the hope that it can resolve this ongoing issue you have at work, and it seems, in your life. I will forward the paperwork over. Okay?
Julio Sanchez: Yes, okay.
Sgt. Staples: Very good.
Sharon Raydor: Thank you, Sergeant.
Sgt. Staples: Captain.
Sharon Raydor: Mm-hm.
Louie Provenza: Julio, this anger management is a "get out of jail free" card, and the compromise that the captain has worked out...
Julio Sanchez: I appreciate it, Captain. I do.
Sharon Raydor: I know, Julio, but you have to follow through with it, otherwise this deal falls completely apart.
Julio Sanchez: Don't worry, ma'am. I'm ready. In fact, I'm gonna need all the anger management help I can find.
[sighs]
Julio Sanchez: Excuse me.

[last lines]
Julio Sanchez: Mom, I'm home.
[sees Mrs. Sanchez]
Julio Sanchez: You look so pretty.
Ramona Sanchez: Well, if you're going to move home, the least I can do is dress my best.
[chuckles]
Ramona Sanchez: I can't believe that you're gonna be living in your old room again. It'll be different now. Now you'll have your own bed; and, maybe when I get better, you stay. Don't unpack now. Come into the den. My show is about to go on. And maybe you can make us some sandwiches. And, Julio, get me some socks. My feet are freezing. Oh, and I can't find the remote control anywhere. I know it's here somewhere, but it's not on the sofa where I like to keep it.
Julio Sanchez: [as Ramona keeps talking] Hail Mary, full of grace. Our Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Ramona Sanchez: Julio? Julio? Where are you going?


"Major Crimes: Reality Check (#4.13)" (2015)
Chip Cochran: Did Nate send you guys in here, 'cause I told him I'M NOT TALKIN' TO ANYBODY RIGHT NOW! You guys need to wait. Just make an appointment with my publicist.
Julio Sanchez: You don't ask the LAPD to wait, sir. We ask YOU to wait.

Mitzy Cochran: Hey! You can't cut me off from the world like that.
Julio Sanchez: The world wants a break.

Chip Cochran: Am I lucky or what?
Julio Sanchez: If you had been lucky, sir, your wife would've gotten out of the car instead of you, and you wouldn't have the rest of your life to wonder what... you could've done to save her. The, uh, LAPD sympathizes with your loss, sir. Excuse me.


"Major Crimes: Cutting Loose (#3.8)" (2014)
Sharon Raydor: [gives Sanchez a hug] Welcome back, Julio.
Julio Sanchez: Uh...
[looks puzzled]
Louie Provenza: Just say thank you.

Julio Sanchez: Did you see their car?
Hillary: Yeah, it was a cute old red convertible.
Julio Sanchez: Do you remember the make and the model of the car?
Hillary: Well, it was cute... and old... and red... and a convertible. That's pretty much it. Sorry, I don't know more.


"Major Crimes: Frozen Assets (#3.3)" (2014)
Carter Bradford: Oh, Falcon, huh? Who'd he bite now?
Amy Sykes: Actually, sir, Falcon's dead.
Julio Sanchez: Poisoned with arsenic.
Carter Bradford: Whoa. Do you know who Falcon left the house to?
Andy Flynn: [in the monitor room] God, I hope he isn't the brains of the family.

Mr. Baird: Could someone please explain how a killer confesses to a murder and then gets a deal for twenty-five years?
Mike Tao: If we'd gone to trial, our star witness would've been you.
Julio Sanchez: Juries don't like nutjobs.
Mr. Baird: Two hours ago, I felt like I was on top of the world. Right now, I feel very underappreciated.
Andy Flynn: Underappreciated, it's a way of life for us.
Amy Sykes: What do you know? Maybe you're a real detective after all.
Mr. Baird: Wow. I'm in the club, huh? Ha-ha-ha. Ah, well, awesome.


"Major Crimes: Leap of Faith (#3.16)" (2014)
Sharon Raydor: A very smart person could have watched how the window repairman entered Mr. George's house while he was away.
Julio Sanchez: Taking this key from above the front door and that's what our witness says he saw happen.
Sharon Raydor: He also says that he can identify the person who did it.
D.D.A. Andrea Hobbs: [in the monitor room] I wish we actually had an eyewitness.
Louie Provenza: We do, if they think we do.

Julio Sanchez: Do not get up without asking me!
Sharon Raydor: Julio.
Julio Sanchez: Just settin' the ground rules, ma'am. I'm not some helpless little girl, okay?


