Captain John Hart
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Quotes for
Captain John Hart (Character)
from "Torchwood" (2006)

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"Torchwood: Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang (#2.1)" (2008)
Captain John Hart: You've put on weight!
Captain Jack Harkness: You're losing your hair.
Captain John Hart: What are you wearing?
Captain Jack Harkness: Captain Jack Harkness, note the stripes.
Captain John Hart: Captain John Hart, note the sarcasm.
Captain Jack Harkness: Hey, I worked my way up through the ranks!
Captain John Hart: I bet the ranks were very grateful... I need a drink.
Captain Jack Harkness: I thought you'd never ask.
[Captain John downs a bottle of vodka]
Captain Jack Harkness: So, uh, how was rehab?
Captain John Hart: Rehabs. Plural.
Captain Jack Harkness: Drink, drugs, sex and...
Captain John Hart: [grins] Murder.
Captain Jack Harkness: [laughs] You went to murder rehab?
Captain John Hart: I know, ridiculous! The odd kill, who does it hurt?
Captain Jack Harkness: [sobers] You clean now?
Captain John Hart: Yeah, kicked everything. Living like a priest.

Gwen Cooper: What happened to Jack? He should be here!
Captain John Hart: What I've been saying all along: unreliable.
Gwen Cooper: Shut up!
Captain John Hart: [looking out the window] I think I'm starting to see what he likes about this place: she's beautiful, he's stunning...
Gwen Cooper: Do you ever stop?
Captain John Hart: What? Five minutes to live, you want me to behave? Oh, that's gorgeous.
Gwen Cooper: That's a poodle.
Captain John Hart: [savagely] That's nice.

Ianto Jones: [about Jack's WristComm] Woah, that never beeps.
Captain Jack Harkness: That's what I was thinking.
[presses button]
Captain John Hart: [via Hologram] I can't believe I got the answering machine. What can you be doing that's more important than me? Anyway, you've probably traced the energy shift, found the body - all me. Sorry about the mess, bill me for the clean up. Now, Drinks! Retrolog the transmission coordinates, that's where I am. And hurry up, work to do.
[American accent]
Captain John Hart: "Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope."

Captain John Hart: Ho, ho, do you have a team name? I love team names; go on.
Captain Jack Harkness: Torchwood.
Captain John Hart: Oh. Not Excalibur? Uh, Blizzard? Bikini Cops? No? Torchwood. Oh, dear.

Captain John Hart: You live in a sculpture. Could you be any more pretentious?

Captain John Hart: What a cosmic joke, eye candy. An accident of chemicals and evolution. The jokes, the sex - just to cover the fact that nothing means anything. And the only consolation is money.

[last lines]
Captain John Hart: Oh. By the way. Meant to tell you, I found Gray.
Gwen Cooper: Who's Gray?
Captain Jack Harkness: It's nothing.
Captain Jack Harkness: Let's get back to work.

Toshiko Sato: You said this was a dying woman's request.
Captain John Hart: Yeah, she was dying - I shot her.

Gwen Cooper: [dragging John towards the crack in the rift] We have to go!
Captain John Hart: Woah! What about a last minute rescue? What's the point of being on a team if you don't get a last minute rescue?

Gwen Cooper: [heavily annoyed] You are unbelievable.
Captain John Hart: [smugly] And yet you still find me strangely attractive.

Captain Jack Harkness: [about John] Three rules. One, don't believe anything he say. Two, always keep him in front of you. And three, under no circumstances let him kiss you.
Gwen Cooper: As if I would!
Captain John Hart: Has he got to the "no kissing" rule yet? He only invented that one because he wants me all to himself.

Captain John Hart: [regarding himself and Jack] We were partners.
Ianto Jones: In what way?
Captain John Hart: In every way.

Captain Jack Harkness: [Introducing the team] Gwen Cooper, Ianto Jones, Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper, meet...
Captain John Hart: Captain John Hart.
Captain Jack Harkness: We go back.
Captain John Hart: Excuse me, we more than go back; we were partners.
Ianto Jones: [Softly] In what way?
Captain John Hart: In every way, and then some.
Captain Jack Harkness: It was two weeks.
Captain John Hart: Except that two weeks was trapped in a time loop, so we were together for five years. It was like having a wife.
Captain Jack Harkness: You were the wife.
Captain John Hart: *You* were the wife.
Captain Jack Harkness: No, you were the wife.
Captain John Hart: Oh, but I was a *good* wife!

"Torchwood: Exit Wounds (#2.13)" (2008)
Captain Jack Harkness: You've destroyed the city!
Captain John Hart: Jack, hold me.
[hugs Jack]

[John has tied Jack up]
Captain Jack Harkness: This is a little extreme, don't you think?
Captain John Hart: Well, what? Suddenly you're anti-bondage?

Captain John Hart: You took your time!
Gwen Cooper: [pointing gun] On your knees, now!
Captain John Hart: [sigh] Honestly, it's just "sex, sex, sex" with you people.

Captain Jack Harkness: What do you want?
Captain John Hart: I want you to know that I love you.
Captain Jack Harkness: Funny way of showing it.
Captain John Hart: No, seriously. You have to understand.
[turns around]
Captain John Hart: I really do love you.
[John pulls out two guns and shoots Jack repeatedly]
Captain John Hart: 'Cause this is gonna get nasty.

Ianto Jones: Put Jack on right now!
Captain John Hart: Eye candy! That was so masterful, so bossy, so basically powerless.

"Torchwood: Fragments (#2.12)" (2008)
Captain John Hart: Oooo! Deja vu. Or did I say that already?

Captain John Hart: [to Jack] Of course, you can't die. All that life... all that time... and you can't spare any of it for me.

Captain John Hart: Ok, here's what's going to happen - everything you love, everything you treasure will die. I'm going to tear your world apart, Captain Jack Harkness. Piece by piece. Starting now. Maybe *now* you'll want to spend some time with me.