Toot 'Toto' Braunstein
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Quotes for
Toot 'Toto' Braunstein (Character)
from "Drawn Together" (2004)

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"Drawn Together: Captain Girl (#2.9)" (2006)
Toot Braunstein: Don't make me wash my mouth out with ham!

Toot Braunstein: [her baby is missing] I looked for my baby everywhere. I looked by the pool...
[camera shows her lounging at the pool]
Toot Braunstein: ... by the refrigerator
[camera shows her pulling a six pack from the fridge]
Toot Braunstein: ... by the pool again.
[back at the pool, she's drinking the six pack]
Toot Braunstein: It was like she disappeared off the face of the earth.
Xandir: We can't find your baby anywhere.
Toot Braunstein: YOU'RE NOT LOOKING HARD ENOUGH! Oh, did you check the fridge?

Toot Braunstein: [grabbing her baby] Oh, where WERE you? Since you've been gone I've been so DRUNK!... Uh, I mean, wasted! Nah, no, no,
Toot Braunstein: faced. YEAH, that's it,
[beep, beep]
Toot Braunstein: faced.
Child Services Representative: Miss Braunstein, we found your baby shoplifting.
Toot Braunstein: Shoplifting? I spare you the pain of all those vaccination shots and THIS is how you repay me?
[Toot starts shaking her baby]

Toot Braunstein: [in the confessional] Even this incitful sattire of religion couldn't cheer me up. I thought i would never be happy again. But then I saw something, something that would change my life forever. And suddenly, I knew the solution to all my problems!
Person offscreen: Yeah, ice cream lard ass!
Toot Braunstein: [angrily] NOOOOO!
[happy again]
Toot Braunstein: A baby!

Toot Braunstein: [Toot enters drunk to the house] Mommy's home!
[Toot rises her skirt and vomits inside of it]
Toot Braunstein: Who threw up in the air?
Princess Clara: And where have you been all night, mommy fattest?
Toot Braunstein: [Still inside her skirt full of vomit] I don't know! I don't know where I am now! For wherever I am somebody throw up everywhere!

"Drawn Together: Gay Bash (#1.3)" (2004)
Toot Braunstein: Of course Xandir's gay. Why else wouldn't he want all this?
[shows off body]
Wooldoor Sockbat: Because you're fat! And nobody likes fat chicks!

Toot Braunstein: [to Xandir] Can't you kill yourself more quietly like Bizarro Captain Hero?
[a body hanging from a tree blows in the breeze]
Captain Hero: Uh... yeah. Killed himself.

Xandir: Good-bye cruel world!
Toot Braunstein: Damn it, Xander, that noise! You're keeping us all awake. Can't you kill yourself more quietly, like Bizzaro Captain Hero did?
[camera pans to Bizzaro Captain Hero, who is hanging dead from the ceiling]
Captain Hero: Uh, yeah, right. Killed himself, tragic!

"Drawn Together: A Very Special Drawn Together After School Special (#2.13)" (2006)
Wooldoor Sockbat: [the housemates are role-playing, Wooldoor speaks to Xandir] "Now, you be the gay's dad".
Xandir: "Oh, O.K".
[deeper voice]
Xandir: "I love football!"
[slaps Toot, who is Xandir's mother]
Xandir: .
Wooldoor Sockbat: [points to Captain Hero] "And you be the gay".
Captain Hero: [as Xandir's father] "I ain't gonna be no homo!".
Wooldoor Sockbat: "Fine, you be Xandir's mum".
Captain Hero: [as Xandir's mother in a higher voice] "Alright, I'm asking for this!"
[slaps himself]
Captain Hero: .
Toot Braunstein: [Angrily] "Then who the hell am I?".
Wooldoor Sockbat: "You're the homo".
Toot Braunstein: [wistfully] "Can I be the dad?".
Wooldoor Sockbat: "Fine, you be Stan".
Xandir: [confused] "Then who the hell am I?".
Toot Braunstein: [angrily, as Xandir's father] "The queer!"
[punches Captain Hero, who is Xandir's mother]
Toot Braunstein: .
Wooldoor Sockbat: [disappointed] "I wanted to be the queer!".

Captain Hero: I told you not to huff airplane glue when you were pregnant.
Toot Braunstein: At least airplane glue knows how to make me feel good, Zima dick!
Captain Hero: Zima helps me relax!

"Drawn Together: Lost in Parking Space: Part One (#3.7)" (2006)
Excludie: You can say that again.
Toot Braunstein: Shut up, Excludie!
Excludie: Aww...
[walks off]

"Drawn Together: A Tale of Two Cows (#2.10)" (2006)
Toot Braunstein: [Toot wants to show off at her fat camp reunion] Meet my husband, *doctor* Zander.
Jelly Donuts Leader: [Sees Zander; who's skinny] You bagged yourself a one chin? No fuckin way!

"Drawn Together: Lost in Parking Space: Part Two (#3.8)" (2008)
Toot Braunstein: I know it's against gay policy, but spit it out!

"Drawn Together: Terms of Endearment (#2.8)" (2006)
Toot Braunstein: [while discussing Foxxy's stereotype tumor] Uh! "Tumor"? "Racism"? Dr. Wooldoor, are you just making up words again, like "morbid obesity" and "adult onset diabetes"?