Sam Axe
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Quotes for
Sam Axe (Character)
from "Burn Notice" (2007)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
Burn Notice: The Fall of Sam Axe (2011) (TV)
Sam Axe: You feel like advising an old buddy with a sticky situation?
Michael Westen: How sticky?
Sam Axe: Sticky like let's get a table and a few more rounds.

Adm. James G. Lawrence: That's blackmail.
Sam Axe: Actually, sir, I believe this form of extortion is known as "graymail". It's much nicer than blackmail.

Sam Axe: [after throwing a chainsaw at a group of attackers] Very groovy!

Adm. Gregory Maitland: You were in my house, in bed with my wife! And don't even try to deny it, 'cause I found your belt. This look familiar? I talked to Donna, and she told me everything.
Sam Axe: Admiral, I was unaware, sir, that she was your significant other.
Adm. Gregory Maitland: You were unaware? You're a Navy SEAL! You're trained in battlefield awareness, and you didn't see my name on the mailbox?
Sam Axe: Well, sir, I wasn't exactly in that frame of mind, sir. As you can imagine, sir, I was otherwise occupied, sir. I'll stop talking now, sir.

Rawlins: [Sam is wearing bright blue fatigues] You do know most of Colombia's green, right?
Sam Axe: Yeah, I don't think the guy who issued them wanted me to blend in.

[Sam confesses to Michael that he's found out his new girlfriend is an Admiral's wife]
Sam Axe: So, look, what do you think I should do here?
Michael Westen: Go to Maitland and explain. Tell him you didn't know who she was until things had already gotten out of hand. In fact, call him right now.
Sam Axe: Mike, that's not what I- look, I was more looking for that super-spy advice on how to keep this quiet.
Michael Westen: You remember that thing in Kiev with Misha? When he sold out the wetwork team on their way to Paris?
Sam Axe: Hell, yeah. What about it?
Michael Westen: That's the kind of secret that stays secret, because if it comes out, people get sent to Siberia. This will come out as soon as Maitland looks sideways at his wife.
Sam Axe: Seriously, Mike, you know, I know you're a smart guy, but you've dated, like, one lady, and she was a frickin' psycho. I'm just saying you may not be the expert on this whole boy-girl thing.

Adm. Gregory Maitland: You're going to Colombia!
Sam Axe: Well, sir, it's been a while since I was down in South America, I really should brush up on my Spanish.
Adm. Gregory Maitland: Well, you've got a thirteen-hour flight, so...
[throws Sam a mission dossier]
Adm. Gregory Maitland: Brush up, amigo!
Sam Axe: Amigo, that's "friend," right, sir?
Adm. Gregory Maitland: GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE!

Sam Axe: [after handing Ben a defibrillator paddle] Take that. This is your detonator. Yeah, that's gonna go - tape that right on top of that valve.
Ben Delaney: Okay. Real quick - the warning label says 'Keep away... '
Sam Axe: Yeah. That's right. We're building a bomb, okay? So you do the opposite of what the warning label says.

Ben Delaney: [about one of the young patients] Okay, guys, she's got malaria. And without the right treatment, she could die soon.
Sam Axe: Listen, I'm tap-dancing as fast as I can. I'm just trying to keep everybody breathing.
Ben Delaney: Me too, man. Me, too.

Rawlins: You know, I was supposed to be taking some Green Beret named Donahue down on this mission. Heard he got drunk and set a tank on fire! Guess you must have screwed up even worse, huh?
[chortles]
Sam Axe: Yeah, I guess so.

[the improvised bomb explodes, knocking Sam and Ben to the ground]
Sam Axe: What the hell did you do?
Ben Delaney: I maximized the pressure! Because you told me! You told me to maximize the pressure!
Sam Axe: Yeah, I did, I just didn't know you were going to do it so well! You got talent!

Sam Axe: ZONE BLITZ!

Sam Axe: [voice-over] There comes a time in a soldier's life when he's got to decide if he's going to follow the letter, or the spirit, of his orders.

[the lead truck in Veracruz' convoy stops, just short of Ben's trap]
Comandante Veracruz: [in Spanish] Why are they stopping?
Sam Axe: [overlooking] Is he on it or not?
Ben Delaney: He's not on it! If he was on it, it would...
[the truck drives forward, triggering the bomb and exploding]

Sam Axe: So between these tanks and the fuel out back, we should have just enough to blow the place.
Ben Delaney, Amanda Maples: Whoa...!
Amanda Maples: No, you're not going to destroy the clinic! Isn't Veracruz coming to do the exact same thing?
Sam Axe: No, Veracruz wants to destroy the clinic with the people inside. I want to destroy the clinic to create a distraction to *save* the people. Little bit of a difference.

Sam Axe: Look, boys and girls, this is happening. You stay here, you die. You come with me...
Ben Delaney: We live?
Sam Axe: Well, the odds are a little better.

Sam Axe: Can I ask you something? How did you get to be so cynical? Aid worker, helping the less fortunate?
Amanda Maples: Only someone who isn't an aid worker could ask that. You get into this business because you want to make the world a better place, and it turns out that there's people out there who just want to make it worse, and we're outnumbered. By a lot.

Sam Axe: I mean, how smart can spies be, right? You're always fighting on the side with no guns.
Michael Westen: There's certain rewards to fighting on the side with no guns.

Gabriel Manaro: You're gonna burn for this.
Sam Axe: Yeah, but that's not the question. The question is, are you gonna make that call?
[draws his gun]
Sam Axe: Or am I gonna *make* you make that call?

Sam Axe: You know what they say, sir: guns don't help people, people help people.


"Burn Notice: Dead or Alive (#4.16)" (2010)
Sam Axe: Mike, try and stay in my line of sight, will ya? Every time we do this, you act like I can shoot around corners.

[Sam sets a big file on Michael's table]
Michael Westen: Sam, this isn't a case, is it?
Sam Axe: Ah, no, this is just some stuff Jesse had and my logs from when I used to watch you for the feds. Figured it might jog your memory about your first contact with your burn pals.
Michael Westen: You had a daily yogurt tally?
Sam Axe: Ah, what can I say? I'm thorough.

Sam Axe: [about Marv] Yeah, well, tell him to pick up the pace a little, okay? 'Cause that NOC list is like a hot potato, Mike. And you know the rules about the hot potato. You pass it along to the next guy without delay - quickly, pronto, chop-chop.

Ted Seyers: Yeah, well, you don't scare me.
Sam Axe: Well, we don't have to. But, now, the weather in Miami? Hoo, that's scary. 'Cause, you know, about the middle of the afternoon, it's gonna be about 140 degrees in here, and I'm no doctor, but without water, boy...
[Sam drinks deeply from a water bottle]
Sam Axe: ...you're not gonna last long. So you either tell me where my friend is, or find out what it's like to be a casserole.

Michael Westen: Sam, you really wanna go down that road?
Sam Axe: Damn right, I do.
Michael Westen: We'd be pitting ourselves against a police officer, and it won't bring your friend back.
Sam Axe: No. But it will clear Kevin's name. And that's all his family has, Mike, is his name.
Michael Westen: Go tell Kevin's wife. Let's see what we can do.

Bar waitress: Mojito?
Sam Axe: Oh, no thanks. I'm good with water.

Ted Seyers: Well, what's in it for me?
Jesse Porter: Wow. What's in it for you? You get to spend a little time in prison.
Sam Axe: Instead of spending the rest of your life right here. You know, for whatever it's worth...
[Sam opens a knife]
Sam Axe: ...it would be a shorter sentence.

Sam Axe: You in the mood for cookin', Mike? 'Cause we're gonna make some napalm.

Sam Axe: [over phone] Well, looks like he bought it. You guys ready to bring the heat?
Fiona Glenanne: Yeah, I'm just picking up some cop shoes. I figured Madeline would have something suitable.

Michael Westen: [narrative] A career in law enforcement tends to make for a cynical outlook on life. Where spies spend their careers telling lies, cops spend their careers listening to them.
Lieutenant Briggs: So let me get this straight: you want me to reopen the case of a dirty officer so you can clear his name by implicating his partner...
Sam Axe: Look, if you just follow me to Kevin's house right now, II can prove it. You got to believe me.
Lieutenant Briggs: No I don't. You have no idea what you're accusing this department of.
Sam Axe: You listen, Briggs...
Lieutenant Briggs: It's "Lieutenenant Briggs." You're addressing a commanding officer.
Sam Axe: Fine. You want ot earn your stripes? Help me take Jackman down.
Lieutenant Briggs: This is insane. Get the hell out of my way.
[Sam shoves Briggs against his car and grabs his gun from his holster]
Lieutenant Briggs: This is assault!
Sam Axe: [holding Lt. Briggs's gun on him] It's about to be a lot worse than that. Now you listen to me, Lieutenant. For the sake of a man who was my friend and your brother on the force, do not make me ask you again.
Lieutenant Briggs: I'll have you crucified for this.
Sam Axe: When this is done, you feel the need to crucify me, I will climb up on that cross myself.

Sam Axe: Sort it out in prison, you son of a bitch!
[Sam punches out Ted Sayers, then turns around with his hands behind his back to Lieutenant Briggs]
Sam Axe: You want to cuff me, go ahead.
Lieutenant Briggs: [sighs] Maybe later. Now, how about you help me drag his sorry ass out to the car?

Michael Westen: I owe you a drink, Sam.
Sam Axe: Yeah, I could sure use it, brother.


"Burn Notice: Enemies Closer (#3.13)" (2010)
Sam Axe: All right, brother, I'll do it, but I'm getting an itchy feeling.
Michael Westen: You sure that's from a moral dilemma?
Sam Axe: Oh, that's not nice.

Sam Axe: Uh, Mikey, that's a Santa Muerte tattoo. Six tears: the guy's a pro with a half a dozen kills.
Larry Sizemore: "Pro"? That's kind of generous. Six is a promising start, I guess.

Sam Axe: Mike, I'm just going to say it: there's room for two in that couch.
Michael Westen: [thinking about it, then lowering his gun] It's heavy as it is.

Michael Westen: You're Larry Garber now?
Larry Sizemore: [chuckling] Yeah. With the kind of money I make, you can't just leave it laying around the house. You want to invest, you need an identity. There was this shoe salesman up in Buffalo. He was kind enough to fall on a knife and give me his. Think about it. Call me.
[he leaves]
Sam Axe: [deadpan] That guy sucks.

Sam Axe: [watching surveillance footage] This week on "Casa de Sicario," the killers sleep late and eat cereal for lunch! Hey, you OK with the first shift here? I have to go exploit a friend in the name of an unsanctioned national security operation, and I don't want to be late.

Larry Sizemore: [pointing to the surveillance feed] Hasn't been anything this good on at 10 o'clock in a long time.
Sam Axe: Wow, look at him trashing the place. Justino's not in that couch, my friend!

Sam Axe: Look, there's not gonna be any more blood... as soon as your hand stops dripping.

Sam Axe: There's not gonna be anymore blood! Just as soon as your hand stops dripping.

[last lines]
Sam Axe: So, learn anything?
Michael Westen: Only that he's a *damn* good liar. Tried to sell me some line about a bioweapon, but it took him a little too long to come up with it?
Sam Axe: Back to square one, then. Guess you're gonna have to keep doing some diggin'.
Michael Westen: I'm gonna need some help, Sam.
Sam Axe: [chuckles] Imagine that.


"Burn Notice: Made Man (#4.3)" (2010)
[first lines]
Michael Westen: [narrative] Spies come from all walks of life, and no two are exactly alike. But whether they're a burned former operative, a beautiful bomber with a temper, or a hard drinking ex-SEAL, they all share one trait: punctuality.
Sam Axe: [laughing, pointing at girl at bar] Hey.
Michael Westen: [narrative] Showing up on time means you're 15 minutes late.
Fiona Glenanne: [throws origami crane at Sam] It's noon, Michael! Where the hell is this guy?
Michael Westen: [sighs]
Fiona Glenanne: You think he's still coming?
Sam Axe: Look, I wouldn't mind, honestly, if Jesse just faded into the mist. I really don't think we need a counterintelligence agent joining our merry band.
Michael Westen: Jesse's investigating the very same people we are, Sam. They nearly killed everyone at this table. I say he hear him out.
Fiona Glenanne: Sure. Get a guy fired, ruin his life; I'd say you owe him a Mojito and a friendly shoulder to cry on, at the very least.
Michael Westen: I didn't burn him on purpose, Fi.
Fiona Glenanne: Well, *he* may not see it that way.
Michael Westen: Let's try not to mention it.
Sam Axe: Ah, here we are. Looks like Jesse got here on time after all.
["Jesse" / "Recently burned spy" ]

Michael Westen: I need to get ears on them.
Jesse Porter: Okay, so you're going to bug a bunch of wiseguys. Good luck with that. They'll be looking for it.
Michael Westen: Trust me, *I* can handle it.
[back at Michael's place at the workbench]
Michael Westen: [narrative] Ideally, a bug should never be seen by anyone, but when there's a possibility it may be, it's best to make it look like something people won't want to touch. A wad of gum stuck to a balled-up piece of tissue and a sprinkling of whatever's in your lint trap will usually do the trick.
Sam Axe: [entering] Okay, that's disgusting.
Michael Westen: Thanks, Sam.

[club scene]
Michael Westen: [narrative] Grabbing someone who travels with protection is about finding the moments when they're least protected.
[Tony Caro gets up, signals to his guards, and walks through the club]
Michael Westen: [narrative] Fortunately, even the most paranoid gangster insists on doing some things alone.
[Tony signals to his men to wait and guard while he goes into the men's room]
Michael Westen: [narrative] Executing a successful close-quarters assault is all about setting the stage. You'll want to dull any reflective surfaces...
[Washing his hands first, Tony notices the mirrors are fogged]
Michael Westen: [narrative] ... corral your target into a corner...
[all but one stall have "OUT OF ORDER" signage]
Michael Westen: [narrative] ... and hit him when he's most vulnerable.
[Tony takes a disposable seat cover and puts it on the stool. Sam grabs him from behind]
Sam Axe: Easy. Easy, now. Here.
[Sam injects something into Tony's neck]
Tony Caro: [muffled by Sam's hand] Mm!
Sam Axe: Night, night.
Michael Westen: [narrative] And it never hurts to have a pre-arranged exit strategy.
[Jesse comes out of the handicapped stall as Sam drags Tony out of theirs]
Jesse Porter: You really think you can scare this dude into pullin' somethin' that'll get him busted, huh?
Sam Axe: Oh, I *know* I can.
Jesse Porter: Really? 'Cause... you don't look that scary.
Sam Axe: You haven't seen Chuck Finley in action.
[carrying Tony between them back through the club]
Sam Axe: Sorry. Coming through. Somebody can't handle his liquor.

Sam Axe: [as Chuck Finley] Hey, Tony. I'm really glad I didn't cut you into little pieces. Don't make me regret my decision, huh?