"Major Crimes: Sorry I Missed You (#4.2)" (2015)
Andy Flynn: Hey, Julio, did you make sure there's nothing in there directly related to, uh, Slider's trial?
Julio Sanchez: No, sir. I'm a complete idiot.

Julio Sanchez: Therapy doesn't fix everything.


"Major Crimes: Curve Ball (#2.15)" (2013)
Julio Sanchez: Hey, Lieutenant, someone just swiped one of the victim's credit cards at the Target in Westwood. Store security's holding him for us.
Buzz Watson: At least someone's getting their holiday shopping done.

Louie Provenza: Hey, Sanchez, what'd this guy buy at Target?
Julio Sanchez: Electric train set, sir.
Alex Bennett: [on the monitor screen] And we've got two little boys. I only used that credit card to buy them one thing, so they'd have something to open from Santa.
Buzz Watson: Oh, my God. I didn't think it was possible but... Christmas just got more depressing.


"Major Crimes: False Pretenses (#2.2)" (2013)
D.D.A. Emma Rios: Lieutenant Provenza?
Lt. Louie Provenza: Yes.
D.D.A. Emma Rios: Good morning, Lieutenant.
Lt. Louie Provenza: Yeah.
D.D.A. Emma Rios: Is it... is it bad?
Lt. Louie Provenza: Well, I've seen worse. Anyway, I was just going upstairs with the suicide. You're welcome to join me.
D.D.A. Emma Rios: Well, well, maybe I should look.
[gasps]
D.D.A. Emma Rios: Her face is missing, Lieutenant! You said...
Lt. Louie Provenza: I said that I had seen worse - and I have.
Lt. Andy Flynn: He has.
Lt. Louie Provenza: Emma, if you're going to continue to come to the morgue and to the crime scenes, you have got to get used to it.
Detective Julio Sanchez: Uh, here, uh, let me help you.
D.D.A. Emma Rios: Oh, thanks.
Detective Julio Sanchez: This way. Here, I got you a coffee.
D.D.A. Emma Rios: Seriously? Thank you. Mm... I didn't have time to stop on my way in. How did you know?
Detective Julio Sanchez: I'm a detective.
Lt. Louie Provenza: Excuse me, Detective.

D.D.A. Emma Rios: This document confirms your agreement to serve a total of four years for all these robberies. I've included the names and addresses...
Assistant Chief Taylor: [in the monitor room] So I assume one of those robberies includes the house where he stole the murder weapon.
Lt. Louie Provenza: It does.
D.D.A. Emma Rios: If you would put your signature at the bottom, we'll set a court date for next week and we'll get this in front of a judge.
Roland Jennings: Is that it?
Captain Sharon Raydor: There is one more thing.
Detective Julio Sanchez: You just confessed to robbing Stewart Ness.
Captain Sharon Raydor: And in the stolen property report that he filled out, it lists this gun.
Roland Jennings: What the hell is this? You can't add gun charges to these robberies.
Captain Sharon Raydor: We found this weapon that your client stole at the scene of an attempted robbery, matching his M.O. in Venice where we also found a double homicide.
Roland Jennings: What?
Tyler Allen: Wait, I... No, I read about that in the paper. They said it was a murder-suicide.
Captain Sharon Raydor: Oh, well, sometimes the press gets it wrong.


"Major Crimes: There's No Place Like Home (#2.9)" (2013)
Detective Amy Sykes: Welcome to Lost Horizon, also known as the land that time forgot.
Detective Julio Sanchez: Hope we get in and out before the place falls down.
Buzz Watson: If I close my eyes, I can hear the bulldozers.
Lt. Louie Provenza: Hey, just because something's old doesn't mean it's not serving a good purpose.

Detective Julio Sanchez: Where were you the night Ed Dagby supposedly committed suicide?
Agent Mark Evans: Out with friends. It was a special night... Wait. Wait a minute. You really think I had something to do with... Uh, uh, "Supposedly committed suicide?" What's that... what's that mean?
Captain Sharon Raydor: We're thinking that Dagby's death was more of a murder.
Agent Mark Evans: Oh... All right, okay, look, look, um... Ed needs to have committed suicide.
Lt. Louie Provenza: Oh, boy.
Agent Mark Evans: Ed was found in his apartment with the gas turned on, right? I mean, how is that not a suicide?
Detective Julio Sanchez: He was dead before the oven was turned on.
Agent Mark Evans: Uh... no, no, no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no. You see, uh... uh... I'm gonna be totally honest here. If you'd known Ed Dagby, you would realize that killing himself was the only decent thing he had done his whole life. I mean, the coroner said he thought it was a suicide. Can't we just stick with that?
Detective Amy Sykes: Is he kidding?
Lt. Louie Provenza: No, he's hiding something, and we probably need to find out what it is.


