Wayne Malloy
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Quotes for
Wayne Malloy (Character)
from "The Riches" (2007)

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"The Riches: Pilot (#1.0)" (2007)
[first lines]
Di Di Malloy: Who's most likely to get married?
Wayne Malloy: Uh, Billy Burke and Shannon Firmington.
Di Di Malloy: Farmington! Shannon Farmington.
Wayne Malloy: And Shannon Farmington. It was a three-some.

Wayne Malloy: Oh, my God. Shannon Farmington. Remember me...
Shannon Farmington: Jimmy.
Wayne Malloy: Where's Billy Burke?
Shannon Farmington: Billy and I don't talk. Restraining order.
Wayne Malloy: Shame.
Shannon Farmington: He was against me.
Wayne Malloy: Oh.

Wayne Malloy: [goes up to the microphone] Uh, I just... I just wanted to say something. It hasn't been easy for us wildcats. You know. Some have cried, some have died, some fought the bottle, some the spike, broken promises, ungrateful children, a botched gastric bypass surgery, and a bad dose of a clap.

Wayne Malloy: Cael, slow down.

Wayne Malloy: [to Ginny] Your brother here is a chromosomal retard.

Wayne Malloy: [to Dale about the money] You gonna put it in the safe or wipe your ass with it?
Dahlia Malloy: Be nice, boys.
Wayne Malloy: Something tells me your Daddy never told you the combination.
Dale Malloy: He told me how to open it Wayne.
Wayne Malloy: What's the combination Dale? Does it have a two in it? Is it one of those numbers you can count up to?
Dale Malloy: Outside, outside! Enough with the damn bell daddy! Let's get something straight. I am the new boss, He is the old boss. That man doesn't take a piss without my help! You look at me when I am talking to you.
Wayne Malloy: What the hell did you promise Jenny Dannegan?
Dale Malloy: That marriage is good for the whole family. If we can get in bed with the Dannegans, we are in serious kush. It is good for all of us.
Wayne Malloy: It is not good for me.
Dale Malloy: I say, she marries him.
Wayne Malloy: I say you marry him.
Dale Malloy: I had her Wayne! All up in the ass!
Wayne Malloy: Who? This Jenny Dannegan?
Dale Malloy: Your wife!
Wayne Malloy: Oh? And where did all of this ass-having take place?
Dale Malloy: In my room.
Wayne Malloy: Oh, your mama's room? Hey I'll tell ya' where your heading Dale. In your dreams. You lost. I won. Get over it.

Sam Malloy: So where are we gonna go?
Wayne Malloy: Life is a river, kid. You gotta go where it takes you.

Wayne Malloy: [to Dahlia] Look, Dale and I had a disagreement.

Wayne Malloy: Dehliah, come and meet our new neighbors.

Hugh Panetta: So, what do you do when you're not pissin' on my golf course, Doug?
Wayne Malloy: I'm a lawyer, Hugh.
Hugh Panetta: Liar, huh?
Wayne Malloy: A lawyer.
Hugh Panetta: Isn't that what I just said? Where'd ya go to lie school?
Wayne Malloy: George Town. Class of '88. Suma Cum Latter.

Wayne Malloy: This life we're living, we can't live it anymore.
Dahlia Malloy: What kind do you want to live Wayne?
Wayne Malloy: I don't know.
Dahlia Malloy: You should have thought of that before you took the money, Wayne.
Wayne Malloy: Maybe.

Dahlia Malloy: We're going home.
Di Di Malloy: Home?
Cael Malloy: She means camp.
Di Di Malloy: What about Dad?
Dahlia Malloy: Your Dad's staying here.
Di Di Malloy: Well fine, then I'm staying here too.
Wayne Malloy: Don't be stupid, go with your Mother.
Di Di Malloy: She doesn't give a shit about me. I'm staying here. If we run into any more trouble, we'll just find ourselves some more dead buffers.
Wayne Malloy: Stop it, Di Di.
Dahlia Malloy: [reaching for her arm] Come on, baby.
Di Di Malloy: No, I said I'm staying. Don't push me. - I know more than you think.

Wayne Malloy: The American dream. We're gonna steal her.