[Tony's plan has Sam and Jesse stealing a truck full of processors alone while he makes the sale. Their plan requires Tony get caught in the act. Sam presses him to do it with them and he's balking]
Tony Caro: I'm not doin' it.
Jesse Porter: Look, Tony, you're on a team with Chuck, he takes care of you.
Tony Caro: I'm not gonna do it.
Jesse Porter: He takes care...
Jesse Porter: [to Sam] Tell him about the time you, uh, saved your Navy SEAL buddy, in El Salvador.
[Sam gives Jesse a hard look]
Jesse Porter: Come on, tell him, man.
Sam Axe: [Sam pauses, not liking having to share this, and clears throat] It was the '80s, uh, I led a fact-finding team into the country. There were five of us, including my buddy, Pete. 'Course, the, uh, death squads were none too happy to see us, so we came under fire, and Pete took one in the spine. He wanted me to dump him, leave him behind. I sent the team ahead, and Pete and I holed up in some church for a couple days, living off of communion wafers. Finally, a couple Blackhawks airlifted us out of there. The point is, no man left behind. That's the promise I make, the promise I keep.
Tony Caro: [moved, pats Sam on the shoulder] That's a hell of a story, Chuck.
Sam Axe: [mouths silently] Yeah.
Jesse Porter: So, what do you say? You in?
Tony Caro: [pauses, still moved] Yeah, I'm in. Let's do this.
[cut to Tony put in a cab and being driven off]
Sam Axe: What the hell was that?
Jesse Porter: The story? Michael mentioned it.
Sam Axe: No, it's not just a story. This is *me*! It's my *real life*! I don't pimp my past to bad guys, you understand?
Jesse Porter: [as Sam walks off angry] It worked, didn't it?
[Blur-wipe to the house, Jesse looks over some paperwork]
Jesse Porter: Bingo. Bingo.
Jesse Porter: [dials Michael with cellphone] Hey, Michael, it's Jesse. I need to talk to you, man.
Michael Westen: Yeah, I heard what happened with Sam. Word to the wise: stay out of his war stories from now on.
Jesse Porter: Come on, man, the guy's an ex-Navy SEAL. He's probably told that story a million times.
Michael Westen: That's not the point, Jesse.
Jesse Porter: You know, okay. Point taken. Point taken. That's not why I called. Listen, I think I found Cobra's warehouse at the airport.

Sam Axe: All right, we're on the clock here. Three minutes from the time we breach the fence to the time we drive out. Anything goes wrong, we scatter and regroup.
Tony Caro: [thumb up] Roger that.
Sam Axe: [into radio] Road team set?
Michael Westen: [into headset] Set.
Sam Axe: [into radio] Perimeter team, set?
Michael Westen: [gruffly into headset] Set.
Sam Axe: [into radio] Sniper team, set?
Michael Westen: [into headset, southern accent] Set. I got eyes on secruity. South side of the building.
Sam Axe: [over radio] Take the shot; give them a flat tire as they come around the corner.
Michael Westen: [into headset] Roger that.
[Michael shoots out the left front tire]
Michael Westen: [over radio] Security car disabled.
Sam Axe: [into radio] Copy that.
Sam Axe: Okay, we're good to go.
Michael Westen: [narrative as Fi breaches the fence] If you're cutting through a high-powered electric fence, you need more than rubber gloves and a pair of thick-soled shoes. Covering a fence with spray-on insulation and using a set of fiberglass-handled bolt cutters will keep you from lighting up like a Christmas tree.
[they go through the fence, around a truck]
Michael Westen: [into headset] Hold on, there. All right, you're clear.
[they proceed unseen by the security car detail]
Michael Westen: [narrative] A shaped charge large enough to go through a wall is also large enough to let everyone for several miles know what you're doing. A smaller charge can be just as useful and a lot less noisy. A hydraulic spreader puts out enough pressure to rip a door off a humvee. Placed correctly, it will make short work of reinforced concrete.

Jesse Porter: About a year ago, I'm workin' for the Defense Department. Get wind of some nasty business - bombings, assassinations, kidnappings, you name it - it was global, but it looked like there was a pattern to me.
Michael Westen: Is that what brought you down to Miami?
Jesse Porter: Yeah. Yeah, I was looking at weapons supply lines into the hottest spots, found a connection right here at the port. A lot of guns coming off of ships that passed through Algeria.
Sam Axe: You got a source?
Jesse Porter: I made contact with a guy shippin' artillery for one of the operations, told him I wanted to move some guns of my own.
Fiona Glenanne: Did you get a name or a face?
Jesse Porter: Only spoke on the phone. He had this, uh... this trippy voice. It was like...
Jesse Porter: [imitating] ... sort of like a low hiss.
Jesse Porter: It was weird, so I called him Cobra.
Sam Axe: Cobra?
Sam Axe: [laughs] I'm sorry. That's just a - a crappy code name.
Jesse Porter: Oh. Well, maybe you can make up the code names when it's *your* investigation. How about that? So, I was supposed to meet up with him a couple weeks ago. He didn't show up. Now, I don't know if he got cold feet or what, but if we can find him, we can crack this thing wide open.
Michael Westen: Looks like we're gonna spend some time down on the docks.
Sam Axe: Now, hold on, Mike, this sounds dangerous. Before you sign us up for this mission, I want to ask our friend here a very important question. What kind of snacks do you like?

Sam Axe: If we can get him to do some dirty work himself, we can get him busted for somethin' his fed buddies can't get him out of.
Michael Westen: Sounds like he needs a little push. He knows *me*, Sam.
Sam Axe: I think it's time for him to meet Chuck Finley. Now, *that's* a code name.


"Burn Notice: Double Booked (#2.8)" (2008)
Michael Westen: That's Bill Johnson's house.
Sam Axe: [Sarcastically] Yeah, that gets funnier every time.

Sam Axe: So, Mike, this is, what, the tenth Bill we've looked at. I need a break, man.
Michael Westen: You made me buy you a beer after Bill #8.
Sam Axe: Yeah?
Michael Westen: So, I'll buy you another beer if you do the honors.
Sam Axe: [sighs] OK, deal.
[Sam picks up a garbage bag, which bursts, spattering him with foulness]
Sam Axe: Oh! Oh, come on! OK, that's two rounds, Mike!

Sam Axe: That's the military jacket on our favorite Bill Johnson. Buddy of mine pulled it in exchange for some "Sam time."
[Michael stares at Sam; Sam laughs]
Sam Axe: Not all my buddies are guys!
Michael Westen: Your methods, your business, Sam.

Sam Axe: Mike, I don't wanna hurt your feelings, but it sounds like you aren't the only person Drew hired to kille Jeannie.

Larry Sizemore: Wow. Been a while, been a while. And you look... great.
Sam Axe: You, too, Larry. Very youthful. Still drinking the blood of children?

Sam Axe: [Referring to Larry] He's got a weird thing for you.
Michael Westen: That's 'cause he doesn't have any friends.
Sam Axe: That's because he's killed most of 'em, Mike.

Fiona Glenanne: He just sprayed Jeannie's fork with something.
Sam Axe: That's probably Atropine. You might want to tell Jeannie she's about to have a heart attack.

Michael Westen: I have to go meet with Larry.
Sam Axe: Larry? Dead Larry? Oh man, I hated that guy!
Michael Westen: He's alive.
Sam Axe: Okay, I hate him, present tense. Mike, you're not really working with him, are you?
Michael Westen: I'm not working with him, I'm working against him.
Sam Axe: Well, in that case, can I help?


"Burn Notice: Hard Bargain (#1.9)" (2007)
[Sam drives Michael to a meeting with a new client]
Michael Westen: New car?
Sam Axe: [smiling] Yeah. It's a gift from the ladyfriend. I got it yesterday. It's like driving on a cloud.
Michael Westen: What exactly do you do for these women, Sam?
Sam Axe: Well...
Michael Westen: Never mind.

Michael Westen: [to Lucio about some doctored documents] Sam's pretty good with a computer.
Sam Axe: Well thanks, Mike - it's just Photoshop.

Sam Axe: I said I was a freelance superhero Robin Hood kinda guy.

Nick Lam: I don't own this. I'm a housesitter. I work three or four estates on the island.
Sam Axe: That's a job, housesitter?
Nick Lam: Yeah, these people are only here a few weeks out of the year.
Sam Axe: OK, so, do you need an application for that or...
Michael Westen: [firmly] Sam.

Michael Westen: [walking in on Fiona torturing Lucio with a Taser] Where's Sam?
Sam Axe: Had to get some air. It was getting a little, uh, loud in here.

Michael Westen: We need to find out where Dawn is being held. Lucio doesn't know. His job is just to find targets for Reyes. So we're going to have Lucio bring him a new target: a rich society wife...
Fiona Glenanne: Enchanté.
Michael Westen: ...and a disgruntled bodyguard.
Sam Axe: Ya bitch!

Reyes: [on the hostages] They are well taken care of here. Five years we do this, only one unintentional death.
Sam Axe: Not bad.

Dawn: [sunnily] Nick!
Nick Lam: Hey, babe...
Dawn: [angrily] You lied to me!
[she slugs him]
Nick Lam: Baby, I love you!
Dawn: You lied to me!
[she slugs him again]
Sam Axe: Another happy ending.


"Burn Notice: Identity (#1.2)" (2007)
Sam Axe: So, you're helping old ladies now? Good for you, Mike. Hey, I saw a kitten up a tree on my way over here.
Michael Westen: They beat her up, took her life savings. You in or not?
Sam Axe: Well, you put it that way, what can I say?

Michael Westen: Not bad for a man in his underwear.
Sam Axe: Hey, you think that's good, you should see me without 'em!

Sam Axe: Good afternoon. Miami PD, I'm Detective Cagney, this is Detective Lacey.

Sam Axe: Wiring crap into a car is not an art. It's about as subtle as hitting someone with a brick.
Fiona Glenanne: Hitting someone with a brick takes a lot of skill.

Fiona Glenanne: [about the bug they are planting] I've heard surveillance through these things. It sounds like everyone's underwater.
Sam Axe: Well if you have a way to fit a recording studio into a light fixture I'm all ears.

Michael Westen: Would you put some pants on?
Sam Axe: What? I work better when I can breathe down there.

[Greg and Bonnie come back and find Sam and Fiona in the bedroom, half-dressed]
Greg: What the hell are you doing here?
Fiona Glenanne: What are *you* doing here?
Bonnie: We live here!
Fiona Glenanne: You... you live here?
Sam Axe: Oh, God...
Fiona Glenanne: You liar... you liar! You son of a bitch!
Sam Axe: I can explain...
Fiona Glenanne: [slaps him] What? Explain what? That you told me you had a yacht so you could get in my pants? Is that about it?
Sam Axe: I'm sorry, baby...
[she slaps him again]
Fiona Glenanne: He told me this was his boat... this is our third date!
Greg: Get out.
Fiona Glenanne: [putting her shirt back on] Where's my shoe?
Bonnie: [handing it to her] Here.
Fiona Glenanne: I cannot believe this! You are taking me home right now!
Sam Axe: Okay, geez, take it easy.
Fiona Glenanne: [hitting him] We are leaving, we are leaving!
Sam Axe: We're so sorry about this.
[He turns around and throws Fi over his shoulder]
Fiona Glenanne: Hey!
Sam Axe: Come on, let's go.

Michael Westen: Listen, Fi, uh, now's not a good time...
Sam Axe: [following him in] Oh, Jesus, Mike, you didn't tell me she was gonna be here.
Fiona Glenanne: [rushes at Sam] You cost me a lot of money, you son of a bitch! I've been waiting to talk to you for a long time!
Sam Axe: Oh, I cost you? OK, for starters, what you're talking about never officially happened, all right? But even if it had, you deserved a lot worse than what you got, lady!


"Burn Notice: Wanted Man (#1.8)" (2007)
Sam Axe: [about selling stolen diamonds] So who does that kind of thing around here?
Barry: Only one guy in Miami, really, for something that big. But don't ask me for an introduction. The guy shorted me on some hot rocks a few months back, cost me a client. We had words.
Sam Axe: Well, give me a name. Mike'll see to it that the guy loses a few clients of his own.
Barry: The name's Cristo. Like Madonna? The whole one name thing?
Sam Axe: Like Charo.
Barry: Sting.
Sam Axe: Fergie.
Barry: Pelé.
Sam Axe: Spiderman.
Barry: Liberace.
Sam Axe: ...Crap, I can't think of any more.

Sam Axe: Mixing romance and work is a bad idea. I mean Veronica, just the other day, she asked me if bullets came in different sizes. Isn't that the cutest thing you've ever heard?

Michael Westen: You've been talking to Fi.
Sam Axe: If by "talking" to Fi, you mean "listening" to Fi, yeah.

Michael Westen: You're gonna take point on this deal.
Sam Axe: [sighs heavily] That means I gotta shave and put on a suit!

Lawrence Henderson: Listen, can I - can I get you something to drink? Some twenty-year-old single-malt?
Sam Axe: [clearly fighting it] Thanks, but no. I'm... I'm not a drinker.
[Sam gazes at the bottle in barely-concealed despair]

Michael Westen: We'll talk later. My Libyan just showed up.
Sam Axe: Fine, but from now on, no cover IDs that involve turning down twenty-year-old Scotch!

Sam Axe: [meeting Barry in the Carlito] Hey, there he is. You work your magic?
Barry: Magic was made. You've got something for me?
[Sam hands over a diamond tennis bracelet]
Sam Axe: Mike wanted you to know that was compliments of Cristo.
Barry: Ooh...
Sam Axe: Kiko! Hit me, Bloody Mary.
Barry: In that case, Lawrence has accounts with five banks in the Miami area. The only one that has a safe deposit operation is Dade Trust downtown.
Sam Axe: Any good?
Barry: You kidding? Best in Miami. If he's moving that brooch, he'll take it there.
Sam Axe: [gets his drink] Thank you. So what else can you tell me about Dade Trust?
Barry: You buying lunch?
Sam Axe: Hey, you're the money launderer, for Christ's sake, why do I gotta buy lunch?


"Burn Notice: Loose Ends, Part 2 (#1.12)" (2007)
Sam Axe: You know, I was thinking about this car when they had me. I thought, "I'm gonna die before the Cadillac loses its new-car smell".

Sam Axe: [to henchman] Hey, um, so what were you? Army? I'm a Navy man myself. But, you know, I've seen your boss's type before and whatever shallow grave he dumps my body in, you're gonna be keeping me company there real soon, pal.
[Herrick punches Sam in the face, Sam laughs]
Sam Axe: You know I read in a book once that the things that make you the angriest are the things you know are true. Wise words, huh?
Glenn Harrick: [puts gun to Sam's head] I'm getting so sick of your mouth!
Sam Axe: [to henchman] Take a good look, buddy. Cuz this is going to be you real soon.
[henchman duct tapes Sam's mouth]
Glenn Harrick: Oh, I get it. I kill you, your man doesn't show, right? Nice try.
[walks away]

Glenn Harrick: [Sam is being tortured] You're trained aren't you? Let me guess, Special forces? See, me, I'm an ex-green beret, admit nothing, deny everything, make counter accusations.
Sam Axe: Special forces? No, no. I was a boy scout for a while; hey, take these restraints off me and I'll teach you how to tie a slip knot.
[Sam winks]

Sam Axe: [after Michael rescues him from Harrick] I thought I told you to stay away, Mikey. I tried to warn you.
Michael Westen: I was never good at taking orders, Sam. That's why you were a soldier, and I was a spy.

Sam Axe: [after his gag is taken out] Morning, sunshine.
Glenn Harrick: Here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna call your boss. You're gonna say hello. And if you act really nice, I'll finish you quick.
Sam Axe: And if I don't?
Glenn Harrick: Well, then I'll have to find another way to hunt 'em down. Which means I'll have to kill you, little by little, until I find them. But, hey, Sam, your choice.
Sam Axe: Boy, they both sound pretty good... can I have a few minutes to make up my mind?
Glenn Harrick: No.
[dials phone]

[Sam is being interrogated; Nydam punches him across the face]
Sam Axe: Ah, that's pretty good, but you gotta follow through!
[Nydam punches him again]
Sam Axe: Okay... now we're getting somewhere.
[spits out a tooth]


"Burn Notice: Sins of Omission (#2.15)" (2009)
Sam Axe: Oh ho ho come on, I thought this was the get-to-know-the-Ex lunch. Now it's a 19-government-agencies-are-chasing-me lunch?