"The Closer: The Round File (#3.5)" (2007)
Julio Sanchez: Kills me. White people pay all this money to store their family in places like this. We throw some carpet in the garage - everyone's welcome.

Detective Lt. Provenza: [going through the suspect's room] Wait a minute. I do recognize him. Yeah, Baxter. Donald Baxter. He had the police beat on the newspaper when I was first starting out, Chief. How did he end up here?
Julio Sanchez: Don't worry, Lieutenant. I'll come visit you.


"Major Crimes: Party Foul (#3.12)" (2014)
Julio Sanchez: Well, come on, "No Romeo", time to take it all off.
Wesley Grant: You don't even understand what "No Romeo" means, do you? Romeo starts off loving this girl named Rosaline, talking about how no one else could ever matter to him, and then the moment he sees Juliet, Rosaline ceases to exist. Well, I'm "No Romeo". Nothing will ever make me stop loving Keisha. That's what "No Romeo" means.

Julio Sanchez: You coming back with us, sir?
Louie Provenza: No. Like I have most of my life - I'm waiting to talk to the girl.


"Major Crimes: I, Witness (#2.4)" (2013)
D.D.A. Emma Rios: I've got fifteen minutes to get to court and persuade the judge that Lloyd Gibbs is a credible witness being unfairly detained. Anybody care to come back me up?
Detective Julio Sanchez: I will. This evidence is total bullshit.
D.D.A. Emma Rios: Thank you. It's nice to know I have at least one friend here, Detective Lopez.

Lt. Louie Provenza: Flynn, be careful. Your blood pressure!
Lt. Andy Flynn: What? What the...? You just told the entire world that I have high blood pressure. Now everyone knows.
Lt. Louie Provenza: They didn't hear me. Nobody heard me, did they?
Lt. Mike Tao: I heard you.
Detective Julio Sanchez: You said "high blood pressure."
Detective Amy Sykes: Explains a lot. I mean, not everything, but a lot.
Lt. Andy Flynn: You see? What did I ask you?
Lt. Louie Provenza: Just take it easy. Yank on your ear lobe or something.
Lt. Andy Flynn: Don't tell me to take it easy, okay? I asked you to do one simple thing. Not tell anybody about my blood pressure! What do you do? You tell the world.
Lt. Louie Provenza: It just slipped out!
Lt. Andy Flynn: Oh, really?
Lt. Louie Provenza: Really!
Lt. Andy Flynn: Really?
Lt. Louie Provenza: Really!
Lt. Andy Flynn: Really?
[falls down]


"Major Crimes: The Deep End (#2.8)" (2013)
D.D.A. Emma Rios: Lieutenant Provenza, it might be wise for you to talk to the press and straighten things out.
Lt. Louie Provenza: I'm working a murder, not a political sideshow.
D.D.A. Emma Rios: If you're busy, what about Detective Sanchez, then?
Detective Julio Sanchez: Good luck.

Assistant Chief Taylor: Unbelievable! There's no crime we can charge this guy with.
Detective Julio Sanchez: So we're just gonna let him walk?
Assistant Chief Taylor: Well, we can't go around asking people if Frey did horrible things to their kids. We come up short with that, Frey could sue us for destroying his reputation.
Captain Sharon Raydor: So, let's protect him. Let's put out a press release saying the rumors of molestation are groundless.
Assistant Chief Taylor: Wait, wait, hold on. What rumors? There are no rumors.
Captain Sharon Raydor: You want our media friends to have an alternative to the story about race, right?
Assistant Chief Taylor: Would telling reporters that we are trying to head off rumors of child molestation protect us from liability issues?
D.D.A. Emma Rios: Yes, but I don't see how that would help us with this case.
Captain Sharon Raydor: Not only will it help, but if Frey is the man we think he is, a story saying we've cleared him of sexually assaulting a minor might be our only chance of putting him away.