[last lines]
Wayne Malloy: [to Jim] They miss the whisper that runs any day in your mind, "Who are you really, wanderer?"-- and the answer you have to give no matter how dark and cold the world around you is: "Maybe I'm a king".

Ginny Dannegan: We're gonna have ourselves a wedding. Our boy and your girl.
Wayne Malloy: Our daughter is a precious gem.
Ginny Dannegan: Dale said it.
Dahlia Malloy: Since when does Dale make the rules?

Mick O'Malley: Where are you going?
Wayne Malloy: Why don't you mind your own business, Mick.
Mick O'Malley: I want in on it.
Wayne Malloy: You want in on this?

[repeated line]
Wayne Malloy: Come on!

Wayne Malloy: [to Mick] You're in the wrong lane, Mick! Look out!

Wayne Malloy: [to Doug as he dies] I'm sorry.

Wayne Malloy: I'm not your average liar, Hugh.

Wayne Malloy: An unconsidered life is not worth living!


"The Riches: Believe the Lie (#1.1)" (2007)
[first lines]
Wayne Malloy: [narrating voice over] I'm Wayne Malloy. My family and I are travelers. Our kind have been living in this country for 150 years. We're not listed in the phone book, we don't have social security numbers, we live off the grip. Some people call us gypsies, others call us thieves. Most of them don't even know we exist.

Wayne Malloy: Why don't you come practice being her with me?
Dahlia Malloy: You wanna do it like a bufflewing?
Wayne Malloy: Oh, you know how buffers do it?
Dahlia Malloy: How?
[Dahlia and Wayne approach each other and become intimate]
Wayne Malloy: Once a year in a cave, standing up like polar bears!

Wayne Malloy: We can do this. People do this all the time.
Dahlia Malloy: They do? They move into dead peoples houses, steal all their stuff, pretending to be them.

Wayne Malloy: Think of the life we can have, think of the kids.
Dahlia Malloy: It's not a real one.
Wayne Malloy: We can make it real.

Officer Shrage: Mr. Rich? Mr. Douglas Rich?
Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] Is there a problem?

Wayne Malloy: [loudly] Anybody who does good work, gets to shove something down the sink!

Wayne Malloy: Baby, if you could get Doug's calendar, hers too. Find out any relatives, friends, things about that, any stuff...
[muttering]
Wayne Malloy: ...sex lives, whatever.

Hugh Panetta: What happened to your friends?
Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] Well you know, Hugh, places to go, people to sue.

Di Di Malloy: Honestly, who spends four hundred and fifty dollars on one pair of shoes...?
Sam Malloy: Try really rich guy.
Di Di Malloy: ...and she buys three or four at a time.
Dahlia Malloy: I know! And everyone of them butt ugly. No taste.
Wayne Malloy: Try rich dead guy!

Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] A good lawyer makes you believe the truth.
Hugh Panetta: Son...
Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] A great lawyer makes you believe the lie.

Wayne Malloy: Doug Rich was a securities lawyer, whatever that is.

Hugh Panetta: See this?
[waving his gun at the back of his house]
Hugh Panetta: It's modeled on Hermann Göring's summer place.
Wayne Malloy: Yeah, I noticed you have the same patio furniture.
Hugh Panetta: Yeah, you should see the bunker.
[chuckles with a glint in his eyes]

Sam Malloy: So dad, how'd it go?
Wayne Malloy: Well, the good news is, I got the job.
Dahlia Malloy: You did? Well, what's the bad news?
Wayne Malloy: The bad news is, I got the job, and I don't know shit about the law.
Di Di Malloy: Dad, there's so many books on law upstairs. I can help brush up if you need help.

Hugh Panetta: You crazy bastard.
Wayne Malloy: Thank you.
Hugh Panetta: You're a sick mother, Doug.
Wayne Malloy: Yes. Yes I am.
Hugh Panetta: [long hard stare] And I like that in a liar.


"The Riches: This Is Your Brain on Drugs (#1.9)" (2007)
[first lines]
Dahlia Malloy: Why didn't you come to bed last night? Huh? What's the matter with you?
Wayne Malloy: I saw the little baggy your friend K left you last night. The one with the white powder in it?
Dahlia Malloy: She left it.

Wayne Malloy: [on the phone to Dahlia] I've had a wake up call, Dahlia.

Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich, to Cherien's Mother] Hi, it's Doug. I've had some work done.

Wayne Malloy: [to Cherien's Mother] Do you want to go to the park? We can feed the ducks.

Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich, to Kimmie] Sorry, I'm experiencing extreme sex drive.

Karl: You are the head of legal right?
Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] Am I? I'm not sure what's real anymore. I don't think the bugs are.

[last lines]
Wayne Malloy: [to Dahlia] I can't do my buttons. I'm so pathetic.

Sam Malloy: Why are we getting the bill for Mountain View Nursing Home for forty seven hundred dollars a month?
Wayne Malloy: Must be where Cherien's Mother is.

Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich, to Cherien's Mother] Come on, Ma. Here we go.

Wayne Malloy: [finding Dahlia's cocaine] How big a supply is this? A month? A week?
[Wayne snorts the cocaine]
Dahlia Malloy: No, Wayne! No, no!

Dahlia Malloy: Are you trying to blow this whole thing to Hell?
Wayne Malloy: How do you like it? Watching someone you love self-destruct.

Wayne Malloy: I've messed up your whole life.
Dahlia Malloy: All I've wanted is a messed up life with you.


"The Riches: Cinderella (#1.8)" (2007)
[first lines]
Hugh Panetta: Good morning Doug. Know what I'm gonna say? Guess.
Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] I have no idea.
Hugh Panetta: Go on, guess.
Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] Well... you're in love with me.
Hugh Panetta: No.

Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] I want to be a partner, Hugh. I want to sign partnership papers with a Panco pen. I want to learn the Panco secret handshake. I want to get the keys to some partners only, executive bathroom, where the oragami's ... cut out of ... origami shapes. I want to wipe my ass with a swan, Hugh.
Hugh Panetta: Not even I get to wipe my ass with a swan, Doug. Okay, man. I'm gonna marinade it over. Weigh the pros and cons. Let you know real soon. In the meantime, you need to invite me to a dinner.
Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] A dinner?
Hugh Panetta: Exactly. A dinner. You invite me over. I'll check out your house, your friends, your family. See if you're partnership material.

Wayne Malloy: Speaking of strangers, where the hell is your mother?
Sam Malloy: You said she was with her friend.
Wayne Malloy: She is. She's with her old friend Chunky K.
Di Di Malloy: I'm sorry, but does anyone else think that the name Chunky K is hilarious?
Cael Malloy: Better than Fatty K.
Wayne Malloy: Well, she was Fatty K, then Jenny Craig got involved.
Sam Malloy: You know, we really shouldn't make fun of Mom's friend.
Wayne Malloy: We're not making fun of her. That's her name. Ms. Chunky K. If I was to call her Ms. Slightly Heavy K, then that would be making fun of her. But she prefers Chunky, that's how she introduced herself.

Sam Malloy: Can I ask you a question?
Chunky K: Hit me.
Sam Malloy: What were you in prison for?
Wayne Malloy: That's private, Sam.
Chunky K: There's nothing private about me. You are like my family. In fact, just call me, Aunt Chunky.
Cael Malloy: Okay, Aunt Chunky.
Di Di Malloy: Yeah, that sounds good, Aunt Chunky.
Chunky K: I committed a murder, Sam.

Wayne Malloy: [to Dahlia about Chunky K] She is a risk. And a little freaky. And I think she's on drugs. Not to be critical.

Dahlia Malloy: [about Chunky L] She got a job, baby. She is the weekend supervisor at a sewerage treatment facility. Don't you make fun of her.
Wayne Malloy: I'm not making fun of her. When I was little, I too wanted to supervise sewerage on the weekend.
Dahlia Malloy: It was the best job she could get.

Hugh Panetta: [Sam, pretending to be Sam Rich comes downstairs to a formal dinner in a dress.] Who's this pretty lady? And where's your other son, Doug? Didn't you say you have two?
Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] This is my son, Hugh. This is Sam.
Nina: I hear he loves the theatre.
Di Di Malloy: [pretending to be Di Di Rich] Oh, yes, he does. We're actually just on our way to the school play after we finish eating. Isn't that right, Sam?
[Sam nods in agreement]
Hugh Panetta: Well, sorry, partner, I didn't recognize you as a member of the B-Team.
Sam Malloy: [pretending to be Sam Rich] What's the B-Team?
Hugh Panetta: Boys. The boys' team.

