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: Have a look in the mailbox. See how many new applicants there are for my postal courses. Compo
: [open and closes mailbox
] None! Seymour
: [feigning enthusiasm
] Same as last week. Demand remains steady.
: What are you wearing? Compo
: When? Seymour
: Tonight. Gough and Jessie's golden wedding aniversary. Compo
: I'll wear me suit. Seymour
: Oh, good grief! You and that suit have been married longer than they have. Clegg
: At least it fits. Seymour
: But who?
] It's just an experiment. Compo
] Why do we have to experiment? Seymour
: 'Cause that's the way human beings are: always pushing restlessly against the frontiers of knowledge. You spend a little time upside down, and when you stand up again, you'll find out whether the blood rushes to your head.
[the Trio are clad in Santa outfits, seated in a pub
: It's disgusting! What happened to the Christmas spirit? Clegg
: Oh, well, it's us crums. Seymour
: Crums? Clegg
: Christmas Resistance Underground Movement. I've been a crum for years, never realized it, but this morning has really cheered me up. Seems to me there are a lot of us crums about. Seymour
: It's disgusting! Compo
: Landlord, three pints! I'm gonna buy a drink for this here crum. Clegg
: We're just a small, disorganized, peacable mob dedicated to pulling Christmas back down to size. To preserving an air of misery amidst all this good cheer. Come back, Scrooge. All is forgiven.
[the Trio are drinking in a pub, after Clegg has fallen from a fence onto his head
: Hey, listen. If you promise to keep it to yourselves, I'll tell you a scandalous secret. When you get a good bite, Yorkshire tastes terrible. Seymour
: There's a moral there somewhere: Never fall with your mouth open.