Sam Axe: [about bad guy's dossier] Mike, I don't know. This one you should be careful. I mean if half this crap is true, Victor's a lot like you, only with, ya know, rabies.

Fiona Glenanne: [knocking Michael's ex-fiancé] Well she *is* a professional thief.
Sam Axe: Jealous Fi?
Fiona Glenanne: Don't be absurd, I'm not jealous.
Michael Westen: [sarcastically] You think you could pretend to be?

Sam Axe: So, uh, another Sam. This is gonna be confusing, huh?
Madeline Westen: Have you ever been secretly engaged to my son?
Sam Axe: No
Madeline Westen: Then I think we'll be able to tell you apart.

Sam Axe: Buddy of mine did some research on Victor. Victor Stecker-Epps. I mean, he's got a last name like a female middle distance runner, but this is a bad man, Mike. Black ops, hard ass. You're not the first guy he tried to kill, either. Just the first one he missed. It's a great read.


"Burn Notice: Signals and Codes (#3.5)" (2009)
Spencer: I can't find anything in this mess.
Sam Axe: Yeah, sometimes I lose track of things when I leave them on the ceiling.

Sam Axe: [posing as corporate consultant] Ladies and gentlemen, if I can borrow your attention I promise to return it on about an hour.

Sam Axe: Has anyone hear heard of the "7th Sigma"? This is the newest commandment in the business bible, people. Anyone? Todd?
Disgruntled Techie: Thou shalt not lie about ice cream cake?

Michael Westen: You're going to have to help.
Spencer: Oh no. Oh, whadaya. How?
Sam Axe: Well for starters, you're gonna have to be able to string two sentences together.

Michael Westen: [after having Spencer committed to a psych ward for his alien paranoia] Spencer, you can't be here.
Spencer: You're right. We shouldn't be out in the open like this. They're probably looking for me.
Sam Axe: The aliens?
Spencer: [confused] No, the police. I broke out of a psych ward. Weren't you listening?


"Burn Notice: Enemy of My Enemy (#5.6)" (2011)
[first lines]
Michael Westen: [narrative] There's a long tradition of using doubles in espionage. They're mostly used by dictators who want to confuse would-be assassins, but they have other less-common uses, like framing someone for a crime they didn't commit.
Sam Axe: [pauses tape] Okay, I know this video is grainy, but from that angle, it sure looks like you.
Michael Westen: It's not me, Sam.
Fiona Glenanne: I assume the burner cellphone he's buying made a call from the scene of Max's murder.
Madeline Westen: Well somebody went to a lot of trouble to do this. Huh. They didn't find this guy sitting at a bus stop.
Sam Axe: She's right, Mike. This is starting to feel personal.
Michael Westen: It's been personal since Max bled out in my arms. Since he told me to say goodbye to his wife.
Madeline Westen: So, what's the plan to keep my son out of prison?
Sam Axe: We got to track down the fella on this tape. I mean, that's step one in finding Max's killer.
Fiona Glenanne: Actually, step one is deciding what to do with the bloodhound the CIA sent to replace Max. Pearce knows we have the security footage.
Michael Westen: I can buy us some time. I'll tell her it's taking a little longer to analyze the footage.
[cellphone buzzes]
Michael Westen: Speak of the devil.
[Michael answers his phone]
Michael Westen: Agent Pearce, right on time. I-... Got it.
[Michael hangs up]
Sam Axe: What's up? She got something new about the murder?
Michael Westen: No, it wasn't about that. She wants to meet tomorrow morning, 0700. She's got another job for me, high priority at the CIA. Wish me luck.

["Serbian arms traders" / "Nasty", second line uncharacteristically appearing above the first ]
Sam Axe: Look, I sure as hell don't want guys like that hanging onto a Predator drone, but, Mike, it's gonna take an army to get it back.
Michael Westen: I agree. That's why we need help from someone who *has* an army. We're gonna trick our old friend Carmelo into going after the Serbs.
Fiona Glenanne: [hushed tones] Carmelo? As in the second biggest heroin dealer in Miami?
Michael Westen: He's helped us track down mercenaries before. He's perfect for this.
Sam Axe: Yeah, but isn't the last thing he said to you, "If I ever see you again, you're dead"?
Michael Westen: That's why I was hoping *you* could handle the Carmelo thing.
Fiona Glenanne: Oh, how generous. What is your plan, exactly?
Michael Westen: We rip off Carmelo and leave Sam behind as a witness to the heist. He questions you. You steer him towards the Serbs. We play it right, he hunts for his heroin and finds our drone instead.
Fiona Glenanne: And if we don't play it right, we find out if Sam is bulletproof.
Michael Westen: I know it's dangerous, but if we don't do something, the CIA's source is dead, and some very bad people end up with a really dangerous weapon.
[Sam lets out a silent sigh]
Michael Westen: Sam, I'll understand if you...
Sam Axe: [gets up] No. You're right. That's the play.
[Michael nods]
Fiona Glenanne: All right. I'll go find us a heroin shipment.

Michael Westen: So you're saying the Agency never tricks third parties into attacking our enemies? Huh. Times *have* changed.
Agent Pearce: Of course we do, but a "Yojimbo" play is a Hail Mary to pull off, not to mention reckless.
Sam Axe: Yeah, well, as the guy who's about to put his head in the lion's mouth, I'd appreciate it if you'd stop reminding me.

Gabriel Manaro: You look pretty pleased with yourselves for a couple of guys who just cut a deal with a drug kingpin.
Matt Bailey: What the hell were you thinking? You know, we told you...
Michael Westen: You said the *Serbs* couldn't find out the CIA was involved. But Carmelo finding out - that wasn't "mission critical," was it?
Matt Bailey: Do you really expect us to make good on immunity for that bastard?
Michael Westen: Actually, I do, because if you let him go to jail, that *bastard* has no incentive to keep his mouth shut.
Gabriel Manaro: We keep him out on the street, you really think...
Sam Axe: Maybe Pearce can explain it to you. Ask her to talk real slow, and you might get it.
Agent Pearce: As long as Carmelo's got a reputation to protect...
Gabriel Manaro: Well, that's just beautiful, but have you heard the story he told the cops?
Matt Bailey: The guy said he went to the marina with his buddies for a picnic!
Gabriel Manaro: Then Serbs attacked, out of nowhere!
Matt Bailey: Oh, but luckily, Carmelo had the sense to bring all these automatic weapons with him to the picnic, you know, instead of food!
Gabriel Manaro: This is the official story we get to sell to the Miami police.
Matt Bailey: [talking over] Yeah, this is what we get to do with this Carmelo guy.
Gabriel Manaro: [talking over] This is the mess you are leaving us with!
Matt Bailey: [talking over] Immunity. Fantastic.
Sam Axe: Yeah, well, sucks being you. But I guess that's nothing new, right?
Matt Bailey: Woah! Ho, ho! Ho!
Gabriel Manaro: Ho! Woah! Mr. Axe! Not so fast. We need our glasses back.
Sam Axe: Oh, yeah. Sorry about that. I... lost them.
[Sam and Michael get into the Charger. Sam chuckles to Michael as he pulls the glasses from his pocket]
Michael Westen: Sam, I just wanna say...
Sam Axe: You don't have to, Mike.
Michael Westen: I was *gonna* say, you owe *me* one.
Michael Westen: [as Sam laughs] And I owe you fifty.

[last lines]
Sam Axe: [joins Michael in the Charger] So, you found the fake Michael Westen, huh? That's great, buddy.
Michael Westen: Yeah, Fi and my mom tracked him down, and I tailed him here. Name's Jacob Starky.
["Jacob Starky" / "Fake Michael Westen" ]
Michael Westen: I told Pearce the tapes were a dead end. We got a little breathing room for the moment.
Sam Axe: Good-looking fella. Doesn't quite have your chin, though.
Michael Westen: That means a lot coming from you. Wait. Here we go.
[a car pulls up to Starky. He goes over to it and gives some money]
Sam Axe: That looks shady.
[Sam looks through binoculars and sees the driver hand over a gun to Starky]
Sam Axe: Okay. That looks *very* shady. So, our new pal, Jacob, is buying a Glock, Mike. What do you think he needs a gun for?
Michael Westen: I don't know, but it looks like things are about to get interesting.


"Burn Notice: Loose Ends, Part 1 (#1.11)" (2007)
Sam Axe: [at a gay bar] How do you want to handle this?
Fiona Glenanne: Well, I think the balls are in your court.

Gillian: They really tried to kill me?
Sam Axe: I'm afraid so.
Gillian: [indicating the plastic explosive] With that, under my car?
Michael Westen: Well, yeah. It's a car bomb.

Michael Westen: [talking on the phone with Sam about Phillip Cowen] He wouldn't just not show. He's watching.
Sam Axe: You think? Where do you think he would be?
Sam Axe: [looking around] I know where I'd be.

Sam Axe: What do you think he wants, Mike?
Michael Westen: That he wants to meet.
Fiona Glenanne: So why not just meet?
Michael Westen: He doesn't trust me. Fair enough... I don't trust him.

Michael Westen: [pulls his gun as Sam walks in with a bucket of fried chicken] That'll kill you, you know.
Sam Axe: Yeah, no kiddin'
Michael Westen: No, I the bucket of transfat you got there.


"Burn Notice: Neighborhood Watch (#4.5)" (2010)
Shop Owner: [approaching Sam, who is dressed as a security guard] Hey, some kids just stole some DVDs from my store!
Sam Axe: Yeah? That's a shame. Good luck with that.

Michael Westen: [after setting a meet with Kendra] We got one more shot at Kendra, but you won't like her conditions.
Sam Axe: I don't like that there are conditions, period.
Fiona Glenanne: I wish our phone conversations were as flirty.
Michael Westen: She threatened to kill me.
Fiona Glenanne: I can do that.

Sam Axe: So, how's David with public speaking?
Lauren: You guys consider this "public speaking"?
[Sam Axe cocks his head]

Kendra: Do you have butterflies? I have butterflies.
Michael Westen: I'd rather have my fifty thousand.
Kendra: Soon enough. Care to show me what's in your briefcase? Girl's gotta be safe.
[Michael steps forward, noting he's stepping out of Sam's line of sight]
Sam Axe: [with scoped weapon] Damn it, Mikey! You're killing me here!
[Michael pops the latches on the briefcase, opens it slowly, and takes out the tape for Kendra to see. He puts it back in and closes the case]
Michael Westen: I showed you mine.
[Michael closes the case clasps]
Kendra: [grabs a red bag from her car too quickly] The money's here.
[Michael shifts position]
Kendra: [laughs] What, do I make you nervous?
[Michael cocks his head]
Kendra: Fifty thousand, unmarked, unsequenced.
[Kendra flings the bag with a high arc to Michael, then pulls a blade from behind her back and lunges at him, cutting his left shoulder]
Michael Westen: [narrative during fight] It's never a nice surprise when someone pulls out a concealed blade, but there's an upside to getting a look at their weapon. If they're using a Japanese tanto knife, they'd rather stab you than slice you, and you can use that to your advantage.
Michael Westen: [deflecting stabs with the briefcase] Why does it feel like we're breaking up?
Kendra: Sorry, I'm a heartbreaker.
[Kendra lunges again, but Michael blocks the knife with the briefcase. Despite the half-inch of metal siding reinforcement in the lining he put in, the knife blade goes through to the hilt, but it's strong enough for Michael to twist the case, disarming Kendra. He hits her in the face with the case twice, knocking her out]

[last lines]
[Sam is helping Michael lift and carry the bound Kendra... ]
Sam Axe: Okay, buddy. Playtime's over.
[... into the trunk of a car. Rest from POV of inside the trunk]
Sam Axe: Won't be easy to crack this gal, Mike. She's going to make our life hard.
Michael Westen: Well, we're just going to have to make her life harder.
[Sam slams shut the trunk]


"Burn Notice: Pilot (#1.1)" (2007)
Sam Axe: Don't worry about him. I told him I'd give him fifty bucks to punch me in the face. That's all he had to hear.
Michael Westen: Yeah, I'd do it for twenty.

Michael Westen: I assume you got word about my situation?
Sam Axe: You know spies. Bunch of bitchy little girls. Good news for you, I'm a drunk and a washout already, so I can talk to whoever I want, burned or no.

Michael Westen: Working hard?
Sam Axe: Tanning is an art and a science, Mike.

[Michael is talking on his cellphone to Sam]
Sam Axe: You'll like this. I found out Vince is calling his Army buddies, trying to find out who you are.
Michael Westen: [laughing] Yeah, good luck with that. I don't even know.

Sam Axe: [re: Fiona] You sure this is a good idea, you hooking up with her again?
Michael Westen: Okay, I'm not hooking up with her. I'm not, all right? I need her for tactical support.
Sam Axe: [laughs] Is that what they're calling it these days? "Tactical support"?


"Burn Notice: Out of the Fire (#4.17)" (2010)
Sam Axe: Don't take my silence for confusion, Brennen. I was just trying to kill you with my mind.

Brennen: One hundred twenty-two thousand, six hundred and fifty-four dollars and thirty-seven cents.
[Michael and Sam share a look]
Brennen: That's how much I've spent in the last year keeping tabs on my favorite burned spy.
["Brennen" / "Very invested in Michael" ]
Michael Westen: [with sarcastic annoyance] Thanks?
Brennen: No, actually, I should be thanking *you*, because you led me to good old Marv, and without him, I never would have been able to pry the list out of your hands.
[Sam turns his head, disgusted]
Brennen: This, uh, little network of people that burned you is very promising. Talk about high-value targets.
Sam Axe: Okay, so you're here to, what, take a victory lap?
Brennen: Little bit, but mostly it's a business trip. I'm here to get spy-guy to slit a few dozen throats. Oh, n-now, don't give me that look. You're going to love this; trust me.
Michael Westen: You want me to kill the people on the list?
Brennen: Ding-ding, Michael Westen! You get revenge; I get money; everybody goes home a winner.
Michael Westen: And if I say no?
Brennen: You won't, because if you refuse, a very special audio file gets sent to, uh - what is he, your boss? your keeper? - anyway, the man you know as Vaughn.
Sam Axe: Marv gave you Mike's debrief?
Brennen: You mean my Michael Westen Summer-Jam Mix Tape? Indeed. Fun stuff. And if, uh, Vaughn ever gets a listen to you outing his little secret society, he's gonna kill, well, you and you and Fiona, this new guy, Jesse, possibly even Mama Westen, Nate. How is Nate? I sent him a Christmas card and never heard back.