"Major Crimes: Boys Will Be Boys (#2.6)" (2013)
Detective Julio Sanchez: Just one more thing to do.
Lewis Gates: I didn't murder her.
Detective Julio Sanchez: No, you murdered her family. You made it your mission to make this kid feel like a monster, but YOU'RE the monster. Do you know what we do to monsters, Lewis?
Lewis Gates: [flippantly] Kill 'em with a pitchfork?
Detective Julio Sanchez: That would be great, but, as it is, we can only lock 'em up in jail, which is where you're going until you turn eighteen.
Lewis Gates: What the hell are you talking about? I didn't do anything to this freak.
Detective Julio Sanchez: Not true. These pictures prove that you committed sexual battery, which is good enough to put you away in juvie.
Lewis Gates: What? You can't... you can't... You can't do that.
Detective Julio Sanchez: I can. And, hey, have a miserable life.


"The Closer: Identity Theft (#5.9)" (2009)
James Clark: And did you find me well-behaived?
Julio Sanchez: Oh, yeah. You were great.


"Major Crimes: Letting It Go (#3.4)" (2014)
Louie Provenza: Talk to her father, her brothers, any other angry guy in her life.
Andy Flynn: Yeah, well, if my daughter was raped and the guy got away with it... I don't know what I would do.
Julio Sanchez: Make sure we'd never find the body.
Andy Flynn: You wouldn't find blood in the drain like I just did.


"The Closer: Layover (#6.4)" (2010)
[running gag on word choice]
Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson: So how does a criminal with a drug history end up dead in the bathroom of a stewardess's condo?
Julio Sanchez: Uh, I think they're called "flight attendants" now, Chief.


"Major Crimes: Hindsight, Part 3 (#4.21)" (2016)
Emile Fisher: And does your warrant include my Mercedes, 'cause it's your lucky day: I got Jimmy Hoffa in my trunk.
Sharon Raydor: Take him at his word.
Julio Sanchez: You have Hoffa in the trunk? Wow, we've been lookin' for him.


"Major Crimes: Fifth Dynasty (#4.10)" (2015)
Kenny: White people made this country the most powerful on Earth. You expect us to just give that up without bloodshed?
Julio Sanchez: As long as it's your blood, buddy.


"The Closer: Last Rites (#7.19)" (2012)
Julio Sanchez: Sir. The next time you receive last rites, I'll be there in the viewing room, probably standing next to your two sons - and make sure you wave before they put the needle in your arm.


"The Closer: Time Bomb (#4.10)" (2008)
Julio Sanchez: Yeah, the neighbor who called in the "shots fired" knew him as Darren. Last name on the mailbox is Melman.
Louie Provenza: Well, my vast experience as a detective tells me that his name is... Darren Melman.


"Major Crimes: Turn Down (#4.4)" (2015)
Louie Provenza: Can you believe I was married five times and the thought of running away never occurred to me once?
Julio Sanchez: What about your wife, sir?


"Major Crimes: Hindsight, Part 5 (#4.23)" (2016)
Julio Sanchez: "I'm sorry"... won't cut it.


"Major Crimes: Off the Wagon (#5.8)" (2016)
Julio Sanchez: Very vanilla


"Major Crimes: Do Not Disturb (#3.5)" (2014)
Julio Sanchez: Oh, hey, Sykes, I forgot. Cooper stopped by earlier and said he was gonna be late to dinner.
Amy Sykes: I'm not going to dinner with Lt. Cooper.
Andy Flynn: I'm surprised you guys ever came back from surveillance.
Buzz Watson: You're dating Cooper?
Rusty Beck: People don't know that yet?
Amy Sykes: There is nothing to know.
Mike Tao: Oh, let the girl be happy.
Louie Provenza: Or, as happy as anyone can be in a relationship. Good night, everybody. I hope to see none of you before morning.
Rusty Beck: Well, uh, but, actually, could you wait just a second? I wanted to ask all of you a question. Would it bother any of you, or... w-would any of you think differently about me if I... if I said... if I said I was gay?
Mike Tao: Oh, you're gay?
Buzz Watson: We did not know that.
Andy Flynn: I think after we get past the initial shock...
[Julio snorts]
Louie Provenza: Julio, this is serious. The answer is, if you told us you were gay, we'd think that you trusted us more, and then we would trust YOU more. Did you hear that, Sykes?
Amy Sykes: Oh, my God. I'm dating Lieutenant Cooper. There, are you happy?
Andy Flynn: I knew it!
Mike Tao: Ha-ha-ha. Pay up, Buzz.
Buzz Watson: Give me a second.
Louie Provenza: Sykes, you do know that you have to inform the captain?
Amy Sykes: I did, which is how you knew.
Rusty Beck: No. No, no, no. I knew because I saw the two of you outside of SOB. I was heading in for therapy appointment with Dr. Joe, and you were dropping Lieutenant Cooper off... out front.
Amy Sykes: You didn't say anything.
Rusty Beck: Well, you guys were making out. What was I supposed to say?
[all laughing]


"Major Crimes: Sweet Revenge (#3.9)" (2014)
Julio Sanchez: [passing a paper] Last one. And thanks for your help. Maybe an ex-FBI guy can work out over here after all.
Fritz Howard: Thanks for the vote of confidence, Julio... I'm gonna say goodnight to Mike.


