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Quotes for
Agent 44 (Character)
from "Get Smart" (1965)

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"Get Smart: Ice Station Siegfried (#5.13)" (1969)
Agent Quigley: Say, eh, how do you stand all that heat in there?
Agent 44: [stationed inside a burning stove] I'm wearing Bermuda shorts.

Agent 99: What are our instructions?
Agent 44: [stationed inside a burning stove] You're to go to the bar, and order a beer. Then bring it back here, and I'll give you further instructions.

"Get Smart: Aboard the Orient Express (#1.13)" (1965)
Maxwell Smart: I had to destroy the first message. Do you have a copy?
Agent 44: Well you know 86, secret message paper doesn't grow on trees...

Agent 44: You know everything costs so much today. Guns and knives are expensive, poison is up, strangling wire is 6.80 a yard.

"Get Smart: Hubert's Unfinished Symphony (#1.26)" (1966)
Agent 44: [Agent 44 is stationed upside down in a cello case] Hey 86, you know, I'm getting tired of these assignments. The blood's been rushing to my head all day. I had an awful time digesting my dinner.
Maxwell Smart: Anything I can do for ya?
Agent 44: Just one thing. Could you pick up the loose change from the bottom of the case? It keeps falling out of my pockets.

Agent 99: [Agent 44 is still stuck in a cello case] Hello 44.
Agent 44: Hello 66.
Agent 99: 66? I'm 99.
Agent 44: Well I'm upside down.

"Get Smart: Ship of Spies: Part 1 (#1.27)" (1966)
Maxwell Smart: [# 44 is hanging outside the porthole to Max' cabbin on the Evening Star] Nice to see that you're here backing me up. How far out are we?
Agent 44: Oh, about twenty miles.
Maxwell Smart: Oh, how can you tell?
Agent 44: Well this is my fifth trip, you get so you can recognize the signs.
[a wave crashes over him]
Agent 44: The temperature of the water, the kind of seagulls, the number of fish around.
Maxwell Smart: Oh, are there fish around?
Agent 44: Sure, take a look.
[scoops over so Max can look out the porthole to see a couple of menacing fins sticking out of the water]
Maxwell Smart: Oh yes, I see them. Quite a bit of them, too. What are they?
Agent 44: Sharks.
[Max does a double take]
Agent 44: There's nothing to worry about. There just waiting around for something to eat.
Maxwell Smart: Like what?
Agent 44: Like me.

"Get Smart: Ship of Spies: Part 2 (#1.28)" (1966)
Agent 44: [hiding in a funnel] What took you so long to get here?
Maxwell Smart: Well, first of all, we had to decode that secret message you left on the porthole.
Agent 44: Was it hard? You know, secret messages are one of my specialties.
Maxwell Smart: I've seen harder...
Agent 99: [lying] Max figured it out right away.
Agent 44: You did? Well you wait until next time. I've got a humdinger. You'll never get it!
Maxwell Smart: What are you talking about, 44? What good is a secret message if n one cn understand it?
Agent 44: Listen, 86, I don't have much fun on this job. There's no mingling with the glamorous passengers. No deck tennis. No gala evenings at the captain's table. No, no, not for me.
Maxwell Smart: Take it easy, 44, take it easy!
Agent 44: I mean, a spy can only take so muuch. Funnels and portholes and sleeping in the cargo hold. Hiding, always hiding. I want to come in from the cold.

"Get Smart: Back to the Old Drawing Board (#1.19)" (1966)
Agent 44: [breaks down and cries] It isn't fair, I'm a good agent. I haven't been able to wear my tuxedo once. Not once! And who'd see it in a clock?

"Get Smart: Ironhand (#5.2)" (1969)
Agent 44: [in baby carriage] Hello 86.
Maxwell Smart: Is that you, 44?
Agent 44: No, it's Spiro Agnew. Of course it's me. Who else would get a job like this?
Maxwell Smart: Spiro Agnew?