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: [watching a zombie film
] I thought that guy was dead. David Hogan
: He was. Mark Hogan
: You probably didn't recognize him without his face. Sandy Hogan
: No, no, no. If he's dead, then how can he be back there... eating that policeman!
: Pass me the cereal, would you? Willie Hogan
: Sure. David Hogan
: [turns to David with the cereal, but he's turned into a zombie
] Now give me the milk.
: [refusing to watch the rest of a zombie film
] No, really, I can't. I'm going to bed and if you were smart, you'd all do the same. David Hogan
: Relax, it's ok. Willie Hogan
: Yeah, we can handle it. Mark Hogan
: Oh, gross! David Hogan
: Eww. Willie Hogan
: What a way to go! Sandy Hogan
: Zombie High must have a hell of a football team.
: Hey Sandy, we rented this video, wanna watch it with us? Sandy Hogan
: What is it? Willie Hogan
: Nightmare at Zombie High. Sandy Hogan
: Now whatever happened to wholesome entertainment? Like Porky's?
: [watching a horror movie
] Pretty scary, huh? Sandy Hogan
: You know what is scary? That you three boys consider watching this a good time.
: [after recounting the horrible flight he just piloted
] I tell you, by the time the plane landed, I was ready to murder someone. Hi Dave. David Hogan
: [hugging his father and very apologetic
] Dad, I'm sorry! Michael Hogan
: What? What, it's not your fault, Dave. What's the matter with him? David Hogan
: I didn't mean to, I know I was wrong! And I promise I'll never take your car even if my life depended on it! But I'll make it up to you dad, please, please, you gotta forgive me! Michael Hogan
: Forgive you, David? What fo... My caaaar? Val, he said something about my car!
: Here's what happened, Mike. He took the car out for a short ride... Michael Hogan
: He WHAT? David Hogan
: Yeah. And I was in an accident. Michael Hogan
: An accident? Valerie Hogan
: Yes. A bad accident. And although he's fine, the car was totalled. Michael Hogan
: Totalled? How totalled? Valerie Hogan
: Totally totalled. Michael Hogan
: Totally totalled? Valerie Hogan
: Wrecked, Mike. Bashed. Gone. Pfft. The car is no more. David Hogan
: [suddenly hugging him with Valerie in between them
] I'm sorry, Dad! Michael Hogan
: Oh, wait a minute, ok, ha ha ha, bad joke, guys. Valerie Hogan
: Oh, no, We're not joking. We're not, honey, would that it were a joke. We have pictures here that we took for the insurance company.
[hands him pictures
] Michael Hogan
: [looking at them
] What is this? David Hogan
: It's your car. Michael Hogan
: This? THIS? This is not my car. No, how can this be my car? Valerie Hogan
: Well, if you sort of put the pictures together like that, then you can see that it, uh, it's uh... Michael Hogan
: [with grief in his voice
] My car!
: [Mark and Willie have chicken pox
] Dave, will you play with us? David Hogan
: Sure. Give me a pen and I can play connect the dots on your face.
: Mom, what are you doing up? Valerie Hogan
: My stomach started to settle so I came in here to make it turn again. This is my kitchen. My kitchen, and you have defiled it! Mark Hogan
: Mom,don't get upset. Valerie Hogan
: Some ravioli in the silverware drawer, don't get upset. Upset? I am... I am... look at this. Look. My slippers are stuck to the floor.
: [walks in and sees Willie on the couch and Valerie tending to him
] I don't believe this. I thought we Hogans came from hearty stock! Valerie Hogan
: David, I'm glad you're home, I really need your help. David Hogan
: [spots the bowl on the table
] The Big Bowl! This is getting way out of hand!
: I know tv's not real, ok. Valerie Hogan
: Do you? Do you know that? Willie Hogan
: Ye, I know. Valerie Hogan
: Then don't you pull something this serious and expect to get off with a little speech and a hug. That's not how things work in the real world, you understand me? That's television, that's entertainment. There's no way we're going to fix this in half an hour, believe you, me. Sit down! Sit. Sit yourself right down! Sit! Driving our car! Willie Hogan
: I'm sorry. I'll never do it again. Valerie Hogan
: But Willie, this is different. This is not like some of the other stunts you have pulled in the past. Don't you see, running away from the scene of an accident is not only totally irresponsible, but it's against the law. You could have hurt yourself. You could have hurt somebody else, or worse! Then you would have had that to live with the rest of your life. Willie Hogan
: I know. I'll work to pay for the damage and... Valerie Hogan
: William. Because I love you, I want you to hear this, and hear it good. You have done damage that is NOT THAT EASY TO REPAIR! You stood in this kitchen and allowed me to blame your brother, poor David! My goodness, I was accusing him and you, boy, I am so... I always thought of you as a pretty honest guy, you know. But you lied to me. But now, how can I be sure when you're telling me the truth? Willie Hogan
: You'll never trust me again? Valerie Hogan
: Not for a while, no. Trust has to be earned. You're gonna have to be honest with me, and then in time, I will be able to trust you again. David Hogan
: [David comes home and knows what just happened instantly
] Hi. Valerie Hogan
: [glad to see him
] David, I need to talk to you. David Hogan
: Sure. Valerie Hogan
: In the living room, please dear. This is not over, Will. I will be back.