"The Closer: Heart Attack (#6.5)" (2010)
Julio Sanchez: Ruben's better off with me and my family, and I'm not giving him back.


"Major Crimes: Open Line (#4.3)" (2015)
Julio Sanchez: MMA fighter Felix "Hammerhead" Koster.
Sharon Raydor: You know him?
Julio Sanchez: Well, not personally, but I've watched him in the ring. He's got a chance at a big title coming up. Lots of money, endorsements.
Dr. Morales: Hard to believe he'd give that up to go a few rounds with his girlfriend.
Julio Sanchez: Anger's a funny thing.


"Major Crimes: Return to Sender, Part 2 (#2.19)" (2014)
Julio Sanchez: It's all right. I wake up screaming too.
[pause]
Julio Sanchez: This place is pretty scary, huh? You'll feel better after you say your piece in court today.
Rusty Beck: Has there been an arrest yet?
Julio Sanchez: Don't worry about that guy. I'm gonna kill that guy.


"The Closer: Silent Partner (#7.15)" (2011)
Julio Sanchez: The important thing here, Chief: J-Rock was killed by his own gang.
Brenda Leigh Johnson: Like Turell.
Julio Sanchez: Like Turell. That's not done without permission.
Brenda Leigh Johnson: So, who's the shot-caller inside the One-Ten-Crips? Is there a way to follow the money trail on an inside gang killing?
Julio Sanchez: It's all cash business, but we could look back to see if any of the One-Ten-Crips spent a lot of money after Turell died, but that's only gonna help get the kids who did the dirty work and not the guy in charge.
Brenda Leigh Johnson: If whoever ordered the hit on J-Rock also ordered the hit on Turell, then all this violence goes back to the convenience store Turell robbed, the owner and his grandson that he shot to death.
Julio Sanchez: Looking at that store - s'a good idea. It was protected. There's gotta be a reason for that.
Brenda Leigh Johnson: Maybe we should also find out who paid for the funerals of that poor old man and that little boy.
Julio Sanchez: Not we. You.
Brenda Leigh Johnson: Whadda you mean?
Julio Sanchez: Chief, Goldman's here, in this print shed, right now. Everything that you say and everything that you do will get back to him. You need to follow up without us. When you're not sure who you can trust, Chief - don't trust anyone.
Brenda Leigh Johnson: But, Julio, these people are my friends.
Julio Sanchez: That's what J-Rock was thinking when he parked the car.


"The Closer: High Crimes (#6.12)" (2010)
Brenda Leigh Johnson: [viewing robbery footage] They wait for someone to leave. Why don't they enter directly?
Buzz Watson: Most marijuana dispensaries have electronic security doors that only unlock from the inside.
Louie Provenza: And you know this because...?
Buzz Watson: My mom has a prescription for pot.
Brenda Leigh Johnson: Oh. What's wrong with her?
Buzz Watson: She has insomnia and glaucoma. I-I have to guide her to the door sometimes.
Andy Flynn: Ever buy anything?
Julio Sanchez: How do you think he got the name "Buzz?"


"The Closer: Standards and Practices (#1.13)" (2005)
Brenda Leigh Johnson: So you both work for the Pruitts?
Gardener #1: Yes.
Brenda Leigh Johnson: And were you working at the Pruitt's house two evenings ago?
Gardener #1: Yes.
Brenda Leigh Johnson: And did you climb Mount Everest in your underpants?
Gardener #1: Yes.
Detective Julio Sanchez: Maybe this would go a little quicker if I handled it, Chief.
Brenda Leigh Johnson: You think?
Detective Julio Sanchez: Yes.


"Major Crimes: The Ecstasy and the Agony (#1.4)" (2012)
Julio Sanchez: Anything wrong, señor?
Louie Provenza: Other than watching everything I care about being taken from me as I shuffle towards the grave, and having my breakfast interrupted by another murder? Not much.