Larry Sizemore: [laughing] Oh, my! What is *that*?
Sam Axe: This is rebar, Larry, see, 'cause I'm going to wipe that 5000-Watt smile...
[Larry pulls out a knife]
Sam Axe: off your face!
Michael Westen: Come on, Sam, what are you...
[they tussle, Sam pins Michael against the door with the rebar across the throat]
Michael Westen: Sam, what the hell are you doing?
Sam Axe: [quietly] We got to get to Brennan. Can you get Larry's cellphone number?
Michael Westen: [quietly] Yeah.
[Michael gets unpinned, takes the rebar from Sam and tosses it aside]
Larry Sizemore: [laughs] What the hell do you let this wet rag hang around for? I mean, he's just holding you back.
Sam Axe: You know what? You two deserve each other.
Sam Axe: [opens door] Good luck with your murder spree, Mike.
[Larry waves "Bye!" with his knife as Sam slams the door shut as he leaves]

Michael Westen: [as a red laser dot appears on Larry's head and moves down to his chest] Oh, you got something on your... I mean, it's - now it's... you - you got something there.
Larry Sizemore: [Larry's cellphone rings. He answers] Who is this?
Sam Axe: [with sniper rifle] Hello, larry. It's your favorite wet rag, Sam Axe, calling.
Larry Sizemore: [referencing laser] Ah, Sam. Sam. Is this you, too?
Sam Axe: It is. Now put me on speakerphone, jerk.
Larry Sizemore: I'm sorry. I don't take orders from pathetic, old...
[Sam fires, taking out a window, the bullet flying between Larry and Michael]
Sam Axe: The next one makes you dead... and me smile. And I want to smile, Larry. I really, *really* want to smile.
[Larry switches to speakerphone]
Sam Axe: Okay, so here's what's gonna happen. Mike's gonna walk out of that room right now, and you're gonna sit there like a good little boy and wait for the cops. Otherwise you're gonna join Brennen in the afterlife. Believe that, Larry.
Michael Westen: I wish I could say it's been fun, Larry.
Larry Sizemore: No. You move, I shoot you right in the head.
Michael Westen: Come on, Larry. You and I both know you're not gonna shoot me.
Larry Sizemore: Try me. You won't reach the door.
Michael Westen: Yes, I will. I'm gonna walk right out that door.
[starts walking out]
Larry Sizemore: I'll do it, Michael. I'll do it. And you know why? I can't stand watching you *waste* who you are... what you have inside... what *we* could have *been*!
Michael Westen: [stops, looks back] You're not gonna do it, Larry. Because if you shoot me, Sam will kill you where you stand. And while I'd give my life for something I believe in, there's not a thing in this world that you'd die for. And you want to know the difference between you and me? I really do know you; you only *think* you know me.
Larry Sizemore: [cocks gun]
[Michael walks out as sirens wail]

[last lines]
Fiona Glenanne: [turns off drill] We're in.
[Fiona unsecures the safe from the drill press. Michael carries it over to the workbench. Each with a crowbar, Sam and Michael pop open the safe door. Fiona gingerly plucks the USB drive from the safe]
Sam Axe: All that work for one little thumb drive.
Fiona Glenanne: Try to hold onto it this time.
[Michael drops his crowbar and taks the drive]
Michael Westen: [checks watch] We got four hours before Vaughn gets that tape.
Fiona Glenanne: I wonder how he'll take it when he hears you running down everything you know about him and his underlings to a federal agent.
Michael Westen: His organization has never faced this kind of exposure before. I imagine he'll marshal alll his forces and send them this way.
Sam Axe: So, the gates of Hell will open.
Jesse Porter: The Apocalypse will be upon us.
Fiona Glenanne: And everyone we know and love will be in danger of becoming very dead.
Madeline Westen: So what else is new?
Michael Westen: Everybody should try to get some sleep. Tomorrow's gonna be a long day.


"Burn Notice: Rough Seas (#2.7)" (2008)
[trying to convince Michael to help a medical relief agency]
Sam Axe: Can't hurt to talk to her, Mike.
Michael Westen: Mmm, it could. It could hurt a little. Could hurt a lot.

Fiona Glenanne: Why not go in now?
Sam Axe: Because Mike could get hurt.
Fiona Glenanne: Doesn't sound so bad.

Sam Axe: [on the phone] Uh, listen, Virgil needs to ask you just a little favor.
Virgil Watkins: [takes the phone] Listen, I didn't pack enough underwear, so I borrowed a set o' your boxers - the blue ones with the stripes.
Michael Westen: They will never fit you; stay out of my closets.
Virgil Watkins: They're a little snug down under, but I got all packed in. 'Preciate it.
Sam Axe: Mike, be glad you didn't have to see that.

Sam Axe: Hey, Mike. You remember Virgil?
Virgil Watkins: Mike! I brought us some tall, cool ones.
Michael Westen: I seem to recall you promising to stay out of Miami. Last time I saw you, there were people looking for you. Angry people, with guns.

[Fiona had to cancel a date in order to help Michael]
Fiona Glenanne: I had to tell my date I got food poisoning.
Sam Axe: Come on, Fi. Don't be like that.
Fiona Glenanne: I don't want him dead. Just bruised.


"Burn Notice: Friends and Family (#3.1)" (2009)
Michael Westen: So the good news is, I'm being investigated by the cops and foreign intelligence agencies?
Sam Axe: Yeah, well it's a change...

Michael Westen: [visit in prison] My mom, she's okay?
Sam Axe: Yeah... She's just a little upset about the uh... ya know, the house blowin' up. It's not the whole house. It's just the uh, ya know, the sun room? I mean it came out okay, but I think the bottom line is, you're better off in here until your ma cools off.

Sam Axe: Easy on the explosives, Fi. We're trying to nail this guy on corruption charges. Could be tough if he's in little pieces.
Fiona Glennane: We'll save on shipping.

Sam Axe: Mike, your new cover ID. You're Tom Wellington Esquire. Lawyer for a shady international investment group.
Michael Westen: Wellington?
Sam Axe: Hey, you wanna pick the name, you gotta go to the meeting. And listen to Barry talk about his skin regimen.

Sam Axe: This guy knows what he's doing. I couldn't have picked a better meeting location myself. I think they'll come in from over there. It's the best visibility. I think our only play is to create a distraction over there.
Fiona Glennane: How distracting?
Sam Axe: More than a firecracker, less than a neutron bomb.


"Burn Notice: Eyes Open (#4.13)" (2010)
[recap]
Michael Westen: Previously on "Burn Notice"...
Adam Scott: They took Becky right out of the backyard. I know exactly who did it.
["Adam Scott" / "The Client" ]
Dale Lawson: Tell him if he wants his girl, get my brother out of jail.
["Dale Lawson" / "Kidnapper" ]
Dale Lawson: [of his freed "brother"] Son of a bitch! That's not him! You think you can do this to me?
Michael Westen: [to Adam Scott] He's a little angry.
Adam Scott: I'm angry, too.
Fiona Glenanne: So what now?
Michael Westen: The situation hasn't changed. Everything leads back to John Barrett. We found Barrett, he's in Miami, we grab him, and we ask him some questions.
Fiona Glenanne: Jesse vowed to put a bullet in you. That should put him at the top of your to-do list.
Michael Westen: There's not a whole lot I can do about that right now.
John Barrett: [over radio] Let's talk about my Bible.
Michael Westen: [over radio] You want the Bible, Mr. Barrett, you'll meet me at Dinner Key, noon, Tuesday.
John Barrett: [over radio] That can be arranged.
Michael Westen: So that list is the key to destroying the people who burned me.
[Vaughn and his men show up and open fire]
John Barrett: Take him!
[a shot goes through Michael's left shoulder and through the guy holding him]
Fiona Glenanne: He shot Michael! What is Jesse doing?
Sam Axe: No, he shot the guy *behind* him. He's savin' Mike's butt is what he's doing.
John Barrett: Who do you work for?
Michael Westen: I'm self-employed.
[Michael grabs the wheel, flips the SUV. survives, sees the case taken away before passing out]

Sam Axe: Oh, excuse me, Miss?
Alicia Renson: Alicia Renson. I'm here for my brother, Walt.
Sam Axe: Oh, I'm sorry, I don't work here, uh, but we just saw- I mean, were you there? Are you all right?
Alicia Renson: Yeah, yeah, but my brother might have lost his hearing.
Michael Westen: What happened?
Alicia Renson: I don't know. I... Walt was, uh, having lunch with his- with his boss and... I-I went to get his... signature on this field-trip form. I watch...
Alicia Renson: [sniffles] the kids since Gina left. And, um... and, uh, W-Walt was coming out. And I looked over and-and I saw this-this young couple. And then it went off.
Sam Axe: And they weren't there anymore.
Alicia Renson: [sniffs] I don't think this was an accident. I told Walt not to work for a slimebag like Dale. It was a matter of time before something like this.
Michael Westen: [Sam and Mike exchange looks] "Dale"?
Alicia Renson: Dale Lawson. This guy my brother works for. He's dead. Walt's no angel, but he didn't deserve this. Cops better find out who did this. Someone's gotta bring them to justice.
Michael Westen: Someone will.
Nurse: Excuse me? Your brother's asking for you.
[Alicia goes with the Nurse to her brother. "Alicia" / "The client" ]
Sam Axe: Adam Scott. You're thinkin' it too, right?
Michael Westen: Dale kidnapped his daughter. Would be one hell of a coincidence.
Sam Axe: You told him to get out of town. He promised that he would drop it.
Michael Westen: Yeah, he's a lawyer, I guess I should have got it in writing.
Sam Axe: Wait, didn't Scott say that he wanted Lawson's whole crew to pay? This could just be the beginning, Mike, like a declaration of war- okay, what are you doin'? The doctor said two weeks.
Michael Westen: [pulling out his IV] I'm fine! Time to get back to work.

Sam Axe: Uh, hope you're done in there, bud, 'cause you are done in there.
Michael Westen: Dennis is coming?
Sam Axe: Yeah, I think we should call him "Dennis Wayne Barfield," you know, just to give him that, uh, serial-killer flavor.
Michael Westen: I'll meet you 'round back in 5 minutes, Sam.
Sam Axe: Yeah.
["Dennis Wayne Barfield" / "Serial killer" ]

Jesse Porter: This isn't exactly over, Sam. You said it yourself: these cops don't know what they're up against. What if they breach and Dennis decides to end it when they get close?
Cop #1: [to Michael] On your feet! Let's go!
Jesse Porter: [takes out his radio] Someone could die.
Sam Axe: Fi, how do you want to play it?
[Jesse activates his radio, blowing up the bomb in Fi's new house]
Sam Axe: Jesse, you just...
Jesse Porter: Yeah. Sometimes you got to put the rabid dog down.


"Burn Notice: Square One (#5.5)" (2011)
[recap]
["Previously on Burn Notice" ]
Fiona Glenanne: Mysterious trips around the world with Max. I mean, he's what, your keeper or whatever?
Michael Westen: He's my Agency contact.
["Max" / "Michael's Agency contact" ]
Max: You've been putting up some W's recently. The right people are starting to take notice.
Max: Michael Westen, soon-to-be reinstated agent of the CIA. How does that sound?
Michael Westen: That sounds great, Max. Thanks for everything.
[Michael turns a corner to find Max, face down on his office floor]
Michael Westen: Max!
[Max exhales sharply as Michael turns him over]
Michael Westen: You stay with me. Stay with me, Max. Max.
[Max dies. Michael searches for the killer. Two gunshot blanks are fired. Michael fires two bullets back, but misses. The killer escapes via an elevator shaft]
Michael Westen: Fi, someone shot Max, the police are on the way, and I think I'm holding the murder weapon. I covered my tracks...
[Michael pulls the key-card log drive, rappels down the building]
Michael Westen: ...so I covered the tracks of the killer.
Fiona Glenanne: Michael, we have to do something about that gun.
Sam Axe: And we need to get an alibi for you, like, right now.
Michael Westen: [puts on sunglasses] Let's go to work.

[finishing a funny story]
Sam Axe: So I said, "Shoot the dog."
Jesse Porter: So I did.
[laughing]

Brad Ramsey: This seems too good to be true. Then your guys start asking details about my business. I mean, how do I know you're not cops?
Sam Axe, Fiona Glenanne, Jesse Porter: [amused laughter]
Michael Westen: Fair question. Deserves an honest answer.
[Michael hands his sunglasses to Fi, his drink to Sam and takes the bottle, and takes a pocket handkerchief from Ethan]
Michael Westen: Cops write tickets.
[Michael pours the alcohol on the handkerchief]
Michael Westen: Cops eat doughnuts.
[Michael stuffs one end of the handkerchief into the neck of the bottle]
Michael Westen: They don't do this.
[Michael lights the end of the handkerchief and tosses the Molotov cocktail into a car. The glass smashes and the car's interior is engulfed in flames]
Brad Ramsey: Son of a bitch.
[Brad Ramsey throws a punch at Michael, but Michael catches his arm, pulls it behind Ramsey's back, and hooks the other one as well, restraining him]
Michael Westen: Careful. I learned jujitsu on the sands of Okinawa.
Brad Ramsey: That's - that's my car!
Michael Westen: No, that's not your car.
Michael Westen: [turns him around to a sporty sliver Porsche Carrera 4 convertible] *That's* your car. I call it the thinking car. Take your time. Have a ball.
[Michael shoves Ramsey towards the car. He walks over, opens the door, starts the engine and drives off]
Fiona Glenanne: "Thinking car"?
Michael Westen: Felt right at the time.
Jesse Porter: It fel- I don't give a damn how it felt; I better see my car again, Mike.
Sam Axe: [claps Jesse's shoulder] I know the feeling, buddy.

Sam Axe: Mike... what happened to the bench, the one with the work toys?
Michael Westen: Fiona thought that... she didn't want to mix work with... It's in the back now.


"Burn Notice: False Flag (#1.10)" (2007)
Michael Westen: How's my Mom?
Sam Axe: Locked up cozy and tight with a cigarette and a shotgun. Ready to kill anything that comes through the door.

Sam Axe: [holding up a kevlar vest] Here you go, Doug: my lucky vest.
Michael Westen: It'll look great over my shirt.
Doug Baker: Thanks.
Sam Axe: It's a little worn, but it'll do the trick.
Doug Baker: Are these... bulletholes?
Sam Axe: Yeah, I broke it in for you.

Sam Axe: [on the kevlar vest] Just think of it as a precaution. It's like a seatbelt.
Fiona Glenanne: Yeah, a seatbelt that smells like Old Spice and bourbon.

Doug Baker: [about being marked for death] I can't believe this. I'm a C.P.A., for Christ's sake!
Sam Axe: A C.P.A. brought down Al Capone. There's a reason the Feds want you to testify.


"Burn Notice: Breach of Faith (#4.4)" (2010)
Josh Wagner: [threatening with a gun] Just get me the money back!
Nick Madison: I don't have it! I swear to God, I did *not* steal from you.
Josh Wagner: Liar!
Patty: He's not l-lying! Please don't s-shoot us, Mr. Wagner! Please!
Sam Axe: [runs in with Michael] Josh! You don't want to do this.
Josh Wagner: Sam? What the hell are you doing here?
Sam Axe: I'm here to help. Just put that down.
Josh Wagner: [pointing gun at Michael] Who are *you*?
Michael Westen: My name's Michael. I'm a friend of Sam's. Listen. Let's talk about this.
Nick Madison: No!
Michael Westen: There's a better way to handle this, Josh.
Nick Madison: No, no, *no*! I *tried* better ways, Sam. I-I-I went to the police. I asked nicely. Nothing happened. Nothing worked. I am out of options!
["Josh" / "Out of Options" ]
Michael Westen: We don't want anybody to get hurt, Josh. We don't want you to go to jail.
Josh Wagner: I *deserve* to go to jail for trusting the charity's money to this *thieving* *bastard*!
["Nick Madison" / "Thieving Bastard" ]
Josh Wagner: I'm not going anywhere. Understand me? Not until I get every penny of that money back.
Nick Madison: Josh, buddy. I know that you're upset, but...
[Josh huts him in the face with the butt of his gun]
Nick Madison: Aah!
Patty: Oh! Oh, my God.
Josh Wagner: I'm not your damn buddy.
[sirens wail]
Josh Wagner: Who called the cops?

