The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
: [looking through telescope
] Thar she blows! Mr. Lunt
: Where? Larry
: Right there! Over by the barbecue! Mr. Lunt
: [picks up ping-pong ball
] Got it!
: Bring out the cannon! Mr. Lunt
: We ain't got no ammo!
[Larry spots garden items
: Oh, yes, we do!
: Are you guys still doing that "pirate" thing? Mr. Lunt
: Argh! Watch your tongue, matey! Or we'll... what'll we do? Larry
: Nothing. We're the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything. Mr. Lunt
: Oh. Argh! You got off easy today!
: Remember that time we did that one thing with that one guy? Pa Grape
: Oh, do I ever. Larry
: I remember it like it was yesterday.
: You are a cheating buccaneer! Larry
: How am I supposed to cheat at Go Fish?
] Mr. Lunt
: I don't know.
[during the closing credits song, Larry threatens to leave early
: I'm gonna go home and take a nap! Pa Grape
: Come on, we have contractual obligations to finish the song. Mr. Lunt
: They paid for a full 79 minutes of entertainment, pal! Get back in the booth! Larry
: Wake me up for the prequel!
] Pa Grape
: Oh, come on! We were just starting to have fun!
] Pa Grape
: Oh man, I need a tums.
] Mr. Lunt
: What? What, are we done? You mean that's it? Zim-bom-a-loo-bop-a-lop-bam-bing?... Hey, hey, ho ho ho, Hey hey, ho ho ho, hey hey... If you need me, I'll be on the porch.
, Mr. Lunt
: ["The Credits Song"
] This is the song that runs under the credits. These are the credits, so this is where it goes. Has nothing to do with the movie so we'll say "Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!..."
: Somebody up there must be really upset with somebody down here.
: [about storm, to everyone
] The way I see it, someone up there is really upset with someone down here. It could be any one of us! I have my suspicions! But we won't know for sure until we figure it out scientifically. Okay, men,
] Pirate Pa
: Go fish!
: And besides, we've never sailed before. Ever. So the answer is no. Jonah
: Money is no object.
: Normally you'd be entitled to a refund, but under the circumstances, y'know, with you dying and all... Jonah
: No, I don't suppose a refund would do me much good now, would it?
: Ahoy there mateys! Welcome aboard the ship of the Pirates who Don't Do Anything. Larry the Cucumber
: Nothing. Mr. Lunt
: Zilch. Larry the Cucumber
: Not so fast you lazies! Today we're doing a little something. Larry the Cucumber
: Not again! Mr. Lunt
: We did something yesterday! Pa Grape
: All you did was order Chinese. Mr. Lunt
: Hey! It's hard to say 'moo goo gai pan'. Whoops! I did it again. I'm beat.
: Hey... I smell something fishy. Pa Grape
: Uh, that's your friend.
[Larry the Cucumber offers some Chinese food
] Larry the Cucumber
: Kung pao squid? Mr. Lunt
: Uh... no.
: I think you look like Captain Crunch! Pa Grape
: Huh? No I don't! Mr. Lunt
: Do too! Pa Grape
: Do not! Mr. Lunt
: You're making me hungry. Pa Grape
: That's it! You're walking the plank! Mr. Lunt
: Says who? Pa Grape
: Says the captain, that's who! Mr. Lunt
: Oh yeah? Aye-aye, Captain Crunch! Hehehehe! Pa Grape
: Arrrrrrrgh! Mr. Lunt
The Astonishing Contraption of Silliness
: Number four. The Song of the Water Buffalo Who Don't Love Cebu With Yodeling Lips. Pa Grape
: Wait a minute! Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. It appears we're experiencing technical difficulties once again. Pa Grape
: [to Larry and Mr. Lunt
] Buy me some time. Mr. Lunt
: Huh? Larry the Cucumber
: What are we supposed to do? Pa Grape
: I don't know. Think of something! Pa Grape
: [Pa goes to work on the machine
] Come up with another one of those Silly Songs you're so famous for! Larry the Cucumber
: But... I didn't prepare anything. Pa Grape
: Oh, for Pete's sake. Pa Grape
: [Pa hands Larry a menu of Chinese takeout
] Here. Use this!
: What matter of magic is this? Sedgewick
: It's not magic, it's Radio Shack!
] Woah, Papa's got a gumball, Nellie. Papa's got a gumball, Sue. Papa's got a gumball, Nellie. I think I'll blow a bubble for you. Woah, Papa's got a pork chop, Nellie. Papa's got a pork chop... Sedgewick
: Will you stop it? Elliot
: What? It's a good song. Don't you like it? Sedgewick
: After the 32nd verse, it grates. Besides, it's making me hungry.
: I don't think that's possible. And that's coming from a guy who just swam 92 nautical miles without arms or legs.
: But soft, it is Ophelia!
: But soft, IT IS OPHELIA! Ophelia (Mr. Lunt)
: [being pushed onstage by Archibald
] I don't want to do it! It's embarrassing! Archibald Asparagus
: Don't be ridiculous! It's tradition! In Shakespeare's day, all the women's roles were played by men! Ophelia (Mr. Lunt)
: [pause; Archibald has pushed Mr. Lunt all the way onto the stage
] I think we're gonna get letters about this.