"Major Crimes: Hindsight, Part 2 (#4.20)" (2016)
Louie Provenza: I say we draw straws. Short one gets to shoot him.
Andy Flynn: It's not worth wasting a bullet.
Julio Sanchez: I'll donate one.


"The Closer: Tapped Out (#5.6)" (2009)
David Gabriel: This? This is the Hook-Up King? This method must really work.
Julio Sanchez: [smiling] It does.


"The Closer: Junk in the Trunk (#4.12)" (2009)
Julio Sanchez: Tell the chief I went to therapy.


"Major Crimes: Out of Bounds (#1.6)" (2012)
Julio Sanchez: You don't get to pick your parents, Captain.
Sharon Raydor: [seeing Rusty walk into view] No, you don't.


"Major Crimes: Special Master: Part Two (#3.19)" (2015)
Julio Sanchez: You like shooting at cops, huh? Is that it? You like to shoot at cops and kill girls?
Markos Christakis aka Burning Man: Stop. Stop.


"The Closer: You Have the Right to Remain Jolly (#7.12)" (2011)
Julio Sanchez: This is a lot of Christmas cheer, Chief. Drugs, cash... add in the elf sex.


"Major Crimes: Risk Assessment (#2.16)" (2013)
Rusty Beck: So, uh, Julio? May I ask you a personal question? How did you decide to join the police?
Julio Sanchez: Uh, when I was tirteen, a couple of gangsters murdered my cat Osa. I decided to keep track of her killers so one day I could arrest them.
Rusty Beck: For killing your cat?
Julio Sanchez: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Um, eventually, I got them for attempted murder and rape. You know, by then, they were third strikers, so I put them away for the rest of their lives. It felt good.


"Major Crimes: Poster Boy (#2.11)" (2013)
Julio Sanchez: Buzz, let me film the body.
Buzz Watson: It's my job.
Lt. Andy Flynn: Trust me. It's nothing you need to see.


"The Closer: Fate Line (#4.14)" (2009)
Brenda Leigh Johnson: Will someone please call the paramedics? I want her taken out of here in an ambulance.
Julio Sanchez: But, Chief, she's dead.
Brenda Leigh Johnson: Well, then, you better hurry.


"Major Crimes: Taking the Fall (#4.14)" (2015)
Louie Provenza: [hoping to scoot out from the investigation to retrieve a ham from a free-range butcher] So what are we investigating, a scuffle between two saints?
Julio Sanchez: [to Sharon] Oh, I wouldn't say that. According to the HR department at Hamilton/Lockwood where Mr. Palmer worked, there were two complaints filed against him professionally. One through his office, accusing him of making sexually inappropriate remarks and jokes, ma'am...
Louie Provenza: Oh, well, did you write any of the jokes down?
[chuckles]
Louie Provenza: [noting Capt. Raydor's disapproving gaze] Well, you know, just to see how inflammatory they were.
Sharon Raydor: Don't lose your ham, Lieutenant.


"The Closer: Live Wire (#4.4)" (2008)
Det. Julio Sanchez: You have the right to SHUT UP! Any stupid thing you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If your broke ass can't afford an attorney, one will be appointed to your stupid ass.
[Further utterances travel out of earshot]


"Major Crimes: Trial by Fire (#3.14)" (2014)
Andy Flynn: [sees "Application for Retirement" form on his desk] What is this? Some kind of a joke?
Louie Provenza: Heh, you... you didn't print up a retirement application?
Mike Tao: Oh, that's mine. Forgot all about it, and it's not about retiring. It's about the deferred pension program. My business manager wants to check it out.
[chuckles]
Julio Sanchez: Deferred pension?
Buzz Watson: What is that?
Mike Tao: Well, ideally, you put away more money from your paycheck, so you can save it tax-free until you retire.
Amy Sykes: What... what, you have a business manager?
Mike Tao: Well, he deals mainly with my consulting fees from "Badge of Justice".
Andy Flynn: Oh, my God, how much do you make on the show anyway?
Mike Tao: Well, my business manager said I shouldn't talk about it.
Louie Provenza: Wait, wait, wait, so you're not thinking about calling it quits?
Andy Flynn: Of course I think about it. Every day. But the truth is... I've given up so much of my life for this job, including a decent relationship with my children and most of my faith in the human race, that there's... no place else on earth that I fit in.
Louie Provenza: Now, that's the right attitude.