Hugh Panetta: You want to be a partner?
Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] That's what I went to law school for.

Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] You want to make me a partner, right now, right here?
Hugh Panetta: Why the hell not?
Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] Maybe later.

Wayne Malloy: [to Dahlia] I wanted to be a partner. There's my partner lying on the ground. Something about it makes me sick to my stomach.

Wayne Malloy: Does it matter?
Nina: If my husband's gay.
Wayne Malloy: It doesn't matter to me
Nina: Well, you're not his wife.


"The Riches: Operation Education (#1.2)" (2007)
Sam Malloy: [about their new social security cards] So how do we use these cards?
Wayne Malloy: We use them to enroll you kids in school.
Dahlia Malloy: Would you stop scaring them?
Wayne Malloy: I'm serious.
Dahlia Malloy: So am I.

Wayne Malloy: Come on, it'll be real fun, won't it? I mean, when's the last time you were in an educational facility?
Cael Malloy: Fifty minutes outside Georgia, ripping off that school.
Wayne Malloy: Yeah, wasn't that great?

Wayne Malloy: [handing Dahlia a credit card] It's F.E.O.
Dahlia Malloy: For Energetic Orgasms?
Wayne Malloy: No. For Emergencies Only.

Wayne Malloy: Are you a Panco person?
Panco Receptionist: I am Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.
Wayne Malloy: Can I be Tuesdays and Thursdays?

Wayne Malloy: [reading a Shakespeare quote] "We know what we are, but not what we may be". - William Shakespeare.
Dahlia Malloy: [to the kids] I don't know that means, but y'all take notes.

[first lines]
Wayne Malloy: [narrating voice over] I'm Wayne Malloy. My family and I are travelers. Our kind have been living in this company for a hundred and fifty years. We're not listed in the phone book, we don't have social security numbers, we live off the grip. Some people call us gypsies, some call us thieves. Most of them don't even know we exist.

Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] Would you like to take a stab at this?
Aubrey McDonald: I am not a lawyer, Mr. Rich.

[last lines]
Wayne Malloy: Your rock. Big hit.
Dahlia Malloy: No shit?

Di Di Malloy: School? Who wants to learn a bunch of buffer bullshit?
Wayne Malloy: School is the cornerstone of buffer society.

Stewart Peel: You have got to be the worst lawyer in the world.
Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] I am.

Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich, to Stewart] And you... you're fired.


"The Riches: Anything Hugh Can Do, I Can Do Better (#1.10)" (2007)
Wayne Malloy: So, Di Di.
Di Di Malloy: Huh?
Wayne Malloy: [sighs and gives Cheriene's mother a pancake from the frying pan] Here you go, mom.
Cherien's Mother: [smiling] You're not Doug.
Wayne Malloy: And you're not my mom. But we're having fun with pancakes, aren't we?

Dahlia Malloy: And you know what else I been thinking, Wayne. We need to get us an Ishka. We need to clear all this shit out, do a cleansing. All of us, together. Remember, like that time in Kentucky, we went into the river, with all the snow on the rocks?
Wayne Malloy: Now?
Dahlia Malloy: Yeah. I'm sure there's a cold river around here somewhere.
Wayne Malloy: No.
Dahlia Malloy: Yeah. Cleansing, baby, cleansing.
Cael Malloy: Now?
Dahlia Malloy: Yeah. Oh come on, let's just do it.
Cael Malloy: School bus is gonna be here any minute.
Di Di Malloy: Mom, you know I got a math quiz today. I can't just go jump into a river. Sorry.
Sam Malloy: It's library day, I gotta return my books, otherwise I can't get new ones.
Cherien's Mother: Banana.

Wayne Malloy: Di Di?
Di Di Malloy: Dad, we only did it once. We used protection. I don't know how I feel about it. Okay?

Wayne Malloy: Well, I had a chat with Di Di. It seems that she and Eric had sex once, and she used... um... you know... birth control. It made me feel better. We had sex when you were fifteen.
Dahlia Malloy: We were married, Wayne. We were in love.

