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] It was the early eighties, and sex was still a good way to meet new people.
] Okay, when I first met Vinny, I thought, this guy is a living argument for birth control. But as I get to know him better, I realize he's just like the rest of us: a mess.
: I was celibate for so long, I started to feel like a can of kitchen cleanser: you know, sterile and gritty and abrasive. When we made love -- I don't know, I felt like a human again, a mammal, with breasts.
: "Safe sex" -- who would have ever thought those two words would exist in the same sentence?
: Yeah. Now, when you're with a guy, you're not just sleeping with him, you're sleeping with everyone they've had sex with. Ilene
: And everyone they've had sex with. Ilene
: And everyone *they've* had sex with! Melissa
: Gee, I'm a lot more experienced than I thought I was!
: What do you miss most about sex? Stacy
: Whoo... I miss falling asleep with someone's arms around me. And the feeling of, mm... Ilene
: Orgasm? I love orgasms. Stacy
: Mmm. I'm sick of my Mighty Intruder vibrator with the flexible shaft and the textured head.
: This is kind of embarrassing to admit, but I remember when it was actually fun to say, "WOW, that really felt great! What's your name again?" Melissa
: I've never had sex with someone I didn't know. For that matter, I've never said, "Wow, that felt really great."
[About the sexy Megan.
: Don't let it get to you. Just think, if you separated her individual body parts with, say, like a huge a meat cleaver, and then laid them out on a table, you wouldn't think she was such hot stuff.
[After reading the "Pretend You're Sensitive Handbook".
: Stacy, how nice to see you. Do you have a few minutes? I mean, it occurred to me, I don't even know where you work. Stacy
: Where I work? Vinny
: Yeah, you know, your career plans, your dreams, your aspirations... I really want to hear all about them. Stacy
: What I want? I don't even know -- ask me what anyone else wants. Give me three seconds, I'll figure out your whole entire life. Vinny
: Would you maybe want to share something with me about your childhood, perhaps? Stacy
: Vinny, what the hell are you talking about? I'm in a big rush. Look, I have to go talk to Melissa, because if I don't figure out something about my life soon, I'm going to crack! Vinny
: I respect your strength, Stacy, and I think you've got a lot of potential!
[Nick leaves the room to fetch a condom.
: [to the camera
] This is a miracle! For once it's all up to him. No tubes, no jellies, no furtive trips to the bathroom... I can just sit back and let it happen. I don't have to do anything. Nick
] I'm not too good with these things. Can you give me a hand putting it on?
[Narrating as we see an image of Melissa as Marilyn Monroe on the subway vent in The Seven Year Itch (1955).
: Just once I'd like to wear a sexy white dress blowing all around me and not have men run away screaming. Just once I'd like to have the kind of sexual experience where you don't have to go to the bathroom and cry afterwards. Stacy
: I bet Marilyn cried in the bathroom after sex, probably more than once. Everyone does. Melissa
: Men too? Stacy
: They can't. They're asleep.
: Hey, need a lift? Stacy
: Vinny! What are you doing here? Vinny
: I was just driving around the neighborhood. Last night I did something-- Look, it's like this. It's Christmas Day, I'm sitting around my house, right, I'm all alone... so, uh, I hop in the limo... 24 hours later, I wind up in Chicago. And I say to myself, Vincent, where the hell you going? That's when it hits me... I'm coming to see you. Stacy
: You drove all that way just to see me? Vinny
: Hey, only 4 days and, what, 18 speeding tickets.
[After she dumps him.
: Okay, that's okay. But let me tell you, you're making a big mistake. 'Cause I am going to make it. Stacy
: Good. Nick
: I'm going to be huge. I'm going to be bigger than huge! I'm going to be on the cover of Rolling Stone magaz-- no, forget that. I'm going to be on the cover of Time magazin-- no! Forget that... I... I... am going to have... *more fans than Elvis*! Stacy
: Good. Nick
: Yeah! And I won't even be dead! Think about it.
: You can have one with the guy on top? Ilene
: Mm-hmm. Stacy
: I hate you!
] "Dear Stacy, I hope you don't mind me writing to you, but the only other letter I ever wrote was to the editor of Flex magazine, and that was just to say how much I enjoyed this particular article called - " Vinny
: "Hammer Those Gluts 'Til Your Butt's Like a Bowling Ball."