Lieutenant Seth Casey: This is Lieutenant Seth Casey, Miami Metro Police.
["Lt. Casey" / "Tough S.O.B." ]
Lieutenant Seth Casey: Whoever you are, if you want this to work out, you will pick up the phone. Right now. We need to talk.
Josh Wagner: W-what do I do? What do I say?
Sam Axe: Mike, this train's about to start moving real fast. It's not too late for you to hop off, but I'm staying.
Michael Westen: [narrative] In a hostage crisis, first contact with the police is critical. One wrong word from a hostage taker can be the difference between the start of negotiations or the start of an armed assault.
Lieutenant Seth Casey: Pick up the phone!
Michael Westen: [as Josh goes to answer the phone] Stop!
Josh Wagner: He said I should...
Michael Westen: Leave it. You sound like you're gonna jump off a bridge. You answer a phone like that, and you'll have a SWAT team banging through the door before you hang up. I'll get it.
Michael Westen: [to Sam] I leave when you leave.
Michael Westen: [timidly into the phone] Hello? Hello?
Lieutenant Seth Casey: Who am I speaking with?
Michael Westen: He says I can't answer any of your questions. He says that... no one will get hurt as long as... you don't... come any closer.
Lieutenant Seth Casey: O-Okay, but tell him I can't help him... u-unless I can talk to him.
Michael Westen: He-he says I got to go.
Lieutenant Seth Casey: Wait, wait, wait. Don't hang up. Tell him the line's open. Anytime he wants to talk, all he has to do is...
[Michael hangs up]
Michael Westen: You hung up on him?
Josh Wagner: This is more of a "less is more" situation. I'm just buying time.
Sam Axe: Okay, Josh, we're gonna help you get your money back, but only if you let us call the shots.
Josh Wagner: Are you sure about this? You could go to jail.
Sam Axe: Right now we're just two friends trying to end this peacefully. As long as it stays that way, Mike and I can get your money back and stay out of jail. Deal?
Josh Wagner: [sighs, shakes hands] Deal.
Michael Westen: Josh.
[Josh is distracted for a moment, long enough for Sam to get the gun from him]

Sam Axe: [counting on his fingers] Armed kidnapping... unlawful confinement... Madison's right: we're looking at some considerable jail time, Mike.
Michael Westen: You're not helping the mood, Sam.
Sam Axe: 'M sorry I got you into this, brother.
Michael Westen: [checks watch] I'm the one who decided to stay.
Sam Axe: [chuckles] Funny. When I was 10 years old, I wanted an air rifle more than anything in the whole world, but my dad wouldn't get it for me. So I used my five-finger discount.
Michael Westen: You got caught stealing a BB gun?
Sam Axe: Mike, it was a Red Ryder, okay? My dad told the cops to lock me up for a couple hours - you know, just to freak me out. I haven't seen the inside of a jail cell since.
Michael Westen: It's a little early to call it a day, Sam.
Michael Westen: [gets up] We still got some cards to play.

Nick Madison: [Sam has picked up Nick's toaster] I don't care if you burn me, electrocute me or whatever it is you're thinking...
Sam Axe: Relax, Nick. I just want to borrow your toaster.


"Burn Notice: Do No Harm (#2.10)" (2009)
[Sam questions an imprisoned enforcer in a medical scam]
Michael Westen: [narration] There's a saying in interrogation: "Violence perceived is violence achieved." You don't want someone screaming, you want him asking questions - asking, "What is he doing with that knife?"
Sam Axe: [cuts his own thumb] Oh, wow!
Michael Westen: [narration] Asking, "If he'll do that to himself, what will he do to me?"
[Sam Axe drips blood from his thumb onto the man's face as he squirms in terror]
Michael Westen: [narration] Mostly you want him asking, "How do I make this stop?"

[Sam finds Michael unconscious on the ground after he's narrowly avoided a bomb planted on his front door]
Sam Axe: Mike? Mike! Mike!
Michael Westen: [weakly] What - ?
Sam Axe: [stops Michael from moving] Don't try it. Don't try that. You just took a pretty bad fall.
Sam Axe: [looking up at the landing and blown-out entrance to Michael's loft] Uh, make that a *very* bad fall.

[Sam helps Michael get to his feet outside his loft, and they look at the dented roof of Michael's car, which broke Michael's fall]
Sam Axe: I think your car saved your life, Mike.
Michael Westen: Not the first time.

[On the run from Carla's goons, Michael stops Sam as he observes a man about to cross the street]
Michael Westen: [narration] Distinguishing between different kinds of suspicious behavior is crucial for an operative.
Sam Axe: Surveillance?
Michael Westen: Not surveillance, Sam.
[Michael runs to the man, and pulls him out of the path of an oncoming truck]
Michael Westen: [narrating] Someone doing surveillance, for example, looks different than someone who's trying to commit suicide.


"Burn Notice: Blind Spot (#4.11)" (2010)
Emily: [about their game plan] Do you guys have like a manual where you get this stuff or something?
Sam Axe: We just make it up as we go.

Sam Axe: Chuck Finley is forever.

Charles Archer: The one on top: widow in Coral Gables. She should be worth two and a half. She's won a lawsuit against some chemical company that killed her kid.
Sam Axe: [insincere smile and chuckle] Charles, you're a real peach.


"Burn Notice: Hot Property (#4.14)" (2010)
Sam Axe: I ever tell you you're the reason I drink, Mikey?

Michael Westen: [narrative] Recruiting a source is a painful process. Threatening to ruin someone's life can put a lot of strain on a relationship and make it tough to work together.
Sam Axe: Hello, Marv. Chuck Finley. Nice to meet you.
Marv: Wish I could say the same. What's this about?
Sam Axe: Well, the good news is this has nothing to do with your marital indiscretion with Sally Baker.
Marv: And the bad news?
[Sam points behind Marv]
Michael Westen: [narrative] But sometimes a bad relationship is the best you can do.
Marv: [turns around] Jesse, what the hell are you doin' to me? I can't be here. I can't be talking to you. You know that.
Jesse Porter: I know. If there was any other way...
Marv: What, what, other than dragging my private life into this?
Jesse Porter: I'm sorry, I really need your help.
Marv: Help? Are you kidding? This is the second time you've tricked me into meeting you.
Jesse Porter: You want to know what happened the first time? The help you gave me led directly to the takedown of Drake Technologies.
Marv: The- You're involved with that?
Jesse Porter: Yes.
Marv: I mean- I mean, the congressional hearings are still going on.
Jesse Porter: I know. I know, and trust me, you do not want to know the details, but you helped stop some very bad people, Marv. So I'm asking you to do it again.
Marv: [pauses] All right, what do you need?
Jesse Porter: All right, someone's getting ready to auction off something really nasty. I got e-mails and some of the people attending. I just need to know the who, the when, and the where.
Marv: [accepts file] All right, I'll look into it.
[Marv walks off past Sam]
Jesse Porter: [groans] The guy's a good friend. I feel like a son of a bitch playing him like that.
Sam Axe: Yup. I know how you feel. But you know what always cheers me up? Stealing a chemical weapon from a bunch of crazy South Americans.

Sam Axe: [driving, on Bluetooth] Hey, Mike, I'm at Watson Key. Looks like I'm free and clear so I'm headin' over there now to drop this baby off with my buddy at the base.
Michael Westen: [narrative] Spies are trained to be careful around road work. Too many workers for too little work: you're probably driving into a snatch-and-grab. No workers with road blocks guiding you toward a freshly paved pothole rather than *away* from one: it's a good bet you're about to drive over a bomb.
[Sam's not a spy]


"Burn Notice: Entry Point (#4.6)" (2010)
Sam Axe: [shouted playacting at Jesse for Kendra to overhear] Were my instructions too complicated for you to understand? Do I need to speak in single-syllable words maybe? Draw you a picture? Now quit playing nice, get in there *and get me some* DAMN *ANSWERS*!
Sam Axe: [quietly, cleaning some spittle off Jesse's face] Sorry man, got a little something, there.
Michael Westen: [narrative] Every interrogation is a struggle between two parties for control. When forward progress depends on you giving up this control, you have to be careful. An overt show of weakness is transparent; bluffing strength and allowing that bluff to be called creates a believeable fiction that lets the person across the table think they actually have something on you.

Jesse Porter: Hey, let me ask you somethin'. Is it weird that I kinda miss you?
Sam Axe: [chuckles] Well, you have been hanging out with a homicidal psychopath, but uh... yeah, it's a little weird.

[last lines]
Sam Axe: [toasting] To the new guy! For putting that hot slice of crazy in the rearview.
[they tap beer bottles and drink]
Jesse Porter: Mmm. Ohh, man!
Jesse Porter: [looks at Kendra on monitor] It's gonna be weird not hanging out with her tomorrow, you know?
[Michael regards angry Kendra on the monitor]
Michael Westen: You could really use some more friends. I'd work on that.


"Burn Notice: Fast Friends (#4.2)" (2010)
[first lines]
Sam Axe: [close on Sam] Mike, I'm tellin' ya, don't do it.
Michael Westen: [across the room] What, you don't like the belt buckle?
Sam Axe: I'm not kidding around here. You gotta put a kibosh on this.
Michael Westen: Sam, we talked about this.
Sam Axe: [getting up] Well, maybe we didn't talk about it enough! You're workin' for the same sons of bitches that burned you, Mike, and you're gonna meet with this... Vince guy?
Michael Westen: Vaughn?
Sam Axe: Vaughn. Good name for a vampire. I'm just sayin', I don't think you thought this through.
Michael Westen: I don't love working with him, but what we're doing is important.
Sam Axe: Why? Because Simon got out? OK, he was a bad guy.
[Michael shoots Sam a look like, "Remember the hotel bomb you and Fi had to defuse?"]
Sam Axe: OK, a very bad guy! But he's stuck in a dungeon somewhere! Problem solved.
Michael Westen: If it was just about Simon, maybe, but the guy who helped him escape has bigger plans.
Sam Axe: I know you feel this is on your shoulders, but it's not your job to solve everything. Just walk away.
Michael Westen: [softly] I got an innocent man burned for looking into this. If I stop now, I'll have ruined Jesse Porter's life for nothing.
Sam Axe: [reluctantly] OK, fine.
[Michael moves to leave]
Sam Axe: But I still think Vaughn is a vampire name!

Sam Axe: You know, I'm a little hurt, Maddie. You never spruced the place up when I was here.
Madeline Westen: That's because he's a *paying* renter, Sam, not someone who's going to detonate explosives in my solarium.

Sam Axe: Did I mention I'm not a fan of running a mission with a kid we barely know?
Michael Westen: Ten times.
Sam Axe: I'm just sayin', these counterintel types, Mike, they're lone wolves, they're not team players.
Michael Westen: This is Jesse's best shot at getting Khan off his back. He'll behave. Here we go, Sam.
Sam Axe: OK, that's where Jesse's supposed to set up shop.
[Jesse shakes his head, thinking, "To hell with this," and goes over the wall and fence]
Michael Westen: And yet he's still moving.
Sam Axe: What the hell's he doin'?
Michael Westen: [disappointed and annoyed] His version of the plan. Watch my back.


"Burn Notice: Breaking and Entering (#2.1)" (2008)
Michael Westen: Seems the people who burned me want me for a job. For now, that's all I got.
Sam Axe: A job? Does it pay?
Michael Westen: More of a "we'll kill you if you don't do it" type of thing.
Sam Axe: Ah. Never liked those.

Michael Westen: Making yourself comfortable I see.
Sam Axe: Err, comfortable? I wouldn't go that far. Mike, how do you fit into these little shirts? They're like doll clothes.

Sam Axe: [Michael shoots the rear view mirror off Sam's car] What the hell is he doing?
Fiona Glenanne: I think we just got recruited into Michael's cover identity.


"Burn Notice: Broken Rules (#1.7)" (2007)
Sam Axe: Honey, just take it easy...
Veronica: A C.I.A. agent came into my home!
Sam Axe: Actually, he's C.S.S., it's a division of the National Security Agency...
Veronica: He told me you were seeing that whore up in Bal Harbor!
Sam Axe: I just went to get my clothes! It's over, Pumpkin.
[He ducks as she throws a vase at his head]

[watching the gang in Little Havana]
Fiona Glenanne: When are you going to get a real car? This thing's like a toy.
Sam Axe: I am. Veronica was supposed to get me a Cadillac this weekend, until Mike's surveillance guy screwed everything up.
Fiona Glenanne: [incredulous] A Cadillac? What could you possibly be doing to these women?
Sam Axe: [smirking] Wouldn't you like to know?

[Sam keeps checking his cell phone]
Fiona Glenanne: Did you send flowers?
Sam Axe: Yes, I sent flowers! Why do you think I'm checking my phone?
Fiona Glenanne: Well, what did the card say?
Sam Axe: It said, "I'm sorry, please call me."
Fiona Glenanne: She doesn't need to hear you're sorry! She needs to know who you are! She needs to know where she stands...!
[awkward silence]
Fiona Glenanne: ...I would imagine.


"Burn Notice: Friendly Fire (#3.11)" (2010)
Madeline Westen: Hey, Sam? You've got a visitor. Says he's an old friend of yours.
[Sam sighs, goes into the house and meets-]
Sam Axe: Mack.
Mack: [with hat in hand] Hey, man. Been a long time.
[Mack reaches out to shake hands, freeze frame]
Mack: ["Mack" / "Sam's old friend"]
[Sam hits Mack with a left cross]
Madeline Westen: Sam!
Mack: [hand on chin] That's okay. I deserved that.
["Mack" / "Sam's former friend"]
Mack: [Sam hits Mack with a right cross, then moves in for more]
Madeline Westen: [restraining Sam] Sam! Sam! Hey, easy, easy. Sam.
Mack: That one, too, I suppose. All right, look, Sam... I know you and I have had our problems, but I need your help. Can I buy you a beer? Please.
Sam Axe: I'm not in a drinking mood.
[Sam goes to the kitchen. Michael follows him in]
Madeline Westen: Sam, who is this guy?
Sam Axe: Oh, we served together during my SEAL days.
Madeline Westen: You don't look too excited to see him.
Sam Axe: Yeah, we had a bit of a falling out.
Michael Westen: [Madeline listens] Anything you want to talk about?
Sam Axe: I'm sorry, Mike. I...
Sam Axe: [sighs] Maybe I'll just let him buy me that beer. I'll be all right.

[Sam is boxing up 8-track tapes for storage]
Madeline Westen: You're not packin' my Ice Babies, are you?
Sam Axe: Uh, no, Maddie, those are staying behind.
Madeline Westen: Good, because you destroyed *half* my Winter Wonderland collection when you blew up my house.
Sam Axe: Come on, now. I thought we were past all that.
Madeline Westen: We are. I was just pulling your chain. Ha!

Michael Westen: [narrative] When you're extracting a heavily guarded target, it's important to choose the right entry point. Guards watch windows and doors... so if you come in through the common wall of a neighboring apartment, you've got surprise on your side, not to mention a shower of shattered concrete.
[Michael listens to the wall]
Sam Axe: What is it, Mike?
Michael Westen: It's a little too quiet in there.
Michael Westen: [looks to window] And a little too quiet out there, too.
Michael Westen: [narrative] Of course, surprise doesn't count for much if you're walking into a trap.
Sam Axe: [of what he sees out the window] Looks like Vega decided to crash the party.
Mack: [at the door] Hey, we've got guys coming up the stairs.
Michael Westen: I hope you brought enough rope, Sam.
[window blows out]
Michael Westen: [narrative] Traditional rappelling requires holding a rope with both hands, which is inconvenient if you're being shot at. That's why Special Forces are trained to rappel in unconventional ways.


