Sarah Marshall
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Quotes for
Sarah Marshall (Character)
from Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008)

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Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008)
Sarah Marshall: Remember how we thought the killer masturbated before commiting his crimes?
Detective Hunter Rush: Yes?
Sarah Marshall: Take a look...
Detective Hunter Rush: ...Looks like where he's going he'll need to know how to masturbate.

Sarah Marshall: Seemingly, the only actresses that can survive are the ones that show their cooter and I refuse to that. Excuse me, but I have a little dignity.

Sarah Marshall: I need you to get hard, Pete.
Peter Bretter: I know what I'm supposed to do.

Sarah Marshall: [lifts up the sheet] What do you think, Rush?
Detective Hunter Rush: [cringes] It's going to be hard for her to reenter the pageant... without a face.

Sarah Marshall: Do you want to put some clothes on!
Peter Bretter: Oh, would you like to pick out the outfit that you break up with me in!

Sarah Marshall: What are you doing here?
Peter Bretter: Came here to murder you
Peter Bretter: [laughs]

Sarah Marshall: I hate your music.
Aldous Snow: Yeah well, I fucked the housekeeper the other day.

Peter Bretter: I love Hawaii.
Sarah Marshall: Yeah, it's nice, but I think for like a week, tops. Any more than that and I know that I'd go crazy, because I think that Hawaii is a place to escape for people who can't deal with the real world.
Rachel Jansen: Yeah, you know, there's so few personal shoppers and pet therapists. Gosh, it's such a hard life.

Aldous Snow: Come on tour with me. I'll serenade you every night in front of thousands of women.
Sarah Marshall: I didn't know you were going on tour.
Aldous Snow: Yeah, I'm going in two weeks. It's like an 18 month tour, 43 countries, Infant Sorrow, and it's gonna be a massive tour.
Sarah Marshall: Yeah, I can't come cause I have a job. I'm a working actress.
Aldous Snow: Not anymore. You're an unemployed actress. Perfect. You could be the queen of the groupies, queen of the Sorrow Suckers.
Sarah Marshall: The Sorrow Suckers?
Aldous Snow: Sorrow Suckers. I don't know why they call them that.

Sarah Marshall: When were you planning on telling me this?
Aldous Snow: I just told you, then.
Sarah Marshall: Yeah. No, I know. But telling me now isn't really the same as telling me.
Aldous Snow: Well, look, you know, I've not told you I've got genital herpes, because it's not inflamed at the moment...

Sarah Marshall: [Peter can't perform in bed] What's wrong with you?
Peter Bretter: Nothing is *wrong* with me.
Sarah Marshall: Okay...
Peter Bretter: Just something doesn't feel right.
Sarah Marshall: Okay, well did you, you know what? Did you drink today? Because sometimes when you drink...
Peter Bretter: Excuse me. No, I haven't had anything to drink today. Maybe the problem is that you broke my heart into a million pieces and so my cock doesn't want to be around you anymore! Okay? EVER! Because you know what I just realized? You're the goddamn devil!

[after faking an orgasm to upstage Peter and Rachel in the next room]
Aldous Snow: You're still involved with him next door, ain't ya?
Sarah Marshall: Excuse me?
Aldous Snow: You should've seen yourself at dinner, Sarah. Then you came back here and put on that ghastly performance. I mean I've heard that women do fake orgasms, but I've never seen one. It really deeply upset me.
Sarah Marshall: You should've seen *yourself* at dinner.
[Imitating Aldous's accent]
Sarah Marshall: "Oh, I'm Aldous Snow! Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. Oh no drinks for me thanks. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit!"
Sarah Marshall: [Pointing to his tattoos]
[In normal accent]
Sarah Marshall: And you know what? Let me tell you something about these tattoos, okay. That is Buddhist, that is Nordic, that is Hindu, that's just gibberish. They are completely conflicting ideologies, and that does not make you a citizen of the world, it makes you full of shit!
Aldous Snow: Was that genuine or did you fake that? Right, I'm probably gonna clear off now. I'll have a little sleep for a few hours, then I'm probably gonna go in the morning. Okay.
Sarah Marshall: I hate your music.
Aldous Snow: Yeah, well I fucked the housekeeper, the other day.

Aldous Snow: Awful bloody film. I say, it's just a ridiculous premise. What would happen if your mobile phone killed you? Why would a mobile phone kill anyone? Doesn't make sense. How can a mobile phone have an agenda and kill people...
Peter Bretter: I told her that when she read the script
Aldous Snow: Yeah, you were the voice of reason, mate.
Peter Bretter: I tried to be, but she didn't listen.
Aldous Snow: Going around killing people. A mobile phone, like doing murders.
Peter Bretter: Why couldn't you just take the battery out of the phone?
Aldous Snow: Right. That's it. The battle's over.
Peter Bretter: Yeah, we've won.
Aldous Snow: I hated it.
Sarah Marshall: Well, it's not for everyone, but it...
Peter Bretter: No, it's ridiculous. Here's my favorite scene. Hello?
[Peter feigns death]
Aldous Snow: Right. I could never happen.
Sarah Marshall: It's a metaphor for addiction to technology.
Rachel Jansen: For society, how we're reliant on technology. I get it. I'm with you.
Aldous Snow: It's a metaphor for a crap movie.

Sarah Marshall: [in mocking, exaggerated British accent] Oh, I'm Aldous Snow, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit...

Sarah Marshall: Aldous... wake up.
Aldous Snow: [Snores]
Sarah Marshall: Aldous... wake up... make love to me.
Aldous Snow: Alright, you go on top though, cause I'm knackered.

Sarah Marshall: This isn't your jurisdiction!
Lawyer on 'Crime Scene': I just made it my jurisdiction!
Detective Hunter Rush: Can you say cat fight?

Sarah Marshall: [faking an orgasm so she can upstage Rachel and Peter next door] This is the best sex ever!

Sarah Marshall: It got really hard taking care of you when you stopped taking care of yourself, I tried everything to get you off your little island, the couch.

Sarah Marshall: [to Peter] I took love seminars, sex seminars, so don't you dare sit here and tell me I didn't try because I tried really hard, you were just too stupid to notice.

Sarah Marshall: [to the criminal] Life's a bitch.
Animal Instincts Detective: [to the criminal] And where you're going, that's what you'll be.