Dahlia Malloy: I don't know what the rules are.
Wayne Malloy: Neither do I baby. Neither do I.

Dahlia Malloy: You still got your job at Panco, baby.
Wayne Malloy: Don't want it.

[last lines]
Dahlia Malloy: How'd it go in court, today?
Wayne Malloy: I won.
Dahlia Malloy: I'm sorry.

Aubrey McDonald: Hugh's not back yet.
Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] What do you mean he's not back yet? Where is he? What's he doing?

Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich, on the phone] Hugh? Where are you?
Hugh Panetta: [on the phone] Somewhere in the desert, I'm guessing.

Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] As of this moment, I am in control here.


"The Riches: It's a Wonderful Lie (#1.11)" (2007)
Wayne Malloy: [answering the door] Hello?
Pete Mincey: Hi. Is Doug here?
Wayne Malloy: Doug? Doug who?

Dahlia Malloy: Do you ever get sick of lying?
Wayne Malloy: This is not lying. This is creative reasoning.
Dahlia Malloy: This lying is all we do now.

Dahlia Malloy: I can't do it. I can't do it. I want to do it for you. I can't be a buffer.
Wayne Malloy: You're not a buffer. You're a traveler.
Dahlia Malloy: Not anymore.

Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] There you met...
Hugh Panetta: It's Gigi. And she's a dancer.

Dale Malloy: Doug.
Wayne Malloy: Dale.
Dale Malloy: We have a lot to talk about, my friend.

Wayne Malloy: Dale seems to have been here for a while now. He could have blown our cover at any point. He didn't. Why is that?
Cael Malloy: He's Dale. He's working an angle. I don't know.

Wayne Malloy: Pete?
Pete Mincey: Guess you're probably surprised to see me here, Wayne.


"The Riches: The Big Floss (#1.4)" (2007)
Hiltzik: Haven't you read "Calder Be Bold"?
Wayne Malloy: [Pretending to be Doug Rich] Yeah... Yeah, have you read "Heser Be Strapling"? Have you read "Monkey Be Chestnut"? "Jiggle Be Craphosan"? "Roaster Be Blow Me"? "Ratsamecatsan"?

Eric: Who was that?
Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] This'll be Ken.
Ken Danegan: Di Di's fiancé.
Di Di Malloy: [pretending to be Di Di Rich] What?

[last lines]
Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich, to Ken] You got any bags?
Ken Danegan: What?
Ken Danegan: Yeah. I left them on the front step.
Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] Allow me.

Wayne Malloy: What are you doing here?
Dahlia Malloy: I brought you lunch. Isn't that what every good little hosuewife's supposed to do?

Wayne Malloy: [to Ginny] What do you want, Ginny Danegan?

Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] Well, look who it is.
Ken Danegan: Hi, everybody.

Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] Dahlia.
Dahlia Malloy: [pretending to be Cherein Rich] Wayne.
Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] Cherien.
Dahlia Malloy: [pretending to be Cherein Rich] Doug.
Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich, pointing to Aubrey] Aubrey McDonald.
Dahlia Malloy: [pretending to be Cherein Rich] How do you do, I'm Mrs. Doug Rich.


"The Riches: Been There, Done That (#1.3)" (2007)
[first lines]
Wayne Malloy: [narrating voice over] I'm Wayne Malloy. My family and I are travelers. Our kind have been living in this country for a hundred and fifty years. We're not listed in the phone book, we don't have social security numbers, we live off the grid. Some people call us gypsies, some call us thieves. Most of them don't even know we exist.

Wayne Malloy: [to Dahlia] Look what I got? A pink one.

Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Mr. Rich] Mr. Chambers, we're not interested in people or pets blowing up. I mean, I mean, we're completely against anyone blowing up, I mean, even a little bit. But you know sometimes-sometimes in your life, shit just happens, you know? You know it does. I mean, you're just going along, living your own life, living in your house, just minding your own business, suddenly, kapow! Your whole life explodes. Just like in -uh, Well, but then, what are you gonna do? You gonna give up? You gonna just call it a day? No. No, no, that's not what we do. No, we rally. We-we turn it all around. Because we're Americans. We take those grenades and we turn 'em into lemonade. Because that's what distinguishes us from sand crabs. We keep going. And I ask this of you because I ask nothing less of myself. Thank you. Thank you for your time.