: [comes home
] Hi. Valerie Hogan
: Hello. David Hogan
: Brr, it's cold in here. Valerie Hogan
: Don't you have something you have to tell me? David Hogan
: [Willie comes into the room
] About what? Oh, the, uh, car. Valerie Hogan
: Yes. David Hogan
: I uh, I didn't wash it. Valerie Hogan
: And? David Hogan
: And? Valerie Hogan
: Aaannnd? David Hogan
: And, uh... I'm sorry. Valerie Hogan
: That's it? David Hogan
: I'm very sorry. Valerie Hogan
: That's all you have to say for yourself? David Hogan
: Mom, I had no idea you'd be this upset, look I'll take care of it first thing tomorrow morning. Valerie Hogan
: Oh, Mr Casual, listen David, we're talking about major issues. Like responsibility, and morality, and integrity! David Hogan
: Mom, mom, mom get a grip, we're talking about a dirty convertible. Valerie Hogan
: Do not insult my intelligence, please. David Hogan
: Mom, look I didn't even take out dad's car, so why should I... Valerie Hogan
: David, don't lie to me, you hit a parked car! David Hogan
: No I didn't. Valerie Hogan
: Yes you did. David Hogan
: Mom, this is nuts, I don't even know what you're talking about. Valerie Hogan
: I would like to believe that. David Hogan
: But you don't! Listen talk to me a little later when you've cooled down and you're willing to accept your sons word!
[Willie keeps his silence
: [after discussing burying the family dog by the rose bush
] Willie, perhaps the other dogs will not have the same respect for Murray that we have. Willie Hogan
: What do you mean? Mark Hogan
: Well, eventually, Murray will be reburied all OVER the block. David Hogan
: Ok, in the first place, that's disgusting.
: Where did Murray love to go? David Hogan
: In my helmet. Willie Hogan
: David, I mean to be? Besides the roof, the rosebush! Right beside the rosebush was his favorite place. Why don't we bury him there? That way his bones will be with his bones. Barbara Goodwin
: Pet cemetery? Next to my fence? Doesn't anybody read Stephen King?
Mrs. Patty Poole
: Sandy, I really appreciate you looking after the house while we're gone. Sandy Hogan
: No problem. Mrs. Patty Poole
: Now, Casey's dog food is right by his bowl, and in the morning we let Mr Tweeters out of his cage for a little exercise. David Hogan
: Mr Tweeters? Mrs. Patty Poole
: Oh, he's our new cockatoo. Peter Poole
: Be careful! He's a pecker. Sandy Hogan
: I beg your pardon?
: If you both got over it, why wouldn't you talk to me? David Hogan
: Well, because we wanted to teach you a lesson. Once we got started, uh, it was kind of fun. Willie Hogan
: FUN? David Hogan
: Look Willie, didn't you ever pick on someone that you didn't hate just because it was easy and you could? It was a stupid game and it got out of hand, all right? Mark Hogan
: If we'd known you were taking it so hard, we would have stopped. David Hogan
: And, we're sorry. Willie Hogan
: You're sorry? David Hogan
: Look, this is probably the first time in the history of the world that two brothers have apologized to a third brother at the same time, so enjoy it while it lasts.
: I just want you to remember something. We are all very lucky to be alive. Willie Hogan
: I don't feel very lucky. Mark Hogan
: Yeah, me neither. David Hogan
: Yeah, but you are. I mean, we all are. Michael Hogan
: How's that, Dave? David Hogan
: Uh, no, nothing. Michael Hogan
: No, no no. Come on, come on. You seem to be handling this better than your brothers. David Hogan
: Well, I remember driving down the street, seeing our house on fire and, uh, not knowing where you were. I never felt so lonely. I mean that is the most frightened that I have ever been. And as I ran, I prayed. Dear God, I just lost my mother. Don't take them too. Sandy Hogan
] Oh, Dave. David Hogan
: But when I came up and I saw you all standing there all together, and ok... I never felt so lucky. So, uh, happy. Even while I was watching our house go up in flames. Well, are we gonna have dinner or what? Sandy Hogan
: Get the salad. Michael Hogan
: Hey, how about a little music, huh? Michael Hogan
: [everyone sits down to dinner
] Would anybody like to say grace? Sandy Hogan
: [after a pause
] I think Dave just did.
: [after finding David's condoms
] Charlotte, keeps saying she can't believe how grown up you are. Sometimes I still think of you as a little boym when here you are, almost a man, Dave. Yes, I do know that you're a pretty mature guy, and, uh, your *purchase* shows you're a pretty responsible guy too. Well, I'm not gonna lie to you I am a little shocked- no, I am a lot shocked- but I don't want you to be embarrassed. David Hogan
: What should I be? Valerie Hogan
: Locked in the garage until you're thirty.
: Hey Rich, do me a favor. Next time you decide to get wasted, do it far away from me, ok? Rich
: You know, even if I had a little buzz on, I was feeling good, ok? I thought that's why you threw the party in the first place. David Hogan
: So you could get tanked? No. I thought I was cheering up a friend by having a few people over. Rich
: A friend? You treated me like I was one of your baby brothers! Who are you to tell me what I can or can't do? What else do I need your permission for? 'Dave, can I go to the bathroom'? David Hogan
: Look, why don't you just go? Rich
: I am. But I could have driven. David Hogan
: But I didn't think so, ok? I had to make a judgment call and I'm not sorry. Because I would rather have you hate me then live the rest of my life knowing they had to scrape my best friend off the highway because I kept my mouth shut. And you're right about something else. I treated you exactly like I would have treated a brother.
: Hiya. What? David Hogan
: Two hundred cars in the whole school parking lot, and they gotta steal MY radio! Valerie Hogan
: Oh David, please don't tell me this, not again. I mean, how did they get in this time? Did you leave the doors unlocked again? David Hogan
: Of course not. Valerie Hogan
: Oh good. What, did they smash the windows? David Hogan
: No. Fortunately, I left those rolled down.