"Burn Notice: Bad Blood (#2.6)" (2008)
Madeline Westen: Uh, Sam, didn't you forget something?
[hands him some bullets]
Madeline Westen: Oh! Looks like bullets. I found them in your pants. I heard them rattling around in the washing machine when I was doing your laundry.
Sam Axe: Yeah, 9 mm. Uh, hey, err, I don't know what to say.
Michael Westen: I'd say nothing. Nothing's good. Go with nothing.

Michael Westen: Sam, did you, uh, get a chance to do that cover ID for me?
Sam Axe: You're Jimmy Glinn. Flashy real estate developer slash cash churner. I threw in some vague Boston mob connections just for good measure.

Sam Axe: I think know you. Aren't you that singer/rapper, Valentio... Valentine?
Valentine: Yeah.
Sam Axe: I just got one thing to say to you, you're what's wrong with our country, pal. Yeah, you call that music? Ug-uh, Ug-uh. What-what's going on there?
Valentine: Wait a minute. First of all, what do you listen to, old timer?
Sam Axe: Barbara Mandrell. Nothing wrong with that. Kenny G. Captain and Tenille.
Valentine: Woah! That's like too gangster for me.


"Burn Notice: Scorched Earth (#6.1)" (2012)
Michael Westen: [voiceover] The vehicle you want when hunting someone down depends on where you are in the chase. If you're behind your target, you need a set of wheels that's fast enough to catch up. If you're ahead and waiting for your target to come to you, you may want to think bigger.
Sam Axe: Uh, Mike, the clock's ticking. I mean, I thought the idea was to get ahead of Anson so we can spot him from the road.
Michael Westen: [picking up a rock] There are no exits for ten miles along that highway. It'll be a lot easier if the traffic's stopped.
[Michael uses the rock to break the window of a big rig]
Sam Axe: Oh, great!
Michael Westen: [voiceover] Anti-theft devices, like transponder keys and transmission locks, make newer trucks nearly impossible to steal. Hot-wiring an older truck, on the other hand, is still just a matter of sorting the terminals on the starter solenoid. And, of course, dealing with whoever happens to own the truck.
Trucker: [spotting Michael and Sam] Hey! What the hell are you doing?
Sam Axe: [trying to laugh it off] Hey, I know this doesn't look good.
Trucker: No! This guy's stealing my truck!
Sam Axe: Uh, yeah, he is, but see, the thing is it's kind of a long story, and trust me, pal, you don't want to mess with that guy right now.
Trucker: Out of my way!
Sam Axe: Can't do that.
[the trucker decks Sam; Michael fires a warning shot into the adjacent truck]
Michael Westen: Fight's over. Walk away now.
Sam Axe: [stuffing some bills into the trucker's shirt pocket] Here. Buy yourself another hot dog. And, uh, you might want to call your insurance company. I think you're gonna need a new truck.

Michael Westen: [he and Sam are pinned down by a pair of security guards] Anson could see us at the gate. He's gotta be in one of those windows. We gotta get in there, Sam.
Sam Axe: Oh, yeah? How do you propose to do that with our new friends outside?
Michael Westen: We're gonna have to go through 'em.
Sam Axe: Whoa, whoa. Mike, slow down. I mean, I know you want to nail Anson...
Michael Westen: I am *not* losing him, Sam!
Sam Axe: They got both exits covered, and if this gonna be a bloodbath, I'm out, because the guys outside are just doing their jobs. Even if they are a little trigger happy.
Michael Westen: [indicating a dead security officer nearby] That's probably our best way out of here.
Sam Axe: What, getting shot?
Michael Westen: Something like that.
[Michael goes to the security guard, dips his hand in the blood, and smears some on his arm]
Sam Axe: Oh, Mike, no, no. This is not a good plan. I don't like this plan.
Michael Westen: Well, get ready to like it even less, 'cause I need you to play dead.

Sam Axe: There you are. Been looking all over for you. Is Fi...?
Michael Westen: I was too late, Sam.
Sam Axe: Look, Mike, you can't blame yourself. I mean, there was nothing you could do. It wasn't like any of us could stop her.
Michael Westen: What about you, Sam?
Sam Axe: What are you talking about?
Michael Westen: You know exactly what I'm talking about.
Sam Axe: Well- No. I... I don't.
Michael Westen: You expect me to believe she knocked you out? How is that possible?
[Michael grabs Sam around the nape of his neck]
Michael Westen: How is that possible?
Sam Axe: Mike, come on, man. What do you want me to say? Okay. Yeah. Yeah, maybe I could have fought her off. That's right. But did it ever occur to you that maybe she was right? You were losing yourself, Mike. You were selling out everything you ever fought for.
Michael Westen: I was fighting for her!
Sam Axe: By burning spies? Mike, you were betraying your friends. You were about to betray your god damn government.
Michael Westen: [near tears] What do I do now, Sam? What do I do? I've just been fighting for so long, Sam. And she was all I had left.


"Burn Notice: Army of One (#5.10)" (2011)
Dixon: I said I don't want to talk to you. Go away!
Sam Axe: Dixon, I just need a small favor, okay?
Dixon: Favors are for friends, and friends don't tase one another and put them in the trunks of cars!
["Dixon" / 'Sam's "Friend"' ]
Sam Axe: First of all, that was years ago. Second, I said I was sorry. And you know, third, if you'd agreed to help, I wouldn't have had to do it.

Dixon: You guys suck!
Fiona Glenanne: Hey, I've ridden in there. As trunks go, it's not so bad. Uh, Sam, I think I know how the cops found us. Dixon here likes to accessorize.
Sam Axe: You're under house arrest? Why didn't you say something?
Dixon: Oh, I'm sorry. Did I forget to mention that when I was unconscious? I'm unconscious because *you* tased me!
Sam Axe: [indicating Fi] Uh, technically, she tased you.

Sam Axe: Not to pry, but is there something between you and Mike? I mean, ever since you guys moved in together, seems like things have been a little tense.
Fiona Glenanne: I'd be happy with "tense". Michael can find room for my snow globes in his apartment but he can't figure out how I fit into his life.
Sam Axe: Well, you know how Mikey is with commitment.
Fiona Glenanne: Look, I really don't want to talk about his issues right now. I have issues of my own. I am driving around with an unconscious man in my trunk.
[police siren]
Fiona Glenanne: Correction: I am driving around with an unconscious man in my trunk and a cop trying to pull me over.
Sam Axe: Aw, crap. Do you think someone spotted us nabbing Dixon?
Fiona Glenanne: We're not going to stick around to find out.


"Burn Notice: Where There's Smoke (#4.8)" (2010)
Christian Aikins: Somebody broke into my car yesterday. Luckily, all they got was a laptop with a few personal e-mails and some Garth Brooks MP3s.
Sam Axe: Could've been worse. Could've been Creedence.

Sam Axe: You be careful in there, missie! Chuck Finley is too young to be a widower!
Fiona Glenanne: Yeah, well, don't worry about me. I'm not your average trophy wife.

Sam Axe: Charles Finley had a shotgun wedding for the sake of his cover. That's Charlotte, the ol' ball 'n chain.
Fiona Glenanne: Call me that again, and we'll have a shotgun divorce.


"Burn Notice: Hard Out (#5.8)" (2011)
Sam Axe: Are you nuts? We're talking about robbing a weapons manufacturer! I mean, I expect crazy talk out of her, but you?
Michael Westen: I don't like it, either, but we've hit a dead end finding out who built this bomb. Time's running out, Sam.
Sam Axe: Well, can't you do some other favor for the guy, like mow his lawn or wash his plane?
Fiona Glenanne: That's not how Armand works. If we want his help, we have to do as he asks.
Sam Axe: That's funny. I heard the Devil works the same way.

Sam Axe: [to Michael] I'm just sayin', the way the CIA has you working on these hush-hush gigs reminds me of another group of spies you used to work for.

Michael Westen: [narrative] To hit a facility directly, you just need a gun and the willingness to use it. Less-bloody approaches require fewer bullets but more planning... and more recruiting.
Madeline Westen: You want me to do *what?*!
Sam Axe: All you gotta do is tell them that your car broke down. Ask to use the john, toss the doodad in the trash, and split. Easy peasy, no big deal.
Madeline Westen: No big deal? You're asking me to plant a bomb, Sam!
Fiona Glenanne: It's a smoke bomb, timed to go off after everybody leaves. Nobody gets hurt... you know, except us if you say no.
Madeline Westen: Who's this guy who wants you to rob a-a-a weapons company?
Madeline Westen: Don't bother. Fi hasn't been too forthcoming about this Armand guy.
Madeline Westen: You want me to get anywhere near this, you better start talking, honey.
Fiona Glenanne: [sighs] Armand got me out of Ireland when nobody else could: passport, visa, cash. But his help wasn't free.
Madeline Westen: What does that mean: "wasn't free"?
Fiona Glenanne: Well, my price for my ticket to the U.S. was lookout duty on a job in Belfast. Turns out that job was a kidnapping.
Madeline Westen: Okay. Who was kidnapped? Jesus.
Fiona Glenanne: Not an angel... but nobody who'd done any harm to me. I-I didn't know until after.
Fiona Glenanne: [inhales deeply] Armand kept his word. He always does.
Sam Axe: Look, the point is, if we're gonna find out who framed Mike for murder, we got to heist that place, Maddy.
Fiona Glenanne: And we'd like to do it without killing anyone, so...
Madeline Westen: So, fine. I'll do it.


"Burn Notice: Eye for an Eye (#5.9)" (2011)
Michael Westen: [carrying a heavy bag of weapons] Sam, are you gonna help?
Sam Axe: Yeah, it's just that, I mean, you really think this old guy built that bomb? I mean, he's owned a clock shop for like 20 years.
Fiona Glenanne: Under a different last name. He's a war criminal, and he's hiding.
Michael Westen: Fiona went to a lot of trouble to get that file. If it says the bomb maker's hiding out in Tallahassee, that's where we're going.
Sam Axe: Well, I just want to be sure we're making the right move.
Michael Westen: It's the *only* move, Sam.

Michael Westen: [southern accent] Are you the fella that fixes the clocks?
Lucien Balan: Yes, I buy, sell, and repair. Like the sign says: I'm a clockmaker.
["Lucien" / "Bomb maker" ]
Michael Westen: A football buddy of ours, well, his father passed away, left us this collection of, uh, antique clocks.
Sam Axe: Yes, sir, and we were told that, uh, Lucien Balan's the fella we should talk to about selling them. They're outside in the car if you want to come out and take a quick look.
Lucien Balan: Spare me the trip. Please. Come in back. I'll show you my catalogs, you show me what you have. Uh, who told you about me? I like to know who gives referrals.
Michael Westen: Martin McCauley up in Greenville; he sung your praises.
Lucien Balan: [chuckles] And this Martin: did he tell you how he knows me? I don't hear the name Lucien much. These days, they call me Luka.

[last lines]
Sam Axe: [on Lucien] He's gone, Mike. We lost our only lead.
Michael Westen: [on Max's killer] Not quite. Lucien told me where to find him.
Sam Axe: Well, then, I think we owe that son of a bitch a visit.


"Burn Notice: Bloodlines (#5.2)" (2011)
Sam Axe: [of their Yakuza prisoner] He's got a busted hip and one of his arms is broken. I mean, the guy's a lunatic: tried to play a game of human Frogger and it didn't quite work out for him.
[Michael gives Sam a quizzical look]
Sam Axe: Frogger. It's a video game from the '80s? Nevermind.

Michael Westen: [narrative] When tailing someone dangerous, it's a good idea to give yourself an innocent-sounding reason to be following your target. Most of the time, you won't need it, but if it turns out your target is on to you...
Hiroshi: Why are you following us?
Michael Westen: [narrative] you'll *really* need it.
Sam Axe: [pulling out the watch he'd slipped off his wrist] Whoa, whoa. Hey, guys, I think one of you left this on the table in there. I mean, she's a beaut. I would hate to lose a watch like this, you know, if she were mine.
Hiroshi: [takes watch with his right hand, which is also conspicuously wearing a gold watch] Yes. That is mine. Thank you.
[they walk off with the watch, both chuckling]
Sam Axe: Okay, they just stole my watch.

Michael Westen: "Who am I?" doesn't matter. All you need to know is that your good friend Takada, has been captured?
Hiroshi: How you know this?
Michael Westen: Because I'm the one who captured him.
[Sam, Fiona, and Jesse enter behind Hiroshi]
Sam Axe: What's Japanese for "drop your weapons?"
Jesse Porter: Well, maybe something like this.
[Jesse cambers his weapon]
Fiona Glenanne: No. I think it's this.
[Fiona hits Hiroshi with her shotgun]


"Burn Notice: Friends Like These (#3.8)" (2009)
Michael Westen: Yeah, about that, you should avoid your clients for a while.
Barry: I'm known for my customer service. Don't you think they're going to get a little suspicious if I start dodging their calls?
Sam Axe: Dodge calls now or dodge bullets later.
Barry: Fair enough.

Michael Westen: I'm sorry we're using your love nest as a holding cell, Sam.
Sam Axe: Well, I just didn't expect to be wearing pants here!

Michael Westen: Get some pillows we're going to need head bags.
Sam Axe: Head bags? Oh goody.


"Burn Notice: Truth and Reconciliation (#2.14)" (2009)
Madeline Westen: You ever have you car broken into?
Sam Axe: No, mostly just broken.

Claude Laurent: [hands out a document to Michael] I have this, too. It's from the inter-American court of human rights. We use it to make him come back to Haiti and stand trial. Duman was an official in Haiti. Veronique spoke out against him. He had her put in prison, and then he had her killed.
Sam Axe: [while holding a big fish] Uh, Mr. Laurent, this is not gonna work in an American court.
Claude Laurent: Who - who is this man with the fish?

[Sam interrupts Lane and Harris during a stakeout]
Sam Axe: Wow, she looks dangerous.
Agent Harris: Cute, Sam. You know you're interfering with a Federal investigation?
Sam Axe: What is she, like, eighty? Did she steal somebody's dentures?
Agent Lane: It's a racketeering case. Biggest drug-smuggling family in South Florida.
Sam Axe: Oh... is she the boss?
Agent Lane: [embarrassed] Boss's grandmother.
Sam Axe: [laughs] Oh, boy. You'd better check the film speed in that camera, because at the rate she's moving, you don't want to miss a thing.


"Burn Notice: End Run (#3.3)" (2009)
Fiona Glenanne: How long before Paxson finds someone she can flip, like a gunrunner named Seymour?
Sam Axe: Or a money launderer named Barry?
Fiona Glenanne: Or a washed-up Navy SEAL named Sam?
Sam Axe: Or, how 'bout an unstable, jealous...
Michael Westen: Guys!

Michael Westen: Does Fi have any C-4?
Sam Axe: Well, it's Fi, Mike. You gotta ask?


"Burn Notice: Bad Breaks (#2.13)" (2009)
Fiona Glenanne: [incredulous] Michael called you to tell you to blow a hole in the wall of a bank, and you didn't think to ask when?
Sam Axe: Look, it was a brief conversation. We didn't talk about shoes or movies either. Would you just place the explosives already?

Fiona Glenanne: [frustrated] I still think we should set off the charges, blow a hole in the wall, rush in... Beats waiting out here.
Sam Axe: Yeah, that's good, let's get Mike and the hostages killed because you have the attention span of a 3 year old.


