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Quotes for
Mel (Character)
from "Flight of the Conchords" (2007)

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"Flight of the Conchords: New Fans (#1.10)" (2007)
Bret: Mel, these scrambled eggs are terrific.
Mel: Thank you, Bret.
Rain: Yeah, thanks for the food. It's really nice.
Mel: Thank you. Um, what was your name again?
Rain: It's Rain.
Mel: Oh, that's nice. Like, kind of like bad weather. I remember your name from the fan list. I check it regularly. Do you check it regularly?
Rain: No.
Mel: No? Do you not have a computer, or...
Rain: No, I do have a computer.
Mel: Oh, you can't read.

Summer: So who's the old dude in the photo with you?
Mel: That's my husband, Doug.
Summer: Oh. I thought he was your dad.
Mel: He's a little bit older than me. He was my college professor. I remember seeing him on the first day of college. He was so dapper and so knowledgeable, and I just had to have him. He resisted for a while, and there were some legal boundaries, you know, keeping me from being near him or his family, but in the end love overcame. I got what I wanted. I always get what I want.

"Flight of the Conchords: Mugged (#1.3)" (2007)
Mel: Did you get raped? I know if I was a convict and a pretty boy like you were my cellmate, after lights out, I'd cover your mouth...
[gets cut-off]

Mel: It's like Bonnie and Clyde, you know, they would rob banks and then they would do each other...

"Flight of the Conchords: Yoko (#1.4)" (2007)
[in the middle of the Second Annual Flight of the Conchords Fan Club meeting]
Murray: Alright, Item 3. Now if one of the band members was to have a girlfriend, would you find that... A: Very Positive; B: Positive...
Mel: Why do... why do you ask?
Murray: No reason.
Mel: Has Bret got a girlfriend?
Murray: Yes. He's seeing a girl from work. Coko.
Mel: [snaps the tip of her pencil, twitches nervously, then recovers] Oh... heh. Wow. Well that's great that Bret has a girlfriend. That's really great.
Murray: You don't think that Bret's any less available now that he's...
Mel: Oh no... heh. Is she pretty?
Murray: You're still interested in the band then? Even though...
Mel: Yes, it's nice for Bret to have a girlfriend.
Murray: Good.
Mel: Yes.
Murray: Alright. You're sure?
Mel: Yes!
Mel: Is she stupid?
Murray: You've still got Jemaine anyway. And he's always available, isn't he? He's not gonna... not gonna get a girlfriend any time soon, so...
Mel: Just ummm...
Murray: Try your chances with him, can't you?
Mel: Mmmhmm. Does... does Bret's girlfriend look anything like me? A bit?
Murray: A little bit. 'Round the eyes.
Mel: Oh yeah? Big eyes, huh?
Murray: Well she's... she's got eyes.