Hugh Panetta: This was your divorce, right?
Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] Yes. It was a traumatic. So I've just blacked everything out.

Jim Burns: Hey, neighbors. You got here before we all take ecstasy and dive naked into the pool.
Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] Seriously?
Jim Burns: It's happened.

Dahlia Malloy: Kids okay?
Wayne Malloy: Di Di's screwing around with Guitar and Cael must be out with that neighborhood kid.


"The Riches: Reckless Gardening (#1.5)" (2007)
Lawyer: What the hell is this?
Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] That'd be a zero, Anne.

Wayne Malloy: Well, I take it you're still a virgin?
Ken Dannegan: If ya don't count self pleasurin'.
Wayne Malloy: I wanna ask your professional opinion about something. Can we get a body in here?
[pointing to the boot]
Ken Dannegan: Sure.
[Ken climbs into the boot]
Ken Dannegan: Look!
Wayne Malloy: You're right.
[Wayne closes the boot, with Ken still in it]
Ken Dannegan: Hey! Do I just wait in here?

Hugh Panetta: I didn't create alligators, I'm not God.
Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] No, but you got eight fish and wildlife citations warning you not to build on an alligator habitat.
Hugh Panetta: So maybe she should have thought of that before she went outside and started all of that reckless gardening. Some people are morons, Doug. Don't ever underestimate that.

Hugh Panetta: I don't have any friends. I wonder why that is Doug?
Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] Because you're an asshole.

Cael Malloy: Okay, she took Di's fingerprints. She's gonna have a permanent record.
Wayne Malloy: Shit!

Wayne Malloy: Dahlia, what are you doing here?
Dahlia Malloy: Hugh offered me a job. I'm gonna take him up on it.


"The Riches: X Spots the Mark (#1.7)" (2007)
[first lines]
Wayne Malloy: The car's right outside. Come on, let's go.

Di Di Malloy: This is insane, Dad.
Wayne Malloy: Why?
Di Di Malloy: Because we can't do this. Half a million dollars? I mean, we don't even know what that means.

Di Di Malloy: Dad, you stole forty grand from that guys' safe.
Cael Malloy: That Hugh guy can't prove anything.
Dahlia Malloy: It don't matter. He can still fire us.
Wayne Malloy: That's why we gotta get it back.

Wayne Malloy: So we gotta find a mark who's rich, greedy and stupid enough to drop a load without thinking twice.


"The Riches: Virgin Territory (#1.6)" (2007)
Wayne Malloy: Dale wants forty thousand dollars.
Cael Malloy: That's a lot of silverware Dad.

Wayne Malloy: [about Hugh] God damn, small, boss.

Wayne Malloy: [to Dale] I want to know the protection.


"The Riches: Field of Dreams (#2.3)" (2008)
Wayne Malloy: This family is going to stick together no matter what. We're just staying around long enough to get the money, we cash out and then we're gone.
Sam Malloy: There is a castle in Galway for sale. We can get it for three million dollars.
Wayne Malloy: That's what I'm talking about!

Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] What happened to this thing we were going to do? Remember Baoyou Hills? A hundred and fifty million? Deal of a lifetime?
Hugh Panetta: Relax. We're doing it. I just have to do something first.
Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] Like what?
Hugh Panetta: Like get laid!

Wayne Malloy: [Cael doesn't want to go] If you don't go, you'll look guilty.
Cael Malloy: Dad?
Wayne Malloy: Yeah.
Cael Malloy: I am guilty.


"The Riches: The Last Temptation of Wayne (#2.1)" (2008)
[first lines]
Dahlia Malloy: You don't have a plan?
Wayne Malloy: Ummm...
Cael Malloy: Shit!

Hugh Panetta: [to Wayne pretending to be Doug] You cash in on the bakers dozen. Thirteen million, Doug.
Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug] Thirteen million?


"The Riches: Waiting for Dogot (#1.12)" (2007)
[first lines]
Pete Mincey: Who are you?
Wayne Malloy: Look, don't get upset.

Wayne Malloy: You've got to think big.
Dahlia Malloy: Oh, no, no. I am tired of thinking big. It is time to think small.