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Quotes for
The Pirate King (Character)
from The Pirates of Penzance (1983)

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The Pirates of Penzance (1983)
Pirate King: Do you mean that in order to save his contemptible life, he dared to impress upon our credulous simplicity?

Fredric: You make it a point of never attacking a weaker party than yourselves, and when you attack a stronger one you invariably get thrashed!
[Pirates approach him with great indignation]
Pirate King: [Holding up finger] There's some truth in that.

[as Major-General Stanley has just entered the scene, all except the Pirate King sing to the tune of "Pirate King"]
Samuel: For he is a Major General!
Daughters: He is, hurrah for the Major General!
Major General Stanley: And it is, it is a GLORIOUS thing to be a Major General.
All: IT IS! Hurrah for the Major General, hurrah for the Major General!
The Pirate King: That's the same as the "Pirate King" tune!

Frederic: OH, HORROR!
The Pirate King: What's the matter?
Frederic: Ought I tell you? No, no I cannot! And yet as one of your band...
[All are astonished at this feat, including the Pirate King himself]
Pirate King: Yeah.

Pirate King: Don't swim, Fredric, take the dingy!

Pirate King: Left, right, left, right.
Pirate King: Stop dinghy!

[during an incredibly fast-paced song]
Pirate King: This-particularly-rapid-unintelligible-patter-isn't-generally-heard-and-if-it-is-it-doesn't-matter!

The Pirate Movie (1982)
Mabel: You'll be hung!
The Pirate King: Oh I am, I am, and very well thank you.

The Pirate King: What's the age of consent around here?
Mabel: Eighteen.
The Pirate King: Good! I'm old enough.

[the Pirate King has just cornered Frederick in their swordfight, the Pirate King has his sword pointed between Frederick's legs]
The Pirate King: Drop it, or...
Frederic: *Nuts*!
The Pirate King: Them, too!

The Pirate King: Away to the ship and hoist up that chain doodad!
Samuel: Anchor, sir?
The Pirate King: No, Sam. Just disappointment.

Frederic: Lately I've been restless. I've been consumed by some... inner fire, and all I think about are girls.
Ruth: [Grabbing onto Frederic] I've waited 20 years for this!
The Pirate King: [Pulling Ruth off of Frederic] The sea, Frederic, is a jealous mistress. But she is her own reward. Believe me, you've missed nothing.
The Pirate King: [to other pirates] Tell him men, have you missed anything these 20 years at sea?
Other pirates: [Yelling in unison] SEX!

The Pirate King: Your Birthday?
Frederic: February 29, 1859.
The Pirate King: A leap year!
Frederic: yes...
The Pirate King: ...and you were indentured to us...?
Frederic: until my 21st year...
The Pirate King: [interrupting] ... until your 21st birthday! Leap years only happen every 4 years. Going by birthdays, you're still only 5 and a 1/4.
Frederic: [surprised] wha...?
The Pirate King: I'm merely making you aware of it... I'll leave the rest to your... sense of duty?
Ruth: Yes, Duty!
Frederic: Duty and honor are all I have... that's the one good thing you taught me!

Mabel: I'll see you get a thousand lashes!
The Pirate King: Promises, promises.

The Pirates of Penzance (1994) (TV)
The Pirate King: [Exhausted and out of breath after the conductor has made the Pirates repeat the end of "With Cat-like Tread" three times] Wait a minute! Just a minute, please! This is very important. Please... this is... this is... We haven't... finished... yet! We have some very... important... dialogue... to do.
[Strikes a pose, the audience interrupts him with cheers]
The Pirate King: We haven't finished yet! Shh!
[Strikes his pose again]
The Pirate King: "Away!"

Frederic: Oh, it breaks my heart to betray the honored father of the girl that I adore!
The Pirate King, Ruth: Awwww.
The Pirate King: Break it.
Ruth: Yes.
Frederic: And yet, as one of your band, I have no alternative!
The Pirate King: No, no, no, no.
Frederic: It is my duty to tell you that General Stanley...
The Pirate King, Ruth: Yes?
Frederic: Is...
The Pirate King, Ruth: Is...
Frederic: No...
The Pirate King, Ruth: No...
Frederic: [sighs] General Stanley...
The Pirate King, Ruth: Yes?
Frederic: Is...
The Pirate King, Ruth: Is...
Frederic: No...
The Pirate King, Ruth: No...
Frederic: Oooorrr...
The Pirate King, Ruth: Oooorrrghhh...
[They clap Frederic on the back]
Frederic: Orphan!
The Pirate King, Ruth: WHAT?
The Pirate King: Well, it's better than being an "Oooorrrghhh."

The Pirate King: [after "I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major-General"] Very, very good.
Major-General Stanley: Thank you very much.
The Pirate King: Umbrella balancing on the chin... We like the medals too, don't we?
[Pirates nod]
Major-General Stanley: Yes, I got those on the frontier.
The Pirate King: Oh, really?
Major-General Stanley: Yes, I had two on the back here, but they fell off.
The Pirate King: Oh, well, never mind. Do some more, will you?
Major-General Stanley: "More"? Silly man, there isn't any more.
The Pirate King: No, no, no! We want some more! Make something up!
[Turns to the Conductor]
The Pirate King: Both of you!
Major-General Stanley: Don't be ridiculous!
[the Pirates point their swords at him]
Major-General Stanley: Oh! Steady on, steady on! Feisty fellow...
[to Conductor]
Major-General Stanley: Something... ridiculous... for the fellow in the purple pants.
Conductor: What tempo would you like it, sir?
Major-General Stanley: Tempo?
Conductor: Yes.
Major-General Stanley: I think we better do it quickly.
Conductor: Could we have that in Italian, please?
Major-General Stanley: Italian?
Conductor: Yes.
Major-General Stanley: Espresso cappuccino.
[Music starts again]

[Pirates still trying to catch their breath after "With Catlike Tread"]
Frederic: Hush, hush... Not a... word... I see a light inside.
The Pirate King: [Silence. Frederic nudges the Pirate King] Yeah... the light's... great...

[Frederic has told the Pirate King and Ruth that Major-General Stanley is not an orphan as he claimed]
Frederic: And more than that: he never was one.
The Pirate King: Hold that
[hands Frederic his sword, then faints. Gets up again]
The Pirate King: Frederic, am I to understand...
[pauses to clutch his head]
The Pirate King: ... ouch... that in order to save his contemptible life,
[takes his sword back from Frederic and threatens him with it]
The Pirate King: he dared to practice an incredulous simplicity?
[Frederic squeaks an affirmative answer]
The Pirate King: Then our revenge shall be swift, end...
Frederic: "Kind"!
The Pirate King: No, no, no, no!
Frederic: "Merciful"!
The Pirate King: No, no, no! Swift and... you know... abominable!
[Members of the orchestra hold up score cards all reading "10"]
Frederic: Oh, well done!

The Pirate King: You were apprenticed to us until you reached your twenty-first...
[clears throat and unrolls a paper]
The Pirate King: "Dear Pirate King, I love your purple pants. Meet me later at the..."
Ruth: No! That's the wrong one!
[She trades papers with him. He grabs the love letter back from her and hides it in his shirt]
The Pirate King: You were apprenticed to us "until you reached your twenty-first birthday."