"Burn Notice: A Dark Road (#3.10)" (2010)
Michael Westen: [narrative] For a covert operative, there's often a fine line between hunter and hunted. Letting someone hunt you is just another way of finding out more about them.
Sam Axe: The cell phone signal's coming from out here.
Michael Westen: [narrative] Of course, there's also a fine line between following up intelligence and walking into a trap.
Sam Axe: Doesn't get more exposed than this, does it. Sure you want to do this?
Michael Westen: Yeah, I'm sure. Stay here. Cover me as... best as you can.

[last lines]
[Michael parks the Charger inside the gates at his place. Sam Axe is sitting on the steps. Michael gets out, read's Sam's face]
Michael Westen: What's wrong, Sam?
Sam Axe: Well, I've been doin' some research, tryin' ta connect the dots to find our killer, you know? So, there was the hotel thing, right? Then I followed up your hunch about that stadium shooting in South America. Six police officials shot in a soccer stadium, six shots at the marine stadium.
Michael Westen: No one claimed credit for either incident, though.
Sam Axe: Right. Thing is, you were off in Bosnia when they did the follow-up, and both times there was a lot of talk about the same guy: Mason Gilroy.
Michael Westen: [nods] I've heard the name. Are you sure?
Sam Axe: Yep. There was some cologne on that note you got at the hotel. Stuff was called Monaco Silver. Last sighting of Gilroy...?
Michael Westen: Monaco.
Sam Axe: What a coincidence! So I came here to tell ya...
Sam Axe: [takes out a cell phone] ... and I found this by the gate. He knows where you live, Mike.
Michael Westen: [takes phone] And he didn't kill me yet.
[Michael redials the last number called. It rings once, then picks up]
Michael Westen: [into phone] Gilroy.
Mason Gilroy: [over phone] You've figured out my name. Good for you. I knew you were a clever boy.
Michael Westen: Are we *done* *playing*.
Sam Axe: That is the question, isn't it. I noticed you didn't sound the alarm with the authorities, which I think is a promising sign. I think... perhaps we should meet.
Michael Westen: Just give me a time and a place.


"Burn Notice: Devil You Know (#3.16)" (2010)
[first lines]
[Gilroy has just died by explosion in his SUV. Michael wakes up nearby to the vehicle mostly burned out but still on fire and calls Sam]
Sam Axe: [answers with] Mike, what the hell is going on over there?
Michael Westen: [hoarse] Sam, Gilroy's dead. You know that prisoner he was helping escape?
Sam Axe: Don't tell me.
Michael Westen: He's out, Sam. He's free.
Sam Axe: The whole reason we were getting involved here, Mike, was so he *didn't*.
Michael Westen: [loudly] No need to remind me!
[pause]
Michael Westen: His name's Simon. That's all I know.
[sirens]
Michael Westen: Right now I just need to get clear of the cops.
Sam Axe: Mike, it's not just the cops. The FBI is involved now. Homeland Security's on alert. Pretty soon its gonna be the IRS, the Forest Service, and the Food and Drug Administration are gonna be lookin' for ya!
Michael Westen: I'm heading through to Canal Street. I'll do my best to stay clear. See if you can do a little recon for me.
Sam Axe: You got it, brother.
Sam Axe: [to himself] Holy crap holy.

Michael Westen: [calls on a stolen phone] Sam, it's me.
Sam Axe: You've reached Sam Axe's Fugitive Assistance Service, Sam speaking. How was your night?


"Burn Notice: Trust Me (#2.3)" (2008)
Fiona Glenanne: He's smooth. In a cheesy Sam kinda way.
Sam Axe: Hey, smooth is smooth, baby!

Sam Axe: Mike, look, you know I'm up for just about anything, but this, this is like cursing in church. I mean, technically, this is foreign soil.
Michael Westen: No, technically, it's just trepassing. The one perk of being burned, my crimes are just crimes, not acts of war.
Sam Axe: But does it have to be the Pakistani consulate? Couldn't it be, I don't know, Jamaica? Those guys are probably very easygoing.


"Burn Notice: Company Man (#5.1)" (2011)
Michael Westen: So this is how it ends: a body on the ground.
Max: Yeah, but he put a bullet in his own head and not yours.
Sam Axe: Hey, I'll drink to that! Mike, you won! The people that burned you - the whole damn network - it's done! To new beginnings!
[Sam, Max, and Fi cross beer-bottle necks together. Fi and Sam looks over to Michael]
Sam Axe: Mike, uh, you're... kinda leaving us hanging here.
[Michael snaps out of his trance and crosses his bottle with the rest and they drink]

Sam Axe: Hey, come on back. I've got a surprise for ya.
[Michael follows Sam out of the house. Michael's face is the edge of a beautifully executed cross-wipe transition from the kitchen to the garage]
Sam Axe: Okay, Mikey, three guesses what it is.
Michael Westen: Is it- is it my car?
Sam Axe: Ah. Give the man a prize. Now, the, uh, roof looks kind of like a tin can mauled by a grizzly bear, but the power train and the engine are still ticking, so I think it's salvageable.
Michael Westen: Sam...
Jesse Porter: [walks in] Mikey.
Michael Westen: Jesse?
Jesse Porter: Nothing says "Welcome home" like 4,000 pounds of mangled steel, right? I wanted to take the tarp off. Sam wanted to let you do it yourself. You know, more of a dramatic unveiling.
Michael Westen: What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in CIFA in D.C.?
Jesse Porter: [to Sam] I thought you told him. You didn't tell him? I thought you told him.
Sam Axe: I didn't have time! I just saw him!
Michael Westen: I was, but now I'm, um... now I'm not. I quit.
Michael Westen: [incredulous] You quit?
Jesse Porter: I quit. You know what it is? After everything I went through with you guys, helpin' all those people, I just- I can't do the government thing anymore, man. It's too much red tape. I just- it's harder than you think, going back. You'll see.
Sam Axe: He's got a fancy job with a private security firm down here. Big money.
Jesse Porter: Well, the money's all right. It's not bad. Actually helped me get this bad boy out of impound, so...
Michael Westen: Uh... thanks.
Jesse Porter: [pause] Sam said the car had some sentimental value, said it belonged to your dad.
[Mike and Sam exchange looks of "You shared that?" and "What?"]
Jesse Porter: Um, please tell me that you *want* the car, 'cause it was actually a huge pain in my ass to get it here.
Michael Westen: This... is great.
Jesse Porter: Things are heating up at work, so don't expect any more favors. Enjoy this one.
Sam Axe: Well, aren't you gonna unwrap it?
[Mike's cellphone rings]


"Burn Notice: Necessary Evil (#5.15)" (2011)
Sam Axe: So, Mike, that was one hell of a drive. What are we looking at?
Michael Westen: It's a chemical research facility, closed two years ago.
Sam Axe: Half a dozen guys with AKs. Not something you expect to see out here.
Jesse Porter: It's a lot of activity for a closed shop.
Michael Westen: Lights came back on a month ago. Liberian company leased it. Trucks have been dropping off guidance equipment and long-range missile components for the last few days.
Jesse Porter: According to who? Pearce?
Michael Westen: The agency thinks a weapons engineer, William Resnick, went rogue. It certainly sounds like he's building a missile in there.
Sam Axe: So what, Pearce wants you to go in and see what's up?
Michael Westen: Not me. You guys. There's a good chance the target knows my face.
Jesse Porter: Okay. You kind of buried the lead there, Mike.
Sam Axe: You know, the last time I did a favor for the CIA, there were a few hiccups.
Michael Westen: I know, Sam, but we're all on the same team this time. Resnick made a purchase from a black market chip manufacturer. The CIA squeezed them, you guys are gonna get swapped in as the tech guys.
Jesse Porter: Pearce put together our cover before she asked if we would do it?
Michael Westen: She was counting on you guys saying yes.
Sam Axe: Not loving how this went down, Mike, but I'm not gonna pass up a chance to bag a traitor.

Sam Axe: Giving the CIA half of what they want is a Sam Axe specialty.


"Burn Notice: Fight or Flight (#1.3)" (2007)
Michael Westen: Sam, I need you to come to the safe house.
Sam Axe: Yeah, let me just put on some pants.
Michael Westen: Come naked, just come now!

Sam Axe: Check this out, Mike. Guns of steel!
Michael Westen: Well, I'll tell you what, if there's a situation that requires showing off your upper body and boozy flirting, you're my guy.


"Burn Notice: Last Rites (#6.3)" (2012)
[Michael has promised he'll help Pearce track down her fiancé's murderer]
Sam Axe: Hate to say it, Mike, but I think your mouth wrote a check that your butt can't cash.

Michael Westen: Sam, if I don't help Pearce, she's gonna ruin her career. Without her in the Agency, I'll never get Fi out of prison.
Sam Axe: Okay, well, wait. Says here the guy's getting ready to take a cruise. Maybe you isolate him on the boat, make him think that he's sick.
Michael Westen: If he doesn't think he's gonna make it...
Sam Axe: He's gonna start talking.
Michael Westen: And the first person he'll call is...
Michael Westen, Sam Axe: His son, Sharif...
Michael Westen: ...back in Bermuda. It's perfect, Sam.
Sam Axe: So perfect it's not gonna work. We don't have the manpower. You got to have three on the cruise, three on the land side. And if the CIA can't know about this, well, they're not gonna pitch in.
Michael Westen: I can get you a team.
Sam Axe: [jocularly] Ohh! Who? Nate and your mom?
[Michael nods]
Sam Axe: Oh, wow. You're not kidding, are you? Look, Mike, nothing against the Westen clan, but I'm gonna be real glad when we get Fi out of the clink.


"Burn Notice: Game Change (#6.18)" (2012)
Sam Axe: [Sam is recovering after getting shot] Hey, Mike. You look worse than me.
Michael Westen: Sam.
[Michael laughs softly]
Michael Westen: Oh, it's good to hear your voice again.
Sam Axe: Christ. Was it that bad?

Sam Axe: It was all kind of a blur getting here. I had this vague memory that... Fi gave me mouth-to-mouth? Did that happen?
Michael Westen: Yeah.
Sam Axe: You get pictures?


"Burn Notice: Fearless Leader (#3.4)" (2009)
Sam Axe: [recognizing Stacey] I remember you! You're the little boy with the girl name!

Stacey Conolly: [auditor] The IRS does not allow classified deductions, Mr Axe. I'm disallowing this until the operation is made public. And then there's this...
[dangles pistol using his pencil]
Sam Axe: Well, you wanted documentation of my trip to the Middle East. That's it, the gun. I got it off this guy that was... in this group we were targeting.
Stacey Conolly: Ah, so you stole it.
Sam Axe: Oh I didn't steal it - he was... done with it.
Stacey Conolly: So it was a gift.
Sam Axe: It's not a gift! There was this thing, and then... the gun didn't have an owner anymore.
Stacey Conolly: [dawning realization] I'm just gonna mark that down as a windfall...


"Burn Notice: Partners in Crime (#3.14)" (2010)
Sam Axe: [spoofs Horatio from CSI: Miami, putting on sunglasses and all while delivering his line] Looks like murder...
["dramatic" pause]
Sam Axe: is in style this season.

Sam Axe: [spoofs Horatio from CSI: Miami for the second time, putting on sunglasses and all while delivering his line] It looks like our killer's plan...
["dramatic" pause]
Sam Axe: is coming apart at the seams.


"Burn Notice: Past & Future Tense (#4.7)" (2010)
Michael Westen: [of Banana Fish Bar] Do you know where this bar is?
Sam Axe: Uh, yeah. It's a bar. I'll drive.

Sam Axe: Sorry, old timer. Can't be picking off bad guys in the middle of a crowded bar. You're just gonna have to accept our help.
Paul Anderson: All right. But if you call me "old timer" again, you're gonna be wearin' your ass around your head, like a hat.
["Paul" / "The Client" ]


"Burn Notice: Scatter Point (#2.5)" (2008)
Sam Axe: [briefing Michael] Okay, here's a doozy. Kandi, originally from California. Assault and battery, assault and battery,
[chuckles]
Sam Axe: assault with a deadly weapon. Her and Fiona would have a good time. Or, you know, kill each other.

[discussing Veronica proposing to Sam]
Michael Westen: Do you love her?
Sam Axe: She could be the one.
Michael Westen: Then say yes.
Sam Axe: It's complicated.
Michael Westen: Then say no.
Sam Axe: [sarcastically] You're a good friend, Mike.


"Burn Notice: Brotherly Love (#4.15)" (2010)
Sam Axe: Jesse, hey. Could I get an invite?
Jesse Porter: To what?
Sam Axe: To the party in your head.

Jesse Porter: [in muted tones, while scrolling through the list] This thing has aliases, department designations, security clearances. Good Lord. Put this through the right system, you'd have the real name of every single person on that list in like 60 seconds.
Sam Axe: You're whispering. You know that, right?
Jesse Porter: [normal volume] I'm just saying, this is, without a doubt, *the* hottest potato I've ever seen with my own two eyes. People are gonna die if that thing gets out. Lives are gonna be ruined.
Sam Axe: Which is why we need to make sure we hand this to the right people. You know what I'm thinking: Uncle Sam, Michael.
Jesse Porter: Yeah, but who's the right people? I wouldn't know who the hell to trust with that thing.
Sam Axe: Well, then that's our job: we find someone that we can trust, we give them this list, and we let them dismantle the whole damn network.
Fiona Glenanne: Or we do the dismantling ourselves.
[Sam and Jesse look at each other]
Fiona Glenanne: [to Michael] These people took away everything you ever wanted. We need to track them down one by one.
Sam Axe: And do... what?
Fiona Glenanne: You name it, they deserve it.
Sam Axe: Mike, you want to weigh in? The people on that list burned you, so this is your call.
[Michael picks up the thumbdrive containing the list and turns it in his hand]
Sam Axe: Mikey?
[pause]
Jesse Porter: Mike, you with us, man?
[pause]
Fiona Glenanne: Michael... what do you want to do?


"Burn Notice: Hard Times (#4.10)" (2010)
Sam Axe: Well, I don't know which one of has the more dangerous gig, us or Mike.
Fiona Glenanne: Probably Michael. We don't have to eat prison food.

Michael Westen: [narrative] When you realize you're being followed, escaping isn't always the best option. If your pursuers don't know who you are, driving evasively, calling the cops, or pulling a gun will just send a message that you're a threat.
[Sam dials... ]
411 Operator: 411. How may I help you?
Sam Axe: Yeah, uh-I'm currently on Northwest 12th Street. I need the address of the nearest criminal defense firm.
411 Operator: One second... That would be Keller & Associates. They're at 77 Shortbreak Lane.
Michael Westen: [narrative] Whenever possible, the best play is to make the bad guys think you're not somoene to worry about. If they think you might be a cop who's on to them, you have to convince them you're just a harmless attorney working on an appeal.


"Burn Notice: Long Way Back (#3.9)" (2009)
[three knocks on door]
Madeline Westen: [shouting from other room] That's the real-estate lady!
Madeline Westen: [to Michael and Sam as she answers the door] Butch? Sundance? Cool it.
Sam Axe: Hey! Make sure to tell her about the quality craftsmanship in the new sunroom!

Sam Axe: I'm getting Fi out of there no matter what. Just don't ever tell her I said that.


"Burn Notice: Noble Causes (#3.12)" (2010)
Sam Axe: You know what they serve in there? Foie Gras. Lappin.
Michael Westen: You mean lapin?
[pronounces it correctly]
Sam Axe: Whatever. It's still French for bunny rabbit.

