Deputy James Garcia
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Quotes for
Deputy James Garcia (Character)
from "Reno 911!" (2003)

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"Reno 911!: Fire Fighters Are Jerks (#2.6)" (2004)
Deputy James Garcia: Flames don't come at you at the speed a bullet comes at you. Let's put it that way. So who's more important in the community? You decide.
Deputy Travis Junior: And after you put out the fire, the fire don't go hire a lawyer and sue ya. Nobody talks about the fire's rights to be a fire.
Deputy James Garcia: Have you ever heard of a drive-by fire?
Deputy Travis Junior: Nope.
Deputy James Garcia: No you haven't.
Deputy Travis Junior: Heroes my ass.
Deputy James Garcia: Bastards.

Lt. Jim Dangle: I don't mean any disrespect, but fuck firemen!
Deputy James Garcia: That's probably what Clemmie's doing right now.

"Reno 911!: Released from Prison (#3.1)" (2005)
Deputy James Garcia: Dangle, get your ass out of my face.
Lt. Jim Dangle: Get your FACE OUT OF MY ASS!

"Reno 911!: Religion in Reno (#2.5)" (2004)
Deputy James Garcia: No, I'm not a fan of "Reverend LeCrap" coming here to tape his show. I think it makes a mockery of where we work and what we do as law-enforcement officials. I think he's taking advantage of, uh, the goodness of, uh, Dangle's heart, in order to make us look like, uh, fools.
Deputy Raineesha Williams: No.
Deputy James Garcia: And I hope he slips on vomit.
Deputy Raineesha Williams: No. No. You already look like fools. He's not making you look like what you already are. Let him that hath known himself unto thine truth walk therein. Huh? That's in the Bible.

"Reno 911!: Pilot (#1.1)" (2003)
Deputy James Garcia: [about Deputy Trudy Wiegel] Not even a two bagger, three bagger. Bag for her face, bag for your face, a bag for anybody, God forbid, that they be peekin' in the window.

"Reno 911!: Raineesha X (#2.10)" (2004)
Deputy Trudy Wiegel: Why are you wearing that thing on your head?
Deputy Raineesha Williams: This thing on my head is called a "Burka" and I am exercising my religious freedom, all right? I stand before you Raineesha X, all praise is due to Allah!
Deputy Travis Junior: [dives to the floor in fear]
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: It's from the Homeland-Security training.
Deputy Travis Junior: I'm sorry, I thought she was gonna ...
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: No, no, good instinct.
Deputy James Garcia: She don't have a bomb.
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: No, no, she didn't have a
[clicks tongue and pantomimes pressing detonator with thumb]

"Reno 911!: Burning Man Festival (#1.10)" (2003)
Deputy James Garcia: That pile of human garbage would make Satan weep. God vomited, and there was Jackie.