Sam Axe: I've checked. They *can't* be headed to the Flower Mart.
Fiona Glenanne: Then why would Lynch make sure Dougie's at work?
Michael Westen: Check again, Sam.
Michael Westen: [narrative] There's nothing worse than the feeling you get when you know you've made a serious tactical mistake, when thought you had two days to deal with a problem and you realize you may not even have two *hours*.
Sam Axe: Oh, dammit. How did I miss that?
Michael Westen: [narrative] Because when you make mistakes like that, people die.
Fiona Glenanne: Miss what, Sam?
Sam Axe: There's a pick-up this afternoon that's listed as "Anderson", I figured it was a *guy* named Anderson, but it's gotta be Anderson *Couriers*, an armored truck. Today's Friday, so they're probably doin' end-of-the-week pick-ups.
Michael Westen: This late in the day, that truck is going to be loaded with cash.
Sam Axe: We gotta get to the Flower Mart. Lynch's heist is going on right now!


"Burn Notice: Comrades (#2.4)" (2008)
Sam Axe: [after she shocks herself with a stun gun] Feeling better, Fi?
Fiona Glenanne: Everyone could use a few thousand volts from time to time. It clears the mind.

Sam Axe: What can I say, Mike? The guy ate like it was his last meal. And the liquor, I mean I've had gun shot wounds hurt less than this hangover.


"Burn Notice: Split Decision (#6.5)" (2012)
Sam Axe: [to Mike, holding up the beer he's drinking] Okay, how many of these have I had? 'Cause it sounded like you just promised Wes you're gonna bust into a police storage facility, and I know you're not brain damaged.

Michael Westen: [finding Sam outside the loft eating his lunch] Sam, there are chairs inside, you know, where it's not a hundred degrees.
Sam Axe: Yeah, I'm giving Rebecca some space. I'm kinda terrified of that look in her eyes when things aren't going her way.
Michael Westen: Still haven't found her brother?
Sam Axe: Yeah, I'm all buddied out, Mike. I mean, FBI, NSA, Interpol. The whereabouts of Mr. Trent Lang are a mystery to us all.
Michael Westen: Is she still keeping everything close to the vest?
Sam Axe: Yeah. She won't say anything about where he disappeared from or what spooked him, so for all I know, the guy wandered into the wrong section of Bed, Bath & Beyond.


"Burn Notice: Friends and Enemies (#4.1)" (2010)
[last lines]
Sam Axe: How'd it go, Mike? You get what you were looking for?
Michael Westen: Well, it's a start. Did you find out anything about...
Sam Axe: About your fall guy? Yeah, I made some calls. Turns out you were accessing the files of a counterintelligence agent named Jesse Porter. He's in federal custody.
Michael Westen: Are they prosecuting?
Sam Axe: Doesn't seem like it. They'd have to declassify the files. They're gonna blacklist the guy. Mike, you just burned a spy.

Michael Westen: Don't make a move unless things go bad.
Sam Axe: And if things go bad?
Michael Westen: Well, it was nice seeing you guys again.


"Burn Notice: No Good Deed (#5.4)" (2011)
Sam Axe: Sorry, Fi. I can't help you. I'm not really a big Barry fan, anyway.
Fiona Glenanne: Well, it isn't Barry. It's his brother.
Sam Axe: His brother? Dear God, there's two of them?

[last lines]
Fiona Glenanne: Why would anyone kill Max and frame you for it?
Michael Westen: I don't know.
Fiona Glenanne: You think it has something to do with you asking him to help you track Eve?
Michael Westen: There's no way. Something like that takes time to plan.
Fiona Glenanne: The guy you saw, was there any...
Michael Westen: It was too fast. I missed him.
Fiona Glenanne: [pulls out the damaged drive] Well, we're not gonna recover anything from this key-card log.
Michael Westen: I covered my tracks... so I covered the tracks of the killer.
Fiona Glenanne: Your only other option ws a murder charge. It's not your fault.
Sam Axe: Well, it's official. Someone's trying to frame you. I found this little parting gift on the car that you took to Max's office. Brand-new box missing 13 bullets.
Michael Westen: [hefting the gun] Two that killed Max, two I shot into the wall, and I bet the rest are in here.
Sam Axe: Mike, did Max say anything before he... I mean, anything that can help us figure out who did this?
Michael Westen: He said to say goodbye to his wife.
Fiona Glenanne: Michael, we have to do something about that gun.
Sam Axe: Yeah, and we need to get an alibi for you like right now.
[no reaction]
Sam Axe: Are you listening, brother? We got to get in front of this.
Michael Westen: I know. I know.
[Michael grabs his sunglasses, puts them on]
Michael Westen: Let's go to work.


"Burn Notice: Shock Wave (#6.6)" (2012)
Sam Axe: [fashioning a badge out of a beer can] I need your wallet, some scissors, and a glass.
Barry: What's the glass for?
Sam Axe: We don't waste beer in my family.

Sam Axe: [getting ready to flee] Now, were you a running back in high school?
Barry: I was Nathan Detroit in Guys and Dolls...


"Burn Notice: Hot Spot (#2.11)" (2009)
Coach Shawn Martin: You want me to hide?
Sam Axe: Oh, no, no, no. I would never ask you to do that. I just need you to be somewhere where no one can see you for a while.

Sam Axe: [brandishing shotgun] Don't worry, it's loaded with a bean bag round - won't do any damage.
Thug: [starts running]
Sam Axe: [shoots him in the back] But the temporary damage hurts like hell. Did I forget to mention that?


"Burn Notice: Under the Gun (#6.4)" (2012)
Michael Westen: [voiceover] When you're abducted at gunpoint, it's best to approach it like a blind date. You want to be an active listener, you want to stay positive, and you want to make a connection.
Sam Axe: Want to listen to the radio? You can pick the station.
Rebecca Lang: No, thanks.
Michael Westen: [voiceover] The more you humanize yourself in the eyes of your captor, the harder it will be for them to pull the trigger.
Sam Axe: You picked me 'cause I'm the cute one, right?
[laughs]
Sam Axe: That's it. Oh, boy. It's my curse. I'm just too handsome for my own good.


"Burn Notice: Last Stand (#4.18)" (2010)
[recap]
Michael Westen: Previously on "Burn Notice".
Vaughn Anderson: [on cassette tape] We found a replacement. Name's Westen.
Fiona Glenanne: I thought Vaughn told you he had nothing to do with burning you.
Vaughn Anderson: [to Michael] Here's to your partner. I'm glad we found each other.
["Vaughn" / "Guy who burned Michael" ]
Sam Axe: That thumb drive has the names of all the people that burned you, Mike. It's the key to taking them down.
Michael Westen: Sam, if Brennen wanted to kill me, he would have shot me when he took the NOC list. I'm just gonna talk to the man.
["Tyler Brennen" / "Part-time spy" ]
Tyler Brennen: [to Michael and Sam] If Vaughn ever gets a listen to you outing his little secret society, he's gonna kill, well, you and you. The only thing stopping it? Me.
Sam Axe: We found out where Brennen is keeping that list.
Larry Sizemore: You son of a bitch.
[Larry stabs Brennan]
Michael Westen: Larry! What the hell are you doing? Now there's nothing stopping Vaughn from coming after me!
[Sam and Mike pry open the safe]
Sam Axe: All that work for one little thumb drive.
Michael Westen: Vaughn's organization has never faced this kind of exposure before. I imagine he'll marshal all his forces and send them this way. Tomorrow's gonna be a long day.


"Burn Notice: Besieged (#5.7)" (2011)
[last lines]
[after tying off the steering and jumping overboard on a boat rigged with a bomb set to go off at a predetermined sea depth, a wet Michael dressed as Jacob approaches Sam on shore]
Sam Axe: [referencing the photo of the bomb on his phone] Well, this puppy wasn't made by an amateur. Look at that trigger.
Michael Westen: Yeah. Definitely a pro.
[Michael gives Sam a piece of the C-4 he cut from the bomb]
Sam Axe: [takes the piece] Well, that's the good news. We can run a chemical trace on this C-4, figure out where it's from.
Michael Westen: That, plus the components, should be enough to find out whoever built this.
Sam Axe: I'll show this to Fi. She'll know where to start. Don't worry, Mike. We're gonna get this guy.
Michael Westen: I know, Sam. We just need to do it before the CIA comes after me for Max's murder. Time's running out. And when it does...
[the boat explodes]


"Burn Notice: Best Laid Plans (#6.15)" (2012)
Michael Westen: Hey.
Sam Axe: Hey, yourself. Where is everybody?
Michael Westen: Fi and Jesse are doing a perimeter check, and Schmidt's making our travel arrangements.
Calvin Schmidt: [arguing with a contact on the phone] I'm... I'm actually trying to... I'm helping you by calling you a douchebag! Yes, I am! Yes, I am.
Michael Westen: Least he's trying to. I didn't think you'd be back.
Sam Axe: Well, I wasn't sure myself. So I went to see Elsa. Don't give me any crap about breaking protocol.
Michael Westen: No, Sam, I'm glad that you did.
Sam Axe: You should be, 'cause she's the one who convinced me to stick by you. She said if I abandoned my best friend, then I'm not the guy she fell in love with.
Michael Westen: I don't know what to say. Thanks.
Sam Axe: Don't thank me. 'Cause I told her we're not just running. As soon as we get someplace safe, we're gonna sit down and figure out a way to fix all of this. So please, Mike, don't make me a liar.
Michael Westen: I promise you I'll make this right. I don't know how, but I will make this right, Sam.


"Burn Notice: Good Intentions (#3.15)" (2010)
Michael Westen: Gilroy's doing this with or without me. We can't stop him 'til we know how he's pulling it off.
Sam Axe: [covering Michael with a sniper rifle] Yeah well, you know what they say about holding a snake by the tail, Mike.
Michael Westen: I think it's a *tiger* by the tail, Sam.
Sam Axe: Yeah, well either way you let go before it eats your face off.
Michael Westen: He's here, Sam.
Sam Axe: Try and stay in the open, will you? I can't cover a moving car. And if that evil limey mastermind offers you a ride, you treat him like a stranger with candy, and you say, "No, thank you sir."


"Burn Notice: Depth Perception (#5.16)" (2011)
Sam Axe: [someone is trying to kill Sam's friend Beatriz] Mike, uh, this may sound crazy, but we know a shrink whose job it is to profile and identity agents like this.
Michael Westen: You want to bring *Anson* in on this?
Sam Axe: We got to find this guy before he takes another shot. Anson's our best bet at IDing him.
Michael Westen: Anson's killed at least four people since we met him. Are you sure you want to ask *him* for help?
Sam Axe: Mike, I don't like this either, but the kid means a lot to me, okay? She saved my life more than once when I was down in Colombia. So if she comes to me for help, I'm damn well gonna do it.


"Burn Notice: Old Friends (#1.4)" (2007)
Michael Westen: Hey, can I borrow your car?
Sam Axe: Where are you going?
Michael Westen: Uh, just to the store to get some yogurt.
Sam Axe: C'mon, Mike. Fiona calls, whisper whisper. All of a sudden, you got to have yogurt? What's the big secret?
Michael Westen: No big secret. Just love yogurt.


"Burn Notice: Good Soldier (#2.9)" (2008)
Sam Axe: Good news, Mikey. I just planted a tracker on Carla's bike.
Michael Westen: You had a tracker on you?
Sam Axe: Always be prepared. Navy SEAL motto.
Michael Westen: That's Boy Scouts.
Sam Axe: Mike, you gonna argue with the man who just planted a tracker on your handler?
Michael Westen: Sam, I could kiss you.
Sam Axe: [smirking] Get in line.


"Burn Notice: Shot in the Dark (#3.7)" (2009)
Sam Axe: [begrudgingly agreeing to help with Michael's latest case] When the time comes to rescue a bunch of rich women trapped in a brewery, you better step up.


"Burn Notice: Turn and Burn (#2.2)" (2008)
[last lines]
Sam Axe: [Michael called Sam on the phone] Hey Mike, what's up?
Michael Westen: Yeah, Sam. I think I got something. Carla speaks Arabic with a Kurdish accent.
Sam Axe: Huh, you think she was stationed there?
Michael Westen: I was hoping you could ask around?
Sam Axe: Will do, buddy, but I gotta tell you, it's not much to go on.
Michael Westen: I know, Sam, but it's more than we had.


"Burn Notice: Fail Safe (#5.18)" (2011)
Sam Axe: You see the steel doors? That place is pretty well defended.
Fiona Glenanne: Yeah, well, it's worth the risk. It's not just me. Michael's on the edge of something very, very bad. You know it.
Sam Axe: All right, fine. We'll sneak in there, have a little chat. But no explosives, okay? 'Cause if that place is storing RDX, forget it.
Fiona Glenanne: I don't just blow things up. I do have other skills. We're gonna need a truck. A big rig.
Sam Axe: A truck? How am I supposed to find a big rig in Tampa?
Fiona Glenanne: I don't know. Call one of your many friends. Steal it. I can't do everything, Sam.


"Burn Notice: The Hunter (#3.6)" (2009)
Sam Axe: [about explosion] Maddy, I thought we've forgotten about that.
Madeline Westen: Forgiveness is a process...


"Burn Notice: Guilty as Charged (#4.12)" (2010)
[recap]
Michael Westen: Previously on Burn Notice.
Michael Westen: Assassinations... little wars around the world.
Vaughn Anderson: Whoever's behind all this was being investigated by a counterintelligence agent named Jesse Porter. I need you to get his files.
Sam Axe: Mike, the guy whose files you stole? He's being blacklisted. You just burned a spy.
Michael Westen: [to Jesse] Maybe I could help.
Jesse Porter: Why would you do that?
Michael Westen: Burned spies need to stick together.
Fiona Glenanne: [to Michael] So your search for the root of all evil led you to rob a bank and you're rewarded with the Word of God.
Michael Westen: [to Jesse] It's a book code, a cipher.
Fiona Glenanne: [to Sam] Jesse's been working on this investigation for years.
Sam Axe: [indicating a file they've forged] This little baby connects all the dots.
Michael Westen: Everything leads back to John Barrett.
Jesse Porter: Why didn't I put this together?
Michael Westen: It's great cover running a telecom conglomerate. It gets Barrett into every corner of the globe.
Michael Westen: [on phone] If you want the Bible, Mr. Barrett, you have to get on a plane.
John Barrett: I just got off one, son. I'll be in touch.
Jesse Porter: [with a gun pointed at Fiona] Michael burned me, and you all helped cover it up. Goodbye, Fiona.
[Fiona closes her eyes, ready to be shot, but Jesse leaves instead]
Fiona Glenanne: [on phone to Michael] Jesse found out... about everything. I think he's gonna make us pay.


"Burn Notice: Center of the Storm (#4.9)" (2010)
Sam Axe: Okay. Well, you're probably not going to love this: I'm trying to get a face-to-face with Simon. I've asked Vaughn to come to town to talk about it.
Michael Westen: You know, I thought the weird feeling in the air was just the calm before the storm? No! It's a disturbance in the Force!


"Burn Notice: Lesser Evil (#2.16)" (2009)
Sam Axe: Is your stuff handy, because it's time for an emergency trip to Disney World.
Madeline Westen: Disney World? Why in God's name would I want to go to Disney World?
Sam Axe: Because it's a magical kingdom with lots of witnesses and great security.


"Burn Notice: Means & Ends (#6.12)" (2012)
Michael Westen: Let's show them how professionals send a message... Make them think hell is raining down on their heads.
Sam Axe: Mike, I have so much more fun when you're here.